Well, another family member bites the dust

You all know my situation, and if you don't, read past posts.

My dad has been with us one week now - it's ok, but it is overwhelming. I have to take him everywhere, prepare all his meals, clear all the paths of snow meticulously so he doesn't slip, clear his car, and make sure the house is clean so he doesn't fall on anything. It's exhausting, and I'm at the point where I break out in tears for no reason these days. My brother who lives in Philly told me he's here for me 150%. What a joke.

I'm setting up appointments for my dad to see apartments this week, and because I work during the day, I asked my brotherl to take my dad because he doesn't work most days until 3pm. At first he said fine, but he just stopped by and told me it doesn't make sense for him to drive all the way here, and then back to the city and then back here, and it's a major interruption for him, and a waste of gas, and how is he going to get to work, blah blah blah. He was like, I'm not trying to get out of it... but... so I looked at him and said, FORGET IT. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT LIKE I TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. I started crying, grabbed Alex, told him I needed to be alone, and slammed the door. He yelled something, I don't know, and left, and slammed the door on his way out.

The last time we had a fight like this, he refused to speak to me for 2 years. I can only imagine how long this one will last

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this whole situation!

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I'm sorry that all of this burden is falling on you. It's definitely too much for one person to handle.

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

So sorry that taking care of his father is an inconvenience for him.

Maybe an email carefully itemizing everything you do for your dad would be in order. Maybe he just doesn't understand how exhausting and stressful it is to take care of someone.

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Posted by monkeybride


I'm sorry that all of this burden is falling on you. It's definitely too much for one person to handle.

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I'm so sorry that your family is not helping you right now.

Is there anyway you can get a nurse or cartaker to take him to his appointments and maybe even help you around the house?

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I'm sorry Beth!

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I'm so sorry. I completely understand what you're going through because my family has pretty much been a disappointment to me my whole life. My mother has special needs and there are 5 of us kids. But me... the youngest, is the one who has to always take on the responsibility and who has to always have the answers! Its ridiculous and mentally/physically exhausting. So i understand what you're going through.

FM me if you ever want to talk.

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Beth I'm sorry you're in this without the support you need. I think it's hard enough seeing your dad unable to help himself without the added stress of being the one to have to take care of all his needs.

Maybe if your dad started asking your brother for help, it would ease your burden and not put you in the situation of assigning jobs for him. Or better yet, have dad look for an apartment right next to your brother

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this!
I hope your brother comes to his senses, but if he's anything like some people I know - out of sight, out of mind.
You don't deserve to have everything put on your shoulders.

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Oh no! I was hoping through all of this that your brother would reallly give you some relief.

It seems like you and I share a similar situation and a similar brother/sister dynamic I wonder if they have the same first name...lol. I could tell my brother the sky is blue and he will say no it's not just because it came from me . Sibling jealousy, but probably like your brother, they don't realize that's what it is. No matter what you say, you are doomed.

I think you need to explain to your Dad that you and him need your brother's help but that he needs to ask your brother for that help. This is definitely a case of resenting the messenger. I went through this last week for the umpteenth thousandth time so I can definitely sympathize.

There is always one child who is left with 99.9% of the responsibility but parents like to think all of their children should get 50/50 credit in such situations.

I feel your pain

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I can't ask my dad to ask my brother for help because I don't want him to feel like he's a burden - he's so beyond concerned that he's a burden to DH and I, and thanking me every millisecond, I just don't want to give him any hint of being overwhelmed over here. He has been relying on me for virtually everything, and rarely asks for anything from my brother, and now I completely and totally understand why.

And now what do I do? My brother usually stops by the house twice a week in between his lessons to say hi. I'm sure he's going to stop coming, my father will want to know why. I can't tell him it's because we got into a fight over his care

Message edited 2/18/2007 7:59:15 PM.

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

you need to call your brother on this. He needs to take some responsibility.

Get him on the phone and tell him what you need in order to live your life while taking care of your father. What are you worried about? He will be mad at you? He is useless right now to you and will be either way. You may as well put your cards on the table. He needs to know in no uncertain terms what is going on and what his responsibility is. He's a big boy..time to grow up.

I'm in a very similar situation right now and it took some tough love but things are way better now.

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I am so sorry! I don't go through this but my father and his brother do. My uncle moved across the country and my grandmother goes out there once a year. Sometimes she goes for a couple months, sometimes a couple weeks. Its ok for my parents to take care of her about 10 months of the year, but, when it comes to my uncle, having gram there for a month "gets to be too much". Its so sad!
Again, I am sorry!

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

Posted by Kate07

Posted by Blu-ize

you need to call your brother on this. He needs to take some responsibility.

I agree

Re: Well, another family member bites the dust

I'm sorry Beth. I hope your brother realizes that he's being selfish and comes around soon.