MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

Ok so long story that I will try to make short. We told our families yesterday that we were pregnant. We ended up exchanging with DH's family today. DH's mom knew we wanted a very nice high tech camera (since we were trying to get PG). DH and I have been researching cameras and had our heart set on the Nikon D5000 (about $700). We figured now that we are pregnant...we would just splurge and buy it and put money my family gave us toward it ($500). So.....we open gifts with DH's family. Suddenly my MIL gets out her video camera and has the entire family focus on us. Since she just found out I was PG I figured she did something sentimental or was handing down something of DH's to us. I WAS WRONG! She handed us a 3 year used digital camera that she bought off a friend for $200 because they had purchased a newer camera. Now....I am not ungrateful. The gesture was nice! However, it put DH and I in such a strange position. It was so awkward because obviously DH and I wanted this new camera for our baby and to have for our family for years to come. I have a digital camera that is a few years old (hence wanting a "new" one). I did not in any way expect my MIL to BUY us the camera we wanted. However, I felt it was just such an uncomfortable situation!!!! Please keep in mind that my MIL is very well off and although I didn't expect her to buy us a new $700 camera, I also took a little offense to getting a 3 year old hand me down. My DH ended up nicely pulling her aside later and saying that we appreciated her gesture but we already had our heart set on one (she hadn't yet paid her friend for the camera bc she wanted to make sure we wanted it). So now I feel totally awkward and I just don't even know what to think about this situation. I don't know if I should be offended by the gift but I am. Should I be? Does anyone else thing this situation is just awkward??? I feel like she should have called DH and asked him about it. DH says she wanted this big surprise. When all was said and done she tried slipping DH $250 in his pocket in "place" of the camera so we can put it towards the one we want. I know her heart was in the right place but again.....an awkward situation made more awkward!!!!!

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

That is weird that she would make a big deal out of a used camera, but I think her heart was in the right place-just odd though! I would thank her and just get the camera you want.

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

I KNOW! She even video taped the whole thing and made everyone watch! So uncomfortable....

Thanks for the advice

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

Aww, she tried to do something she thought was nice, and probably trusted her friend that it was a great camera. She doesn't sound like she did it maliciously, your DH handled it well, and she seems to have taken it well. I really, honestly wouldn't be offended, upset or feel awkward. I would just take it for what it was, a kind gesture. She obviously just doesn't know much about technology The fact that she held off paying her friend to see if you wanted it, tells me she's probably ok with the fact that you don't want it.

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

((non pg crasher here)) honestly, it's a little odd but I'd say definitely not somehting to be offended by. As Michelle said, I really think her heart was in the right place; I just think sometimes our parents don't really "get" cutting edge technology, so to her a camera that's 3yrs old probably seemed like a great deal, especially if the friend selling it is a real photography enthusiast. That was sweet that she tried to give DH some cash toward your purchase too; so I really think she tried to surprise you guys. It flopped, but not for a lack of trying or any malice on her part, KWIM?

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

I think its weird to give a used gift and make a big edal out of it but at the same time maybe the friend mislead her...Im kind of lost about how this could be a big surprise if it was used

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

I think maybe her heart was in the right place, but maybe somewhere some place some signals got crossed, you know?

I mean, she didn't cheap out on you, since she gave your DH cash, so I think that maybe there was a misunderstanding

BTW, there's nothing wrong with gentlely used gifts, my MIL got me a used Kindle off Ebay and I love it

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

I would let it go and move on. It does seem like her heart was in the right place and like she probably didn't know a 3-year old digital camera might not be so great and she did try to make nice with the cash - I would just say thank you and let it go. It was awkward, but dwelling on it will only add to the awkwardness and it doesn't seem malicious or intentional.

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

I think she will understand, especially since she didn't pay for it b/c she wanted to know if you like it first. I would call her and tell her again how much you appreciate it but have you heart set on the new camera. Good luck!

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

Thanks guys! DH and I are going to go get the new camera today. When I see her tomorrow, I will just thank her for helping us get the new one and leave it at that. I know she had good intentions...just an awkward situation. I am not against used things...I just think tech things get so much better year after year. This was one thing we didn't want to sacrifice quality for price on since we will have it for so long. Her heart was in the right place...just an uncomfortable situation lol. Oh well!!!! Thanks again for the input!

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

Personally, I would have tried to gracefully accepted her gift. If I really wanted the other camera I would have bought it for myself in addition... I just think that no matter what she says she is still probably somewhat hurt and to me that's just not worth it when she was obviously trying to do something nice- especially when there are so many mils from he11 out there...

Maybe it's just me but I feel a little too old and settled into my adult life to feel really comfortable asking for specific expensive gifts from our parents... If anything, in my family, we take this time to chip in and buy our parents nice gifts now, kind of as a way to say thanks for all the years. I'm not saying that we don't accept anything from our parents b/c they insist on paying for certain things- like showers, etc.- but imo that's different from Xmas in many ways.

I'm not trying to flame you- I just disagree.

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

Ok you must not have read my post correctly.....we did not ASK anyone for the camera. The camera is $800 and we in no way would expect ANYONE to buy us such an expensive gift. DH and I were planning on purchasing one for ourselves and figured if we got any gift cards/money from Christmas that we would put it towards the camera. DH's mom just knew that we were researching cameras and decided to do this. I would never have accepted this gift from her and then purchase another camera. If I accepted the camera, just to buy a new one, she would have wasted $200 and I feel that is even worse (she hadn't paid for the camera yet). Not only that, but we see her very often and i'm sure she or my SIL would have picked up on the fact that we were using a different camera and not the camera she gave us. I know you weren't trying to flame me but please understand that we never ASKED for a camera and never expected anyone to spend that sort of money on us. That is why we had our heart set on one in particular that we have been saving for. The dilemma was that I did not want to offend her by declining the gift but I also didn't want her to waste $200 for the camera to collect dust.

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

To clarify, I guess the off-putting part to me is where you are "offended" at the $200 gift b/c ur mil is "well-off".

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

I have to agree that it's more than strange to make a big deal out of that gift, BUT after reading the whole story, it sounds like she definitely meant well.

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

I was slightly offended....I knew I shouldn't have been. It wasn't the AMOUNT of money that she spent....it was more because she put us in a pretty awkward position (obviously she didn't mean to). I would have been happier with a sentimental gift that cost nothing at all. I was actually expecting her to give us something of DH's from when he was a baby. I would have been happier with that. Yes they are well off, so although I wasn't expecting or even anticipating a camera, I was a little put off....not at the amount that was spent (I could careless how much she spends) more because she gave DH a *hand me down* when something sentimental would have been much more meaningful. I guess I was disappointed because she made such a huge deal and took out the video camera so I was really expecting something sentimental (we had just told them we were PG they day before).

Message edited 12/27/2009 7:37:50 PM.

Re: MIL Issue...Opinion Needed

I don't think its really something to be offended about. Her heart was in the right place. It is sort of strange for her to video tape giving you a used camera but I doubt she meant any harm by it.