Stressing about shower

I am 99% sure that my inlaws are throwing me a shower under the guise of a birthday party for my MIL's boyfriend in Aug. Let me preface this by saying that I don't want to sound ungrateful because I know they are going through the trouble of coordinating this and paying for it, buying stuff etc.

The problem is that I have a social phobia that I have been struggling with for as far back as I can remember. I have gotten a little better but I will still get bad anxiety when going to an event and horrible panic attacks if it is something where attention will be on me.

I didn't want a bridal shower but my family threw one for me anyway. Even though it was a "surprise" I had a feeling it was my shower. I won't get into how that played out but it was not a pretty sight.

I thought I was going to get by without anyone throwing a baby shower but I guess I was wrong. I am trying not to think about the baby shower because I feel myself having physical signs of anxiety which is not good for me or the baby. At least it will be at DH's grandmother's apartment which is small so there can't be that many people coming.

I know that most people who read this will think I'm being ridiculous. I know that my fear is irrational but I can't stop myself from having anxiety or panic attacks when in a social setting. Now I'm also stressed because I have to try to be convincing that I'm surprised. How do I not stress over this for the next month and a half?

Re: Stressing about shower

Can you talk to your husband about it? He must know you well enough to know that this is something that concerns you, and he is probably sensitive about it and would want to help. Maybe he could come with you and help by "sharing" the attention with you. You shouldn't have to plead with him too much -- he wants to be there for you and you are both going to be the parents of your child and deserved to be honored together.

If you get there and it IS a shower, you can always feign being sick and excuse yourself to the bathroom every 10 minutes or every time you feel a sense of panic. It's completely reasonable for a pregnant woman to need to use the bathroom constantly anyway.

Try not to stress about it in advance. Secure your husband's help, or maybe your parent or a sibling if he can't be there, and know you'll get through the day with their help.

Oh, and you don't have to act surprised. All you have to do is smile and say "thank you" "thank you" a lot.

Re: Stressing about shower

If your bridal shower did not go well I'd think they would know better!? It sounds like if it really was a birthday party in the basement you'd be okay with it- so its only when the attention is on you? or all social gatherings? they are probably/hopefully trying to scale back by a smaller party to ease your anxiety?

I agree with:
-talk to your husband about staying by your side the whole time **
-Go to the bathroom a lot

Did you register? Did you tell them you don't want a shower?

Good Luck!

Message edited 7/4/2011 9:24:07 AM.

Re: Stressing about shower

Would you feel better if it wasn't a surprise? What if you talked to DH or inlaws about it, and that you want it low key? I like the idea of him opening gifts with you, maybe no games, not a formal sit down meal. A more relaxed affair, might make you feel better.

Re: Stressing about shower

Re: Stressing about shower

Thanks for your comments. I didn't register and I did mention that I don't want a shower to a few people but I'm not sure if I said it to my MIL. Even if I did, I don't think it would have changed anything. They are trying to do something nice for me. My inlaws know that I'm shy but they don't really know the extent of my "issues". I have only recently started opening up to some people close to me about the extent of things.

My DH is playing like he doesn't know anything about a shower but he's not a very good liar. When I reacted in my usual way when I heard about the "birthday party" DH said he would find out from MIL if it was really a shower for me and tell her not to do it since I will stress about it. I don't want to ruin things for them either. It's the first baby in their family and everyone is beyond excited.

The party is in Bkyln so DH will be going with me. I'm pretty sure they aren't going to kick him out so I'm going to ask him to stay with me like you guys suggested so half the attention will be on him. That and the fact that it will probably be small makes me feel better.