Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I plan to pump and supplement if necessary .........but I see a lot of women say they'"feel so guilty doing this" .........

Why? - Is it just that you wanted to NURSE and it didn't work out?


I am confused about the 'guilt' - Is there a difference between the benefits fo breastmilk directly from the breast vs. from a bottle? (Sorry if that is a stupid question, but I'm really trying to figure out if i'm doing something 'wrong' so to speak)
I have no interest in nursing at all .......but I think that pumping is just as good for the baby as far as getting everything he/she will need from my breastmilk -

So, I guess my question is, why the guilty feelings ??

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I didn't plan on nursing, didn't nurse ever and didn't even get milk and I have never felt guilty at all about it.

Maybe it is something about the bonding with DC?

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I plan on doing the same thing so DH can help with feedings.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I plan on pumping and BF. Im not sure why some feel guilty about it. A friend of mine could NOT BF and was devastated. She felt she was not "bonding" with the baby. My thought is, if it doesn't work, Im not going to panic. I will use formula. Im not going to loose sleep over it.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

Not sure what you want explained. It sounds as though you have "your plan" and you are comfortable with it. Some of us have "our plan" and would be devastated if our plan doesn't work out.

I BFed DD for 11 months. I EBF her for the first 3, then started pumping so I could go back to work. By 7 months, her nightime feeding became a bottle so I could TTC #2. BFing and pumping (to ME) were totally different. The feelings I had while nursing DD felt NOTHING like giving her bottles of BM. Yes, she got the nutrients she needed, but to ME it was still a totally different experience. I

I compare it to some women who feel "let down" with an emergency c/s after planning on a totally natural childbirth. Perhaps those who are totally pro BFing and completely looking forward to the experience might have terrible feelings of disappointment and/or gulit for not getting what we "planned".

I plan on EBF #2 (if she ever decided to get here ) and would be very upset if I am unable to.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I think when you want to nurse and have that experience with your child and it doesn't work out you feel very guilty, I know I did.
My DD only nursed for a short time and I was devastated. While I was glad I was able to pump for 7 months nothing took the place of wanting to nurse her, not pump and bottle feed her. I still feel very sad about it and hope things go better this time around.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

For me, the guilt was b/c I was all gung-ho about nursing and it didn't work out for us. I did not expect that my DD would be in the NICU for 8 days, getting IV nourishment and then getting my BM from a bottle. By the time I got my DD home, she had been used to a bottle for over a week and getting her to nurse from the breast was a nightmare! I couldn't take the crying when she was hungry when all I had to do was give her a bottle to make her stop.

The guilt part was that I couldn't just stick with it and deal with her crying. Any BM is wonderful and beneficial for the baby but as we all know, "Breast is best," which is why I felt guilty. No matter how much I pump I still don't have enough BM to give my DD BM exclusively which is why I have to supplement. If I didn't have it in my head that I wanted to EBF and if I was open to formula supplementation from Day 1, I would've felt a lot better about my decision initially. Now that I have let the guilty feelings go, I am so much more at ease. Pumping is no picinic either, but I feel great about giving my baby girl my BM and will do so for as long as I can.

ETA: My guilty feelings are not due to a lack of having a bonding experience thru nursing with my daughter.

Message edited 10/27/2008 11:09:50 AM.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

i felt guilty when it wasnt working out after 2 weeks. I think i felt like i was letting myself down and that i failed, not so much having to do directly with DS.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

Posted by twinkletoes807

For me, the guilt was b/c I was all gung-ho about nursing and it didn't work out for us. I did not expect that my DD would be in the NICU for 8 days, getting IV nourishment and then getting my BM from a bottle. By the time I got my DD home, she had been used to a bottle for over a week and getting her to nurse from the breast was a nightmare! I couldn't take the crying when she was hungry when all I had to do was give her a bottle to make her stop.

The guilt part was that I couldn't just stick with it and deal with her crying. Any BM is wonderful and beneficial for the baby but as we all know, "Breast is best," which is why I felt guilty. No matter how much I pump I still don't have enough BM to give my DD BM exclusively which is why I have to supplement. If I didn't have it in my head that I wanted to EBF and if I was open to formula supplementation from Day 1, I would've felt a lot better about my decision initially. Now that I have let the guilty feelings go, I am so much more at ease. Pumping is no picinic either, but I feel great about giving my baby girl my BM and will do so for as long as I can.

ETA: My guilty feelings are not due to a lack of having a bonding experience thru nursing with my daughter.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I think that you are fine with your decision and that mostly the guilt comes when you are forced into doing something you haven't planned on. My mom was a big promoter of breast feeding even when it wasn't the thing to do. I ALWAYS wanted to breast feed and couldn't wait to do it. Then my milk came in and my supply never met my DD needs. I remember crying hysterically with my neighbor who is a lactation consultant at midnight when she told I needed to supplement, that I tried everything for two weeks and nothing was increasing my supply. I thought of formula as poison. Awful, I know.

You will be fine since you have in your head what it is you need to do. This time around, I will not be upset when I don't produce enough milk since I am prepared.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

Posted by melijane

Posted by twinkletoes807

For me, the guilt was b/c I was all gung-ho about nursing and it didn't work out for us. I did not expect that my DD would be in the NICU for 8 days, getting IV nourishment and then getting my BM from a bottle. By the time I got my DD home, she had been used to a bottle for over a week and getting her to nurse from the breast was a nightmare! I couldn't take the crying when she was hungry when all I had to do was give her a bottle to make her stop.

The guilt part was that I couldn't just stick with it and deal with her crying. Any BM is wonderful and beneficial for the baby but as we all know, "Breast is best," which is why I felt guilty. No matter how much I pump I still don't have enough BM to give my DD BM exclusively which is why I have to supplement. If I didn't have it in my head that I wanted to EBF and if I was open to formula supplementation from Day 1, I would've felt a lot better about my decision initially. Now that I have let the guilty feelings go, I am so much more at ease. Pumping is no picinic either, but I feel great about giving my baby girl my BM and will do so for as long as I can.

ETA: My guilty feelings are not due to a lack of having a bonding experience thru nursing with my daughter.

I just want to say I think the term "breast is best" actually refers to the milk-not the act of feeding. So even if you are punping your DD is still getting all the benefits of breast milk

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I may be misunderstanding you, but I think you're saying you're considering to pump only, not BF directly?

after seeing lactation consultants and reading a lot on kellymom.com, I believe you can't really sustain your milk supply in the long run by pumping only (especially after 6 weeks post-partum). Pumps don't stimulate production the way a suckling baby does.

Now that I'm nursing I can vouch for that... so I've been told working/pumping moms have to get a lot of quality 'boob time' with their babies when they return from work to maintain milk production.

maintaining milk production is like a giant science project it's so much work. I feel guilty if I'm not nursing for over 5 hours

I highly recommend eveyrone considering BF'ing /pumping to go to a lactation class before you give birth... the tips are sooo valuable.... and you only get one chance to get it right.

Message edited 10/27/2008 2:07:39 PM.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I EBF DD and even BF her until she was 13 months. Honestly I wouldn't worry about it - if it is important to you that your DC has BM and you aren't comfortable BF itself I think you should feel proud that you want to make that extra effort to give pumping a shot. I tried pumping to give DD bottles when we went out of the house b/c I wasn't comfortable BFing in public. Pumping to me was much harder than BFing itself. Don't let anyone guilt you in your decision (no matter what it is) if you feel that is the best way to feed your baby then that is what you should do.

I think some people feel that the bond is different when you Bottle feed vs BF - but honestly feeding and bonding is all about what you make it - I definitely don't believe that you have to BF or bottle feed to feel close to your child - you can snuggle and bottle feed just as much as you can snuggle and BF if that is what you choose.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

Posted by wannabemom

I may be misunderstanding you, but I think you're saying you're considering to pump only, not BF directly?

after seeing lactation consultants and reading a lot on kellymom.com, I believe you can't really sustain your milk supply in the long run by pumping only (especially after 6 weeks post-partum). Pumps don't stimulate production the way a suckling baby does.

Now that I'm nursing I can vouch for that... so I've been told working/pumping moms have to get a lot of quality 'boob time' with their babies when they return from work to maintain milk production.

maintaining milk production is like a giant science project it's so much work. I feel guilty if I'm not nursing for over 5 hours

I highly recommend eveyrone considering BF'ing /pumping to go to a lactation class before you give birth... the tips are sooo valuable.... and you only get one chance to get it right.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

I completely understand the point you are trying to make....I was never gung-ho either way with DS- If it worked it worked (the actual breast-feeding) and if not, so be it...DS had a "clam reflex', as they called it and never was a good latcher, so I pumped and gave him formula...I wanted him to have the early benefits of the actual breast milk, the bonding part of it I never got....giving my DS a bottle while he held onto me with his tiny finger was all we needed to bond And not sure if this is just me, but I had enough supply to feed him exclusively off pumped BM if I chose to, but supplemented with formula because pumping was extremely time consuming to me ( its like working double time, constant pump/feed pump/feed) and I felt like I was missing out on enjoying him...I did not feel guilty last time and will not feel guilty again- I'm 29 weeks now and still don't know if I want to go the same route as last time- either try nursing, pump or FF only- Guess I better make up my mind soon because the lactation consultants in the hospitals can be a real doozy Whatever you decide is right for you is what will make you feel best- Don't feel pressured or guilty for any decision you make regarding your baby My DS is healthy as can be and in the 95th percentile in height and weight and smart as a whip, so whatever I did, it worked for him

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread

Message edited 10/27/2008 6:13:26 PM.

Re: Spinoff re: Planning to Nurse thread