Am I being ridiculous?

I just spoke with DH and he said he's going to ask his parents to come up from Florida to stay with us for a week so that they can see the baby after I have it. I want them to meet the baby too, but the problem is our 1 bedroom apt. is 650 sq. ft. in manhattan and there will barely be enough room for us, the baby, and our two dogs...let alone another 2 adults! Our changer/dresser and glider will be in the living room and there will barely be room to blow up the air mattress in there. I think if we blow it up it will exactly cover the floor space available in the living room so there will be NO where to walk. Not to mention we'll have to move the ottoman and coffee table to block the front door and also put in the hallway which would leave about 6 inches to get to the bathroom & bedroom. Fine, I can nurse the baby from the bedroom and change the baby on the bed for a week, but this would just be so cramped for an entire week! They have not see how small our apt. is, but I'm not sure that they would offer to stay in a hotel anyway, b/c they never have stayed in a hotel before when we were in other apts. He thinks I'm being ridiculous and says he's not listening to me and insists his parents stay with us, but this is all making me really stressed out! Am I being crazy?

Re: Am I being ridiculous?

Not crazy at all. Seems like a MAJOR imposition, esp. the FIRST week you're home. I'd either encourage my DH to push the visit back (like a MONTH later) or insist they stay in a hotel.

Re: Am I being ridiculous?

No way, I'd feel the exact same way...I'd even feel that way if it were just for a weekend...let alone a week.

I'd definitely push for them to stay in a hotel. Is it possible for you to suggest that you visit them a few months after you have the baby since there isn't enough space to have them here, staying at your place? Maybe they will get the hint and offer to come anyway but stay in a hotel? Your DH should be on your side w/this one. Do his parents know how small it is, have they ever seen your apt? Id be especially angry if they knew how cramped it would be and wanted to stay anyway!

If you feel uncomfortable with it, definitely make Dh aware of your feelings. It's your place too, and a week is long time.

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www.hotels.com!!

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I made it perfectly clear from the beginning that no one is allowed to stay with us for AT LEAST the first couple weeks. Not only do we not have a lot of space, but we need time to function alone as a family with a new baby.

If you feel that strongly about it, you should make it VERY CLEAR to DH how you feel. IMO a week is a bit too much for such a small space with a new baby.

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Honestly, I had a couple of friends who had family living in a different states. Both moms and MIL wanted to come to help. They stayed for 2 wks.

It turned into a total nightmare. While the family said they want to help, my friends felt they had to entertain, talk to them all day, and bath too...

They just wanted peace and quiet and try to recoup from the delivery.

I would push it out.

Re: Am I being ridiculous?

Not ridiculous at all! I also live in a 1br in NYC and i could never do this! There is just not enough space! And after just giving birth! I'm worried enough about fitting me DH and the baby in here without going crazy!

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I think I can definitely push back their visit at least a couple of weeks, maybe a month. My issue is that I'll be breastfeeding so I kind of want the privacy of my small apt. It's not like they can help that much with the baby since I'll be bf'ing. They have not seen our apt, but to be honest I don't think it would matter. They've stayed with us before in a 700 sq. st. They don't believe in staying in hotels when visiting family. I've told DH that there is no way they can stay with us and he said he's making an executive decision and that they will be staying with us. Maybe I should make an executive decision to go stay with my parents on LI to have more space!

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I would not want them staying in my apt. I would ask them to stay in a hotel. There will be mass chaos and that is not what you need the first week you bring the baby home.

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I agree with you. I would ask dh to please out it off at least for a while.

I would explain to dh that having an extra set of hands will be helpful but not for the 1st week. Too close for comfort.

Tell dh that you want to spend time with the baby and establish a bond and routine. At least that will buy you some more time.

Could your inlaws stay with your family out in LI and come in during the day for a few hours?

ETS- my dh's family is like that too, for our wedding we had cousins staying in our apartment- we ended up going to a hotel. They are just very close knot.

I really think you are not being ridiculous @ all

Message edited 2/26/2007 12:38:51 PM.

Re: Am I being ridiculous?

It doesn't seem from your posts that your in-laws are the ones insisting on the visit, but rather your husband, which I can understand. He's excited to have a baby and wants to share that with his parents. But, he most likely doesn't realize how different things will be for both of you with a baby in the apartment, so he's probably not thinking that this will be a difficult situation.
I think you two need to sit down and rationally talk about seeing how things are after the baby is there before making any decisions about people visiting. If things go well, have them visit, and perhaps offer to pay for a hotel room for them while they are visiting - explain that the apartment will be too cramped.
Good luck!

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My MIL and her partner are coming up Memorial Day weekend and we are due May 3rd. This is the first time they are staying with us b/c we finally have the room. They normally stay in a hotel. I think in your case, a hotel would be a good thing. Then they can come and go without disturbing you.

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I don't think you're being crazy at all. I think you should put your foot down and tell your DH you do NOT want his parents staying with you. You will have enough to adjust to with a new baby in the house.

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There would have to be a compromise in there somewhere. How about a hotel for the IL's and let them be there for the first week or two after the baby's born. I'm just thinking it would actually be really nice to get that extra help from family. Maybe you can think of it that way. Give them jobs to do like, clean this, do that...make a dinner. Then you can nap and won't have to entertain. I don't know, just a thought.

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I wouldnt want them their. It's one thing when everything is moved around and no ones their and then when you add people to that equation you are not going to be comfortable. I would actually maybe give yourself a week without family and have them come a week later and tell them you just want to make sure you are comfortable and still able to accomidate them. Plus it will give a chance for you guys to bond and for your DH to open his eyes.

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YOU ARE NOT BEING RIDICULOUS!!! It sounds like you are being calm about it. Are you kidding me-- I think it's absurd your DH even suggested it! I live in a 1 bedroom apt. in Manhattan too and if my in-laws even mentioned staying with us, I would seriously would laugh! Honestly, they should be embarassed to be such an instrusion and accept nothing else but to stay in a hotel. They don't have to see the apartment to know that any 1 bedroom apartment with a baby is going to be cramped....just common sense. Stand your ground and stick up for yourself!!! You are popping out a baby, you deserve to have space, peace and quiet, and sanity!!

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We are in a similar situation. Dh and I told both of our families that after the baby comes there is no more staying with us. It was difficult enough before, I can't imagine trying it with a baby here.

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Well my mom was going to stay at our apt. when I get released from the hospital for a couple of days, but since she is one person she was going to sleep on our couch. My dad wouldn't stay too b/c there is no room. It's more of a problem that DH's parents would be two people and would need the air mattress and be staying a long time. Unfortunately DH and I completely disagree on the matter and he won't budge. I can't wait to have all the furniture/baby stuff in the apt. and he will see how we will have no room left. I just thought about how the stroller and swing will take up even more room, it will just be packed out! We only have one bathroom as well, our apt. is just really small. We're only planning on staying there one year and are selling a lot of furniture to make room for baby stuff.

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All of our family and friends are local but regardless NO one would be staying with us the 1st weeks home. That's just ridiculous and way too much to handle. You'll have enough going on and it sounds like your place is tight as it is.

Insist that they stay in a hotel, its just too much for anyone to ask of you.

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It is UNFAIR to you to have anyone sleeping in your home after you give birth, unless YOU feel you need them there to help you. Tell your husband that his parents will need to stay in a hotel and of course they can visit during the day and spend time with the baby.
You should not be subjected to overnight guests even in the largest home when you are home from having a baby. Everyone needs time to rest, bond and care for themselves.