Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

This may end up long, so thanks in advance if you read it through:

So lately DH and I have been thinking about how we are going to handle visitors at the hospital. More importantly, I'm having a dilemma deciding at what point my family and DH's should come in to see the baby for the first time.
My mother insists that she will be at the hospital the second I go into labor. I guess I'm ok with that but she has to understand that until I am settled into my room and providing I'm somewhat comfortable, I don't want anyone but DH in there with me. As long as she doesn't mind sitting in the waiting room for hours, then so be it. DH and I have agreed that during labor, if I am comfortable ( I plan on having an epi), then we don't mind our immediate family coming in to visit. However, for the actual birth it will be just us and the rest will have to wait outside. That being said, I am delivering at Huntington Hospital and they are very big advocates of the whole Skin-to-Skin bonding immediately after birth. They also encourage you to try BFing immediately. I'm very happy to hear this because I've been reading a lot about it and I really want to do my best to have that experience with my baby.

Apparently, if all goes well during my delivery, they will put her right on my chest, clean her off there and leave her there for 1/2 hour to hour for some skin-to-skin time. They will also help to get her to start nursing. Then they bring her to the nursery to weigh her, clean her up more and all that other stuff and then bring her back for more time with me and DH. I'm trying to decide at what point to let our family into the room to see her. The thing is, I'm not sure it's the best idea to have them all coming in right after her birth bc that is really supposed to be DH and I's time with her. But at the same time, I feel horrible making them (especially my mother who is beyond excited and eager to meet her) sit out side and wait any longer. Everyone is very excited and I don't want to ruin that for them. Plus, if they come in right away, I'm sure they will all want to hold her and I want her to stay on my chest for that first hour.

Here is what I am thinking, and let me know honestly what you think of my plan:

Anyone who wants to sit and wait in the waiting room during labor and delivery is free to do so at their own will. I will most likely be open to immediate family as visitors during the comfortable parts of labor.

During birth - just DH and I

After she is born - DH and I will have that first hour to ourselves to meet our baby and for me to start nursing. After she is taken to the nursery, I'll send DH out to let everyone know how we are doing.

Once they bring her back - we will invite them to come in and see her and take pictures with her. I guess at that point it would be very hard to not let them hold her a bit. But I'm thinking we would limit this time to about 1/2 hour and then ask if everyone would mind coming back at a later time.

As for all other visitors, I'm thinking that we will probably leave the baby in the nursery when there are a lot of people in the room.

Does this sound fair? I know I may be overthinking this but I'm so worried that I'll insult someone and/or hurt their feelings. But at the same time, I want to do what's best for my baby.

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

I think you have alot of wishes that may or may not come true. When my dd was born they put me straight into recovery and while the baby was being washed up everyone in the waiting room was watching. They were allowed in. I am thinking that your dh is going to need to be a strong advocate for your wishes but the moment that baby is born he is going to be overjoyed and ready to show the world. I had things that I wanted but not necessarily followed.

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

It all happens so fast - the the hospital pretty much dictates when visitors are even allowed in the room, if you want.

I'll say that for DH and I we only wanted us in the room during delivery.

immediate family waited in the waiting room, I asked for Mom to come and visit me after I had my epi - before DD arrived.

After DD arrived it was just DH and I and DD... for about 30-60 minutes.... at which time they brought DD to the nursery to bathe and measure,etc - all our visitors got to see her through the window.

all this was happening as I was having breakfast, getting meds, and being tranfserred to recovery..... thats when my family came to visit - and they wheeled the baby back in.....

It'll be tough to keep family away, its such a joyous event to not want to be a part of. and honestly - you may surprise yourself by how much you want to share your experience with the ones you love the most.

I am sure it will all turn out to be exactly the way you want it to be.

good luck for a safe/quick and easy delivery :)

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

Hi, Huntington will only let you have 2 people in the labor delivery room - the same 2 people. So DH (as your coach) and one other person (as your co-coach). So all your other family will not be allowed in and will have to stay in the waiting room the entire time.

They do the skin to skin and first bfing right there in the l and d room so it will still only be you and dh.

You should have dh go to the nursery when thy take your lo back at first, so he can keep bonding w/the baby, take pics of lo getting weighed, etc. that way you will also know the vitals.

After they take the baby away, they will take you to your recovery room in the maternity ward. Then they'll bring the baby to you after they get done w/him, but it could be a few hours.

Let the family wait as long as you need them to. My parents were in the waiting room all day, but they still had to wait until dh and i were ready to have visitors. Also only 4 people (IIRC) besides dh can be in your room visiting, so there shouldn't be too many people at once. Also, they will take your baby back to the nursery anytime you want them to.

A lot of it depends on what time you give birth, and how you are feeling. The pain can be really bad as well as plain exhaustion, and if you're not up to a lot of visitors or if you want them to leave, just say so. you won't be in the hospital for too long, and it is a lot easier to entertain guests in the comfort of your home!!!

of course if you end of needing a c-section then the plans go out the window.

HTH, I just gave birth at Huntington 2 weeks ago.

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

we have told our parents that we dont want them at the hospital in the waiting room because who knows how long it will all take.

the "plan" is that we will let parents know when we are heading to the hospital and then again with various updates throughout. once the baby is born they can get organized to start heading to the hospital. we live in Westchester and the in laws live in queens, my dad is in NYC and my mom is near me so it will take a little while for them to assemble and head to the hospital...

the 2nd person around is going to be my really good friend who will stay with me while DH follows baby girl to the nursery when that part happens because i dont want to be alone but i also dont want baby girl to be alone.

i know that if this happens in the middle of the night or if i need a c-section all this changes but for now this is what we are thinking the plan is.

just decide how you'd like it to be and be upfront with your family.

oh and we are not really expecting any one other than parents to be visiting us in the hospital...our other family has already mentioned waiting to visit once we are settled at home so we dont have to worry about too many people showing up at the hospital

Message edited 4/26/2011 1:44:37 PM.

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

also - huntington's visiting hours also require that the baby be in the nursery whenever it is general visiting time - ie when it is not granparent or sibling hours

rules seem less strict when you have a private room but they need to be pretty strictif you are sharing a room otherwise it can be overwhelming for the roommate

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

You need to start being proactive for YOU. Tell your mom your wishes and stick to them.

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

Re: Need some insight - regarding hospital visitation

Posted by LINewbie

Hi, Huntington will only let you have 2 people in the labor delivery room - the same 2 people. So DH (as your coach) and one other person (as your co-coach). So all your other family will not be allowed in and will have to stay in the waiting room the entire time.

They do the skin to skin and first bfing right there in the l and d room so it will still only be you and dh.

You should have dh go to the nursery when thy take your lo back at first, so he can keep bonding w/the baby, take pics of lo getting weighed, etc. that way you will also know the vitals.

After they take the baby away, they will take you to your recovery room in the maternity ward. Then they'll bring the baby to you after they get done w/him, but it could be a few hours.

Let the family wait as long as you need them to. My parents were in the waiting room all day, but they still had to wait until dh and i were ready to have visitors. Also only 4 people (IIRC) besides dh can be in your room visiting, so there shouldn't be too many people at once. Also, they will take your baby back to the nursery anytime you want them to.

A lot of it depends on what time you give birth, and how you are feeling. The pain can be really bad as well as plain exhaustion, and if you're not up to a lot of visitors or if you want them to leave, just say so. you won't be in the hospital for too long, and it is a lot easier to entertain guests in the comfort of your home!!!

of course if you end of needing a c-section then the plans go out the window.

HTH, I just gave birth at Huntington 2 weeks ago.