I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

She's just out of control - I haven't posted any funny stories lately because most days are such a struggle lately.

The moment she gets home from school, it starts - the whining, the crying, the screaming, the tantruming. And EVERYTHING is a battle - from putting on her clothes, to going potty, brushing her teeth, etc.

Last night we had a huge blowout because she refused to eat dinner, and as I was changing Yael and DH was cleaning the dishes, she stole some pretzels from the cabinet. I asked her if she asked DH, and she said she did and he said she could. Of course, she was lying, and I caught her, and she started screaming, crying, etc., so I just threw off her clothes, threw on her PJ's and put her into bed. She cried for a good 45 minutes until she fell asleep.

I've tried EVERYTHING. I get on her level, look her in the eye, give her choices, explain that her behavior is unacceptable, timeouts, reward charts, taking away toys, no TV, no computer time, etc, and NOTHING is working. She is a perfect angel at school and when we are out, and the feedback I get from her teachers is absolutely phenomenal - but at home, she's an explosion and I just don't know how to handle it anymore.

Is this typical 4 year old behavior, or is this becaue of her baby sister? I'll add, she has NEVER shown any jealousy against Yael, and loves her to death. And I really do make a distinct effort to spend one-on-one time with her everyday - in fact, since I've had Yael, I spend double the amount of time with Alex now that I'm home. And I take her out of school at least one day a week to have a fun day with her. So it's not like she isn't getting my attention. If anything, she's getting MORE attention these days!

So what's going on with my monkey? Will I ever have my little buddy again? Any advice???

Message edited 12/2/2009 8:59:04 AM.

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

My son is 3 1/2 and I am experiencing the same behavior. Nothing seems to be working. I heard its a stage! No advice, but sending hugs and you are not alone.

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

I think its normal. I'm starting to see stuff like this with Genevieve. I'm hoping it doesnt get any worse, because when she has a bad day, I feel ready to run away sometimes.

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

I have no advice since I have a while before I start experiencing that...

But, I do remember when my sister was born (I was a bit older, 6), and while I loved her to death, I remember going through a phase of being the way Alex was. I don't really remember what my parents did about it though.

Is there anything going on at school that might be upsetting her?

Can you have a Mommy/Alex day out, just the two of you? Maybe do something every Saturday or Sunday for a couple of hours without Yael?

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

It is just a stage, my older DD went through this and now my 4 year old DD is doing the same thing! Don't worry within a few months it will go away.

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

I can't really offer advice because I only have a 1 yr old, but it sounds like you are doing everything right and that she can control herself when she wants to, so she is overall a good kid. From what you've written, I'd say it may be a phase and she is testing boundaries at home--i have no idea why. Maybe just keep doing what you're doing and hang in there until it passes.

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

This is how DS is except he isn't 4 for another 4 months .
He is great in school and great when it is one on one with one of us or my DH has all the kids. When I am alone with both of them or the 4 of us are together that is a different story. He does have his good days and his bad days.

I have noticed that if I am doing something other than cleaning he behaves and plays nicely with DD. So I can be cooking or like this morning I am making our holiday card and they are fine. The minute I get up and do something that is when the annoyance starts. He does behave like that out too. It isn't all the time but a lot of the times.

I really don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I just keep hoping this phase goes away, and fast.

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

if i had to guess, i would guess it's baby sis who is throwing her off. i'm experiencing ups and downs over here as well, currently we're in an up <knocks on wood> - my DD's are 3 1/2 and 1...

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

what you are describing sounds exaclty like how miki is acting *(she has been better lately) but I feel it is 100% due to the new baby

like alex, miki loves her brother and is very gentle and sweet with him but she is acting out in other ways

I also make sure to spend quality time with just her but I have been more strict with her and it seems to be helping...my kid is the type that NEEDS discipline

Message edited 12/2/2009 10:04:13 AM.

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

I can totally relate, my DD is almost 5 and has been like this for a while. She is perfect at school and in public but at home she is a beyond difficult to deal with. It is truly exhausting to deal with day after day, it begins when she wakes up and has issues with her clothes, her socks her shoes her hair, EVERYTHING! and always continues in the afternoon with problems about what she wants to eat, bath time, brush teeth ect....

I wish I had an answer, we try to be consistent with time outs and discipline but it is tough. For us we know that part of the underlying issue is constant jealousy and competition with DD#2 who is 2yo. I am hoping it is just a long phase......

Good Luck

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

This is EXACTLY how Damien acted after I had Jaidyn. It was so frustrating but it did get better. He still acts out when it comes to her but I chalk it up to sibling rivalry. My Mom tells me all the time (she gets him off the bus after school) that he is so good and as soon as I pull up in the driveway with Jaidy he starts acting out. He will do the same thing when I work from home and Jaidy went to day care (we get 2 hours alone before she comes home those days). I would just keep doing what your doing. I was always thankful that he was good in school so try and focus on that until it calms down.

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

Wow...sounds alot like my house at night!!!!

I think part of it, is the age...But I also thing another big part is the sibling...

Rj is so well behaved at school...or when him and I are together 1 on 1...When we are in "his" world...

I will say in the past month I have seen a SLIGHT improvement... ESPECIALLY since Brayden is older and responds to him...they can play together; and Rj really enjoys that...

Rj loves to help...so I have given him jobs to do... I explained that I work, take care of the house, cook dinner, and play with him and his brother and I need help... So he makes his bed..sets the table, helps make the bottles... he enjoys it...it IS helpful and it keeps him busy and out of trouble...

I also ask him to "babysit" when I run to stir something on the stove... (Im talking MAYBE 1 min and brayden is in his excersaucer or something...) Again... it gives him a "JOB"- so he feells included and it keeps him busy...

For us EARLY BEDTIME and a NAP are a MUST... if those 2 things dont happen... nothing I do works...

Lastly, someone I met the other day was talking about discipline methods...and how young children need VISUALS to understand their behavior... she said with her kids she made "mad marks"... if they did something wrong, she'd take out a pencil and paper and draw/scribble and say this is how upset what you did made me.... they could see it, and therefore they could understand it... I havent tried it... but I plan to...

I notice with Rj.... when I say "look at me" and Im physically upset in my face...he responds so much better then when I yell or give a time out... so Im thinking the mad mark thing might work...

Hope this helps!!!

Re: I need help. I can't handle Alex anymore!

Nate is the same way...I find myself getting so annoyed with him that I just walk away from him and go in another room. I guess it is a stage like everyone is saying, but now Jayden is starting to pick up some of Nate's bad habits.

I really like Marissa's suggestions, we may have to do to visual chart.