Would you move because of your career choice?

I guess this can go on a few different boards but here is my "situation." (Sorry its long)

DH and I moved back from Florida last year. I had a great teaching job and was always happy. We never fought.

We found out we were PG and decided it would be best to move back to LI to be with family since my DD was the first Grandchild/great grandchild.

So we have been back since last April and I am miserable. I can't find a job on the island, and I am not crazy about going into the city because I have never been a "city" person.

Since we have been back we fight over everything, mainly my fault and I Know it.

We were going to move to NC this summer so I can get a teaching job, but we figured it would be to hard last minute and he got a decent job proposal at work.

So we are back to the start again. It's not looking good that I will have a teaching job in Sept and I feel like now we are struggling financially because I can't get a job.

DH turned around the other day and said, "Now you know why I want to move so bad. We use to never fight when you were happy with your job and now you are miserable. If you don't get a teaching job for Sept, we will put the house on the market and move for next school year."

I think its a bad reason to move just for a job. I keep telling him I can go back to school to do something else, but he thinks its silly since I loved teaching so much.

I'm so confused. I love our house and being close to our familly, but he is right I'm not like I was last year. I am miserable all the time and I regret leaving Florida every day because I had a great job.

What would you do?

TIA!!!

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

I think you need to decide what is most important to you in life. For me, being close to family is very important, so I would not move that far away, but I know others definitely don't feel that way. I probably wouldn't move for my career, because when we have kids I see myself as being the primary caregiver (though I will be a working mom) and I think my job will become less important to me as my priorities shift. I also work in education. If kids weren't in the picture I would move anywhere, and work on advancing in my career...But when I think of having kids I think I really want our network of family around, both to help out and to get to know the kids.

Why are you really miserable? I know there were things going on with his brother living with you--it seems like maybe the issues go deeper than the job situation.

Message edited 5/10/2007 11:27:32 AM.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

I would do whatever is healthiest for my relationship.

If I was getting along better with my spouse and extremely content when I wasn't in NY, I would probably move. I rather not be miserable in NY just so I could be with my family.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

To me...family is more important.

I know you are going thru a hard time right now. But why sacrifice family for a job if family is that important to you??

I say stick it out. Once you land your job, you will be that much more happy with your decision to stay.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

We are moving to NJ for DH's job. He went and started a business with 3 other partners and that is where the office is. I feel like DH missed DS's first year becaue he would come home after DS went to sleep. Now his commute per day is between 3 and 4.5 hours and now I hardly see him because after he eats he is so tired that he falls asleep right away. Poor guy gets up at 4:30am every day and for the past 3 weeks he hasnt been home before the earlist 8:45pm. It is not fair to him, to my children and to me.

In your case though I think your husband is associating you being happy with you guys living in Florida. Are their any other reasons that you can think of that you are feeling so unhappy here? You also have to remember that you are taking care of infant and you are 7 months pg so that has alot to do with it. You really didnt give yourself time for your hormones to balance off so it could be that. I would wait and see how everything is after the baby is born. If you still unhappy after 3 months I would really consider moving. Family is important to me but the family I created comes first in my book.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

You are your own family right now and need to do what is best for you, FH, and your child. Extended family is very important, but not worth being miserable! If it's going to continue, your arguing and being unhappy isn't healthy for you or FH or your child.

You deserve to be happy, so start trying to figure out WHAT will make you and your immediate family happiest. I'd start writing pros and cons of moving versus staying and have a long, calm discussion with your DH about what will be best for both of you.

Just make the next move carefully - the job market is pretty soft in NC now (though I love it there)... I wouldn't move without securing at least 1 of your jobs first.

Finances are the #1 things couples fight about -- so finding a way to ease any financial strains and get on the same page is important.

And I'll repeat - You deserve to be happy, so do what will make you and your immediate family happy. Maybe what you thought would make you all happy isn't... but get to the root of why you are unhappy and go from there. If moving would make me happy, my relationship better, and our financial situation healthier I would do it.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

In terms of getting a teaching job, i think it is too soon to say you are not going to get one for next year. I have a lot of friends who teach on the island and they all got their jobs in August. I know it's a pain in the butt to have to wait, but I think something will work out.

you are also a math teacher which is going to help your chances....

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

thanks everyone.

From what Adrianna said, I originally thought it was my hormones from being PG again and I thought I had Post Partum Depression but I spoke to my dr about it.

Overall, I think right now I'm feeling like a "failure" because I worked so hard getting my master's within 10 mths and have nothing to show but a whole lot of student loans.

We wouldn't be making any decisions this summer anyway. He keeps saying we will figure it out in September so we have 9 mths to prepare and sell our house.

He keeps bringing it up and I think that is what is confusing me more. I have so much on my mind that my head is spinning sometimes!!

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Posted by MrsSchwags

thanks everyone.

From what Adrianna said, I originally thought it was my hormones from being PG again and I thought I had Post Partum Depression but I spoke to my dr about it.

Overall, I think right now I'm feeling like a "failure" because I worked so hard getting my master's within 10 mths and have nothing to show but a whole lot of student loans.

We wouldn't be making any decisions this summer anyway. He keeps saying we will figure it out in September so we have 9 mths to prepare and sell our house.

He keeps bringing it up and I think that is what is confusing me more. I have so much on my mind that my head is spinning sometimes!!

Message edited 5/10/2007 11:47:40 AM.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

It sounds like you really loved your job and life in FL - you may be focusing on just the job right now, but maybe it was more than that? NY is a different lifestyle altogether. If you were happy as a family in FL, then I think it makes sense to think about giving it another go. You will then have two children, and you need to think what is best for you and your family. Your happiness is important.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

My career choice is a HUGE part of the reason we're moving to NC. I know that if I were to hang around here long enough, I could definitely find a teaching position here (had one for two years, now have a Masters from Columbia), but I know that we could never have the kind of life that we want by staying here.

DH works about 60 hours per week, and I've seen what my good friend (a teacher on the North Shore) has to go through to keep her teaching position. I want no part of it.

In reality, our decision was made much easier when my sister announced last year that she was taking a transfer to Charlotte. My mom then told us that she had always wanted to retire down South. My DH and I kinda looked at each other and thought...what are we waiting for?

It sounds like you had a great life down in Florida. If you find yourself thinking back to it time and time again, maybe you should go spend some time and just re-acclimate yourself again.

I totally agree with some of the other posts that keeping your marriage together and strong is a definite priority. Good luck and to you whatever you decide!

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

You had no children while you were in FL? Could it be the tension between you and DH is not due to the job situation but maybe because of the added stress of a baby and another on the way? I just worry that you will move and find it hasn't solved all of your problems.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Message edited 5/10/2007 1:46:43 PM.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Finding a teaching job is hard and can take quite awhile. Have you thought about being a stay at home mom for time being, until you find something. I think it is important to be near family.

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

I can only speak from experience. We moved for the job. We have never been happier. We thought about moving back to LI once our daughter was born, but we know it would not be the same and we both would be miserable. when you get used to a certian lifestyle it's hard to go another way. However we would be around family 24/7... may become miserable becasue of that too my point is... we have a good balance of home, job and family where we are. We have even considered picking up and moving again if need be.

We go where the work is and to provide for our family so that we are happy. For you, you and DH have to make this decision with the pros and cons. If family out weighs everything, you will have to make it work, but if the career, $ is equally important for your family, I would move...

i wish you luck in your decision, either one is not easy to make

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

I would do whatever I had to do to keep my family healthy and happy...and by family I mean DH. He is my number 1 priority now...Moving away from my family was very hard...but I did what was best for us

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

I wouldnt move JUST for my career - but if you think it would be best for your family thats a different story. Especially with babies and having no family around.

good luck with whatever you decide!

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Posted by lilacwine

Posted by nov04libride

You had no children while you were in FL? Could it be the tension between you and DH is not due to the job situation but maybe because of the added stress of a baby and another on the way? I just worry that you will move and find it hasn't solved all of your problems.

ITA -- Since you've had kids, have you lived OOS or worked FT?

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

I would do what is best for you, your dh and your family.

Just a side note, many teaching positions are contingent on the passage of the budget. Most Long Island budgets are being voted on on May 15th. You may get more calls and/or have more opportunities at that time. Also, leave replacement positions can occur at any time. People don't have to give that much notice so you could find out over the summer about one of those.

Good luck!!!

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Re: Would you move because of your career choice?

Posted by Karen

QUOTE]

I totally agree with this! I bet you see a lot more ads after the votes next week.

Also (and I feel bad even asking ) - has your pregnancy come up during interviews? Do you think that maybe that is being counted against you?