BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

My MIL and FIL live OOT and want to visit me for a week - two weeks after I give birth.

DH won't be home at all during those 2 weeks (he will be away in military training) so I will be by myself with them in the house. My Mom lives nearby though so she could help me entertain them, cook for them, etc.

The thing I am most concerned with though - is that I want to breastfeed, and I am scared that I am going to be a little nervous about that as it is, and having houseguests for 2 weeks (with all of their 'insight') is only going to compound it.

There is a possibility they could stay at my Mom's but I run the risk of "offending" MIL... What do you think of this situation? Am I crazy to think I will be able to juggle IL's and a newborn by myself for 2 weeks?

Thanks in advance!!!!!!!!!

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

You should be fine. Can't you go to another room to breast feed. I am sure your in-laws would understand.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

Is your concern about them staying in your house?
I told DH very early in this pregnancy that I did not want his parents staying here after the baby is born. I would never begrudge them seeing their grandchildren, but they will have to stay in a hotel if they come down in the first few weeks. I get very stressed when people stay over our house - I feel like I constantly have to keep things clean and entertain them, and I know I do not need this extra stress after giving birth to twins, trying to recover from a c-section, and attempting to breastfeed.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I delivered my DD a little over 4 weeks ago. I could not imagine having several people as houseguests right after delivery. Since your DH will not be home, if you are very close with your mom, then I would say she would be a great help to you and she should stay at your home. You will not be in a position to cook or entertain anybody- esp if you are planning on BFing... you will be awake around the clock with your new baby.

I know how I am and there was no way that I wanted anyone around for an extended period of time- just DH. Not to mention, your hormones will be OUT OF CONTROL. You will most likely be crying much of the time [which is normal.]

Tell the ILs to stay with someone else. If they are offended- too bad! You are going to need your sanity and you will not get that by having them over 24/7. Good luck!!

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

you will not be in the right frame of mind to have houseguests. you may cry a lot, and need your privacy!!

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I haven't BTDT yet - But I have a very strong opinion on this regardless -

I think it depends on your relationship w/ your ILs - AND what kind of 'guests' they will be -

Alot of the time people don't seem to understand that the 'help a new mom needs is NOT someone to take over feeding/changing/handling the BABY - it's someone to take over cleaning, laundry, cooking for you while YOU figure out how to handle the baby -

I'd NEVER in a million years want my FIL near me ........(but I don't want him near me on an average day) HE would show up and expect to be entertained and waited on as if it were a regular visit -

My MIL would never do that - She'd come and help me whenever and whereever she could

Personally I wouldn't want either of them staying with me for a long period of time -

I'd much prefer to have MY Mom b/c I am just more comfortable w/ her (and my Dad) to flat out ask them to help me with things .......
MY Mom would come over and clean for me and cook and take care of ME, while HELPING me to learn to take care of the baby - (and I think MIL would probably do the same)

My best friend's MIL came for a week after her own Mom had to go back to Buffalo - the only 'escape' my friend got from her constant misery and aggravation was to 'hide' in the shower b/c her MIL is a prima donna who didn't lift a finger to do anything at all -

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I agree with Marissa

While I haven't BTDT... I am welcoming the fact my mother will come to stay for a week or so, and possibly my MIL AFTER my mother goes back to Florida. For me, it's more about the help around the house getting things done that I know I won't be able to do while adjusting to having a newborn in the house.

My sister had a baby last year, and did not want my mother there, etc.... but in the end, she was so happy to have the extra help. Even if it was to keep an ear out for the baby while she took a nap, or took a shower.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I know some moms loved having guests but I did not want any.

I was recovering from a c-section. Barely sleeping. Showering becomes a luxury very early on.

The last thing I want to do is have guests in my house for days.

They don't usually help out. They want to talk or be entertained. Or if they do "help" they keep asking you where to put things out while trying to help out. Where do you put your plates, what kind of detergent do you use, how much? Etc...So you don't rest.

The only way I would have guests is if they know what to do right away, don't expect you to stay up all day talking to them, let you take naps, etc....

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

my ILs live close by but i NEVER would have wanted them to stay with me after DS was born. don't get me wrong - they are great people. but i doubt i would have even wanted my own parents with me during that time.

for one thing, it was SO much easier to BF when no one was around - i could really concentrate on the baby and getting a good latch, and not worry about anyone interrupting.

i don't even BF at my mom's house anymore - no one in my family seems to understand the word privacy

for another thing, i wanted to do things MY way. while i appreciated advice when asked for, i could not stand when DS started crying and i had 10 different people telling me why they thought he was upset he's hungry, he's tired, he's gassy... um, yeah, i get it thanks. it was so much easier for me to figure things out on my own.

honestly it's a personal preference but i resented guests more than i enjoyed them in the beginning.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I agree with pps that it's a personal preference and it depends on your relationship with your ILs. I'm due on Christmas. My parents are planning on staying with us over the 4 day weekends for Christmas and New Year's. I'm glad they'll be around to help out either with the baby or with helping us unpack since we're moving soon. You should do what makes you feel comfortable.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I did not love having houseguests right after I came home with DS. That was our time to bind, IMO, and BF played a major part in that.

Just MO though. Others may not feel as strongly about it. I was made to feel like *I* was being *rude* when I left the room and closed the nursery door when DS needed to eat.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

Posted by headoverheels
for another thing, i wanted to do things MY way. while i appreciated advice when asked for, i could not stand when DS started crying and i had 10 different people telling me why they thought he was upset he's hungry, he's tired, he's gassy... um, yeah, i get it thanks. it was so much easier for me to figure things out on my own.

honestly it's a personal preference but i resented guests more than i enjoyed them in the beginning.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

i totally depends on your personality, preferences and relationship with your parents and in-laws. i personally didn't want anyone except for my side of the family around the first few days. i didn't want visitors in the hospital (other than my family), and really didn't want to have to feel like i need to "entertain" when i came home.

my in-laws came to visit for a day when we came home from the hospital. my mother took care of everything. all i had to do was take care of DD. if i had to do everything myself, i wouldn't like it - i don't have an easy going relaxed relationship with the in-laws and have to make an extra effort for visits to be tolerable.

BFing for me was simple, go into another room. i never BFed in front of people, it was something DD and i did alone...

if i were in your shoes, i would have the in-laws stay with your mom and have your mom on call if/when you need her. or just have everyone stay with you. as long as everyone gets along, i think having your mom there to help you and act as a buffer would make you less stressed...

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I haven't BTDT, but I am in a similar boat -- DH has a lot of OOT relatives, including his father, and they will prob. want to come and see us after the baby is born. That is wonderful, but I am not going to allow anyone to stay over at least for the first 3 weeks after I come home. I will be recovering, and getting used to my new lifestyle and don't need to stress about houseguests. No way.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

My MIL has told me she wants to stay with us for a few weeks after the baby is born To make matters worse, we only have one bedroom and she would be on the pull-out right outside of our bedroom door.
Dh already knows that when the time comes he will have to put his foot down and have her stay in a hotel or with his parents. I just want to have the nightimes without someone listening to DH and talk as we try to navigate our first few sleepless nights, ya know?

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I agree with everyone else-- it totally depends on your relationship.

My mom was there, at my brother's request, when my nephew was born-- their second child. My mom can be counted on to really help, take care of things around the house, look after my niece, etc.

2 weeks to "entertain" guests though-- forget about it. I personally would never agree to it.

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

I had a ton of houseguests -- which I loved - but none of them were overnight guests.

I wanted it just to be our family - so that we could figure things out on our own - but then again, I don't have family that lives OOT?

Could they maybe stay at a nearby hotel?

Re: BTDT Moms - Houseguests after baby?

definately depends on your relationship with them........

if it were me- just go to the bedroom or nursery and shut the door and feed the baby.......
my IL's would also be cleaning and cooking , so i wouldnt feel like im entertaining them.......

it all depends on your relationship and comford level...