Love Notes: Ten Tips For Making Your Life And Your Relationships Work

Save to notebook Email article Print article More articles

By M

Do you ever wonder why some people seem to be successful in relationships and other not? I’m not just talking about meeting people, that task, while definitely “challenging” can be relatively easy, especially if you have connections; but rather about the ability to hold on to those people you meet and make it work out, well after the “I dos”.

Well, according to experts, among the key components is keeping an open mind and open heart.

Start by giving up your lofty expectations and realize that what you “want” and are “looking” for just may be significantly different than what you “need” and is best for you.

Once you’ve actually made a connection though, the key to keeping it real and alive can be classified as the “ten commandments of love”. Among these:

1. Let go of your fears and inhibitions More often than not, note experts we “sabotage” our relationships because we fear the outcome. When however you take the time to access the situation in love, you can gain a clearer understanding of what you’re “afraid” of and what’s standing in your way. And, that will also allow you to see the other person’s core goodness rather than his or her faults (which you’re basing your fears on). Basically say experts, standing a good shot at love and making it last depends on YOUR willingness to make it work and YOUR perspective.

2. The ability to forgive, forget, and move on: We all say and do things we regret. But, ensuring a lasing and loving relationship means having the ability to swallow our pride if we have, clean up the mess and start again. Like Dr. Phil always says, it’s a matter of being “happy” over being “right”. That’s not to say you shouldn’t stand your ground when and where necessary, but sticking to a decision (even a bad one), especially one you think you’re second guessing) will only do more harm (primarily to you) than good. Experts add that most of us are good at “justifying” our behaviour and that’s what leads us from making peace and finding peace. Instead they suggest giving yourself the freedom to make amends and give your self permission to be happy, even in the face of disagreements and imperfections.

3. Refuse sweating the small stuff: We all know what the truly “big stuff” is, yet we all continue to make mountains out of everyday molehills. Lets face it, when it’; comes to finding reasons to not allow things to work out, each side likely has plenty. With that said, experts note entering the relationship, each day, expecting “upsets”, disagreements, and disappointments. You should also expect, at least in some areas, growing at different rates and in different directions. Don’t take yourself, your partner or the situation too seriously. Chances are you won’t even remember “why” you argued or were “that” upset in a few days or weeks. Let go and free yourself from the anxiety and remember, whatever is “irking” you will, most likely pass.

4. Shift the focus from your partner to YOU: Instead of “focusing on” what is wrong with the other person or what he or she did wrong, think about how you can work with this particular individual to make the situation better. Remember, NO ONE is perfect and someone ELSE “WILL” have other faults that you will again have to “accept” and learn to work around or work with. As you strive to improve how you act, speak, or approach situations with that special (or potentially special) someone, shift gears from creating distance to generating intimacy. Both of you will be better off for it.

5. Take a time out before you act: According to experts our first instincts may be good but our first impulses may often send us in the wrong direction. Just think about the times you’ve had a fight. For most of us that means being harsh, focusing on more faults that on surface caused or contributed to the problem, and the compunction to call it quits. However, upon walking away we realize that we miss the other person, probably should have controlled our tongue and our temper, and worked a little harder at resolving it amicably. Experts suggest walking away rather than talking, if you’ve got nothing nice to say. They also recommend praying and meditating and allowing the “calmness” of your spirit guide you in the right direction.

6. Take a cue from past generations: Do you know why most marriages worked way back when. Not necessarily because people didn’t have a choice, but because they understood, according to experts, many things we may not. They knew that life with someone new would simply mean new challenges, and also that forcing themselves on their partners would only result in more tension, resentment, and friction. In addition they often said what they meant and meant what they said, spoke once or twice, allowed their mate to stumble, fall, and learn from his or her own mistakes, as well as to draw their own conclusions. And, many (professionals) suggest this type of respect is key and a good rule to live and love by.

7. Remember love and life are works in progress: No matter how “old” you are, how much “living” and “loving” you’ve done, or how long the two of you have been together, never assume, say experts that you’ve got it all under control and that you know all you need to know. You may think you know what’s good for you, but others may have lots of valuable insight and information to offer. Also, continue learning and growing and allow the other party to do the same. When you are open to listening, hearing, experiencing and learning, you can grow and develop personally and that will trickle into your relationship.

8. Put the “me’ back in we: While some need to learn how to be less selfish others need to remember that there are still two individuals in the relationship. Don’t expect your mate to be you or EVERYTHING you want him or her to be. Instead each of your should follow your creative energies in order to ensure personal happiness which will translate into a happy relationship. Also, according to experts, hobbies and interests allow us to free ourselves from “routine”, boredom, and teach us to be playful and fun once again. And, what relationship couldn’t use more fun and frivolity?

9. Focus on the here and now: Sure you should have some vision about where you want to be in the future, and how you are going to get there, but that should not prohibit your from enjoying the present. Remember, love the one your with in the moment you are at, with time, love, compassion and understanding, things will likely work themselves out. But, they definitely wont’ if you place limitation of today based on what may or may not happen by tomorrow. And, like the experts say, why not let the mystery unfold as you enjoy the ride.

10. Take a positive approach: Rather than looking at all the things “wrong” with the other person, your life, your relationships, focus on all that’s right. Be thankful and grateful for what you have and the people in your life. And, it wouldn’t hurt to focus all their positive qualities and contributions to your life. Experts assert that a spirit of gratitude is a seed that continues to grow when properly sowed and nourished, but so is despondence and negativity. The results you get may just be dependent up which seed you choose to sow.