Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by Goldi0218

Posted by Pray4Baby2010

Posted by DancinBarefoot

I hate to throw a monkey wrench in everyone's plans - but - in New York at least, just because you write Mary Jones gets custody of my kids in your will, doesn't mean Jane Smith can't come along and file a petition with the court to get the kids (and win).

A will is designed to determine what happens to your assets upon death - not your children. It will only be used as evidence as to your wishes should somebody protest.

wow I didnt realize that- that's actually completely ridiculous! who is a court to say who my kids should be with

100% true. My sister (who happens to be my attorney) told me the exact same thing.

Oh and you would be very surprised who the courts hand children over to. I've had students handed over to blood relatives over foster parents only to have the child make an accusation of child abuse and WHAM-O! An ACS case is open. The courts CLEARLY do not always act in the best interest of children. You canNOT count on them regardless of who you decide upon as guardians.

The Courts work with the information they are given - the system isn't perfect, but these judges are muddling through a lot of lies, stories and misinformation and trying to get to the bottom of things when all they really have to go on is a lot of "he said/she said." It stinks but I would say that 99% of the time, these decisions are made in the best interests of the children, who often have no voice of their own.

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

Thanks for the interesting legal considerations ladies!

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

my parents

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

This one is rough

AJ is closest to my aunt. Who is right now the oldest living relative She takes best care of her and really is the best fit but realistically she's also most likely the first to go. Second to that is my father who isn't physcially fit to care for AJ more than short term.

But I know that his mother and my father would want 'rights' to AJ to visit etc. I think I heard once that you could word it so that they are at least required to keep xyz in the loop but once you're dead a child's guardian is going to have full legal rights and I would think it would be left to their discretion. I would hope that my family and his would know us well enough to 'share' AJ to have 'both sides' of the family represented.

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by Goldi0218

Maybe Sunday LB.

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

We have designated one of my siblings and EVERYONE else in the family knows this. It's an awkward thing to have to do, but we were hoping that by telling them, it would soften any blow in the event something unexpected happened to both of us.

By telling them now, we were able to explain our reasoning beforehand rather than having them deal with the surprise afterwards.

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

This was an easy decision for us. My brother is financially stable and LOVES my boys. He would get full guardianship of my kids should DH and I die. He is also their only God-parent and very close with them. We are not close to my IL's, so there would be no issue with time spent with them.

As far as splitting the time would be a great idea, so I would stipulate that in the will.

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

Personally I think you should talk to the person you wish to name as guardian to make sure they are comfortable with the possibility and to express your desires for visitation with the other side. Make sure they are supportive.

Re: Spinoff to writing a will: Who gets the kids?

Was watching the movie 'Raising Helen' on cable the other night; specifically addresses this situation. I have no kids but it was thought provoking.