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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Why did the pony go to the Dr?
'Cause he was a little horse
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Posted 1/20/08 10:41 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Their middle name
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| Posted 1/20/08 10:44 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "Gee, it's hot in here." and the other sausage says "OH MY GOODNESS IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
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| Posted 1/20/08 10:45 AM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: A topic to make us smile
no no no no no
S- I am not letting THAT joke be the end of this thread.
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| Posted 1/21/08 12:53 AM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bas tard told you I was speeding too.
Message edited 1/21/2008 12:59:47 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/08 12:58 AM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Where does the one legged waitress work?
The Ihop
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| Posted 1/21/08 1:00 AM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
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| Posted 1/21/08 1:02 AM |
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LJSMommy
Love him!
Member since 10/07 3189 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
What do Brooklyn & panyhose have in common?
FLATBUSH!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 1/21/08 1:07 AM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: A topic to make us smile
gooooooooood late night entries.
MAde me laugh!
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| Posted 1/21/08 1:08 AM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: A topic to make us smile
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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| Posted 1/21/08 1:10 AM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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| Posted 1/21/08 1:11 AM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Posted by MrsPornStar
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
please, please, please, Hollie...next time you go out to eat Chinese....TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 1/21/08 1:15 AM |
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LJSMommy
Love him!
Member since 10/07 3189 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Good ones girls!
Night!
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| Posted 1/21/08 1:15 AM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9924 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the
pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy
some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I
wait around here until someone does?"
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| Posted 1/21/08 6:20 AM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9924 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
did you hear about the man who was completely paralized on the left side?
He's all right now
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| Posted 1/21/08 6:21 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Two blondes walk into a bar....
The brunette walked under it.
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| Posted 1/21/08 8:08 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," says his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends,
"It's okay, we can play that game again!"
 
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| Posted 1/21/08 8:11 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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| Posted 1/21/08 8:50 AM |
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lkrpaul
Becoming a Big Brother!
Member since 5/07 2541 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Posted by sunflowerjesss
How do you confuse a blonde?
Give her a bag of m&m's and tell her to alphabetize them.
I like that one!
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| Posted 1/21/08 9:40 AM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
Name:
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Re: A topic to make us smile
A bear walks into a bar
bartender says "what may i get you"
bear says "i'll have vodka.............tonic"
bartender says "whats with the pause"
bear says "what do you mean whats with the paws , Im a bear!"
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| Posted 1/21/08 10:31 AM |
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watersdeb04
Back to school is here
Member since 12/07 1052 total posts
Name:
Deb
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Re: A topic to make us smile
There were 2 peanuts. One was a salted.
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| Posted 1/21/08 10:34 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: A topic to make us smile
If the police arrest a mime do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent? And if he says a bad word, does his mother wash his hands out with soap?
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| Posted 1/21/08 10:59 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Why do they report power outages on TV?
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| Posted 1/21/08 11:01 AM |
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sticklee
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 2984 total posts
Name:
Stick
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Re: A topic to make us smile
Posted by Stacey1403
Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "Gee, it's hot in here." and the other sausage says "OH MY GOODNESS IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
this one cracked me up!!
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| Posted 1/21/08 11:01 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: A topic to make us smile
TEACHER: Billy, why won't you help your sister with her homework?
BILLY: Because I can't be a brother and assist her too!
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| Posted 1/21/08 11:02 AM |
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