Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Updated

Thank you!!

SIL just texted me she wants me to come over at 6 to talk.

Message edited 1/17/2011 9:05:58 AM.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I think you are def wrong for being upset. It is not your place to pick it out. If she found one she likes and it is her child, then that is the end of the story.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I totally understand where you are coming from. In my family the godmother picks out the christening outfit and the godfather purchases the first cross - so I get it.

I think you should go talk to SIL face to face, not text back and forth and explain that you are hurt and why.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

first off, You are very good to be so excited about your godson's christening.

But try think about this from your SIL's perspective. For me (not everyone is like this, but I am), I want control over what my DD wears every day, not just on the day of her baptism. It sounds like your SIL found an outfit that *she* wants for her son, that *she* is very excited about. Yes, she agreed to go shopping with you at other places that you suggested. She may very well have been at the flea market for something else and wanted to just look briefly and make sure the outfit she loves was still there. I don't think you can blame her for that; she sounds like she really really loves this outfit.

It would be one thing if she bought it without you there after agreeing to look elsewhere. I think that it was a little rude of her to text back the line about having trouble, but honestly, if it were me, that is exactly what I would have thought to myself.

Sorry if I'm coming off harsh. I think this will only ruin your relationship with her if you let it. I think you should let it go, and find another way to share in this very special time with your godson.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I can totally see why you would want this experience and you're entitled to be disappointed and perhaps upset.

I do agree that your SIL's statement that she doesn't want any problems along with your brother's statement about them picking it out and you paying were a bit on the cold side. However, I wouldn't describe it as ending the relationship you have.

It sounds like she really loved this outfit and gravitated towards it because she was nearby in the shopping center. She can't really be blamed for that.

When she told you she found something she loved, I would have gone with her and just paid for it if you had already offered to do so.

In my eyes, it's similar to being a bridesmaid in a wedding - you were given an honor, so you pay for a dress even though you might get little to no say in style and color. Not an exact analogy, but a fair one.

This is why I paid for my DS's outfit myself.

You are allowed to be upset, but I would try to let it go.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Posted by Cpt2007

first off, You are very good to be so excited about your godson's christening.

But try think about this from your SIL's perspective. For me (not everyone is like this, but I am), I want control over what my DD wears every day, not just on the day of her baptism. It sounds like your SIL found an outfit that *she* wants for her son, that *she* is very excited about. Yes, she agreed to go shopping with you at other places that you suggested. She may very well have been at the flea market for something else and wanted to just look briefly and make sure the outfit she loves was still there. I don't think you can blame her for that; she sounds like she really really loves this outfit.

It would be one thing if she bought it without you there after agreeing to look elsewhere. I think that it was a little rude of her to text back the line about having trouble, but honestly, if it were me, that is exactly what I would have thought to myself.

Sorry if I'm coming off harsh. I think this will only ruin your relationship with her if you let it. I think you should let it go, and find another way to share in this very special time with your godson.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I think its also bothering me that she was there with her brothers wife and mom. So maybe this is adding to me being upset. I didnt even want my brother to say anything and he told me he wouldnt. I said I dont want her to know. I just wanted him to know I felt left out.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Posted by Cpt2007

first off, You are very good to be so excited about your godson's christening.

But try think about this from your SIL's perspective. For me (not everyone is like this, but I am), I want control over what my DD wears every day, not just on the day of her baptism. It sounds like your SIL found an outfit that *she* wants for her son, that *she* is very excited about. Yes, she agreed to go shopping with you at other places that you suggested. She may very well have been at the flea market for something else and wanted to just look briefly and make sure the outfit she loves was still there. I don't think you can blame her for that; she sounds like she really really loves this outfit.

It would be one thing if she bought it without you there after agreeing to look elsewhere. I think that it was a little rude of her to text back the line about having trouble, but honestly, if it were me, that is exactly what I would have thought to myself.

Sorry if I'm coming off harsh. I think this will only ruin your relationship with her if you let it. I think you should let it go, and find another way to share in this very special time with your godson.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Posted by foreverinmyheart

Posted by Cpt2007

first off, You are very good to be so excited about your godson's christening.

But try think about this from your SIL's perspective. For me (not everyone is like this, but I am), I want control over what my DD wears every day, not just on the day of her baptism. It sounds like your SIL found an outfit that *she* wants for her son, that *she* is very excited about. Yes, she agreed to go shopping with you at other places that you suggested. She may very well have been at the flea market for something else and wanted to just look briefly and make sure the outfit she loves was still there. I don't think you can blame her for that; she sounds like she really really loves this outfit.

It would be one thing if she bought it without you there after agreeing to look elsewhere. I think that it was a little rude of her to text back the line about having trouble, but honestly, if it were me, that is exactly what I would have thought to myself.

Sorry if I'm coming off harsh. I think this will only ruin your relationship with her if you let it. I think you should let it go, and find another way to share in this very special time with your godson.

My thoughts EXACTLY. When she mentioned that she saw one that she loved at the flea market, you should have said, OK, I will go back there with you to pay for it. End of story.

Message edited 1/17/2011 2:03:28 AM.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

i understand you are hurt and you 2 did discuss that you would buy it for her. BUT at the end of the day this is her child so she gets the final say.

if i was you i would call her and apologzie.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I agree with everyone else. I can totally see how you would be dissapointed that you missed out on a day of shopping around with your SIL. It would have been lots of fun. But she happened to be at the flea market, saw an outfit she loved for her baby. It's as simple as that. Nothing to cry about. You still have the opportunity to take her back there and buy it. Go out to lunch or coffee and make that the fun part of the day. If I were your SIL I would feel terrible that you were upset and stressed out about the new strain on our relationship and how it will impact the christening.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Posted by twicethefun

Posted by foreverinmyheart

Posted by Cpt2007

first off, You are very good to be so excited about your godson's christening.

But try think about this from your SIL's perspective. For me (not everyone is like this, but I am), I want control over what my DD wears every day, not just on the day of her baptism. It sounds like your SIL found an outfit that *she* wants for her son, that *she* is very excited about. Yes, she agreed to go shopping with you at other places that you suggested. She may very well have been at the flea market for something else and wanted to just look briefly and make sure the outfit she loves was still there. I don't think you can blame her for that; she sounds like she really really loves this outfit.

It would be one thing if she bought it without you there after agreeing to look elsewhere. I think that it was a little rude of her to text back the line about having trouble, but honestly, if it were me, that is exactly what I would have thought to myself.

Sorry if I'm coming off harsh. I think this will only ruin your relationship with her if you let it. I think you should let it go, and find another way to share in this very special time with your godson.

My thoughts EXACTLY. When she mentioned that she saw one that she loved at the flea market, you should have said, OK, I will go back there with you to pay for it. End of story.

ITA I really do think you are making too much of this and putting them under undue stress. I would apologize immediately and invite SIL out for coffee, check out the dress and give her the money. This dress may not be such a big deal to her, or she may just not have time for a shopping day.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

It sounds like a misunderstanding, and neither of you are wrong or right.

I think you're being a bit sensitive because it means a lot to you.

You should try to make up with your SIL.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Yes, your ego is hurt but honestly how would you feel if found the perfect dress/outfit for YOUR child and SIL, MIL insisted on going with you to get it? You "happen" to find the perfect outfit ON YOUR OWN, and someone is "hysterical" because they did not get to go shopping with you.

You probably would roll your eyes and wonder that the heck is wrong with them.

Yes, it would have been nice to go shopping with her but hey... it was there, you got it. Done! One thing down on the list.

She probably has a lot on her plate and did not see the big deal about shopping for an outfit when she probably has TONS of other stuff to do for this Christening.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I can definitely understand and appreciate why you feel so upset. However, I don't think she was.intentionally trying to make you feel left out. The first time she told you about an outfit, she didn't know yet that you wanted to go shopping with her, right? And the second time... put yourself in her shoes. You are at the flea market where you know they sell christening outfits, and you have 10 or 15 minutes to kill while you wait for something- how do you not go browse? And, to be fair to her, when she texted you, she did say "they have a lot of different outfits, we'll go back when it gets closer," which indicates to me that she loved this one she saw, but wants to go back with you and really look at all of them and get your input as well. I think for the sake of you godson and not interfering with his special day, you need to try to put this all behind you. I would talk to her, on the phone or in person, explain that you just felt left out because it means a lot to you to go shopping with her, but that you understand that she was just browsing because she was there. Then, make a plan with her to go out together and look, have her show you the one she likes, and look at others as well. I think your godson is lucky to have a godmother who cares about him so much! Just try not to lose sight of the meaning of everything.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I think you need to talk to her on the phone, not over text. SO much gets taken the wrong way over text.

I also don't think she went out behind your back to look for an outfit. I was shopping one day at BBB and checked out outfits. I called my cousin up and told her I found a really cute one. Her response "Great - when can we go back to get it"

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I def. think you need to talk on the phone. I also think you are wrong to be upset initially about her going. I am sort of like her...I would want what I want once I found it. I would probably go look on my own too. I would think usually the mom does pick it, and then if the godparents want to buy it they do etc.

I honestly think its a big silly fight, there are so many more important things at steak here...I would bite the bullet and call her-its not worth discussing for more than a few minutes to clarify why you got upset and just move on IMO

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

For DS I looked and sent pics to his godmother of things I liked. I ordered it and she paid. Maybe in her family it is not a big deal if the godmother buys the outfit.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Honestly, I think you're blowing this a little bit out of proportion. Just think about it if the roles were reversed. I'm not trying to be hard on you, you have great intentions, you're generous and you're going to be a great Godmother, but I think you should let the mom pick the outfit wherever she wants it from. Instead of focusing on the outfit, maybe you can can get him a special gift? In any event, I hope everything works out!

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

I'm with you. I disagree with the posters saying that it's her child and she gets the final say.

The godmother in our family picks out and pays for the Christening outfit. The mother has no say in it, and doesn't see it until the day of. I would never even think of going to look for an outfit, even just browsing, bc it is not my choice.

So since you wanted to go with her, and wanted to include her, in my opinion, I would be upset as well, because it was nice of you to offer for her to be included in the first place.

If she wanted to pick it out and you pay for it, why doesn't she just pay for it then? Who's to say she doesn't pick a really expensive gown?

Message edited 1/17/2011 8:37:13 AM.

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Re: Soooo upset...not sure what to do? Fight with SIL about christening outfit. (Very LONG)

Thank you for your replies and I appreciate all of your opinions. But before her and my brother looked 2 weeks ago we planned a month ago that we would go shopping together when it got closer. its also still way to early to shop. so we agreed to wait. Then when she found the one at the flea market, I also told her I would buy that one she liked but maybe we could still go to a few other stores just for fun. She agreed. Also there are other things that have gone on in the past that is too long to get into. I agree its not worth the fight thats why I asked my brother not to say anything. She text me and i told her i was a little upset cause she asked..so instead of texting me oh sorry i totally didnt want u to get upset she texts me i dont need the problems ill get it myself. Whats done is done. And yes I maybe shouldnt have gotten upset but its also the way she responded that took me back. I will call her today and try to patch this. I am just a different kind of person, who wouldnt have done that to my SIL. If I made plans to go shopping with her I wouldnt have gone with out her. She does alot of things like this to me all the time and I usually dont say anything so I guess things have been building up inside. Thank You again for taking the time to reply.