Last night.... questions and vent

so at this point my DH and I are switching off nights on who gets up with our DS (16 weeks) bc we are both working full time (me longer hours) and I thought it was the only fair way.

Last night was my DH's night and of course he doesnt hear him I always do but you can bet I wake him, well the baby started crying at 12:35am (we put him down at 9pm.. ughhh) so after a few minutes my DH finally gets up and starts to warm a bottle and I remind him to give Michael tylenol bc he is teething and the DR said every 3 hours at night is fine. while the bottle is warming he is cryiing so i cant sleep even though my DH could have just picked him up while he was waiting... then he gets him back down and of course he wakes again and this time Michael is screaming and i try to ignore it but of course my DH has to keep walking past our bedroom door with him. After a 2nd bottle at 5am he is still screaming and still my DH is walking past my door so although he will claim i got sleep last night I didnt bc i cant sleep with him crying, plus I was up till 11:30 doing our bills and getting everything ready for our taxes (DH went to bed at 9pm, with our DS)

Finally at 5:30am i cant take it anymore i get up and take my DS and calm him but still he is crying so I give in and start nurisng him, and i end up on the couch with him latched on me finally calming down and actually happy at this point my DH goes back to bed.

Im mad bc i close the bedroom door when my DS is crying and i keep him away from our room so my DH can sleep.

I am worried bc the only thing that seems to sooth my DS in the middle of the night when my DH has him is me getting out of bed and nursing him or holding him.. I dont get it bc we have had him used to a bottle since he was 3 weeks bc i always pumped and when we were out we gave him a bottle. He also gets pumped bottles all day with the nanny and he ate two (2) 6 ounce bottles between the hours of 1am and 5am so why was he able to nurse at 5:45am-6:30? How hungry could he be?

I also feel like my DH gets so frustrated when its his turn and my DS senses that and doesnt calm down, I wonder if he knows that I will eventually just take over and thats why he lets it go on?

Should we just put him right back in the crib after the bottle in the middle of the night and let him cry it out? (All lights are off and he is still swaddled)

Needed to vent bc im so tired and I know tonight is my night so I will be up all night again!

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Can you talk to your DH and ask him to provide more comfort and nurturing. Your DS is probably waking because he's hungry AND because he needs some loving. He can't yet turn off all of his needs just because it's nighttime. If your DH is going to play a role in nighttime parenting, he can't do half or a quarter of the tasks necessary and think that he's really participating. I know how you feel about not being able to sleep when DS is crying. It's impossible. Then there's also the truth that babies are highly dependent on Mommy...and no one else. This can be very true at night when it has been a long time without you. But, seeing as how your DH didn't even attempt multitasking....who knows if he wanted you or just some calming. I have no advice other than helping DH be a better team player.

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

I think Joe and Jason need to take a daddy parenting class. want me to beat joe in the head next time i see him? dont you LOVE when they can't pick up DS and take them with them to the kitchen to warm the bottle?? why do they have to leave them in the crib to cry while they wait!? i always end up getting out of bed to comfort Ian while he waits.

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Posted by Grill

Can you talk to your DH and ask him to provide more comfort and nurturing. Your DS is probably waking because he's hungry AND because he needs some loving. He can't yet turn off all of his needs just because it's nighttime. If your DH is going to play a role in nighttime parenting, he can't do half or a quarter of the tasks necessary and think that he's really participating. I know how you feel about not being able to sleep when DS is crying. It's impossible. Then there's also the truth that babies are highly dependent on Mommy...and no one else. This can be very true at night when it has been a long time without you. But, seeing as how your DH didn't even attempt multitasking....who knows if he wanted you or just some calming. I have no advice other than helping DH be a better team player.

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

I always got up when it was DHs turn to feed the baby too. He could somehow sleep through her crying..I wish I had that ability. I would talk to your DH and see if he can try and bring the baby to another room so you can get some rest. I know that even when my DH did this I would still get up if DD was crying a lot. I can't stand to hear her cry.

I think 16 weeks is a little young for CIO though. I hope you and DH can come to some kind of agreement. Good luck!

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Posted by QTDimps23

I think Joe and Jason need to take a daddy parenting class. want me to beat joe in the head next time i see him? dont you LOVE when they can't pick up DS and take them with them to the kitchen to warm the bottle?? why do they have to leave them in the crib to cry while they wait!? i always end up getting out of bed to comfort Ian while he waits.

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

I dont have any advice for you, I just wanted to share that my DH is the EXACT same way! I definitely think he feels the same way, that I will eventually take over so he doesnt do everything he can to calm him down, like I do. I also think DS can sense that DH is very frustrated no matter how hard he tries to hide it, and thats why it doesnt work for him.

This is extremely frustrating, especially in the middle of the night when you're exhausted! Just wanted to give you some

btw, bc I'm not working yet I have to wait until Friday and Saturday nights for my sleep! Thats when he "takes over".

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

My DS just got used to daddy putting him to sleep. Takes a bit long but he does it. You CAN'T give in!!! That's what both DH abd DC are waiting for. you are creating a habit by Nursing him. I know it's easier and you hate to hear him cry but maybe do it on the weekends so you don't have to work the next day. Don't nurse him to sleep. He is probably doing it just to soothe himself and less about hunger.

you have to make a deal with DH. He is NOT aloud near your bedroom door while up with DS. That's that. No exceptions there is no reason for it.

When DH takes the night time I sleep upstairs in the guest bedroom b/c I can't hear the baby cry and I really don't want to know what goes on. As long as they are both alive when I get up.. im happy!!

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Posted by Linda1003

My DS just got used to daddy putting him to sleep. Takes a bit long but he does it. You CAN'T give in!!! That's what both DH abd DC are waiting for. you are creating a habit by Nursing him. I know it's easier and you hate to hear him cry but maybe do it on the weekends so you don't have to work the next day. Don't nurse him to sleep. He is probably doing it just to soothe himself and less about hunger.

you have to make a deal with DH. He is NOT aloud near your bedroom door while up with DS. That's that. No exceptions there is no reason for it.

When DH takes the night time I sleep upstairs in the guest bedroom b/c I can't hear the baby cry and I really don't want to know what goes on. As long as they are both alive when I get up.. im happy!!

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Posted by dnj925

Posted by Linda1003

My DS just got used to daddy putting him to sleep. Takes a bit long but he does it. You CAN'T give in!!! That's what both DH abd DC are waiting for. you are creating a habit by Nursing him. I know it's easier and you hate to hear him cry but maybe do it on the weekends so you don't have to work the next day. Don't nurse him to sleep. He is probably doing it just to soothe himself and less about hunger.

you have to make a deal with DH. He is NOT aloud near your bedroom door while up with DS. That's that. No exceptions there is no reason for it.

When DH takes the night time I sleep upstairs in the guest bedroom b/c I can't hear the baby cry and I really don't want to know what goes on. As long as they are both alive when I get up.. im happy!!

Thanks.. I needed to hear all of this. I need to be strong and get up and close the door myself. and like you said if they are both alive I just have to let them work it out together. I agree my DS senses my DH's frustrations and they both just wait for me to step in.

I also have to try to get myself to stop nusring him just to sooth him bc i notce myself doing that a lot lately and I just cant see how he is hungry when he just finished a 6 or 7 ounce bottle an hour or even less before. Its hard though bc i know it works and im sor tired I want to give in.

THANKS

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

BTW just looked at your pics.. your son is INCREDIBLY CUTE!!!!

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

It sounds like DS might be comfort nursing. Can you get DH to give him a paci while in the crib and see if he will fall back asleep? I have DH on pacifier patrol in the middle of the night. If I go in there DS smells me and wants to nurse!

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Posted by Linda1003

BTW just looked at your pics.. your son is INCREDIBLY CUTE!!!!

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

I could have written this myself! My husband gets on but I ALWAYS end up getting up, too. It drives me crazy to hear that I got sleep the night before. Oh really, sleeping with a crying baby and feeling annoyed does not equal good sleep to me!!!

I feel your pain, we have to be harder on them and stop going to the baby. It's just easier, then they go to sleep!

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Posted by Linda1003

Posted by dnj925

Posted by Shelleybean11

It sounds like DS might be comfort nursing. Can you get DH to give him a paci while in the crib and see if he will fall back asleep? I have DH on pacifier patrol in the middle of the night. If I go in there DS smells me and wants to nurse!

I tried the Pacifier he wont take it, never has!

thanks!

Yeah unfortunately they just have to tough it out a few days together. Buy earplugs! My DS and DH still have their moments where I have to take him to calm him and then I give him right back to DH. (this is not in the middle of the night though) Let them build their bond and learn to deal with each other just like you and DS learned. It will s*uck for a few nights but it's worth it. Being a mommy is tough enough.. we have to remember we are very luck that we not single parents!! Lets take advantage of that??LOL

Re: Last night.... questions and vent

Posted by dnj925

Posted by Linda1003

Posted by dnj925

Posted by Shelleybean11

It sounds like DS might be comfort nursing. Can you get DH to give him a paci while in the crib and see if he will fall back asleep? I have DH on pacifier patrol in the middle of the night. If I go in there DS smells me and wants to nurse!

I tried the Pacifier he wont take it, never has!

thanks!

Yeah unfortunately they just have to tough it out a few days together. Buy earplugs! My DS and DH still have their moments where I have to take him to calm him and then I give him right back to DH. (this is not in the middle of the night though) Let them build their bond and learn to deal with each other just like you and DS learned. It will s*uck for a few nights but it's worth it. Being a mommy is tough enough.. we have to remember we are very luck that we not single parents!! Lets take advantage of that??LOL

TRUE!!! I just have to start being strong and not giving in to both their manipulations.. lOL LOL