Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

It wasn't that hard for us for two reasons. My DH has 1 brother, I have 1 sister so naturally we made them the godparents. However, we never intended for them to be guardians of our DD should something happen to us so that made the choice easier too. We looked at being the godparent as more of a title and special role in our DD's life.

When it comes to baby #2 down the road we already know it will be my brother and our best childhood friend for DC's godmother. My DH has known her since he was a kid and I've been best friends with her since we were in the 9th grade so it's been over 20 years. My DH has twin sisters but I have zero interest in asking either one of them.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

For me it was about my ideals being passed onto my child. I wanted her to have people in her life who she could 'name' as god parents that I would feel proud of, that would represent things I believe in and people she could/can turn to for advice or guidance in anything in life and that I felt comfortable trusting them with that role.


So I have total strangers!

They are my husband's STEPfather's sister and her husband.

I am agnostic/non practicing christian type. Husband is ex christian non practicing at all type.

They are Jewish

They are extremely supportative, very kind, wise and open minded. They do not have barriers that I find others had. They have no set opinion about AJ, they feel she'll grow into her own person. They understand and altho may not agree with us, they do have lively discussions and talk things through with us. They are religiously devout to their religion but open and accepting of other religions.

I wish they were my biological uncle and aunt. For that, they are my child's god parents.

Did I hurt other people's feelings? I dunno. I dont care. If those other people actually knew me, loved me and loved my child then they'd be happy for her and us. And they are. Sure some were disappointed but none could really fault our decision if nothing more than because it is afterall OUR decision. That being said, we won't be disappionted if we're not chosen and we would respect anyone's decisions.

We still believe God parents to be an important role and not just honorary. It should be taken seriously and it should not be considered a snub if not chosen.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

For us it is just ceremonial. With #1, it was easy. #2 was also pretty easy. #3 is going to be the hard one without repeating people, which I think we will.

For me, godparents are adults we think would be a positive influence in our kids lives, not based on religios believes. Plus, we choose people that might not necessarily have an everyday role in our kids lives, but have a great influence in our lives, such as my best friend who introduced by DH and I.

The thought of whose feelings get hurt does not even play a role in our decision, since its not a popularity contest, IMHO. Although it has gone unspoken, I KNOW that my SIL (DH sister) cannot handle the fact that she has not been chosen as godmother for either of our kids. In fact, she left our DD's Christining claiming not feeling well, but the truth was she couldn't handle it because she EXPECTED it. And she will not be chosen for #3 either.

We choose people who live their lives the same way we do and would raise our kids in the same manner we would if asked to be a guardian. I refuse to appoint a sibling simply because they are a sibling.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

Godparents for us were a no-brainer really so I'm sure that won't help you. We did not chose a married couple for either child.

For Jack - his godfather is DH's younger brother, and his godmother is my cousin. I am one of her child's godmothers. We were each others Maid of Honors. So it was easy.

For Tyler - his godfather is DH's older brother and my cousin's wife who I am very close with. This was also another no brainer for me.

In case god forbid something happens to us the boys will go to my parents. If god forbid something were to happen to us and them the boys will be going to my cousin and his wife (Tyler's godmother) This was also pretty easy for us. We like their parenting style and trust them beyond belief.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

With Robbie.. I cried more times than I can count. The godfather was easy.. Rob didn't want his brothers, my brother lives oos and my guy best friend since birth is like a brother and is also my husband's best friend. Easy.

Godmother? I wanted my baby sister. She wasn't baptized as a Catholic (LONG STORY) and actually went through adult Catholic education so she could be baptized, communed and confirmed before my son was born. THAT's Commitment! But.. Rob also wanted to include his sister and he NEVER asks for anything. So we had 2 godmothers. It wasn't ideal but it seemed to please them both. I still hate it though.

For #2 we just decided to screw all feelings. I know my older sister expected to be asked and hinted about it. Rob's younger sister also asked and hinted. I chose my best female friend since childhood and her husband.

I wanted people who would BE INVOLVED with my kids on more than just religious rites and the random birthday. I wanted someone who loved them and was committed to really caring for who they were and how they were growing and the people they were becoming.

I am happy with my choices. My kids see their godparents frequently and feel special in their presence. That's what it's about. Yeah.. some people were insulted and hurt.. but I made the best choice for my boys and that's all that matters to me.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

It was hard because I am the oldest of 5, yet when DS was born I didn't feel they were old enough to appreciate the title of godparent. We also wanted one person from each side.
So with #1 we choose my cousin as the godfather and DH's sister as the godmother. Both great choices in my eyes, except my cousin has since moved out of the country and I only see him once a year and for a few hours
For #2 was difficult for me because I needed to choose between 2 of my brothers and I went with the older one (he was 21 at the time). My SIL is his godmother and that was an easy choice. I wasn't ready to pick my sister because I still felt she was young (she was 17 then).

When we have #3 it will be my sister for my side and a friend we have become very close to over the last 8 years or DH's brother. I know my brother is going to be upset, but if I choose a guy from my side I don't have anyone as a godmother to choose.

We still have not chosen custodians for the children so it could be one of their godparents.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

we didn't, we did not have a baptism. If we did, honestly I don't know who would get DS, I haven't given that much thought. Maybe we should think of the what ifs?

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

we chose my sister and his brother.

I have huge regrets about choosing my bil. There have been times when he should have been there, but was working. Which I understand, but he would take off for a mets game or a concert. So that is what bugs me.

For this one, we haven't even talked about it yet.

I would like my bil's gf. We are very close and she loves my DD like it's her own.

I think we will go with my other bil for the godfather, but again, I don't think he will be there when he should be.

However, neither are the legal guardians of DD. We have yet to do that. I would think to my parents or my IL's, should something happen to us.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

Meant to edit initial post and keep screwing it up..

Anyway.. if Rob and I are incapable of raising our children their legal guardians will be my best friend and her husband. They do happen to be Noah's godparents - but that's not why we chose them as custodial guardians. Those - to us - are two completely seperate issues.

Godparent is a spiritual role and we wanted someone who could help them grow in their faith and walk them through our beliefs if needed. We wanted Godparents whose belief system was closely aligned with our own.

For custodial guardian we wanted someone who was young enough that they would have a good chance of being around for our kids should something happen to us - someone with the energy to look after them. We preferred someone whose idealogy about parenting closely matched our own, who had maturity to take on the responsibility of 2 children and who was financially capable of bearing the burden of 2 additional mouths to feed. Most important - we needed someone who loved them.

Message edited 1/4/2010 5:20:06 PM.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

It was a hard decision ~ At first we were going to do family ~ My hubbie wanted his brother (but I have 4 brothers how do we choose) Then we ultimately said if we have my dh's brother he is not around much ~ we wanted our son's godparents to be in his life ~ so we chose my hubbies BFF (since childhood) and I am close with his wife (she is like a surrogate sister in law) as my son's godparents. I am sure some feelings were hurt but it was the best decision for our son.

Message edited 1/4/2010 5:17:05 PM.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

for us, it isn't "largely ceremonial" so we chose the two people in our family that had the most faith and involvement in the Church. It also was very important to me that it be family since, in all honesty, you never know what could happen with friends or in-laws.
so, we chose my brother and one of DH's sisters.

ETA:DS's guardian's are not his Godparents. We chose his guardian based on the couple that had the closest views to ours on child-rearing. Which ended up being one of my sisters and her husband.

Message edited 1/4/2010 5:43:54 PM.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

when I said largely ceremonial, I meant that nowadays, the godparent is not automatically the custodial parent so legally they dont' have any additional responsibility...not that being a God parent doesn't mean anything or is just an empty title. sorry for the confusion.

thanks for the input.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

DS # 1 was close friends
DS# 2 was my husbands sister and my husbands best friend
DD was my sister and husband

As far as guardians should something happen to me and DH, my best friend from childhood and her husband get custody of all of my children.

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

we chose dh's brother as godfather.

for the godmother i didnt chose my sister(caused ruckass in my family) but she doesnt go to church, says the priests are corrupt- and i just couldnt do it... so I ended up picking dh's aunt. I did have an aunt, but when i thought about it.........

a godparent whether they go to church for the holidays, or every week, is someone that should be able to guide the child. when it came down to it, dh's aunt was always there for us, took an interest in my pregnancy, and from knowing 2 of her godchildren- she did special things with them to let them know she cared, it wasnt" just a title" to her. So with that, i decided to go against the grain and do what was best for my son, so that years down the road he doesnt say to me "why did you pick them"

Re: UGH...how did you choose God parents?

Godparents were one from each side of the family.
Neither will get custody of our son should something happen.

This time around I may choose both b/c my husband doesnt know who to choose.