S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

So how long were or have your parents been married, do you think their marriage has an impact on how you view relationships. What have you learned from their relationship.




My parents have been married for 46 years, I definitely think it has an impact my view on relationships; from how they treat each other to how they handle stressful times in life. They went through some very difficult times (some of my siblings were very difficult teens), they also raised 7 kids on 1 salary (my Dad worked for the state) so money was always tight, but they taught us that respect is more important than agreeing, compromise (even if it takes time to arrive at it) is key and that needs and wants are very different things.

DHs parents were married about 25 years before getting divorced, it impacted DH in as far as he has no respect for his father and doesn't want to be like him. DH is also from a large one-income family, although not necessarily a relationship tool, he learned how to manage money very well and how to fix just about anything.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

DH and I come from very similiar family backgrounds.

Both of our parents were married in their early 20's and are both approaching 30 years of marriage. We were also both born rather quickly after they got married.

We got married when we were 23 and are now on 5 years...I hope we can follow the trend of our families.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents have been married 42 years now. My inlaws have been married for about 53 years.

I hope that we can follow in both of their footsteps.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

my parents have been married over 35 years - they are best friends and also have htere own lives - they each enjoyiung their own things and doing things together

their relationship is great - and i strive for that - they got married when my mom was 19 and struggled early on and had their issues but they worked through them - my parents also balanced there lives and ours and we were not always the priority which gave us indpendece when we needed it

my inlaws have been married over 35 years also -high school sweethearts - but there relationship is weird - they call each other mom and dad even though they only have one kid and he does not live at home. His mom does what his dad lvoes and forgets what she loves to do which i don't think is a good thing - my dh was smothered - they were and arre very over bearing - they have almost every bit of school work from kindergarten on saved - it is crazy

my DH and I agree to have a relationship similar to my parents it is more balanced

Message edited 1/4/2011 8:18:16 AM.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents have been married for 35 years. Sometimes I wonder if they stayed together for the kids I don't think they are in love anymore, I don't think they have been for a long time.

My ILs have been married for 33 years and they still act like newlyweds My DH is very similar to my FIL, very affectionate and thoughtful. I love my dad but I am SO glad I didn't marry someone like him

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents were married 25 years before getting divorced. I have to say, the way they handled the divorce is pretty uncommon from what i've seen and I love them for it. They have respect for eachother (and my sister adn I), support eachother, they still love eachother and both are still close with the other's family. They talk all the time still (even though my mom has a long term bf and my dad is remarried!), they all come to family events, even over to eachothers houses when we're in town, etc. I couldn't ask for anything more and it just goes to show what kind of people they are.

DH's parents are married over 35 years!

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents were only married I think probably 8-10 years. They divorced when I was 2.5 or 3 years old when my mom wouldn’t take his crap anymore and became a single mother to my sister & I (she’s 16 months older than I am). That whole drama (hearing about it later, obviously I didn’t know exactly what was going on at the time) 100% shaped me into the woman I am today….strong, independent, self-sufficient, and take no crap from anyone, especially men. I have never settled for a man who wasn’t fully there for me or who played games…my DH soooo isn’t that kind of guy, which is why we’ve been together for 12 years already! And I knew he’d make an amazing father, something that I definitely didn’t have growing up. I hope that our marriage is a great example for our girls, I want them to marry someone just like their daddy!

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents just celebrated their 45th anniversary in Oct & I definitely think that their relationship has impacted my views on marriage. When we were younger things were very different. My mom was a SAHM, but money was tight so my dad had to work 3 jobs to pay the bills. As a result he was very...stressed...and they fought A LOT. For a few years I often heard the word "divorce" thrown around. When I was 15 dad got a great new job & was able to quit all the rest. As a result he relaxed & my parents "re-discovered" each other & were like newlyweds.

I watched them struggle to the brink & come back from it better than ever so I know that given the right circumstances it can be done & I will always do my best to see my way through things.

DH's parents were married for 30+ years when his mom passed away. It's been 9 years & my FIL has since remarried, but to this day he is still in love with her. With tears in his eyes he told me that she was his soulmate & he'd give everything up to have her back Their love definitely shaped my DH's views on relationships & marriage...

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

my parents were married 30 years when they divorced. it taught me many things, but i think most that i will never give up my career, b/c i don't want to be in a position where i have no money due to divorce. i always want to be able to support myself and my DC.

dh's parents have been married 32 years. it seems like they mostly do stuff apart, and MIL does tons of stuff with the grandkids while FIL prefers not to be around them.

we learned something from both, but i hope we pave our own way to the perfect marriage.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

Wow, these are all great stories; it is really interesting to hear how we view our parents and how we take those experiences to form our own lives.

Thanks for sharing!

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

Both of our parents are still married. Both almost 40 years. My parents are very happy- DH's not so much. I think it does have an impact on our views of marriage and divorce.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

my IL's have been married for 30+ years. None of their kids including DH would call theirs a loving relationship. My DH says they just tolerate each other and leaves it at that.

My parents were married for about 25 years when the divorce was final.(they probably should have been divorced at 15 years but stayed together for us kids.) They've been divorced now for almost 15 years and i think now they have a better relationship than when they were married.

My growing up with my family the way it was, makes me realize that you can't stay together for the kids like my parents did because life got sooo much better once we were out of the arguments with them.

I think DH growing up in his family the way it is makes him think that he can do what he wants when he wants, since his parents did and stilll do live 2 seperate lives.

Needless to say, we needed alot of work in our relationship and we've both realized where our views came from and have actively tried to make our relationship work better than our parents.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents were married for 18 years before getting divorced. There were a lot of separations during those 18 years as well. Honestly, I thought they should have gotten divorced waaaaaay before that. I guess they kept trying for the kids, but it wasn't a healthy situation for anyone involved. I promised myself a long time ago I would never have a relationship like my parents and that staying together for the kids is NOT always the best option. My dad was good as just that: a dad. A good husband he was not .

DH's parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary ! They are an amazing couple and still adore each other after all these years! I hope DH and I follow in their footsteps

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents divorced after 4 years and the popped out 3 kids in that time.

It definitely shaped me into the person/mom/wife I am today.

My dad wasn't a bad person, he was just sad. A sad man who didn't know how to be a father and husband.

My mom was a SAHM and went on welfare for a few years before going back to work once we were all in school. After that it was always a struggle, money was always tight and she made some bad choices in her search find a replacement father figure for us

Because of this I was very motivated in school and knew I always wanted to be able to provide for myself and my family. I needed to provide a level of security that I didn't feel we had growing up. I didn't mind growing up tight on money-I minded that my mom felt backed into a corner as a result. I wanted to protect against that.

Of course, it's clear I have trust issues. I could never put all my eggs in one basket, I could never depend on anyone else for shelter and food for me or my children-even my husband who I love more than anything. It's just rooted in me from the age of 4-I must provide and protect.

My marriage with DH is a work in progress-we have our ups and downs but our downs seem trivial compared to others so I need to remember that.

However, I married a stable, loving, smart, sweet, funny man and we work hard at having a good relationship for us and for our kids. I searched hard and long for someone who fit the bill-and am very lucky I fit his bill too

I have to say, I did not want to end up like my mother and so her marriage and the repercussions of it certainly made an impact on my life and marriage.

DH's parents have been married for 38 years. She was always a SAHM (took small part time jobs when the boys were in school) and never went to work when the kids moved out of the house. I love it because she is able to come down to visit all the time.

FIL and MIL love each other and get along but he gets frustrated easily and has lots of flare ups that we all poke fun of. I wonder how they will be when he retires-I think he will need to be a greeter at walmart, I don't think he will be able to stay home full time.

Well, now I just vomited out my life story

Message edited 1/4/2011 9:11:54 AM.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

still married, VERY HAPPILY, have been since 1975, so 35 years.

Message edited 1/4/2011 9:22:13 AM.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My Parents were married 34 years when my Mom passed away and my In-laws have been married for like 43 years.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My dad passed away in 2003 at 61 years old. At that point, he and my mom had been married for almost 28 years. Had he not died so young, they'd be together another 50, without a doubt. They were so in love with each other. They were such opposite people in so many ways and they complemented each other perfectly. They got engaged after only 4 months of dating, which is CRAZY if you know my mom- VERY reasonable, sensible, logic-oriented, never makes decisions based on emotion. My dad on the other hand, was a followyour heart kind of guy, whether it made sense or not. My dad had juvenile diabetes (since age 12). When he proposed to my mom, he told her he wanted her to think long and hard about it, knowing he is not going to live a long life. She didn't think about it for even a second, and immediately said yes. They were absolutely best friends, and 100% brought out the best in each other. They loved each other more every single day they spent together and it was so obvious. They cared so much about each other, and I have undoubtedly been majorly impacted by their relationship. They taught me how to work together as a team, even if you don't always agree with each other. They taught me how you support each other no matter what. They taught me how to be each other's strength, how to communicate, how to trust. They taught me how to respect each other's wants and needs and desires, as well as your own, and how to keep yours in balance with what is best for the family. In my eyes, my parents had the ideal marriage and I can only strive to live marriage as they did. Granted, my husband and I are only 2 and a half years in, but I think it's obvious already how our parents' relationships have affected ours.

His parents have been married a little over 35 years and going strong. They have an interesting relationship (in my eyes), definitely different from my parents', but they also have that open communication, and mutual respect, love, and appreciation for each other.

I am so thankful for the examples that both our parents set for us. I know it has contributed to how happy we are together.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

They werent, I was a b@stard.

My dad wasnt in the pic after 5, he cheated and my mom kicked him to the curb. The only impact it had is that I am so against cheating.

I dont think I can ever cheat on someone. But i hate to say never.. cause you know what they say.

Message edited 1/4/2011 9:56:47 AM.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents were married 10 yrs. I learned from them what NOT to do in a marriage. I learned from my "father" what kind of man i did NOT want. I learned from my mom, how to be a stong woman who does not need a man.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents were married for 44 years when my father passed away. They were devoted to each other. I learned balance from them. They were very different people.. but they gave each other respect and love and understanding. They wanted it to work and that made all the difference.

Message edited 1/4/2011 10:05:32 AM.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

15yrs

They got married young and had kids right off the bat.

Jim's parents only got divorced in the past 10yrs.

meh.

My mother is a wacko. Certifiable. Still what she did to us was pure evil. She left my father in a very bad situation. What it taught us was family values. Family first no matter what. Above all else. Nothing else matters. We went from a very comfortable lifestyle to literally rags and hand outs. Didn't matter as long as we had fun, laughed and had eachohter.

BUT.. yes it affected me.

I didn't want to get married young. I waited. I didn't want kids early. Dad said enjoy life, enjoy being married then think about it. So I was 33 when AJ came along. But I travelled a lot when I was single, more when I was married and Jim and I had a good married life first. That was important. We know what its going to be like when we grow old and we're back to having no kids, haha.

Will we be married forever? Who knows. I've learned its not the people or the situtation that make it work or break. Its just life. You really never know. I do NOT make expectations, I do not make it a must. I live each day at a time, enjoy it while its here. I'm glad he's along for the ride but my life will always move forward. With or without him.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

My parents were married 31 years this past October.

Although they bicker since they are both home and retired now (lets face it, I would go a little nuts too ) I truly believe they still love one another and hope DH and I follow in their footsteps.

Re: S/O to siblings: How long have/were your parents married

my parents have been married for 33 years and they are my role models their relationship is amazing they are bestfriends they still act like newly weds I love it and I guess they learned from my moms parents who have been married for over 60 years I have some really great examples and i pray I can follow in their foot steps andhave that type of relationship.


My dh and his parents are a different story alot of broken hearts and it has impacted my husband he barely speaks to his father their relationship is really strained. And I know he doesn't want to follow in their foot steps