shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

do you/did you send invitations to OOT family members who you know will not be attending your shower? We originally were planning not to but then I got a bridal shower invite for SIL's shower which had a printed note with something along the lines of "we know you can't attend but thought you might like a copy as a keepsake" (even though it was a homemade computer printed invitation). I also found out that MIL got an invite for DH's cousin's baby shower OOT although she didn't send one to me. Now I'm rethinking that maybe I should be sending invitations to these people? I don't want it to come off as just asking for gifts though...

Are people more likely to be offended by not getting an invite to an OOS shower they wont be attending or by getting one when I know they wont be attending?

Our options are:

1. just send to the people who are local (as originally planned)
2. send to the people who are local + send a different version to those who are OOS (maybe a computer printout with a pic of the invite and a personalized note underneath?)
3. send the same thing to everyone with no note (in which case I may be short a few, but could either reorder more, make copies of a few, or cut a few people who would get those?)
4. other?

Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

we have a lot of OOS guests from my DH's side of the family. i sent the same invitation to everyone. my MIL suggested putting a note in the invitations for the OOS guests, but i didnt do that. cause how i do know they really wont attend?? maybe some might make a little family trip out of it, who knows lol. and it just seemed like extra work to me. i did the same thing with my bridal shower and most of the OOS guests who did not attend still sent gifts, which was very generous of them.

Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

i sent everyone the same invite. we had a lot of out of town & out of state people who we are close with and most of them who couldn't attend did send a gift and some surprisingly traveled to the shower. also, family members like to be invited and included so just send to everyone you;d like to regardless of where they live.

Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

for my bridal shower we didn't send any OOT guests invites except my step mom who I know wouldn't be coming but would want to see the invite.

I did invite cousins who I knew would no come and they live local. but I was invited to theirs and I sent gifts, so my mother wanted they to do the same

Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

these are family members who live in Missouri, Texas, Kansas, Florida, etc and who 100000% will not be coming. (aunts, cousins, FSIL, grandparents, etc all on DH's side).

Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

If they lived locally would they be invited? I imagine they would so just send the same thing. Do it out of respect not that because you don't think they'll come.

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I would send them. They might want to send a long a gift!

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For my wedding I sent an invite with a note explaining that I know they wouldn't be able to make it but to know that I would love to have them there. My family overseas really enjoyed receiving the invitation.

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Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

My OOT guests received the same invite as everyone else with no special note about them not being able to attend. I didn't want to come off like I was looking for a gift, but these people would be invited and come if they lived locally, so I didn't want to offend anyone by not sending an invite.

Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

Thanks everyone! I guess we should send to everyone. We are probably going to be about 5 invitations short so I may print up copies with an added note for a few of the new add-ons or price out ordering 10 more...

Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

Why don't you just send people birth announcements who are OOS instead? Then if they want to give you gifts after he's born, they'll do that without feeling like you were just inviting them for the gift.

ETA: I think it's fine either way, especially if you usually receive invites to OOS events you obviously won't attend from these same people. Just in my family, I did what I suggested instead. I do have to say that I got tons and tons of clothes after DD was born and nothing else off my registry. So you'll definitely get more of what you want/picked if you do it this way.

Message edited 4/21/2011 7:17:07 PM.

Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

We always send our OOT family & close friends invites. Its a respect thing. If we didnt they would get upset as to why we didnt send an invitation.

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Re: shower etiquette Q #2 (long)

we had a lot of oos people as well, and while I knew they would not come I sent the invite. If they were closer they would have come, plus it's more weird to have them call and ask why they didn't get an invite and so and so did. You can really hurt people's feelings. Most of the OOS people sent a gift or went in on a gift with somebody near by. Just remember that even though they live far away doesn't mean they aren't excited about the baby and for you! No note, no nothing....invitation like everybody else. You really never know if they will come or not. You can say 100000% sure no, but they could suprise you. My cousin did that and I was STUNNED, could you imagine if I had not sent an invitation when she had been planning this suprise for so long???