Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

First i wantto say im sorry that you are going through this, second i am in the same situation and know how you feel. We fight constantly about my FMIL , and her constant digs she takes at me......I tell FH all the time cut the cord ........If you love your husband dont let her get in between what you have (i know its easier said then done) ...that is what she wants , dont lether win!!!! for you all!!!!

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

to you. Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work. It seems like she is incapable of listening to anything you are trying to say and thinks the world revolves around her. I honestly don't think there is an easy way out of this one. And even though each argument can get resolved, in the end they are all taking a toll on your marriage.

I have been exactly where you are as well, Between the time Claire was born and about 5 months old there were countless incidents with the ILs with rude comments and aggressive behavior. I resented DH so much for causing me to have to be associated with these people who were causing me so much stress and unhappiness. My DH sadly is a mamma's boy and this made things worse as he never wanted to confront his parents properly to defend me. After a HUGE blow out at her christening, I wont even go into details, I told DH I was considering a divorce because I could not live my life like this forever and it was just too unhealthy for me. Well it was like a light went off in his head and he spoke to his parents about there behavior and how his new family, me, him and Claire are a priority and if they do not change and treat me respectfully they will not be be involved in our lives. Well they got the message and while things are not perfect, they are much better. Now Im not saying this is the answer for you, but it seems you have done all you can and now it is time for DH to step up and deal with him mom. Good Luck!

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

Marissa-does Ryan have any sisters?

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

yes one... who moved to Maryland as soon as she turned 21....I wonder why..lol

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

interesting! Do they get a long at all? How does she deal with your MIL?

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

Don't know what to say, but I'm sorry you're going through this. I was blessed with a nice MIL.

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I also noticed that people change once you have children and all of a sudden everyone wants to come around all the time. You need time with your DH and your child. People should respect that. When your DH works all day and you are with a baby all day, it doesn't leave you all much time to be together as a family plus you are always trying to make the rest of the family happy by being around them.
My way of thinking is that when someone bothers me, I just try to avoid them the best that I can. Maybe you can have your DH go over his mom's one day over the weekend for an hour or so to visit so you don't have to.
Of course, he doesn't have to know that is your plan. Just say" Hey,why don't you go visit your mom for a little while."
Then at least you don't have to deal with her from time to time.
Can you sit down and nicely talk to your DH (dear husband) and tell him you are being overwhelmed and don't want argue with his mom but sometimes just want time with him and the baby?
I have to be honest here and say you are not alone on this issue. My DH's parents want to see us (our daughter) twice at least every week and sometimes will just call and say "we're coming over now."
Sometimes I feel like they just don't care about if its good with me.
Please don't let it effect your marriage. Sit down and talk to your DH every week if you have to until he sees how upset you are and understands.

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

Hi Sweete I am sorry you are going through all of this. I know how you feel. Although my DH works hard fixing things he is SO lazy about everything else. To top ist off I really cant stand my husbands family. My MIL is annoying, and I dont dont trust her with my son who is now 3 1/2. Whenever I tell her something she doesnt listen and does the opposite. MY FIL just sits there and says nothing. MY brother in law is 41 years old and still lives at home in his same room he grew up in. He acts like a ten year old and they all baby him. So yes, when it comes to inlaws I know how you feel. It *****, but just remember this you have a beautiful little baby and a husband that loves you. - Shari

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

I am so sorry your going through this I totally understand where your coming from cuz I go through the same thing the only good thing is that MIl lives upstate so I don't see her that often b ut when I do she is always on my back about something. My MIl and one of my SIl thinks they know it all and try to talk down to me about things and tell me how to raise my daughter excuse me but MIL youngest is 23 and SIl hasn't had a child. FH was upstate all weekend with the baby and I got so annoyed cuz he was goign to give the baby some m ilk and his sister is telling him what to do I flipped on the phone and yelled at him to tell herto mind h er own Business this is your child and you know how she is and when she is tired you give her that milk and lay her down and if she doesn't like it tough I am sick of the comments. Especially the ones about me and I keep my mouth shut but I am going to explode one day

Sorry didn't mean to take over but your not alone so you can always FM me and we can IL bash

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

I just want to say I'm sorry you're so stressed out. My MIL isn't a problem like yours but we still have our issues. I agree with the other posters that it is up to your DH to speak with her and set some boundaries and make her understand the importance of your new family (you, DH and baby).

A way to relate how ILs can be a pain -- I posted about my son's holiday picture. Well that came about b/c my MIL called at 10:45 am on Saturday saying Andrew had an 11:30 am appt. at Sears for his picture. I'm like, oh OK. How about asking me first what I want, or better yet giving me some notice?? haha

Re: where do I go from here...(VERY LONG)

I don't know you very well so maybe I don't have all the background info but honestly I think you need to put boundries into your life now. Couple therapy with your husband is a real must IMO. Your child deserves two happy parents, not this chaos. How stressed you must be all the time over this.
Your MIL has NO rights to your child. NONE. YOU are his mother. period. If she doesn't like that then that is totally her problem. I think you need to stop calling her for a while. Don't put up with such attitude. You deserve to be treated better. period. No need to even explain to this women. I doubt she would even hear you anyway.
Have you considered NOT answering the door if she comes over. seriously. Go into another room. Lock the door (if she has a key, change the lock THIS weekend) and don't answer the phone. If she is really nasty, tell her that you and the baby were resting and you would rather she come back later. Period. No need to have this kind of crap in your life.
Your husband must be on the verge too. I am sure this is not easy for him either. That is why I think a therapist might really be able to help you both establish a life away from her involvement. she is your son's grandmother and I totally respect and honor that. But her wishes do not come first. Your's do. You do not owe her a certain amount of visits per week. Once you establish boundries I think you an your husband will see a huge difference.

Again, I am really sorry that you are even dealing with this when your own mother and brothers really need you.