Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Today (after peeling myself away from the Kardashians) I put DD in the swing and ran around like a lunatic getting everything done for tomorrow. I wanted to be DONE and in PJs so then I could enjoy DD, read some books and play a little before bed.

Instead, I run around, waste all of our time together --- and when I pick her up, she falls asleep.

So I could have enjoyed her for a bit and then gotten everything done when she was asleep. I held her for so long after she fell asleep.

I only gave her ONE bottle today. My mom gave her a bunch and DH gave her two. . .

I hope no one takes offense to this but it is NOT natural to leave your infant every day -- the feeling in my heart really proves that every single day I go to work. It is like my body can't handle it

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

it gets easier on some level T....but it never feels 100% right to me...

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

it does get easier and your routine becomes the norm

weekends become THAT much more special!

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Posted by Tilde

I only gave her ONE bottle today. My mom gave her a bunch and DH gave her two. . .

I hope no one takes offense to this but it is NOT natural to leave your infant every day -- the feeling in my heart really proves that every single day I go to work. It is like my body can't handle it

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

I think you're right. It is not natural but unfortunately in our country it is often a necessity. We have terrible benefits forcing moms to leave their babies long before it is natural to do so.

Hang in there mama!

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Posted by maymama

it does get easier and your routine becomes the norm

weekends become THAT much more special!

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

It does get easier.
It never feels quite right but its one thing that you have to do to make life better for your LO.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Aww not sure how long you've been back but I dont think long right? After DS I cried every night for a week and then it took me a good 2 months to get into a groove. I know it doesnt feel like it right now but it does get easier

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

It is very hard...you are definitely not alone in feeling that way. But we do the best that we can and make the best of it.

We get home so late (after 7pm some nights) that there is only time for a bath and then bed. When it's my turn with the baby I rock him to sleep and kiss his sleeping face...when it's my turn with my toddler I read him stories and kiss him and tickle him until he can't breath from laughing. Those are our moments. When I have to get both to bed on my own and I feel stressed...I remember that when I am sitting at my desk far away from them that I'd cut off my right arm to have that moment with them.

Everything else waits until after my babies are asleep in their beds. Then I (most times we) run around getting everything done. Since we have a routine we are able to steal some time to ourselves before we crash into bed in complete exhaustion.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

I agree with Ang - everything waits until they're asleep (which means I don't go to bed til after 11 most nights but so be it).

Hang in there - I agree, not "natural" but it's life and it does get easier. Easy, no. But easier.

I'm lucky to have a helpful DH.

I get home about 7, sometimes later. He has dinner waiting and Ryan in PJs already. We all eat together - something I cherish. Then a bit of playtime. Then I put Colin up first while DH hangs with Ryan, and then I put Ryan to bed after we lay in bed and talk about our days (DH would be happy toput someone to bed but it's been my thing - I get them out of bed every morning, and put them there at night).

Talk to other moms about their routines - it'll help

Message edited 11/8/2010 9:58:33 PM.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

It does get easier. Once you have a routine down, it will feel a lot easier. You'll go on autopilot while getting ready for the next day and you'll be able to spend more time with DD.
My rule is that I only prepare things for the next day once the kids are asleep for the night.
Two things result from that: I get to spend more time with them and I am able to be more organized since my only focus is getting ready for the next day.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Posted by Tilde


I hope no one takes offense to this but it is NOT natural to leave your infant every day -- the feeling in my heart really proves that every single day I go to work. It is like my body can't handle it

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Thanks for all of the support.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

yesterday was my first day back and i couldn't have drove home any faster to get to see dd. she was sleeping when i walked in the door, but i took that as my time to get my stuff done, then when she woke up i just stopped and gave her my undivided attention. like the ladies said once we get into a routine i think it will be easier but we will never feel "right" being away from our dd for 8 or so hours a day.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Hang in there! It does get better.

I know this sounds silly, but on Sunday nights I lay out all of my clothes for the week. I iron and even lay out my underwear. I also do the same w/ the boys' clothes and (okay, I'll admit it) DH's clothes too. That alone saves me so much time during the week. I also prep as much as I can for dinners ahead of time. Another thing that I'll admit....I don't give the boys baths during the week. It just takes too much time and I'd rather spend that time playing with them.

You'll figure out similar things to do that will increase your time w/ your LO and will help u get into a routine.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

It does get easier..routine gets more normal.. but you leave your HEART at home/daycare EVERYDAY!!

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Ok I am in the minority and probably wont be of ANY help to you but...

IT DID NOT GET EASIER FOR ME!!!

It actually getrs hard. I went back to work when DD was 3 months(part time let me add, only 2 days a week) and I still to this day cry and want to throw up EVERTIME I LEAVE!
In the beginning it was for reasons liek you said...I hated missing her bottles...hated that...Now she is 16 months and I hate missing EVERYTHING.


But i am not normal!

Oh and to add my mom watches her who is the ABSOLUTE BEST and I still get torn to peices everytime I leave!

The only thing that has gotten me thru recently is i took a new job so I leave at 6am (and sually she is still asleep) and I am home by 2. So at least we still have the rest of the day...however the trade of is if do A LOT of work from home so now my attention at home has shifted away from her....
So for me, I cant win!

Hang in there!

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Posted by mamabear

Posted by Tilde


I hope no one takes offense to this but it is NOT natural to leave your infant every day -- the feeling in my heart really proves that every single day I go to work. It is like my body can't handle it

I am SO with you on this. I never would have guessed that about myself until I was pregnant, and until I had my first. it hurts. it literally hurts and rips my heart out. 2 years later, in all honesty, the pain is only worse

Message edited 11/9/2010 8:42:26 AM.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Let all those things wait until she's sleeping, you'll feel better about spending the extra time together and if something around the house doesn't get done?? Oh well....it'll still be there tomorrow

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

It does get easier (it's true...even though I had my doubts when I was going back to work). Some days are harder than others but you get a routine down and just go with it. And as a PP mentioned, the weekends and days off become that much more special.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

On some level, even though I'm probably the largest proponent for working mothers, I AGREE.

Working after having a baby can be a mutually beneficial arrangement for both the employer and mommy, as long as the necessary supports are in place, and as long as Mommy is given enough time to stay at home with her infant!

I went back to work when Alex was 10 weeks old. It was an UNMITIGATED disaster. By contrast, I stayed home with Yael for 6 long, sweet, wonderful months. And, when I returned, I came back to the most family-friendly environment, where I can work from 7:30-4, to come home early, I can also work from home 2 days a week with her, can attend parent-teacher conferences and school trips without taking any leave, and get time off for some medical appointments.

It was exactly what I needed to feel totally refreshed and prepared to go back to work. It worked out so wonderfully that I was even promoted just a few months after coming back.

It is hard, I know, especially when you have an itty bitty baby at home. But it does get easier, I promise. It helps, too, if you have others at your job who have recently gone through the same thing - they can be an amazing support system for you.

Hang in there

Message edited 11/9/2010 8:55:56 AM.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

3 months after retuning to work I still struggle with it...you're right it's not normal to leave your infant. I must say that while it's still hard it's nice sometimes to have the time to myself with other adults. Now I try to have more of a routine with DS. I get home very late so I only get 1 hour with him at best...sometimes I forgo dinner until he falls asleep. I do everything for the next day after he goes to bed in order to maximize my time with him. I don't think it'll ever be easy though to leave him.

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

It's hard, I know.
I have learned that the best thing to do is spend all the time with her while she is awake- even if that means doing NOTHING until she falls asleep- and THEN running around like a lunatic to get ready for the next day.

Basically I come home from daycare and sit there in my work clothes and just hang out with her- I dont' even change.

She falls asleep around 7- 7:30 and then it's full on crazy mode getting eveyrthing ready for the next day.
Doesn't make for much relaxing for ME, but it is what it is for now!

It gets easier- you'll get into your groove soon!

Re: Still trying to figure out this whole working mom thing

Thanks everyone!
I will DEFINITELY be doing everything after she sleeps from now on. I forgot that she would still be messed up from DST, so she fell asleep at 7PM instead of 8PM - I thought I would have another hour or so with her so that is why I tried to do it that way. But, I learned my lesson!

And thank you everyone for your honesty -- I know this will never be EASY but I do hope that for us, it gets EASIER. Today she is home with DH all day so I know she is happy (if maybe a little cold and possibly dirty ) which helps a lot!