I’ve Got Something To Say: Effective Ways Of Communicating

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

When it comes to relationships of any sort, communication is key and so, is honesty. And, saying what you mean as well as meaning what you say is crucial for making things work.

In fact, while it may have devastated a potential friendship, I recently had the opportunity to let someone who was a repeat offender of poor and inconsiderate manners know exactly how I felt. Unfortunately I did not leave much room for explanation or retaliation, but simply “slammed” her for her inappropriate behaviour and laisez faire attitude and approach, which in meaningful relationships, especially in love and marriage, simply does not work.

In fact, loving means approach the other person, well, lovingly and maintaining and open heart and mind allowing them to make changes, even if you’re already disappointed or hurt. In fact, any successful relationship is NOT based on my recent scenario of pent up frustration and retaliation but on a constant exchange of ideas and feelings, handled carefully, with finesse and sensitivity, and each of you leaving each of your egos at the door.

Here are some tips for talking things out

1. Develop “better” body language: Connect before you speak. Instead of giving your mate reason to believer you are going to lash out, reassure him or her by first enhancing your emotional connection. Look into your mate’s eyes, touch his or her hand, or touch his or her knee and remind them of the fact that while you may need “to talk” you’re still very much in love.

2. Open the door of communication: Primarily by maintaining and encouraging atmosphere for an exchange of ideas. Don’t always state your view or what’s on YOUR mind but ask questions of your partner and get a perspective about the topic at hand and others and by finding out what’s on his or her mind.

3. Stay positive: Refrain from putting your partner down or getting upset even when you disagree or find him or her disagree. This will help encourage the other person to speak his or her mind, without inhibition and without fear (especially of being negatively judged). Let your spouse know that his or her emotions are important and never “silly” and that you will do you best to show support.

4. Team up to resolve conflict: No on is perfect as dealing with or resolving conflict, and that’s why all too often things get heated. Learn to not only “argue” your point more calmly and effectively but also to listen when the other party is speaking.

5. Let your guard down and relax: Stressing over what you have to say or discuss can cause un-necessary tension and distance between you. Instead, approach each topic in a less formal tone and with few if any expectations Lighten up and see what happens.

6. Edit out editing: Being honest is key, otherwise the other person only get a partial picture and that simply opens the door for disappointment and misunderstanding.

7. Admit your faults: Let your spouse know that just because you may be “set in your ways”, doesn’t necessarily mean all your ways are good. And, let him or her know that your willing to listen, learn and change, if you need to.

8. Learn to say less and do more: If it’s conflict you want to avoid, then experts suggest letting your actions speak louder than words and learning to lead and live by example.

9. Bring levity to the discussion: Even the most serious conversations can be tempered with levity and humour to make the “news” or the “topic” easier to bear. And, it’s important to laugh more often than you argue, in fact humour and laughter, say experts, is key to staying together and staying healthy.

10. Build emotional bonds: Even when there’s nothing to talk about, remember to do both little and big things to build your emotional bond, it will make dealing with the tough times and topics a lot easier.