Need advice... kinda quick UPDATED 12/20

I have a car pool going with my friend. I pick up her ds in the moring and ake him to school and she picks up my ds in the afternoons and brings him home. My friends mom in having health problems. Anyway, Tuesday (the day it snowed) she didn't pick up my ds from school. We live pretty close so he walked home. I left her alone, but the ext day she called me and asked if i could pick up her ds after school and bring her home with me, so i said okay but i asked her what happened Tuesday, she said "It was totally my fault, i had my kids picked up early because of mother being in hospital, and I forgot all about your dc" so I said okay.... I mean really everyone makes mistakes... whatever. But TODAY she did it again, and this time the school would not let my ds walk home (and thats fine i wouldn't want him to) but at 3:30 school starts calling me... and they were mad... and I felt really stupid... to top it off i didn't even have a car because dh took it with him. (a mother at the school took him home for me thanks goodness)Anyway, I am really upset right now. It turns out my friend picked up her kids from school early today, I understand she is stressed, but she cannot call me and let me know this? Would you say anything to her? I mean, I cannot imagine leaving her kid stranded at school no matter what.... how do i approach this? I have been holding off calling because I am so mad... am I over reacting? Any advice wou;d be great! Thanks!

uPDATE: I called her... I will try to make this short. Basically, I said "What happened?" and she said "oh I am sorry I forgot bla bla bla" so I said, "I would just appreciate a phone call as it has been 2x this week" and she kinda flipped out saying things like "I cannot belive you would throw that in my face" and I had a snippy attiutide. and when I asked her if she would be mad if i forgot her ds at school she said "I'm not going to lie, yes, but I don't know why you have to keep saying 2x" and then she said "did your ds tell you he saw me in school picking up my ds? maybe he should have told you that!!! Didn't it click in his head??" and I said to her "he's 10" later I thought about it and realized that she should have saw my ds and it should have reminded her to call me. Anyway, she was screaming and kept saying thing like "I would never talk to you like this, you keep bringing up that it was 2x, why are you throwing this in my face" Honestly, I didn't start yelling or anything until she started yelling at me. Then she says "So what do you want me to say?" Mind you the whole time she is screaming at me. So I saw, "well I just feel that this is irresopnsible and..." and she cuts me off and says "so what? you don't want to carpool anymore? (she is FUMING) FINE!! I was a good friend to you you were a good friend tome, but whatever!! I cannot belive you would say this to me! Take care of you kid and I'll take care of mine" and she hung up.... so BASICALLY, she got really mad at me because i said something about forgetting my kid at school TWICE.... and what really made he mad was that I said brought up Tuesday..... this sounds crazy, no?

Message edited 12/20/2008 1:34:00 PM.

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

Yes I would say something to her. I realize she's stressed but this has already happened a few times.

Frankly, forgetting someone else's kid is completely unacceptable. How do you forget you pick a kid up every day with your kids?

I would talk to another mom about making arrangements for pickups/drop offs (if you can't do both) and then ask that mom if she would want to set something up for the friend that is having a hard time for the time being.

If you don't want to do that, I would tell her that you've made other arrangements because you cannot have your child..um..left behind. No child left behind??? how did that come up...ok, you get it.

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

I would be furious too-- I'm sure she's got a lot of things on her mind, but she remembers to pick up her OWN kids-- totally inexcusable to me, IMO, to forget your child even once, not to mention twice. I would most definitely say something to her!

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

I would be very upset and angry and I would let her know it.

I would also look for a new carpool, and would not count on her anymore.

Once is a mistake -- twice, nope sorry....how could she just leave your child there??

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

I would be mad too. She really could of took 2 seconds to call you and let you know. You are not overreacting.

Message edited 12/19/2008 4:10:01 PM.

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

I would be pi$$ed!!! Even though she has other things on her mind, that gives her no rights to leave your kid stranded. I would definitely say something to her and try and arrange a carpool with another parent.

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

I would be FURIOUS!!! God Forbid something happened, she would be responsible. I would be livid and she would really hear it from me. Just because she is stressed doesnt' make it OK to leave your DC in the lurch.

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

okay ladies, thanks i am going to call now!!!

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

Yes I would talk to her.. Yeah shes dealing with personal stuff.. but you guys made arrangements with your dc.. She can easily give you a call and let you know whats going on.. so you can make other arrangements regarding your DS

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

Re: Need advice... kinda quick

I agree with everyone elses post, its almost like putting your child in danger

Re: Need advice... kinda quick UPDATED 12/20

bump for update for anyone interested

Re: Need advice... kinda quick UPDATED 12/20

she's obviously stressed out.. and super defensive... but she's simultaneously very inconsiderate. at least she admitted that she would be mad too if the tables were turned.

I personally couldn't trust her with carpooling anymore. she doesn't care for the welfare of your kid as you do for hers

Re: Need advice... kinda quick UPDATED 12/20

wow! she really does have a lot of nerve

Re: Need advice... kinda quick UPDATED 12/20

Wow! Don't carpool with her anymore.
I don't think I would trust someone like that.

Re: Need advice... kinda quick UPDATED 12/20

You were not in the wrong for calling her out or for being mad. What if something had happend to your child while he was walking home?

Regardless of her situation, if she agrees to pick up your son, that makes him HER son from the moment school lets out until he his dropped off at your house.

I'd leave her alone for awhile- I'm sure if she has half a brain she'll realize how out of line she was and call you once her situation calms down.

Re: Need advice... kinda quick UPDATED 12/20

Wow she got that mad b/c you confronted her on a concern you had about an arrangement you guys made about dc that she didnt keep?? She did forget your child 2x.. so why wouldnt you bring that up to her. Your ds is your life and you want to make sure hes safe at all times and this means knowing shes going to remember to pick him up.. once you make an agreement like that, then your friends child should be considered one of your own and should always remember that he is relying on you too... Im sorry she got pizzed at you, but you DID do the right thing by saying something to her.

Re: Need advice... kinda quick UPDATED 12/20

I would give up the carpool.

I carpool too and I need my carpool because of my work. But in those circumstances I would find another way.

On Fri my son was sent home earlier from school. My friend knew I was at work and took him home for me. We are responsible for each other's children. If it is my turn to drive I make sure I do or I let her know in advance. I trust the people I carpool with and if I didn't it would be over.