A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

My boys are older. Robbie is in 1st grade and Noah is in a PreK program that follows the school calendar.

During the NUMEROUS school breaks it is solely MY responsibility to find someone or some program for the boys during the breaks.

My mother used to watch the kids - but she passed away 2.5 years ago. My sisters work full time during the week, as do most of my friends. I have several friends who are teachers - but most plan vacations around these little breaks and many have families of their own so I would never feel right asking them to help out.

Rob's sisters and his parents do not work during school breaks - but they know our childcare situation and have never offered to help out. I have hinted a few times - but have been rebuffed in the subtlest of ways.

My nephew is 22. He isn't the most responsible person in the world - but he is a good kid. He goes to college full time and has a full time job working an overnight shift. He has a 3 year old son of his own that lives with him (and my sisters and his gf). He is always in need of cash. So I offered him the opportunity to watch the boys during school breaks and he snapped it up.

This past break there were 3 incidents that really upset my husband. Nothing life shaking - but situations that could have been bad. When Rob came home on Thursday, Robbie was walking on the glass patio table. Steven was busy talking on the phone and pushing Noah on the swing and didn't notice. Yeah - that wasn't confidence building. On Friday he let the boys use their toboggan to go down the stairs from the hallway to the basement. I spoke to him about it and he realized how stupid and reckless it was and apologized. On Monday he let them have a run at their Easter candy - they ate so much that Noah threw up when I got home. Rob was LIVID. And he had a right to be. But he was yelling at ME because I picked childcare that he found lacking. I don't mind admitting that my nephew is not the IDEAL babysitter. But he has babysat for them many times without incident - it just seems like there were a lot of things THIS round. And I am not defending my nephew BUT how can you blame ME?? I am doing the best I can with what I am given! it KILLS me to leave my kids with anyone EVER - and it WRECKS me that a decision I made could have caused them injury. But seriously? Short of quitting my job - what choice is there? And how can you get ****** at me when you refuse to lift a finger to try to find a 'better' solution? UGH! /vent.

Now for the question - spring break is coming up. I have looked and the only person who is ready and willing to watch them that week is my nephew! I won't ask Rob's family because his one sister just had a baby and the other - like I said - is a teacher who makes a lot of appointments and such during that time period. I also wont ask his parents because my relationship with them is not one that is conducive to asking for favors.

I can't take off from work for reasons that I won't go into - and he can't take off of work either.

My only option seems to be to ask my nephew again. Rob is aggravated by the idea - but he won't help me look for any alternatives. What would you do in this situation?

Message edited 3/28/2008 9:46:22 PM.

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

This is a tough situation.

Do your DC's have any friends whose parents you'd feel comfortable asking? Even just for a day? Any neighbors you can ask?

To be honest, it doesn't sound like your nephew is the most responsible caregiver. I completely understand your DH's concerns. Neither of you can take ANY days off?

What about programs offered through the school? I know the school I work at offers some recreational programs over some breaks that generally run school hours.

Good luck!

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

How frustrating!! Is your husband able to take time off?

Can you sign them up for a program at the Y that week? They usually have vacation care. Tutor Time also runs programs for school vacations. DS used to go to one that was around $38 a day and he had fun!

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

I think I would ask your nephew again and if your DH isn't happy with that he needs to come up with some ideas to help you out. I don't think he has a right to complain if you are trying your best and he isn't giving you an input, KWIM.
I know you don't want to ask your in-laws but what if your DH ask's them or are they out of the question all together?

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

I would not ask your nephew again. I would definately look into a day care center like Tutor Time or Kinder care. When Ava went to daycare, there were tons of "Big Kids" there on days that school was off. It is a fun and structured day, and you would know that they are 100% safe.

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

Ok first...I mean this in the sincerest way possible. The nephew is an idiot. My 15 your old nephew wouldn't let my kids do ANY of those things. In fact, he let the kids hold a dance contest & was smart enough to realize that a 4 year old & 6 year old's contest must end in a tie.

If I were you, I'd start networking with other working moms from his class. You're all in the same boat - and you can swing some playdates on days you're home & on days they're home, they can take Robbie. That way if you have to leave one with your nephew, he can handle it.

Is there any high school girl in the area you can try? Maybe contact the high schools, the library? Our library offers babysitting course. I would opt for that.

I know it sucks to have to be the one to handle all of the daycare responsibilities - I do it too. I have a much easier time & a better support system. I think it would pay to build your own out of the moms in your area than being upset that Rob's family doesn't pitch in.

eta. I know some of the daycares in my area offer "vacation camp" & one of the museums had a program from Columbia University on different topics like "stingers & jellyfish" or "Myths about Sea Creatures" Joseph went & loved it.

You're not near me, are you?

Message edited 3/28/2008 10:13:55 PM.

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

I would definately not use your nephew again. Sometimes you don't get second chances.

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

I would try the local YMCA as well! They often offer mini-camps during breaks. I think you may have a better shot with a high school student in your area. Call the guidance dept and they may be able to direct you!

I know how hard it is to find child care! I feel your pain, but your children will too if you leave them with your nephew!

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

I'm having a similiar problem right now... however I have no one at all not even a nephew ... well we have tons of family that can watch DD just none of them live here and I am trying to figure out what I will do with DD to try and go back to work and DH isn't doing a thing to help me except say that I can't go back to work right now because we have no one to watch our baby ... no sh*t..... GOOD LUCK I agree try the high schools and also colleges.

Re: A Vent, A Question and *SIGH*

Thanks Ladies!

I don't mind finding childcare - it's a pain, but it's par for the course. The part that burns me is that my husband (who is normally awesome) is giving me cr*p about a choice that he forced me to make without his input.

I definitely can't take off work. We are super short on staff and trying to hire someone - hopefully by spring break I will be training someone. Rob is an electrician and kind of at the mercy of the contractors. He has already taken off a number of days from this contractor when the boys were sick in January. Reputation means a lot in a union atmosphere.

As to his family - I won't ask them and neither will he. Mostly because he knows the answer and doesn't want to be disappointed.

I have a few friends in the neighborhood - but most are SAHM's or teachers and they don't have the same challenge. The few that do tend to rely on their mom's or other family.

I have checked out a few of the programs in the area - but the hours kill me. I work to 6 - most of the local programs end at 3:45 or 4 with no aftercare. The one I did see that would fit is already filled up.

I am going to check out Tutor Time and the Y. I am also going to talk to my nephew again. I mean - he has watched them for well over a year with no challenge. It's weird that he has suddenly become so 'careless'.