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Celt
~~~~~~~~~~
Member since 4/08 7758 total posts
Name:
colette
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Yeah I think the "idea" is right but in practice there are many situational exceptions.
Ideally my *marriage* comes first, not the person, kwim??
But with that said.. coming first doesn't mean he's *right* all of the time. If he were creating drama or being stubborn about something regarding his or my family, I'd pretty much have to tell him how I see it and let him make his own decisions, not blindly blow smoke up his tushy...
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Posted 1/5/11 1:26 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
heathergirl
Cocktail Time!
Member since 10/08 4978 total posts
Name:
American mouth
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
I don't live by any hard and fast rules. I take things on a case by case, day by day basis. I am sure DH will come first most of the time, but there may be times when he does not.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:28 PM |
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by MichLiz213
My mom told me this before I got married. She said of course you love your children, but one day they are going to go out and live their own lives and it's just going to be the two of you. You don't want to turn around and look at your DH after your children go off on their own and say, "Who are you?"
I agree. I see too many couples that don't ever take time for themselves, and I know some older couples that didn't know what to do with themselves once their children were grown.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:34 PM |
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christinec2010
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/09 637 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Since its just DH & I, no children, DH comes first in my book. I will do everything & anything for my DH. I defend him & stand by him no matter what. & he does the same for me.
I will walk in after work & say I am going to relax & then DH will ask me to do something & I will jump to. & he does the same for me.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:36 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
YES. And I think too many people who have children lose sight of that. A healthy marriage should take precedence, and everything falls into place if that is working properly.
I read a really good article a few weeks ago that did research on the traits the predict good parenting. The best indicator of good parenting, and a good outcome for children, is how the parents relate to one another, and I totally believe it.
I live by the credence that the most meaningful gift I can give to my daughter's is the model of a healthy, prioritized marriage.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:46 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
In one sense...yes.
if you have a good relationship with your spouse, it's the greatest gift you can give to your children.
On the flip side, I know many people that put their spouse first & foremost, to the detriment to their family. Staying with an abusive spouse, disregarding children, etc. which made for a lot of resentment towards both parents.
In another sense, if you're asking who comes first spouse or children - both of us would give our lives for our children so they do come first.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:50 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
False, false, false.
You have to put yourself first.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:52 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by WhatNow
I would say it's true, at least before you have kids. Then they come first, but your spouse comes second. Unless he is an a-hole. Than he comes after all the other relatives who are nicer. 
ita
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:52 PM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Generally, I agree with that statement. I think there are special extenuating circumstances where you might have to prioritize something/someone else, but for the most part I agree.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:52 PM |
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jilliibabii
Mrs. O'Connor
Member since 6/10 12821 total posts
Name:
Jillian
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
I don't think so. For instance, my mom needs me to do something the same day DH needs me to do something... I don't just automatically say, "Sorry mom, DH comes first!"
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:53 PM |
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jilliibabii
Mrs. O'Connor
Member since 6/10 12821 total posts
Name:
Jillian
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by leighla
False, false, false.
You have to put yourself first.
This also!
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:53 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by leighla
False, false, false.
You have to put yourself first.
Hmmm... never thought of that... good one.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:53 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by leighla
False, false, false.
You have to put yourself first.
Hmmm... never thought of that... good one.
yeah... i agree with this but as long as you can do it without being selfish
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:54 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by leighla
False, false, false.
You have to put yourself first.
Ok I'm changing my answer to Laurens!
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:55 PM |
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PrincessVonTrockel
Trophy Wife in Training
Member since 11/09 2953 total posts
Name:
Natalie
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
True.....my husband always comes first for me.
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| Posted 1/5/11 1:59 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
My husband comes before anyone else, except myself. It is the same way with him.
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| Posted 1/5/11 2:08 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
I disagree with self coming first..although all of this is just in theory so it can be taken however you want to take it. On one hand if you're a wreck onviously you're not a good spouse, but marriage is also about giving of yourself 100%. So you have to draw the line between taking care of yourself and selfishness. I would definitely not say that I come before my relationship with FH.
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| Posted 1/5/11 2:10 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by leighla
False, false, false.
You have to put yourself first.
I said this too 
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| Posted 1/5/11 2:57 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
For me.. FALSE
without a doubt
he's my partner not my crutch or slave.
He has to have a set to last with me and that means telling me no.
I don't like leeches that wait on me hand and foot for everything to the exclusion of themselves. I need a man who will be a man on his own with or without me.
I didn't marry a man who I can mold or change. I married a man I respect, like having fun with and who respects my own private time.
I don't NEED my hubby, I want him. Same vice versa. That's why I like it.
True though, now that AJ is here its all about her.
Together we make a great team but we are two very different people who work well together. Putting me first would tick me off. That's not to say that he shouldn't realize ALL of his actions have consquences and if he knows something's gonna tick me off like planning a trip to Vegas without asking me if we had plans, well that's just stupid and disrespectful.
I'm not first in all his thoughts. I'm just an extension of him as he is of me. What I do, I think as a result of how it affects BOTH of us, not just one.
Make sense?
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| Posted 1/5/11 4:30 PM |
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MillerTime424
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/09 737 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
TRUE
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| Posted 1/5/11 4:36 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by JenniferEver
I disagree with self coming first..although all of this is just in theory so it can be taken however you want to take it. On one hand if you're a wreck onviously you're not a good spouse, but marriage is also about giving of yourself 100%. So you have to draw the line between taking care of yourself and selfishness. I would definitely not say that I come before my relationship with FH.
I just think to a lot of the women I know who are divorced or separated and how lost they are when they aren't married anymore.
Like they completely lost themselves and have no reason to BE except to be so and so's wife.
And I know a lot of men and women who fell out of love with their spouses because they were no longer the person they met and that's because they morphed into the other and lost that sparkle of individuality.
And I don't think you can keep that individuality when you put the other person first and yourself second (or third or fourth when you have kids).
The most unhappy people I know are the ones who have lost their sense of self.
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| Posted 1/5/11 4:52 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
sense of self! love it!
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| Posted 1/5/11 4:57 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by leighla
Posted by JenniferEver
I disagree with self coming first..although all of this is just in theory so it can be taken however you want to take it. On one hand if you're a wreck onviously you're not a good spouse, but marriage is also about giving of yourself 100%. So you have to draw the line between taking care of yourself and selfishness. I would definitely not say that I come before my relationship with FH.
I just think to a lot of the women I know who are divorced or separated and how lost they are when they aren't married anymore.
Like they completely lost themselves and have no reason to BE except to be so and so's wife.
And I know a lot of men and women who fell out of love with their spouses because they were no longer the person they met and that's because they morphed into the other and lost that sparkle of individuality.
And I don't think you can keep that individuality when you put the other person first and yourself second (or third or fourth when you have kids).
The most unhappy people I know are the ones who have lost their sense of self.
ITA!
I've seen people lose themselves in relationships and would not want that. It's not even a relationship at that point.
But what I mean to say is that MY needs don't come first, OUR needs do. I'm not going to make a decision only considering how it impacts me, but how it impacts both of us, because we're in it together. I might want a new pair of $500 shoes, but not at the expense of our savings and our own goals.
Or I might be really career oriented (I think this is more common) and think nothing or spending late hours at the opffice to get ahead in my career, which gives me fulfillment, but if that's hurting our relationship I need to take a step back and put my needs second to that and find a balance because ultimately my marriage is more important than my next promotion, KWIM?
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| Posted 1/5/11 5:01 PM |
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MrsRitaB
Love of my life! <3
Member since 4/10 4669 total posts
Name:
Ri
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by WhatNow
I would say it's true, at least before you have kids. Then they come first, but your spouse comes second. Unless he is an a-hole. Than he comes after all the other relatives who are nicer.
ita
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| Posted 1/5/11 5:05 PM |
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MrsRitaB
Love of my life! <3
Member since 4/10 4669 total posts
Name:
Ri
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Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by leighla
False, false, false.
You have to put yourself first.
Ok I'm changing my answer to Laurens!
very true!!!
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| Posted 1/5/11 5:05 PM |
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