And my mom thinks she knows it all

I have a 17 year old sister and my mom swears that she knows everything. Shes a great mom but somewhat a naive mom..My sister is a homebody, is on honor roll, got a fabulous SAT score--ideal kid on fast track so my mom thinks there is no boyfriend. As her older sister I know better... so last night her phone fell open and--this cute boy is her wallpaper. I ask who is that--she says MY BOYFRIEND. They have been together for almost a year
So I have a secret from my mom. I dare not tell but at the same time I want to know this kid cause she met him on Zwinky and he goes to a rival school---My sister has been teased her whole life for being overweight and I am protective of her-

So heres the run down---A 17 year old basketball jock who doesnt care he cant see her on weekends and only content with stolen kisses afterschool when other girls are after him like crazy..I am uneasy---not because I dont think its possible for him to genuinely have interest in her but my want to protect her because these are the same type of guys that made her high school years HELL. I just dont want her to get hurt. This is her first boyfriend and I am starting to over analyze--some of the expensive gifts like ipod, sidekick etc she has been losing this year and she is usually responsible, she is more confident but its also a little too bold sometimes with amy parents, she can spend all weekend on the computer without taking a break ....I just have this feeling this kid is no good.....I may be wrong but little things that I have dismissed when lumped together are producing a red flag.

Ughhh I hate secrets.

Re: And my mom thinks she knows it all

I know its hard and normal to want to protect your sister, but shes 17 and needs to learn things on her own also.. Part of personal growth. As long as shes not in danger not much you can do. I would just be there for her if she does get her heart broken, unfortunatly it happens to all of us.

Re: And my mom thinks she knows it all

i know as her older sister your first instinct is to feel protective of her, but unless she is sneaking out of the house or getting into trouble, there really isn't anything you can do (IMO).

is this boy using her? maybe. will she get hurt? possibly - but she is 17. who hasn't gotten their heart broken at that age? it will do her good to learn on her own what love feels like - and what happens when we think we are in love but really aren't.

i would be there for her if she wants to talk, but that's it. i have two younger sisters so i have been there numerous times - it doesn't get any easier, even when they grow up

Re: And my mom thinks she knows it all

can you invite the 2 of them out to dinner under the guise of you just meeting him? you can size him up and it shouldn't be threatening to him since you're her sister, not her mother. play it off to her how excited you are, not that you are suspicious of him.

do you think he has the expensive items? i have to agree with you that it sounds fishy.

Re: And my mom thinks she knows it all

Re: And my mom thinks she knows it all

I don't even know what to say. I agree that she needs to learn for herself but sometimes there is such a thing as learning too much too fast. At 17, some people have their hearts broken but I don't know if it's healthy to get completely burned and/or used. The first time I had my heart broken, the guy was a nice, innocent guy and the heart break was more about the circumstances and our age. Not sure what you should do but I hope it works out okay.

Re: And my mom thinks she knows it all

my sister has been with a guy for almost 4 years. Total secret from almost everyone except my other sister.

I found out in year 3. It never seemed like the right time to break the news to my mother(this guy has BAGGAGE and drama)...

My mother found out in year 4. My parents flipped. Now they are coming around and he's coming to thanksgiving, its the first time they are letting him in the house.

but....when I found out about boyfriend I was VERY vocal. I always am with my sisters. They know it will never come for a spot in me other then my love for them.

IF I were in your sisterly shoes, I would explain it like this:
a guy like that is having sex.
if you are not having sex, he is having it elsewhere.
What is meant to be will be....BUT guys love girls who have self respect....make sure there is equality if you really want him to like you. IF he's not waiting around for your call, don't wait for his. Same with gifts.

I would tell her to tell your mother. Honesty is the best policy, and if this is a lasting thing, the truth will come out and she is going to hurt your mother by keeping that from her for all this time....I don't know how hurt your mother will be, but hopefully your sister will see this side of it and tell.

If your sister felt good about this boyfriend, she would probably be shouting it from the rooftops. Maybe she already knows what its about, that's why its a secret...she's just having fun.

good luck

Re: And my mom thinks she knows it all

Posted by Janice



my sister has been with a guy for almost 4 years. Total secret from almost everyone except my other sister.

I found out in year 3. It never seemed like the right time to break the news to my mother(this guy has BAGGAGE and drama)...

My mother found out in year 4. My parents flipped. Now they are coming around and he's coming to thanksgiving, its the first time they are letting him in the house.

but....when I found out about boyfriend I was VERY vocal. I always am with my sisters. They know it will never come for a spot in me other then my love for them.

IF I were in your sisterly shoes, I would explain it like this:
a guy like that is having sex.
if you are not having sex, he is having it elsewhere.
What is meant to be will be....BUT guys love girls who have self respect....make sure there is equality if you really want him to like you. IF he's not waiting around for your call, don't wait for his. Same with gifts.

I would tell her to tell your mother. Honesty is the best policy, and if this is a lasting thing, the truth will come out and she is going to hurt your mother by keeping that from her for all this time....I don't know how hurt your mother will be, but hopefully your sister will see this side of it and tell.

If your sister felt good about this boyfriend, she would probably be shouting it from the rooftops. Maybe she already knows what its about, that's why its a secret...she's just having fun.

good luck

Message edited 11/23/2008 8:58:56 AM.

Re: And my mom thinks she knows it all

This situation worries me too. I agree about inviting him to dinner so you can find out a little bit of info. I do agree with a 17-year-old figuring things out for themselves BUT...it sounds as though she may be too naive. Something doesn't sound right. I this guy isn't hurting her in any way.