School Daze: Dealing With Children Who Are Experiencing Difficulty

Save to notebook Email article Print article More articles

By Mia Bolaris-Forget

From the most en vogue tote to the latest in designer technology and fashion trends, your child is well prepared for the advent of the new school year. And, with your child (children) back in school you’ll have one less thing to worry about. Well, maybe not. Not matter how well prepared you child may be physically and materially, the main question of concern should be is he or she prepared mentally and emotionally for the year ahead?

According to professionals and recent statistics, teens note that while they understand the value of academic achievement, over 75 percent say they are most often dissatisfied with the concept of school and attending class, and find it stressful. They attest that while they enjoy the social aspects of academia (friends, fun, dating, and extracurricular activities), they are troubles by attending class, and having to do homework.

Many children, especially teens and tweens however may be reluctant to admit their frustration, and while you may notice it in their behavior, may brush it off as a phase or be reluctant to accept that your child could be experiencing difficulty, and for fear of disappointing you, he or she may avoid admitting it, even when confronted. Remember, while your child may dismiss his “failure” as a simple, normal “happenstance” or his/her lack of friends to choice, he or she may be combating serious concerns of inadequacy and self-“loathing” that may require immediate attention. Keep in mind, that while these issues may seem trivial and insignificant to you, they remain (at least for the time being) cataclysmic for your child. Don’t merely encourage, but instead, sit down and discuss his/her progress and concern, likes, dislikes, etc., get to the heart of the matter, and try to clarify his/her thoughts and feeling, help your child cope, and try to help him or her make and get the most out of these four very influential years.

School Is Just Too Hard For Me:
While your first inclination may be to simply respond by saying “no it’s not” or “we (meaning you and your partner) got through it” or “if Johnny can do it so can you”, avoid anything that may be a “left-handed” compliment and may have critical or belittling undertones. Your child may be experiencing difficulty in one area or in certain areas and projecting that to his/her entire academic experience. Experts assert that it’s imperative for YOU to find out what your child means and where he or she is experiencing difficulty. Is it academic, social, in a particular subject area, or with a particular group of people? Teach your child good social skills by getting involved in his or her school or by joining a group that requires you to make new friends. If they are having scholastic problems, but you can’t help out, get in touch with the school or instructor, and make sure your child gets the extra attention or help he or she may need. You may also consider consulting your family doctor to rule out or to address a potential learning disability.

People Just Don’t Like Me:
While this may seem like a bit of a “dramatic” over exaggeration”, experts suggest NEVER discounting your child’s claims or feelings. He or she already feels ostracized and needs to feel validated. Find out instead how much truth there is to the claim and to what extent it is true. Perhaps you child has become a target for school bullies, or perhaps he or she is not popular among the group he or she prefers to be popular with. Your child may want to fit in with the jocks, but may instead be gaining favor from the “nerds”, and so, he or she has chosen to alienate himself or herself from both. Consider also that your child’s personality or disposition may be contributing to other’s reluctance to befriend him or her. If your child is boisterous, he or she may be perceived as obnoxious or opinionated. If he or she is quiet, shy, and reserved, he or she may come across as distant, disinterested, “weird” or even snooty. Your child’s behavior may also indicate some personal issues such as anger problems, low self-esteem, anxiety etc., and chances are if YOU exhibit these traits, your child has learned them from YOU. Professionals suggest speaking candidly to the school guidance counselor and/or teachers, asking them about your child and his or her behavior, in and out of class, and around peers.

School Is “Stale” And Has Nothing To Offer Me:
Bombarded and over-saturated by the concept of instant gratification, kids have been taught or conditioned to believe that most things in life must be entertaining and offer instant gratification. Surrounded by “luxury”, fancy family SUV’s replete with televisions sets, their own I-pods, cell phones, computers etc, and residing in some of the most aesthetically exclusive areas they have grown accustomed to “affluence” and “exorbitance” and may not necessarily realize the benefits of education to helping them “improve” (or maintain) their lifestyle. School no doubt is challenging, but unless they’ve learned to be challenged, a competitive edge may be very intimidating; especially in areas they’ve never before been exposed to or have (previously) had little interest in or little affinity for. You must be ingenious to helping your child understand the value of being well rounded and making sure he or she understands that knowledge is power….and to help him/her see the many benefits of a positive end result. Hopefully you can ignite his or her thirst for improvement and knowledge by feeding you own, and allowing your child to see that even you have to make “sacrifices” in order to achieve a certain lifestyle. Explain to your child that while he or she has homework, you have other (daily) obligations and deadlines to meet such as cooking dinner, packing lunches, doing laundry etc. Experts also suggest explaining to your child the difference between doing what’s right as opposed to what “feels good”. While you want them to have an amazing and rewarding scholastic career, it’s more important for them to understand that (especially these days, unless they plan on starting their own business), securing even an entry level job requires some form of formal schooling, and that a little extra work now, will lighten the load and increase the benefits later.

Professionals point out the need to inspire and guide your child through the rough spots by focusing (together) on his/her long-term passions and NEVER insinuating that any of their dreams are out of reach. Even if they don’t want to talk about it, you continue to do the talking and be enthusiastic about your goals (both realized and unrealized). Help your child take one step at a time, starting with short-term goals, and working up to helping him or her make the right choices and connections for long-term aspirations. Once your child has a clearer understanding of what it will take (academically) to reach his/her desired dreams, they can be more enthusiastic about pursuing that scholastic road and enduring the bumps along the way.

Long Island Family Life & Parenting Articles > School Daze: Dealing With Children Who Are Experiencing Difficulty