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RocPin
Life's Beachy <3
Member since 2/08 6765 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Ok, Im going to try to make this short and sweet.
I have a fun party girl friend who before pregnancy, we did everything together. Happy hours during the week and festivities that always included booze during the weekends (esp summer).
I knew this friend would fall off the face when I got pregnant which has happened for the most part and thats fine.
Well this friends 30th birthday is coming up two weeks after my EDD.
She initially planed to go to Vegas for it so Im thinking "GREAT! She cant possibly expect me to go to Vegas 2 weeks postpartum, easy out for me!)
I just got an email saying that all her friends will be coming to town (she is from another state) to ring in her 30's and she is so happy cause now I can make it.
I dont even know how to approach this. I will have a 2 week old, breastfeeding every 2 hours and sleep deprived. I will most likely not have enough milk stored for more than a couple hours if that. I will still be recovering at that point and the last thing I am going to want to do for every reason under the sun is go out partying, and trust me, pre preggo, I knew how to throw down.
How would you approach this situation? How can she even think I will be up for it? Would you offer just to do dinner (which will still make her mad but its better than nothing)? What would you say to her?
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Posted 6/9/11 2:51 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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BethanyLynn
Love these munchkins
Member since 10/09 6295 total posts
Name:
Bethany
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Wow!! Well, since she has never had a child she cannot possibly understand what you will feel like 2 weeks PP, so you kind of have to cut her some slack there. First of all, you may even have a c-section and if so-you cannot even drive for 2 weeks PP.
I would nicely tell her that you dont think that at 2 weeks PP you will be able to make it but maybe a few weeks after you could get together for dinner.
If she was a true friend she would understand..and would not have dropped off the face of the earth for your entire pregnancy! 
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| Posted 6/9/11 2:54 PM |
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MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!
Member since 8/09 6631 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
I would say to her look, while I'd love to celebrate I don't want to commit to anything b/c I have no idea what my life will be like. First LO could be late, so you may only be around a week post partum, 2nd you have no idea what recovery will be like for you. I understand that she is not in the same place and it will be hard to relate, but really, any friend would understand that.
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| Posted 6/9/11 2:54 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Posted by BethanyLynn
I would nicely tell her that you dont think that at 2 weeks PP you will be able to make it but maybe a few weeks after you could get together for dinner.
If she was a true friend she would understand..and would not have dropped off the face of the earth for your entire pregnancy!
I agree.
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| Posted 6/9/11 3:48 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
I would write back to her that considering the doctors will allow you to go up to 2 weeks after your due date, or you might only be coming home from the hospital then or only giving birth, you'll have to play it by ear. And leave it at that.
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| Posted 6/9/11 3:52 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Tell her you would love to come but that you will have to play it by ear... unless you have a planned c-section there is no way to know when youre going to have the baby...
Message edited 6/9/2011 3:58:56 PM.
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| Posted 6/9/11 3:54 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Posted by BethanyLynn
Wow!! Well, since she has never had a child she cannot possibly understand what you will feel like 2 weeks PP, so you kind of have to cut her some slack there. First of all, you may even have a c-section and if so-you cannot even drive for 2 weeks PP.
I would nicely tell her that you dont think that at 2 weeks PP you will be able to make it but maybe a few weeks after you could get together for dinner.
If she was a true friend she would understand..and would not have dropped off the face of the earth for your entire pregnancy!
ITA. When you are feeling up to it you guys can celebrate. For all you know you could go past your EDD (hopefully you wont).
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| Posted 6/9/11 3:56 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Posted by AngnShaun
Tell her you would love to come but that you will have to play it by ear... unless you have a planned c-section there is no way to know when youre going to have the baby...
I would do this. Its really to early to know when you are delivering and how you are going to feel at that point.
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| Posted 6/9/11 4:32 PM |
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MissingLI
Such a Big Boy!
Member since 1/06 1602 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Posted by neener1211
I would write back to her that considering the doctors will allow you to go up to 2 weeks after your due date, or you might only be coming home from the hospital then or only giving birth, you'll have to play it by ear. And leave it at that.
I agree with this. There is just no way of knowing at this point. If she's really a friends she'll take this answer and understand.
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| Posted 6/9/11 4:34 PM |
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Posted by alli3131
Posted by AngnShaun
Tell her you would love to come but that you will have to play it by ear... unless you have a planned c-section there is no way to know when youre going to have the baby...
I would do this. Its really to early to know when you are delivering and how you are going to feel at that point.
I 100% agree with this. EDD is just that an estimate and unless it's a planned c you never really know when you'll go. Plus I want to add that at 2wks pp I would have been physically able to go for dinner and maybe a quick drink, but not a whole night of partying. It's a presonal decision, but can I be honest.......it sounds like you have already wrote her off as a friend since you're pg based on the statement you made. Maybe evaluate if this is a good place to let the friendship die or just play it by ear and see how you feel the day before the party. Helll you could still be pg
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| Posted 6/9/11 4:37 PM |
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Jodee
I love my girls
Member since 11/08 1510 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Posted by alli3131
Posted by AngnShaun
Tell her you would love to come but that you will have to play it by ear... unless you have a planned c-section there is no way to know when youre going to have the baby...
I would do this. Its really to early to know when you are delivering and how you are going to feel at that point.
I would go with this too.
And although you sound like you don't even want to go now.... you may when that day comes. You truly just don't know - so playing by ear leaves you open.
For me - 11 days PP we had a wedding, and honestly, I really needed to get out and be there, sleep deprived and all. I need/wanted to feel like the old me, just for a few short hours. It was great to socialize, have a cocktail, get dressed and spend time for someone elses special occasion.
Either way, good luck with your decision!
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| Posted 6/9/11 4:39 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
I wouldn't do anything right now. I would wait and see what happens then reassess when the time gets closer.
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| Posted 6/9/11 6:56 PM |
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Arodisi
"My 3 Sons!"
Member since 3/06 3515 total posts
Name:
KT
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Posted by MissingLI
Posted by neener1211
I would write back to her that considering the doctors will allow you to go up to 2 weeks after your due date, or you might only be coming home from the hospital then or only giving birth, you'll have to play it by ear. And leave it at that.
I agree with this. There is just no way of knowing at this point. If she's really a friends she'll take this answer and understand.
i agree with this also!
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| Posted 6/9/11 7:28 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
I would tell her you have to play it by ear, but you never know, a night on the town might be just what you need at that point! Say you go a couple weeks early and the baby is a month old, you'll probably have enough milk stored and a night out might be great. I would put a positive spin on it - like tell her you really hope you are okay to go out for her birthday because you're really looking forward to celebrating with her.
Also, keep in mind that at this point, she's probably celebrated your bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding and baby shower with you, and this is her first big event. I wasn't married or engaged when I turned 30 so it was kind of a big deal for me and I was so happy that all of my close friends were able to celebrate it with me. I am sure she's just hoping for the same! Hopefully she'll understand if you just aren't up for it when the time comes.
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| Posted 6/9/11 7:32 PM |
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RocPin
Life's Beachy <3
Member since 2/08 6765 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Thanks everyone. Im just going to play it by ear. I have full intentions to do dinner/drinks but I feel like I am not going to want to go out partying afterwards while I have a newborn at home. Im all for going out all night, just not that close to giving birth. This is not a mellow crowd.
But you are all right, who knows when the baby will come and how I will feel. I guess Im basing my feelings on the reaction I know I will get from her if I dont "man up" for her 30th birthday. I just wish she was a little more understanding and acknowledged that I may not be up for it... and yeah, theres a little bitterness there that she hasn't been there for me at all this whole pregnancy. Ive hardly seen her or heard from her.
I will just tell her that I plan to be there for her as long as I can but will most likely not be able to make it an all nighter.
Edited for above post: We met after I was married so my baby shower next week will be the first celebration she will have attended for me. Not that that matters because I do want to be there for her, I just feel like she is putting on a lot of pressure on me without acknowledging I may not be up to it.
Message edited 6/9/2011 7:48:33 PM.
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| Posted 6/9/11 7:43 PM |
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chrisnjoe8108
He's 1!
Member since 8/08 5649 total posts
Name:
Chris
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Re: Friend Dilemma...Need advice
Posted by neener1211
I would write back to her that considering the doctors will allow you to go up to 2 weeks after your due date, or you might only be coming home from the hospital then or only giving birth, you'll have to play it by ear. And leave it at that.
This is exactly what I was going to say as I type here at 40w5d
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| Posted 6/9/11 8:21 PM |
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