Part 6 - Undercover Secrets: Finding Out Your Teen Is Having Sex

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

No matter how old our children get, it’s always difficult to envision them as adults, with interests, lives and (adult) impulses and desires of their own. It’s especially difficult to accept that our teens are ready, willing and able to date, and many are even having sex.

Once you’ve picked your jaw up off the floor from the mere thought of the potential possibility it’s time to get real about dealing with the reality and it’s ramifications.

· Ignoring it won’t change things or make it “go away”. Once your child starts having sex, chances are they will continue to do so. Your best strategy is to accept it and find ways to help your child from making further “dangerous” decisions.

· Approach your child with your new knowledge and offer you love and advice. If they insist on denying it, allow them their “right t privacy” but explain that you realize they are growing up and are faced with some tough choices and you simply want to offer your wisdom whether it affects them now or later.

· Let go of the guilt for “letting” it happen or for finding out. Without revealing your “surreptitious” tactics and perhaps breaching your child’s confidence and trust, you want to make sure to educate them on their apparent decision, and its consequences, and let them know that you are prepared to discuss the situation “adult” to “adult”.

· Get the other parent/parents involved. Besides letting your child know that you are well aware of what’s going on in his/her life, you should make sure the other child’s parents are aware of the situation and are conducting educated discussions with their child as well. Express your concern, but be diplomatic and tactful, and encourage them to do the same.

· Keep discussions and communication open. Ask your child about his/her relationship without seeming like you are prying. Encourage him/her to ask questions and always have helpful information at hand. You may even want to invest in some educational literature for your child to explore at his/her leisure and privacy. While you don’t want to condone (your child) having sex, let him/her know you are not condemning their actions if they are, but are available to assist them in dealing with the consequences and making the right choices.


Next: Part 7 - Outer Limits

Long Island Family Life & Parenting Articles > Part 6 - Undercover Secrets: Finding Out Your Teen Is Having Sex