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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by MommyAgain
i think everyone seems to be forgetting that baptisms arent about parties and eating really...the most important part of your trip is to have your baby brought into your faith..you dont HAVE to have a party AT ALL..if my situation was bad enough that i was stressing like you seem to be, and i had to pay all that money to fly in so my inlaws and such could see their granddaughter be baptized, id either fore-go the party all together, or id just have grandparents and Godparents over for coffee and cake that evening at your in laws..
please dont let anyone make you feel bad about this..look at this economy!!
what youre doing for your dd is a beautiful thing, and it shouldnt be a day that stresses or puts you out in any way..if you feel compelled to, maybe a small gift or a written card to tell your chosen godparents that youre thankful would definately be appropraite imho..if theyre your family, and close enough to you to be your dd's godparents, im sure theyll understand!!
good luck!!
 No one is saying she has to have a party at all. She asked if it would be rude to have people pay for themselves
I agree with you that it shouldn't stress the OP out, but I *do* think it would be uncouth to have people pay for themselves at a party.
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Posted 2/18/09 7:22 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Violet
content
Member since 7/06 1860 total posts
Name:
Mama :)
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
I personally wouldn't mind, and understand that this is a rough time for some people. But I can totally see why people would be put off.
I agree with pp to have cake and coffee at a relatives house. Keep it small is the way to go IMO.
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| Posted 2/18/09 7:55 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by MommyAgain
i think everyone seems to be forgetting that baptisms arent about parties and eating really...the most important part of your trip is to have your baby brought into your faith..you dont HAVE to have a party AT ALL..if my situation was bad enough that i was stressing like you seem to be, and i had to pay all that money to fly in so my inlaws and such could see their granddaughter be baptized, id either fore-go the party all together, or id just have grandparents and Godparents over for coffee and cake that evening at your in laws..
please dont let anyone make you feel bad about this..look at this economy!!
what youre doing for your dd is a beautiful thing, and it shouldnt be a day that stresses or puts you out in any way..if you feel compelled to, maybe a small gift or a written card to tell your chosen godparents that youre thankful would definately be appropraite imho..if theyre your family, and close enough to you to be your dd's godparents, im sure theyll understand!!
good luck!!
ITA with this!!
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| Posted 2/18/09 8:01 PM |
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GreenGirl05
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/06 834 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Unfortunately, many people do not even go to the church part! I just went to a Baptism and there were only a handful of people there....then everyone showed up for the party!
Having people pay for themselves is a rough situation...esp. in this economy!!! Just make it immediate fam!! 
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| Posted 2/18/09 8:07 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
I would not do that. If you want to have something, invite them to cake and cookies at home...someones home. That should not be too expensive. Or just have your close family too dinner at a relatively cheap place.
If not you could just have the baptism and no party.
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| Posted 2/18/09 8:15 PM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by mcl916
Why don't you just keep it small? I had DS's Baptism over the weekend and had maybe 15-20 close friends and immediate family. We had everyone back to our house for sandwiches/salads and I made cupcakes. We spent no more then $150 on everything and I loved that it was just the people we are closest to. So much less stressful and I really was able to enjoy his day.
To answer the actual question, yes I think it would be rude to expect guests to pay their own way as most people will give a gift.
i agree. keep it small or just have coffee and cake. i think it would be very rude to ask people to pay their own way at a party.
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| Posted 2/18/09 8:22 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
It would be rude. You can't invite people to a party and then tell them they have to pay...that's not a party.
If you don't have the money for a party, then just have the baptism. Invite family and friends to the church and explain there will be no party afterward. If people don't show to the church, they miss the event.
I'm sure people will understand why you can't afford any more than that.
If someone told me that they were having a party and we had to pay to go, I probably wouldn't go, personally.
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| Posted 2/18/09 8:27 PM |
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trnity44
I hope you stay beautiful baby
Member since 5/05 8356 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Oooh- this is a toughie.
What about having a brunch/lunch type thing at someone's house afterwards? We did this for DD's baptism, and it was literally the easiest and cheapest party I've ever thrown, and no one would have ever known! We did scrambled eggs, bagels, and some cut up fruit. We ordered out the cake, but to cut cost, you could make that yourself.
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| Posted 2/18/09 8:28 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by ddunne2
I would have cake and coffee at a family members house after church.
I like the idea of this as well
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| Posted 2/18/09 8:32 PM |
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nrvbrd
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 796 total posts
Name:
Kysha
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by Bops
Posted by ddunne2
I would have cake and coffee at a family members house after church.
I like the idea of this as well
This is probably your best option. People may be put off having to pay their own way. I know I would be taken aback.
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| Posted 2/18/09 8:35 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by MommyAgain
i think everyone seems to be forgetting that baptisms arent about parties and eating really...the most important part of your trip is to have your baby brought into your faith..you dont HAVE to have a party AT ALL..if my situation was bad enough that i was stressing like you seem to be, and i had to pay all that money to fly in so my inlaws and such could see their granddaughter be baptized, id either fore-go the party all together, or id just have grandparents and Godparents over for coffee and cake that evening at your in laws..
please dont let anyone make you feel bad about this..look at this economy!!
what youre doing for your dd is a beautiful thing, and it shouldnt be a day that stresses or puts you out in any way..if you feel compelled to, maybe a small gift or a written card to tell your chosen godparents that youre thankful would definately be appropraite imho..if theyre your family, and close enough to you to be your dd's godparents, im sure theyll understand!!
good luck!!
No one is saying she has to have a party at all. She asked if it would be rude to have people pay for themselves
I agree with you that it shouldn't stress the OP out, but I *do* think it would be uncouth to have people pay for themselves at a party.
ita, definately uncouth, but i was just meaning to say, that alot of people seem to be posting other ideas about parties, and/or just taking a few people to dinner, and it seems like the OP made it clear that it isnt really an option for them right now, so i was just suggesting she put the focus of what the day is really about back into perspective...i think it would be much less frowned upon to NOT have a party, then to have one, and have people pay for themselves.
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| Posted 2/19/09 8:30 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by KateDevine
Yes. And I think it would create an awkward situation.
Agreed.
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| Posted 2/19/09 8:31 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
I think people could understand that there is no party afterwards because of the $$ but not that they have to pay for it if you have one.
As an alternative, if someone offers their house, just get a cake at BJs (they are yummy!) and just have cake to celebrate.
Message edited 2/19/2009 8:35:37 AM.
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| Posted 2/19/09 8:33 AM |
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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
I wouldn't think its rude per say, but it will definitely create an awkward situation. If I didn't have the money, I would ask a family member to host something at their home & have cake & coffee only.
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| Posted 2/19/09 8:36 AM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by KateDevine
Yes. And I think it would create an awkward situation.
yes, I wouldn't do that. Instead, could you do a continental style brunch (ie bagels, pastries, etc) at your family's house in NY and invite everyone after the cermony?
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| Posted 2/19/09 8:41 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
I think Baptisms can get blown out of proportion.
Though I wouldn't mind being invited to an event where I would pay my own way, I can see how it could be awkward for others. Of course, if it is fairly common in your circle, then I see no big deal.
Will your parents/in laws/family let you use their house to host a small gathering? I like the idea of keeping it small-just you guys, grandparents and god parents at the event and then back to someone's house for cake and coffee or a brunch or a few trays of home made ziti and lasagna.
Whatever you decide just know It doesn't have to be big and expensive to be special
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| Posted 2/19/09 8:49 AM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Yes, I think it would be rude. What about just having coffee and cake afterwards? Otherwise, just don't have anything afterwards.
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| Posted 2/19/09 8:56 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Yes, rude.
We were in same position of not knowing where to baptize baby.
I really would have loved to go to NY...but I felt like I would be showing up for gifts...everyone was already so generous with baby shower and sending gifts to hospital.
So, I would definitely not go up there and make people pay for their meal.
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| Posted 2/19/09 8:59 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by GreenGirl05
Unfortunately, many people do not even go to the church part! I just went to a Baptism and there were only a handful of people there....then everyone showed up for the party!
This is tough to judge. At my DS's baptism, almost everyone came to the church and then to the party afterwards. I agree with the other posters that said if you can't afford a party, just invite the immediate family to the church.
It isn't necessary to have a party if you can't do it right now. You'll have plenty of other things to celebrate in the future in a bigger way if you want to.
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| Posted 2/19/09 9:23 AM |
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MrsFlatbread
Skinny jeans are in my future
Member since 6/06 10258 total posts
Name:
Baby Momma
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by ddunne2
I would have cake and coffee at a family members house after church.
exactly
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| Posted 2/19/09 9:25 AM |
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nylisa
My Children
Member since 5/05 7905 total posts
Name:
MaMa
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by ddunne2
I would have cake and coffee at a family members house after church.
That is what I was going to suggest.
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| Posted 2/19/09 9:26 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
I would not go to a brunch/lunch and have everyone pay. Cake and coffee at a house like someone suggested would be nice
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| Posted 2/19/09 9:53 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
I would either
(a) only invite those I could afford to treat to a luncheon afterwards
(b) invite more & ask the church if they rent out a room for a coffee/cake reception afterwards & state that on the invitation (Please join us afterwards for coffee & cake...)
(c) host it at someone's house & opt for a easy to make, not expensive dishes.
(d) baptize her in her new home state, avoid the expense of the trip to NY & have coffee & cake at my house.
I couldn't ask people to pay for it themselves. I understand you want her baptized in your church you were married & your hearts are in NY but D is the least expensive.
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| Posted 2/19/09 10:03 AM |
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gpsyeyes
She's my world!!!
Member since 8/06 1184 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Posted by ddunne2
I would have cake and coffee at a family members house after church.
I would do the same. It is very acceptable to do this & many times, much nicer and "warmer" than a big party.
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| Posted 2/19/09 10:20 AM |
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MrsRivera
2 under 2...whew!!
Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Would this be rude? Baptism question...
Ok...I've decided not to do anything after the baptism. The whole reason we're having it in NY is so that our many friends and family can be there and finally meet the baby. But as I said, we really don't have any play as far as $ is concerned. We're actually wondering which bills are not going to get paid this month.
I know some of you might say "Well then why are you flying to NY in the first place?". We moved to NC so that we could afford to buy a house, but it still hurts to be away from the people that we love so much. It's very important to us that they be there for this special moment, as well as have some time to get to know DD.
Thanks everyone for your input.
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| Posted 2/19/09 10:31 AM |
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