Wanting one gender over another...

Of course we all want a healthy baby and I am so thankful that our TTC process was only one cycle off the pill.

That said, I just feel so guilty that I really want a girl. In my gut, I feel like it will be a boy and DH doesn't want me to be disappointed if it is. I don't think I could ever be but I still feel bad actually saying I want a girl.

Did anyone else really want one gender over another?

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I really want a boy.

And YES - obviously I want the baby to be healthy and I'm certainly not going to love a girl any less.

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I would like a girl and DH REALLY (i mean REALLY) wants a boy, but we just care that its healthy whatever it is!

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I really wanted a girl, and when people asked me if I had a preference, I was honest. I said I would of course be happy as long as it was healthy (it took us a year to conceive), but if I had a choice, I would choose a girl.

There's a joke in my family that "we don't make girls the first time around." Everyone told me with absolute certainty I was having a first born boy just like everyone else in my family.

Well, the little one surprised us all and I'll give birth to a in May.

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Exactly! Obviously I want a healthy baby but I wouldn't shun a boy! I'm SO glad I am not alone. I was starting to feel so bad!!

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Posted by sheepbaby
Well, the little one surprised us all and I'll give birth to a in May.

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I think it's natural, and I don't think it will affect how much you love or bond with your child.

DH really wanted a boy. both times. but, after he held his girls, the love was instant. now, he says he is glad they are girls, and loves being a daddy to 2 girls. we want a third, and for the first time, he doesn't really have a preference. Their personalities shine through now and he is in love with THEM, not a boy or a girl. KWIM?

For me, I didn't care the first time around. The second time, I really wanted another girl. I loved having a girl, and i thought 2 girls so close in age would be amazing for them. I also had guilt about having the second so soon after the first, and was scared about mommy-daughter things being taken away from my older one too soon. in retrospect, i know that's silly. But, i got my girl, and i simply adore having 2 girls. I want a third very badly, and this time, no preference. I love love love having girls and seeing the similarities and differences between my girls. 3 daughters would be amazing! a little boy would be brand new. my girls having a little bro would be very cool, and seeing the difference between raising boys and girls would be fun. But, I know even moreso this time around that it is the child, not the gender, that i love. seeing who they are, who they become, watching them grow, learn, love, develop...it's just amazing. but when you are PG or thinking about it, you need to picture something, and i think your mind just jumps ahead to whatever it is easier for you to imagine, for whatever reason. once the baby is in your arms, it's no longer imagining, but getting to know and be amazed by this little person.

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mamabear - you're awesome.

Makes me want a girl now.

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I honestly never had a preference. But my dh sure did. With our first baby he NEEDED to have a boy thats all I heard about till I had my level II sono. I wont lie when he found out it was a girl he was pretty bummed. Now Im pregnant with number two and Im having a boy. Go figure my dh is now disappointed cause he wanted another girl. Theres no pleasing this guy

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I really, really wanted a boy. DH already has two girls, so I wanted to give him his son.
BUT, as soon as the sono tech said that it was a girl, I just fell in love with my little princess.

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Posted by Larasmommy

I honestly never had a preference. But my dh sure did. With our first baby he NEEDED to have a boy thats all I heard about till I had my level II sono. I wont lie when he found out it was a girl he was pretty bummed. Now Im pregnant with number two and Im having a boy. Go figure my dh is now disappointed cause he wanted another girl. Theres no pleasing this guy

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Posted by LoveMyHubby605

Posted by Larasmommy

I honestly never had a preference. But my dh sure did. With our first baby he NEEDED to have a boy thats all I heard about till I had my level II sono. I wont lie when he found out it was a girl he was pretty bummed. Now Im pregnant with number two and Im having a boy. Go figure my dh is now disappointed cause he wanted another girl. Theres no pleasing this guy

that is really funny. You need to tell him that he needs to have a talk with his soldiers. They're the ones doing the picking

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The fist time I was PG, I wanted a girl. When the sono tech said boy, I of course cried and was very happy. I love having a son.
Now I'm pregnant with #2. I wanted a girl in the worst way this time. Even my DH wanted a girl. When sono tech said boy, I will admit I was a little dissapointed. I just always imagined myself having a daughter. I was a girly girl when I was little, had a sister, had all girl cousins, and hate sports. Then I got to thinking about how wonderful it is going to be for my DS to have a brother. That made me smile and feel happy.
I have to admit, I think about trying for a third all the time now. I really wanted to stop at two, but now I'm not so sure. Yes, it could be another boy, but I really want to try for that girl.

I know alot of people are disgusted when anyone post about wanting a specific gender. That we should all be happy as long as the child is healthy. Of course I want a healthy child more then anything. But, I think it is still perfectly normal to have these feelings and dreams about having a son or daughter.

Message edited 1/20/2012 1:09:09 PM.

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Of cease we all want healthy babies but with my first DH really really really wanted a girl! It was to the point that our friends were getting nervous for me that it was going to be a boy
Well, DH got his way and we had a girl!!!
Now with this pregnancy I am worse than DH ever was I want another girl sooooo bad !!!!!!
I am very honest when people ask and I am not ashamed to admit it at all!
I wouldn't live a son any less but the thought of DD having a sister just melts my heart. I also can't get enough of. DH and DD's connection !!!

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I have a DS and when I got pg again EVERYONE said "Oh I hope you get your girl now!" - I was amazed that literally everyone had the same thing to say. And what's funny is that I really had no preference this time! Maybe it's because I already have a son and I could TOTALLY see him with a little brother close in age or with a little sister. I am having a girl and when we found out, I was overwhelmed with happiness. I would love another son just as much, but I was surprised by how emotional I was to find out it's a girl this time.

When I was pregnant with DS, I was team green and everyone thought I was having a girl. They almost had me convinced! Lol. I wanted a girl and to buy cute pink clothes and dresses etc., but when I heard "Its a boy!" I was so happy! Honestly, you can want something in your head but you don't know any different, KWIM? The reality is that you will love and adore the child you get, regardless of gender. I could not imagine a moment of my life without my wonderful DS.

So even if you find out and you feel some disappointment, in no way shape or form does it mean you'll love your child any less. Once you hold that baby in your arms, all you feel is love.

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Totally understandable. I really wanted a boy first just because if/when we have a 2nd, if its another boy, then great. But if the second is a girl, then I can feel like she would have her big brother to watch out for her. All that being said, of course, our #1 goal was/is a healthy baby no matter what but I think it's natural to feel a desire for one over the other.

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I was just like you! I actually got teary eyed when i found out i was going to have a boy and not a girl....If you do have a boy and not the girl, you will be amazed how much it doesn't matter once their in your arms...my DS is now 3.5 and i absolutley LOVE having my baby boy. I love doing all the "boy stuff", and he is such a mamma's boy!

I'm having a girl now, and i am very happy, but if they told me i was going to have another boy, that would have been just fine too.

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I've never felt disappointment, i didn't care. With that being said, i have two boys and would love a third. To me, I just adore everything about having boys.

And..this isn't to say that people can't feel the way they want, i TOTALLY get when there is a preference...

But i feel that "wanting" and then actually "having" are so different. I know women who were so scared to have boys simply because they are girls themselves and feel they can't relate to a boy. But when you have that baby, its just a different experience that what goes through your head when you're pg.

And i totally get wanting one of each to experience both...I really do. I just don't really understand when people react horribly to finding out gender. I mean, when you become a parent you get this awesome little baby to love and raise. I felt terrible when my BF from college found out her third was another boy. She was a mess. And it lasted for quite a while. It took her friend having a very very sick baby for her to wake up and say "wow i am really blessed with these boys". Of COURSE she loves her child, and i understood that she felt disappointment over never having a daughter (it meant a lot to her to have a daughter) but months of depression over it was just upsetting to me. I felt bad for the baby who at first wasn't really wanted (and yes, she said many times that she wished she didn't go for a third because she didn't want a third, she wanted a girl).

Anyway I wrote a book, lol. But just wanted to share. When the time comes for another baby for us, I would love to have another little boy!!! A girl would be great as well. Does not matter.

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Yes, I really want a girl.

And even though I know that the most important thing is that the baby is healthy, I will be disappointed if it is a boy. It's just the way it is.

I really i'm having a little girl!

But happy and healthy babies to everyone despite our preferences!!!

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I agree with Maureen.

I have two boys. I always thought I would have a girl, but now, I don't care what I get.

I understand disappointment because people see their lives a certain way, but sometimes you need to alter things.

Whatever it is, you will love this little baby like no other.

I am pregnant with my third and everyone thinks it's a girl. I'm actually more worried about disappointing THEM if it's a boy, then myself. I know I"ll be thrilled with anything.

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I think it's human to have a preference. Doesn't mean we would love the baby we get any less.

This is our first so DH and I had no preference because ideally, I would love to have one of each.

Well, we are getting a girl and are SO excited but who knows, maybe next time I will be wishing for a boy or praying to have another girl because I love it so much. It's natural, i think

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After TTC for 2.5 years and getting PG through IVF, you would think I don't have a preference, but I do. I really want a girl. I know that if I have a boy, I will fall in love with him the minute I see him, and that I will love watching my DH bringing up a son. Ideally, I want one of each in the end anyhow, however, my parents have two grandsons from my sister. They have no granddaughters. My sister and BIL are aunt and uncle to two boys. I really, really, really want to give my side of the family a little girl!

Ultimately, when I imagine holding my son or daughter in my arms, I feel just as much love either way.

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