how would you feel ?

I've been upset and I can't seem to shake it.

I spent yesterday at the Dr office reviewing 2 miscarriage results. Then DH and I went shopping for an inground pool.

My sister(who has 4 kids) comes over and asks about Dr appt and pool.

She asks what kind of fence I'm getting around the pool ?
I say"I don't need one, our fence is up to code." We got a brand new PVC fence last year.

She starts demanding that I need to get a fence around the pool. She's getting very bossy, I made a joke to try and diffuse the situation " my kids will be smart". She jumps back very nasty, "it's their mother that is stupid!!"
You don't HAVE kids, you don't know anything! She asks me if I watch the news. I say yes. Then she says, you don't watch the news, you dont have kids. you dont know.

I walk away at this point. How can she throw in my face that I don't have kids when she knows what I've been going ?? And she acted as If I know nothing, because I haven't shot something out of my uterus!! I was soo upset, I started crying before she even left. And I am not a cryer.

She saw me crying and tried to apologize saying she was just expressing an opinion. I told her I didn't want to talk about this anymore, she's self righteous and nasty and to get out of my house. I continued to cry that night.

I love my sister, and we have always gotten along. Which makes this particularly upsetting

Re: how would you feel ?

honestly, you have every right to get upset. It was very rude and insenitive of her to say that. And its her responsiblitly for watching her kids if you get a pool.

Re: how would you feel ?

I would have been upset as well. I don't think people stop and think about the words that they say. Hopefully your sister will realize that just because she does have children, she doesn't know everything.

I also wanted to say that she may be upset with your situation, as well. As a sister, it's hard to watch someone we love struggle and not be able to do anything. She may not know how to handle the situation. I am not justifying her actions but maybe she doesn's know how to deal.

Re: how would you feel ?

I am so sorry she upset you. You have every right to be upset with her, she is being totally uncompassionate about what you and DH have been goign through in trying to start a fmaily of your own. She owes you more than apology. I wouls have reacted the same way. And quite frankly, it is your home she has no say in what kind of frickin fence you which is totally besides the point!
Huggies to you....

Re: how would you feel ?

You have every right to be upset. I have had the same problem with my sister. She got pregnant the first month off BCP. She has no idea what's it's like for it not to happen perfectly and when I had my ectopic pregnacy last year, she made several insensitive statements similar to your sister. It was very difficult for me. For you!

Re: how would you feel ?

QUOTE]I also wanted to say that she may be upset with your situation, as well. As a sister, it's hard to watch someone we love struggle and not be able to do anything. She may not know how to handle the situation. I am not justifying her actions but maybe she doesn's know how to deal.


I agree with that as well...I am sure she did not mean it the way it came off... and I think she meant when you have kids you would not want to take the risk of not having a fence around it... I think she was just being protective of you and it just came out wrong and hurtful...

Re: how would you feel ?

Re: how would you feel ?

Thanks for letting me vent and for all your advise. It really helped talking to people that understand. I feel better about the whole thing, she did call me and apologize on my answering machine ( I didn't pick up, wasnt ready to talk to her). She's always very caring and sensitive, so I'm sure she went home that night and just felt like crap when she thought about everything she said to me.

I do plan on telling her I don't ever want to hear "you don't have kids" again. It hurts more than she knows.