Those who moved out of state

DH and I both born and raised on LI. Parts of our family keeps moving off the island to get bigger nicer houses with being able to keep some of their pay check LOL. Since our DS has been born, I ahve been trying to convince DH more and more to move out of state. I had wanted to move since I was in HS. DH doesn't want to leave his parents, and his neices. But, his neices father want to moove out of state, and he's been trying to have me help convince my DH and his sister to move..since he knows I already do LOL.

We currently rent, and simply will not be able to afford a decent house in a nice area on LI anytime soon. But in NC we can. DH and my BIL already have a bunch of job offeres down there...making about the same (if not more) then what they are making here working tons of OT.

So after all my rambeling..those that had already moved out of state, how difficult was it?? They are planning on moving down in June, but I won't be ready unitl later on next year, or even possibly the year after. I want to make sure to have a good savings behind us after all our debt is paid off.

I want to mentally prepare myself... bc I only moved once... 10 mins away LOL..and I was able to make many many trips...obviously this time I won't. Just any hints or advise...or just anything LOL.
TIA!!

Re: Those who moved out of state

I moved to SC and back to NY in the last year.

I had a house and 2 kids to pack up.

If the market in SC was right for DH I would move back in a heart beat.

I would definitely make sure to have some cushion money if one/both will be temporarily unemployed or if you need to put down security/rent deposits, buy furniture, pay for a mover, etc.

Re: Those who moved out of state

So you lived in SC? Did you like it there? Any reason that you came back? You don't need to say if ya don't wanna LOL ... Not trying to pry information from you. lol
I've always be all for going, but I'm just sorta now on edge that it could possibly happen soon. Before I had DS I would go tomorrow, if all the money was right lol, but now with DS, I feel like I'll be taking him away from some of his family... and I don't like that thought. I would like to come up to NY at least every other month, and stay for a weekend...so that way it's still sorta the same amount of time spent with my family... will maybe a bit less, but still.
BIL has a friend who owns a trailer truck...it's HUUGE...so we'll be doing all the moving ourselves...and his friend is coming with him to drive the truck back. We'll just tip him for gas and all that. I want to be able to plant my roots already...my family is here, yes... but we aren't living the way I wish I was.
I don't mean to be rambeling, and we don't have anything 'set' here, like a house of our own...so the way I see it is the WORST case we can just move back and go back to struggeling. Who knows we won't struggle there, but with the rates of everything, with our same salery, it just doesn't seem so. LOL. Aah... the stress... lol
Thanks for your response.

Re: Those who moved out of state

We up and moved to FL 4 yrs ago. Best decision we ever made. We have a crazy affordable, beautiful home in a great community. DH's business is doing great, I found a job within a week of moving here.

My only advice, is to rent for a while. Find out what areas you like, then buy something. There are so many deals out there now. And that way if for some reason you hate it and wanna move back, you can get out of your lease, rather than sell a house.

I wont lie, it was hard at first. But we have alot of friends now, and we can always hop on a flight and be back in ny in 2hrs. No big deal.

I would recommend it to anyone. Our quality of life is amazing, and we just wouldnt have been able to afford to stay in NY.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Re: Those who moved out of state

I loved it. My MIL/FIL also moved with us and my MIL was missing her family. She also hated her job. They told us they were moving back to NY. DH's old job offered him a big promotion if he came back and we didn't think we wanted to live out of state alone with no family.

What a mistake! Coming back has been the worse thing (on many different levels).

We regret it completely. Our house is still on the market down there, but accounting jobs are hard to come by (Decent paying ones) and since I am a teacher and make crappy money - DH needs to get a job making what he was making there or close to it before we can consider it. And he had a good job there he gave up - so thats a long shot.

We look at job ads everyday and he sends his resume out but nothing has come about yet.

Re: Those who moved out of state

You'd be leaving your parents and your IL's and most of your family? I'd think about it a bit longer and make a list of pros and cons.

I think it's hard just to hear what others have to say, you kinda have to experience it to see for yourself how you will handle it and how you'll feel, but here's my POV:

DH and I moved to FL over 3 years ago before having kids was even a thought. Pretty much ALL of DH's family is here and his parents moved into their vacation condo down here permanently about a year after we moved down. Even with having all of them here with us (and I seriously love them like my own family) I miss MY parents a lot. And DH and I both miss LI!!! The novelty wore off and we miss where we grew up, nothing will compare to that.

So honestly, it's GREAT at first. You get a nice house for cheap, everything is new and clean, the weather is amazing, people come visit, etc. But once we had DD, it got so tough. I feel horrible for my parents (and my extended family - grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) who don't get to come over whenever they want, they can't just drop by to see us and DD. It has to be planned out... a 2.5 hr plane ride. My grandparents who are 80 and were ridiculously ecstatic to have a great-granddaughter but will never get on a plane have seen DD only twice.

Sorry this is so long, but just wanted to give my POV. We would move back if DH was offered some amazing job, we talk about it all the time, but we're not looking to move back... if that makes sense. We do have it good here but it's the being away from "home" that definitely gets to us once in a while.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Can I just say that you don't necessarily have to move out of state to find a nice home in a nice area.

we bought in Orange County NY and it is LOVELY up there. it is fairly accessible to the city (1-1.5 hours on metro-north) and very drivable to the island (dh sometimes commutes from our house to a client in Plainview/Melville) and we get to my aunt's house in Lloyd Harbor and less than 2 hours.

my point is, you can move 2 hours away, not 10, and still find something that you can be happy with and grow in as a family.

good luck.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Posted by CaMacho

You'd be leaving your parents and your IL's and most of your family? I'd think about it a bit longer and make a list of pros and cons.

I think it's hard just to hear what others have to say, you kinda have to experience it to see for yourself how you will handle it and how you'll feel, but here's my POV:

DH and I moved to FL over 3 years ago before having kids was even a thought. Pretty much ALL of DH's family is here and his parents moved into their vacation condo down here permanently about a year after we moved down. Even with having all of them here with us (and I seriously love them like my own family) I miss MY parents a lot. And DH and I both miss LI!!! The novelty wore off and we miss where we grew up, nothing will compare to that.

So honestly, it's GREAT at first. You get a nice house for cheap, everything is new and clean, the weather is amazing, people come visit, etc. But once we had DD, it got so tough. I feel horrible for my parents (and my extended family - grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) who don't get to come over whenever they want, they can't just drop by to see us and DD. It has to be planned out... a 2.5 hr plane ride. My grandparents who are 80 and were ridiculously ecstatic to have a great-granddaughter but will never get on a plane have seen DD only twice.

Sorry this is so long, but just wanted to give my POV. We would move back if DH was offered some amazing job, we talk about it all the time, but we're not looking to move back... if that makes sense. We do have it good here but it's the being away from "home" that definitely gets to us once in a while.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Where in NC? I lived in Charlotte for 8 years. I also lived in Florida and Georgia. My parents moved us out of NY when I was 6 and moved us back when I was 20 (for family reasons).

I have to say that although growing up away from my grandparents and my cousins was hard the experience I got from living in other states was invaluable. We would always come to NY at least 3 times a year to visit and in the summers my sister and I would stay for long periods of time.

I say that since you have DH's sister and her family already moving down there and you know other people then it will not be too bad. We moved and knew no one. For my parents that was an adjustment but I was a kid and it didn't really impact me until we moved again when I was 13.

It will be hard to leave your family but if you plan on visiting every other month that will make it a lot easier. And like you said, you will live the life you have always wished you could live but were not able to afford in NY.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Thanks for all the responses everyone!

Yes, I have thought of both the pros and cons. If I did not have DS I would have been down there years ago LOL. But after having DS with us, I feel sorta bad for taking him away from part of his family. I will be leaving just about everyone... but we already have cousins down there... and my SIL is planning on going there this summer with her kids. I know once they go, my parent inlaws will soon follow. So that will leave family we only see on holidays/special occasions on DHs side, and then my whole family, which is super small. I have two older sisters, both which are married with kids. Then my MOm. That's it. My mom goes to and from Jersey every weekend. I live a whole 10 mins from her, and she never can take the drive to me. I always have to go to her, and even then, it's just to talk. She's not very active with her grandchildren...any of them. Then I think of my sisters, there's one I am super close with, and the other well, we talk, but more like distant friends LOL. The one I am close with has 2 DDs, ... one which is graduating HS this year, and going out of state for college, and then the other is starting HS next year. They both have soo much going on that I don't get to see them nearly as much as we used to. I mainly only talk to my sister ... just about daily, so I don't see that changing no matter where I am. My other sister has 4 children, all which I have never been close with... her oldest is already in Hawaii in the Air Force. We talk through FB...and he only comes home once a year..IF that. Then the 3 other kids, they get happy seeing my DS, but really, that's it.
So, that's who I would be leaving behind...
I know that it will be hard at first...but the way I see it we can even just rent down there for a year or so... just like we are now, and if things are not getting any better for us, then we can just move back. It's not like we are going to jump on buying a house, and we still have never owned one LOL.
I was thinking of moving up north... near Putnam valley.. DH were even planning on a trip there this November to take a look at the area in person. We fell in love with a few houses online already, that are more then half the price as the ones here on LI. Taxes were much lower too. Only down part of that, no jobs are hiring there. DH works in Farmingdale now... and his 2nd job is in Sayville area starting at 3am. According to mapquest is may only be 45 mins away, BUT, which traffic...? No way! LOL.
I still think we'll keep that trip...and possibly even just move more up north...maybe near buffolo area... but DH will NEED to find a job first. We may not have as MUCH as if we moved south, but we will be happy... close to family and friends still, still in NY, and being able to live comfortably. Heck, I'll be happy living in a ranch with a lot of property! LOL.
Soo..that's why we are soo torn on what to do. Moving an hour north seems soo much better to both of us, but if we can't find work, or if both of us still need to work full time, then really...it's still not what we are looking for...ya know?
Thanks again everyone!!

Re: Those who moved out of state

We live in NC and it was the right decision for us even though it is hard at times.

It's not just the house, don't get side tracked by that. We have a more affordable life overall and a lot less stress. I used to have a huge commute, now I work 15 miles away from home.

Daycare is so much cheaper, taxes are cheaper, we can save more, you get the idea.

However, we focused on the immediate needs of our family of 3/4 and did what made sense to provide us with the most time together and the best overall quality of like.

However, we miss being around the corner from family. I miss Sunday night dinners. I have a niece and nephew the same age as my DD and DS and they won't grow up as close. There are no quick GTGs and cookouts.

Our parents come down a lot and we go up a lot (6-8 visits a year among all of us) but everything is prearranged, takes time, costs money. There is no "come over for a quick cup of tea". That gets hard.

However, my mom already bought a town house down here so I know she will move down eventually. I think my in laws will move down in a few years too. And, my closest friend and her husband/kids just bought a house around the corner so we are starting to get a close family feeling again. Also, I've made a lot of good friends that I probably wouldn't have had time to meet if I spent all my time with grand parents, etc.

So, it's mixed. However, I would have had mixed feelings if we had stayed up north. I know we made the best decision for our family/kids but it is still hard. Good luck!

Re: Those who moved out of state

Re: Those who moved out of state

we live in charlotte.

no big house though...we bought a townhouse in a great neighborhood.

brand new 140k, no money down, no pmi. 3 bedrooms, garage, hardwood and granite.

great school district
i can stay at home
dh is no longer commuting on a bus for hours a day.

it is perfect for us for this time of our lives.
i miss my family, but there was no way i was going to give up the chance to be a sahm and be able to see dh as well.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Posted by Janice

we live in charlotte.

no big house though...we bought a townhouse in a great neighborhood.

brand new 140k, no money down, no pmi. 3 bedrooms, garage, hardwood and granite.

great school district
i can stay at home
dh is no longer commuting on a bus for hours a day.

it is perfect for us for this time of our lives.
i miss my family, but there was no way i was going to give up the chance to be a sahm and be able to see dh as well.

Re: Those who moved out of state

I agree with PP, rent for a bit. We rented one year when i moved down to TX

The move itself wasn't that bad. I was packed and out in 2weeks. We used PODS and packed it all ourself. I drove with AJ who was 9mo old to TX (5days) Jim drove with our two cats (4days) both of us had our own vehicle to bring so it made sense to do this and we both had support. I had a brother who couldnt drive but could sit in the back with AJ and my hubby had my other brother who could drive.

If you really want to do it, you CAN do it. I wanted to wait but the opportunity came up and I jumped on it. Best decision I've made.

Re: Those who moved out of state

So it seems that everyone that has moved out of state thinks it's the best decison that they made!! Thats soo gret to hear! Thanks ladies!! I know missing family will be hard, but we'll visit!! This is becoming more and more of a reality.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Re: Those who moved out of state

there are definitely hard times.
we rented for the first 3 years, glad we did.

it can be a lonely life if you let it be.
for a sahm, you don't have work friends, you did not go to school here, no family and a husband who works.

it is a part time job to find people to hang with.

but we have never thought for a second about moving back, ever.

Re: Those who moved out of state

I already know a few people where we will be going... family and friends. Not aloot, but enough to start off with. Then, I see ALOT of peole on here live there too, so we can make our own GTGs. LOL. I want to live comfortably. I want to afford ALL of our bills. i dn't want to keep "draemin" one day..I want to make it happen. I know it won't be easy but over time it will pay off...
Thanks again ladies!!

Re: Those who moved out of state

Janice and Dani77...

What part of Charlotte are you looking/do you live in?

I lived in Mint Hill for 8 years.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Re: Those who moved out of state

we use to live in huntersville...super close to lake norman, really nice up there.

we are down south of charlotte now...waxhaw in union county.

we lived in southpark, huntersville, ballantyne and waxhaw...ballantyne hands down was the best.

Re: Those who moved out of state

we wanted to move b/c we knew there would be a chance that i could be a SAHM out of state. if we stayed in NY it would be very hard to find a decent home, in a great neighborhood that we could afford on just 1 salary.

i also have a bit of a reversed situation when it comes to family. my parents moved to FL when i was 19 and i stayed in NY. during the time we were in NY i became very close with DH's family. even though i love them like my own family and get along with them pretty well i still wanted to be around my family when we had children. i don't even have the greatest relationship with my parents but i still felt like i wanted my mom around during pregnancy/child raising (although she will likely drive me nuts )

my MIL is great but she is very devoted to my SIL and her 2 kids. she helps them out a lot with babysitting and things like that and we know SIL wants to have more children. so in a way that was another thing that pushed us to move. knowing that we'd have no family to rely on if we stayed in NY and had kids was scary - especially if i'd still have to work (which in NY i most likely would). down here there is less pressure b/c i can be home.

yes, we miss SIL and her kids, we miss MIL and FIL and our friends but we still keep in touch with the people that matter. when we have our own family they will miss out on our extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. but we only saw those people for deaths and holidays - it's horrible but it's the truth.

i know my DH will have a hard time when we have a LO b/c he will wish his parents were around more - but i also know that he rather me, as a mother, be home with his children than us live closer to his parents and me be away from them. it's a hard decision but that is the decision we felt better about.

we also love living in FL. the weather, the people. we already say we would never go back to NY. i know when we have a LO we may feel lonely without having lots of family around and our feelings may change but that is when we will concentrate on our own family.

for us, i think we made the best choice. like someone else said, make a pro and con list. we did that and all signs pointed to FL. we had to give up a lot but at the same time i feel like we gained a lot.

Re: Those who moved out of state

Message edited 4/20/2012 11:55:22 AM.