Feeling pressured to baptize...

While we are both catholic, neither DH or myself practice it. DH doesn't care either way but I'm more passionate about not baptizing because I just don't care for the church as an institution (but I dont want to get into that or create an argument on here) nor do I want to lie to the church and agree to a whole bunch of ideas that I dont believe in. I actually attended a christening yesterday and couldn't see myself going through with it. Not to mention the priest basically called out the whole congregation on not knowing the updated version of the responses and saying how he could tell who doesn't attend church and who is just here for the baptism :roll eyes:

The problem is my mom is pretty religious and thinks its a travesty if I don't baptize. Actually her whole side of her fam feels the same way... Dh's mom keeps asking when we are going to do it as well his sister... Its like I feel like I should do it just to appease them, but then again, this is my child not theirs...

I guess what I'm looking for here is some support from you girls and even some advice from those that have been in this situation. I've actually looked into alternatives and I love the idea of a baby dedication ceremony. I've read a sample of one before and I totally agree with what it stands for and the words that are spoken, but then I'd have to switch religions... Not sure what that entails...

Eta: thank you to everyone who weighed in... It's good to get different perspectives. I'm am going to go to my local church with an open mind and get a feel from them since they may be more lax. If I still feel the same way, then I know where I stand. Thanks again

Message edited 8/7/2012 10:25:55 AM.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

I did not baptize DS. We didn't get too much pressure from family, but if anyone asked we just said that we weren't going to. My MIL wasn't too happy, but too bad for her. Anytime she says something I just brush it off.

I would not go through with it if you don't want to. Just be firm with people in telling them you do not plan to baptize. That way they know the matter is settled.

Feeling pressured to baptize...

I felt some pressure.
Never baptized. I just felt it was unnecessary for my family because if I did, it'd be for everyone else's wishes and wasn't in alignment with my religious practices. I'm not religious and don't attend church and don't identify myself as catholic, even though other family members do.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Sent you an fm.

But I wanted to add to the fm, my kids have never been to church. I would hate for them not to have a religious identity. I'm in such a state over the religious thing, I dnt know what to do

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

I can see both sides of this but I think baptizing a child just because it's the "thing to do" or to get money or for the party or to make grandma happy are totally NOT the right reasons. I also think it's good for a child to grow up with religion but you don't seem to be saying you'd actually be bringing them up in that religion, just doing the initiation ceremony and claiming you will. I think in this case I wouldn't baptize. Tell your family or whoever why you won't be doing it and to mind their own business. Your child can always choose (or not choose) a religion they identify with as adults if they wish.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Never baptized. Like you, I couldn't lie and pretend that I was going to continue to teach ideals that I didn't agree with. I will not take him to church so how could I lie to a priest and say that I was going to? It just felt so wrong to me and I respect the Catholic religion enough (although I don't agree with it) that I didn't want to make a mockery of it by pretending to be something I'm not. If you truly feel the same way, be strong and stand up for yourself. You can do it!!!! People will get over it. Just make sure you and DH are TOTALLY on the same page so that you can be strong together. You'll need that. Just want to add that if you cave and do it to please other people, it will not end with the baptism. It will come up again at communion time as well. Good luck with your decision! I know it's not an easy one.

Feeling pressured to baptize...

I did not really care if DS was baptized. DH & I are both Catholic but do not practice. In the end we decided to do it. My reasoning was that if DS wanted to get married in a church that he wouldn't have to do it all later in life.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Your child, your decision. Period. If someone doesn't like it, tough shit.

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We were in the same situation with DD. Everyone was telling us how we "had to" baptize my DD, going on and on etc. We were going to do a "blessing ceremony" which would be non denominational but more of a celebration of her birth. We ended up baptizing my DD in the Russian Orthodox church to honor my DH's grandmother for whom my DD is named after. To say the least, many people were upset (my mother, FIL) but we did what we felt comfortable with our daughter. Besides, in the Russian Orthodox religion she was baptized, did her communion and was confirmed all at the same time!! Good luck with your decision, it's not easy and you will never make everyone happy. I found making us happy was the important thing, not everyone else.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Well I think you have a few options. You could just say it is my child and we do not want to do this at this point.

But if I may play devils advocate here and share a story about my cousins. My aunt and uncle were not religious my uncle was from a morman background and my aunt was presbyterian. They decided that church was not for them. They did not baptize either of their 2 children. They were fine with that as were the kids until they reached their late 20's. They are now mid to late 30's. They both decided to be baptized as adults even though they do not regularly go to church. They found when they were adults that most of the people they knew had some religion whether they were Christian or Jewish. They found it hard when they dated people who had some sort of religion and both ended up getting married in a church. They both have children now and have baptized them although they do not regularly attend anything only to give them that option because they felt that it was harder as an adult. I also have one or two other friends who said this was an issue for them as well.

Now having said that. I believe it is your child and you should feel okay with not baptizing if that is what you think is right for your child. But if you decide against it. There are many churches who are MUCH more accepting and not as judgmental as some feel the catholic church can be (this is from my DH who grew up catholic and from many friends who did). Many of them have moved to other churches. Have you checked out the Episcopal church? My church I find has a large ex catholic following. They are not as strict and more welcoming but are closest I believe to the catholic church than other protestant sects.

Good luck it is a hard decision. But you should think about what you want for your child and not worry about what family members might push for.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

I did not baptize my kids although I was raised Catholic. My Mom gave me some pressure about it, but I squashed it since I am pretty up front with my Mom. My DH and I do not attend church and we don't talk to our kids about religious icons or stories. Although I do believe in a higher power, I'm not sure what it is and I can talk to it anytime I want. I don't need to be in a special place. I hope my kids choose what makes them happy and if its organized religion, I am fine with that.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

The pressure to baptize amazes me. I have obviously chosen not to and made it clear. If they didn't like the idea, that's fine too but I would not entertain anymore conversation about it. So much so I would just talk over them and change the subject or walk away.

I was talking to a coworker and she thinks its my daughter's soul I am risking. She's a friend and we agree to mostly leave our faiths alone but from time to time we have blunt conversations. So of course, I disagree. I want AJ to make that choice herself.

She tells me the story of a her friend's son who had a child out of wedlock. The baby was very ill at birth. NICU and no real hope. But the mother did not want the child baptized. The father was so torn up he just agreed with the baby mama. The Grandmother and my friend both felt it was wrong. So the grandmother secretly had the baby baptized while in the hopsital before the baby died. For me, I feel THAT is outrage. Not even sure HOW you can do that without the parents premission but my friend says they 'made up a few things' to get it done.

I would hope God would not 'punish' an innocent child ever. I'm still not baptized and given all that I've seen in my life and learned in different faiths, I'll probably be an old lady before I finally get baptized.

I feel baptism is a VERY sacred, serious and intensely important choice in your life. A deed that is binding to our soul. One I won't make for my daughter and one I won't enter into lightly.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

I was raised catholic and Dh was raised Jewish. Neither of us practice. Both sides would be hurt if we chose one or the other. I did a lot of research into both sides and decided a baby blessing was the way to go. We did the blessing with oil and water for the Catholic side and gave the baby a Hebrew name for the Jewish side. When the children are of age they can decide what they want. I could not baptize them knowing I had no intention of following through on the promises the church has you make.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

I baptized both of my children. We are Catholic and I felt very strongly about it because it is our religion.

I would rather see someone not baptize their child(ren) then to do it for the wrong reasons. Some people do it just to do it or do it because their family wants it or do it to have a party. This is YOUR child...not your mother's, your father's, your MIL etc...Do what it right for YOUR CHILD!!!

If you really wanted to do something but not in a Catholic church..What about a non denominational church? There is one in Williston Park on Hillside Ave.

Good luck!

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

I think the baptism is very different based on what church you do it in. I def don't agree with some of the catholic ideas... But I think some of it is great! I think the support when times are tough is important... No matter what denomination you take up... Christian, Jewish, whatever.

Yes... Even though I'm not too religious, I was married in a church and baptized. Our churches were very open and would essentially advertise during the ceremony. I think they are modernizing themselves.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Its your kid your decision.......

However as a catholic, I will say, the church dh grew up in is more old school, and the church we go to in our town is more current.... Perhaps you need to find a different church, I would hate for a priest to call out people who don't go, they should instead be happy the parents are baptising their child. When the child is older they can decide on their own if they want communion and confirmation.

Feeling pressured to baptize...

I was never baptized myself and I still haven't grown horns so I think I'm doing pretty well, LOL. My mom got peer pressured into baptizing my brother but by the time I was born 4yrs later she grew more of a backbone and refused. She knew it was hypocritical of her because she had no intention of taking us to church. So I was the only one in my family without a religious identity but it never bothered me since I did not have a religious upbringing. My DH is Jewish but non-practicing, I think we both consider ourselves agnostic. Both my girls are/were attending a christian pre-school where they go to chapel and learn about the bible, etc... My DH recently expressed interest in exposing the girls to the Jewish religion/culture as well so we are in the process of researching that too. Our point is to just expose our girls to the world of "religion" but give them the freedom to choose if that's something of interest. As someone with no religious identity myself I cannot commit my children to one religion by baptizing them nor would I want to if I could.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Feeling pressured to baptize...

You could do a small blessing at the home as an alternative if you wanted to. Most officiants will do this.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...

Dh and I both come from VERY religous families (Hindu/Muslim, and Catholic). Both our mothers almost died when we told them we were NOT having anything for either religion. Family freaked out. "how could you do this, what if something happens, omg, what will so and so think" you name it, we got it.

Finally I said to an Uncle, its like me telling you NOT to christen your child. He looked at me, thought about it and never asked again.

Your kid. It doesnt really what others think or say. My MIL and Mom still mKe comments, and I just say yeah, yeah. And leave the room.

Feeling pressured to baptize...

In my opinion, a Baptism is not something you should do unless you are willing to attend that church or belong to that faith. You should not do it for your family.

Feeling pressured to baptize...

I was pressured into baptizing by DH and his family. DH is Catholic and I am Agnostic. Honestly, if you feel that strongly about not doing it and DH is ok with that decision, then tell everyone else you're not doing it. My DH wont go any further than a baptism and i made it VERY clear to his family that i do not believe in the catholic church and we plan on raising our kids to learn all religions and letting them choose what they want. His family was not too happy that we are not doing anything else beyond this, but that was our decision and we are sticking with it. It's no one else's choice but your own.

Re: Feeling pressured to baptize...