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Raising Adults:Healthy Family Dynamics

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Every one of us, or at least most of us, dreams of the day where we can build a home and make a family of our own. Also, each of us wants, generally, the same basic family foundation; a loving mate, a peaceful home, and healthy, well-behaved children.

But each of these aspects takes lots of time, commitment and hard work. It can mean that we may not be the winner of a Miss Congeniality Award or popularity contest in our relationships or home.

In fact, the new family dynamic calls for parents trying to reach and get through to their kids by befriending them; a concept that takes times to foster and nurture.

Ironically, according to experts, the sign of proper parenting is NOT being popular, well-liked, or your child’s BFF, at least not in the early, formative years. Instead, successful parenting, more often than not, can mean a somewhat strained relationship with your kids, especially between moms and their girls. Their relationship is especially strained as daughters grow, seek to define themselves, and battle crazy hormones.

The key is consistency, even in spite of harsh words tugging at your heartstrings and your innate desire to spare your child heartache, to be part of their life, and to save him/her from disappointment. But, while that may be the “fantasy”, the reality will more likely be a tense and, at times, difficult relationship.

Girls are particularly intense and emotional. Moms and daughters can frequently push each others’ buttons, especially during the tumultuous teen years. Remember to stay true to your convictions and as quick to forgive as you are to anger. This sets the stage for a less strained relationship, or even a strong friendship, in the future. It also prepares your “princess” for how she will handle her life, her relationships, and her family.

Remember, the growing years are the most difficult and therefore the most challenging…and in many instances not what you asked or bargained for when you brought your precious angel home from the hospital. But, what kids need most when they are trying to figure it all out is encouragement and hope and lots of patience and love. They also need constant reassurance that these mixed up feelings and emotions won’t last forever.

Set an example not only by how you react, but how you act, not only toward her but toward others; including your relationships with other women, primarily with your own mom and your mother-in-law. Remember, your children, especially your daughters are watching and are taking mental notes. Don’t forget to build a good, loving, and healthy relationship with dad and keep him involved, too.

Long Island Family Life & Parenting Articles > Raising Adults:Healthy Family Dynamics

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