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A Good Thanking Never Hurt Anyone: Teaching kids about etiquette and writing thank you notes

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By Mia BolarisForget

Remember the days when children were taught to say thank you and please. Ah, the good’ ole days when (children’s ears were covered when something “wrong” was said), respect was paramount and children learned social graces and polite behavior from their parents who also displayed proper public poise and respect to each other (within the home).

Minding our p’s and q’s, as well as our manners, were all part of the manner we were brought up with. Sending birthday cards, holiday and thank you notes, were simply part of a lost art of proper (discipline) and communication. But, the experts say, that especially for children who are still learning about etiquette, taking time out from the often impersonal world of instant communication and putting a little heart, soul and thought into our expressions of love and gratitude helps children develop both their thought skills and social graces. With ample occasions to write out thank you notes, this is one ideal way to help your youngster develop and enhance his/her creativity, reading and writing skills, and not a bad way to make others feel important and special. Experts emphasize the importance of relaying to your child the importance of acknowledging acts of kindness and generosity, plus, it teaches them that it’s not all about them or the gift.
They note that since children need to further develop their thought process and their ability to express themselves, it’s best to forego preprinted cards, and instead encourage personalized creations of their own.

Here are a few professional pointers to get you and your child started.

Creative Stationery: Allow your child to express his or her feelings and gratitude not only via words but also via artistic expression. Allow your youngster to show appreciation by making his or her own card from scratch. From paper and crayons (or markers) and stickers for younger kids, to complex computer projects by older ones, it’s all about allowing your child to take responsibility for his/her obligations. It’s also a great tool for teaching your kids about (properly and legibly) addressing and stamping envelopes. Don’t forget to go over verbiage and spelling giving more leeway to younger children (with regards to expected misspellings and mistakes) and taking the opportunity to foster proper grammar, spelling and communication dynamics with older ones.

At A Loss For Words: Children and adolescents often feel disconnected from and intimidated by adults, and silly about writing notes, cards, and letters Not yet very good at expressing themselves or perhaps being heard, they may feel their feelings and thoughts are not “good enough” and may be at a loss for words. Ask your child what he or she would like to say and how. Be prepared (though non-judgmental) about offering ideas, and guiding him or her in the right direction. Experts recommend teaching older kids about writing down thoughts and ideas before drafting a final version, and using the opportunity to teach younger, often more enthusiastic kids (who often feel like they are transitioning from little kids to big kids with the added responsibility) about the proper form of formulating a letter. Should older children (tweens and teens) resist the obligation, don’t only explain about the importance of sending a note; make sure you do the same (in similar situations). You may also try thanking your child for a chore or job well done or send him or her a special thank you note or card for a special effort or achievement, and allow him or her to experience first hand the power of the written word and how wonderful an expression of gratitude and appreciation can be.

Timing Is Everything: Sending a “timely” note or card is just as important as sending one in the first place….so, is imparting this information to your child, so that he or she develops and understanding about time limits and deadlines. Much like holiday cards should be sent out at least a week or two prior to the actual holiday (not in response to returning one to the sender AFTER receiving one), notes of thanks should be sent out shortly after the gift or act of kindness is received or bestowed. Generally speaking, notes of thanks are not necessary if the gift giver is present for the opening of the gift and properly thanked. They are however necessary if the gift comes from two people or more, some of which were not present for the opening of the present, and were not properly thanked. According to etiquette experts, gifts sent via mail require immediate acknowledgement (either via phone or mail or both). Presents, opened after a special event or party, require a follow-up note of thanks even if the person who gave the gift was among the guests. Monetary gifts should include some specifics about how the funds will be allocated and used. While daily kindnesses, including a weekly dinner at a relative’s house, don’t require special acknowledgement, “larger” acts of kindness, such as a weeklong visit, or being taken on vacation by a family member, “do”. Salutations and closings are bases on the child’s relationship with the recipient as well as the child’s comfort level with him/her/them, and maybe even your child’s gender and what he or she is comfortable with. Keep in mind that girl’s tend to show and express feelings, emotions, and affections more easily than boys. Don’t push your child to do something he or she is uncomfortable with, the important part is that your child, even if he or she gets the note out a little late, actually gets the note out and in his or her own words and efforts.

Thank Yous Exemplified:

· Pre-Schooler: Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
Thank you for the DVD. I Love It.
Love,
Tommy

· Kindergarten thru Fifth Grade: Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
Thank you very much for the DVD. It’s my favorite show. I watch it all the time and really enjoy it.
Love,
Tommy

· Older Children: Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
Thank you very, very much for the “Space Kids” DVD. It is my favorite series. I watch it all the time and even shared it with my friends. They all think you both are very cool and I do too.

I can’t wait to see you again. I hope we can watch the movie together. I think you will really enjoy it.

By the way, I am in the school play and am hoping you can come see me. I’m working very hard to do my best and make you proud.

Thanks again for the special present. I love you and miss you.

Love,
Tommy

Make sure to share with your child any thank you cards or notes you write or receive for ideas and especially those addressed to him or her, giving your youngster a better understanding of their impact, importance and purpose. And, as he or she gets older, make sure he or she always has some additional stationery on hand ready to go.


Long Island Family Life & Parenting Articles > A Good Thanking Never Hurt Anyone: Teaching kids about etiquette and writing thank you notes

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