Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

FWIW, I am plus sized (about 18-20 in bridesmaid dresses), with HUGE boobs, 38HHH.... Get a GOOD, and I mean GOOD strapless bra, likely you'll need a corset style one (that's what I got for my wedding), and you will NOT be spilling out. Talk to the seamstress with the salon, there are so many things they can do to the dress to help make it look more flattering. Honestly, I agree with the PPs, if you are not the MOH, you shouldn't be in a different dress from the other girls.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

It depends on the bride.
Me personally, it wouldn't bother me in the least and I'd WANT you to feel comfortable in a dress you are paying for.
I let my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses, all the same color, but the style was their choice.
And believe it or not, my marriage is still alive and kickin!

But there are some brides out there who feel the earth will open up and swallow them up and the day will be simply DESTROYED over something like a bridesmaid not wearing the same dress as the others.

So I guess you have to gauge her level of bridezilla-ness.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

To answer a few questions. Yes the dress has been to the seamstress. I'm currently having it shortened. I can add straps and put some material across the V on the top but not sure or will make a huge difference plus I have to ask the bride if I can even put it in.
The maid of honor was the only who was taken to look for and try on the dress. So there wasn't any discussion.

Im thinking of say something I'll approach the bride and tell her I'll wear the dress to the ceremony and for pictures. I was able to order a dress off eBay from the designer in the exact color it's just a halter top and straight bottom. During the reception I don't think anyone will even care what I'm wearing. It's about the bride at that point not the bridal party. If she says no she is bothered by it I guess I'll just have to suck it up. I just want to feel good at my brothers wedding not want to run and hide.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

If she chose it, I would just wear it. If all the other girls are wearing the same dress, she probably wants you to match.

eta: I had a strapless pink dress for my bridesmaid dresses at my wedding. All my BMs were a size 0 or 2 except one, who was a size 8. She did not like the dress. Not sure if it is the same but my friend never wears strapless or even shorts. she wasn't as skinny as my other friends but she still looked beautiful.

Two years ago, I was a BM for 2 weddings. I had my second son and felt fat. I also thought I looked like a balloon in the dress. Don't think anyone else noticed or cared. All the dresses matched.

Message edited 4/22/2014 3:06:41 PM.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I dont see anything wrong with asking, if it were me I would never want you to feel uncomfortable.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I think people need to be realistic and KNOW that NOT everyone has the same body to fit into the dress. UNLESS the bride is paying for the dress, then the bridal party should be in agreement to what they are PAYING for and what they are wearing. It's a long day to be standing in something you are not comfortable in and something that doesn't fit right.

My advice would be to ask your brother to talk to her and if that doesn't work, I think I'd ask her to come and take a look at the dress on you and tell her you are not comfortable.

IMO, If I weren't comfortable in the dress, and/or it didn't fit right on me, I'd bring up my concerns. If nothing was sorted through, I'd dismiss myself from the party. Not worth the aggravation in the least.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I think it is her day and you should go with it but within reason. If it will look terrible aswel as you feeling umcomfortable then tell her. In her point of view if it will look bad in the photos i would want to know. I wanted everyone to look great the day of the wedding so i went with something to suit all the bridal party and not just one.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Personally I think the bride is being rude asking you to wear something that youwill feel uncomfortable in. I would try it on for them and show them how it looks. Hopefully the bride will come to her senses and change her mind about what you wear. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this!

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Talk to the bride.
That is the best thing to do before anything else.

on that note :

The dress, because it is plus sized and strapless, should have been ordered with extra material cut into the top to give you extra coverage. Adding extra fabric at this point will make a seam, but a good seamstress should be able to do it well.

A really good longline strapless bra will help with shaping, AND have the seamstress sew velcro strips inside the dress and on your bra. Did this for my wedding dress to keep the dress from sliding over my bra.

Perhaps some of the pleats in the dress can be partially sewn down to minimize the poof, without losing the look entirely.

Good luck !

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I'd be honest. The same thing happened to my sil for another wedding and not to be mean the pictures came out terrible because she was so uncomfortable and it showed in her face

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I would tell her you want her to be happy but you tried on the dress and its very unflattering and uncomfortable, so much so that you are afraid it might draw unnecessary attention to you in pictures and you want all of the attention to be on her as the bride. ask if she would mind if you found a similar dress same color same maker that fits you better.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

For what it's worth, I don't think it is being a bridezilla of the bride to want her girls in the same dress. I'm sure the responses would be much different on liweddings, lol.

You know your future SIL better than us, so go with your gut. But even if she agrees to let you change dresses, she may harbor resentment towards it. Is it worth it?

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I had the same issue at my brother's wedding. I looked AWFUL in the dress and I was so uncomfortable. I ended up at the last minute bringing a thin cardigan with me and I wore that over the dress for the entire reception. It was hot as heck outdoors in the summer but it made me much more comfortable and I was able to enjoy the wedding with my family. Unfortunately the professional pictures were terrible - it's written all over my face that I was miserably uncomfortable.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Well normally I would say MB dresses are awful mostly anyway but...if everyone says it looks awful (not just you feeling it is) maybe take a picture so she can see. If it is really that bad she might rather have you in something else as the pictures would look awful. I think maybe you could say...this is your day I will wear anything you want but have you seen what it looks like are you ok with how I look or can we find dress same color that would be ok with you.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

i'm torn on this one. Here's why: i feel like if she cared more, she would have brought all the bridesmaids to try them on. I brought all of mine when we went. Everyone has a different body and what works on some doesn't work on others. My MOH was on the plus size and had huge boobs. So i let her pick the style according to what she felt comfortable in (she needed straps and support) and then we figured out what dress would look best on all.

I would approach her about it. Maybe talk to your brother first as a buffer and for help. But then i'd talk to her about switching dresses after the ceremony and pictures.

I wouldn't care if my bridesmaid asked me.

All you can do is ask and give her time to think about it if need be (hopefully your brother will help guide her decision).

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I would definitely voice your concerns to her about the fit of the dress. I honestly think that any bride who insists that someone wear an uncomfortable or ill-fitting dress just to complete some "look" is rude. Not the other way around.

I would have loved to have my bridesmaids wear strapless dresses for my wedding since my dress was strapless. But, all of the girls were big chested and some were on the bigger side. So, I took them all with me to the shop and we picked out something that had straps that were wide enough for them all to wear a normal bra, so their boobs weren't flopping around all day/night.

Brides sometimes forget about common courtesy when in the midst of wedding planning, but at the end of the day, everyone has feelings and just because it is "your day" doesn't give you an excuse to force uncomfortable-ness on your family and friends. JMO.

Message edited 4/23/2014 9:30:22 AM.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Honestly I know it sucks but I would just suck it up and wear it. I was MOH when I was 7 months preggo and my friend insisted I wear the same dress as the other BMs...mind you I was MOH. The dress was so unflattering to me and IMO I looked horrible in it...definitely not made for a pregnant woman but I sucked it up and wore it.

ETA: Although I would suck it up and wear it I do think it is incredibly RUDE of the bride to make someone wear something unflattering...it's exceptionally self centered.

Message edited 4/23/2014 9:43:57 AM.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I really like the idea of having her come over to "show off" the dress, this way she can really see how it looks on you and how uncomfortable you are. Sometimes you can have an idea in your mind and when you see what it really looks like, in person, where you can't deny it, it makes all the difference.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

What would I do? I'd try it on for the bride. If she wanted me to wear it, I'd do it...and I'd be the first one that bought her future kids a drumset.

Message edited 4/23/2014 3:58:11 PM.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I think if everone else but the maid of honor is wearing the same dress then you should just wear it. When asked to be in a wedding I pretty much accepted the fact that it wasn't my choice of dress unless the bride told us to pick one. I wasnt happy with some of them, but I wore them. For my wedding I picked the designer, color and length, and the girls got to pick their dresses based on that because I respected the fact that everyone has a different shape and looked good in different styles. IMO every bride should do it that way, but it's a brides vision I guess.

Message edited 4/23/2014 6:15:16 PM.