I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

My stepdaughters watch Cailen a lot. They are 20 and 14, and usually have a friend with them when they are hanging out.

They sometimes babysit Cai, or at least hang out with him while i'm in the shower. Usually - their idea of watching him is still futzing around on their phones or taking 500000000000000 billion pictures of themselves for facebook, or on the webcam. ( ) - but, usually Cai asserts himself pretty well, and doesn't let himself be ignored for too long.

Tonight, they are over. They were all eating dinner together. I sat Cailen down with them, and gave him his mac n cheese. I teach zumba Friday evenings before i pick him up from daycare, so I always take a shower once I set him up with dinner if the girls are over.

Cailen was starving tonight, and was stuffing his face. I was in the other room, and all of a sudden heard him gag. I run in to find that he is choking (this has been a long time problem with Cai, but he hasn't choked in almost a year, so I feel more comfortable giving him food without being on top of him)

It took him a minute to recover. It was the longest minute of my life. He had to cough it up. His eyes were all teared up, and he was scared.

Here's the deal.

The girls didn't notice. They were texting, chatting, etc. Did not stop to even look at him.

Now I don't know what to do. I am scared to death that they will be watching Cailen and he might choke without even knowing it.

DH is out tonight, and I plan on talking to him about this. I am so done being the b itch stepmother. Done. But this has to do with keeping Cailen safe. I want to cry.

How am I going to ever be OK with leaving Cai alone with them when this could happen?????

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

How very scary! I am so sorry and am so glad that he is okay!

I would sit the girls down and talk to them..

Another thing I would recommend is that you look into having the girls take a First Responder course or even a babysitting course that teaches them first aid, cpr, etc..

I think it would be very beneficial to them...

If they are watching Cai, they need to be WATCHING him.. maybe instill a NO cell phone while watching Cai rule? it seems they were distracted and since choking can be a silent killer (esp. with kids, you can't hear them!)..

Try and not worry yourself sick... Thank god you got there in time and just use this as a learning experience and no put some rules into place..

I wish you the very best!

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

I've had two episodes of Tyler choking this week so it's very fresh for me.

I think that it can so easily be missed. I am overly obsessed with it, so I really watch him, but DH was right next to us and didn't even notice. Since it's silent when it's happeneing it's even worse to pick up on.

I would sit them down and just explain that he does have a past issue of choking and that they really do need to keep an eye on him when he's eating or snacking. I wouldn't be mad at them - because honestly, they are just kids and even a grown adult sitting right next to a kid eating may miss it.

It's the scariest thing in the world and it does feel like the world stops when this is going on. I hope it doesn't happen again!

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Would it be possible to ask for the phones to be put away during meals? At least then they would be a bit more focused on Cai and each other in general. And perhaps sign them up for a cpr course if they have never taken one?
What did they say after? Were they at all aware of how serious choking can be? I am sorry you have to deal with this, but you need to be able to trust that they will know how to handle an emergency situation (or at the very least recognize there is an emergency situation) in order to leave him with them.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Posted by bicosi

How very scary! I am so sorry and am so glad that he is okay!

I would sit the girls down and talk to them..

Another thing I would recommend is that you look into having the girls take a First Responder course or even a babysitting course that teaches them first aid, cpr, etc..

I think it would be very beneficial to them...

If they are watching Cai, they need to be WATCHING him.. maybe instill a NO cell phone while watching Cai rule? it seems they were distracted and since choking can be a silent killer (esp. with kids, you can't hear them!)..

Try and not worry yourself sick... Thank god you got there in time and just use this as a learning experience and no put some rules into place..

I wish you the very best!

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

ITA about getting them CPR training. That will scare the crap out of them and also train them in case of an emergency.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Thanks ladies.....

What upsets me the most is that I was just about to go upstairs to take a shower. If it was just 5 minutes later, who knows what could have happened.

I didn't say anything yet to them because I don't want to sound angry, or even worse - break down and cry (which I know would have happened). I also would never want Cailen to see me get mad at them - especially because, after he recovered, the first thing he said was "Sorry, Mommy."

I was thinking they should take a CPR class. They are rarely ever alone without an adult (believe it or not, DH's exwife watches them a lot with them - she loves Cailen!) but still.... they are alone with him enough where that should be something they have under their belt.

I have told them quite often that watching him means watching him, but they are so compulsive with their phones, it's crazy.

I will talk with DH about this. He is good about talking with them about things like this - but I also don't want them to hate me for tattling on them.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Message edited 2/18/2011 8:12:36 PM.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Were the girls instructed to watch him specifically?

It's a lot of responsibilities to watch your siblings. BTDT! 11 years older than my younger sister and almost 17 years with my older brother. They will not be his mom and have this auto response to hear stuff like that. I babysit my brother and sister when my mom ran errands. Many times I was not quite sure how to handle some situations. I reacted more than knowing what I was doing. I was not a mommy.

That being said, I would have a chat down with them. And tell them how important it is that they DO watch their brother when in charge of him. As long as you have instructed them clearly that they are on watch. When they are on watch and when you are back in charge.

If you did not ask them to watch him specifically I do think you may be expecting too much from them. They are not in tune like mommies are.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

That's what I was thinking, Sophie. but this was a loud gag, and then he wasn't breathing. This was hard to ignore.

I was 12 years older than my sister, and I was tuned in to things like that.

I know, I know. They aren't me. It's one thing if it was a stupid little thing they overlooked. But a loud gag - even if they didn't know what to do - I feel even screaming to me that something was happening would have been somehting. At leats noticing when I was standing over him asking if he was OK, and coaching him to cough it up....

Devin did say after "Cai - you need to eat slow" so she was aware after the fact.

This really rattled me.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

How scary I thank god I have never had to deal with a choking incident (and I hope I didnt just jinx myself ).

I think signing them up for a CPR class is a good idea. I also think they may be more aware when they are with him now and he is eating since they witnessed his choking first hand. Maybe they weren't paying attention this time, but I think they will next time.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Posted by BaroqueMama

Posted by smdl

Were the girls instructed to watch him specifically?

It's a lot of responsibilities to watch your siblings. BTDT! 11 years older than my younger sister and almost 17 years with my older brother. They will not be his mom and have this auto response to hear stuff like that. I babysit my brother and sister when my mom ran errands. Many times I was not quite sure how to handle some situations. I reacted more than knowing what I was doing. I was not a mommy.

That being said, I would have a chat down with them. And tell them how important it is that they DO watch their brother when in charge of him. As long as you have instructed them clearly that they are on watch. When they are on watch and when you are back in charge.

If you did not ask them to watch him specifically I do think you may be expecting too much from them. They are not in tune like mommies are.

This is pretty much what I was going to say.
I think that if you're going to expect them to watch him, you need to make it clear when they're on duty with him and make it clear what that means. And the no cell phones during that time seems like a good idea.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Posted by MamaLeen

Posted by bicosi

How very scary! I am so sorry and am so glad that he is okay!

I would sit the girls down and talk to them..

Another thing I would recommend is that you look into having the girls take a First Responder course or even a babysitting course that teaches them first aid, cpr, etc..

I think it would be very beneficial to them...

If they are watching Cai, they need to be WATCHING him.. maybe instill a NO cell phone while watching Cai rule? it seems they were distracted and since choking can be a silent killer (esp. with kids, you can't hear them!)..

Try and not worry yourself sick... Thank god you got there in time and just use this as a learning experience and no put some rules into place..

I wish you the very best!

I agree, especially about getting CPR certified and the no cell phone wil watching your DS rule.

Good luck.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

that is so scary!!! I don't think they should be watching him anymore. my DS gags like your DS , but all the time. I watch him like a hawk when he eats. noone else does, bc they don't understand the issue.

Did your DS have reflux as a baby by any chance?

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

What did DH say when he got home?

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.

i totally get what your saying. you would think they would be a little more responsible by that age (esp the 20 year old). I would def have a talk with them with your husband.

Re: I need to be talked down a little here. And I need help handling this without going apesh*t.