You must first be logged in to post a new topic.
If you are not registered, please click "Create Account".
| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 |
Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
|
Renewel is OFF. (vent)
its off. for now at least.
the problem lies with my whole fmaily STILL not accepting my marriage. i just got off hte phone yelling and crying with my mother. she wont stop defending my stepdad. the whole fmaily revolves around him.
i refuse to have another wedding without my little sisters and brother.
my mom just told me th reason why they are not allowed to see me when i am with DH is b/c my dad thinks he is---get this---- a child molester .
yeah because i was a "child" and he was an "adult" when we got together and he "took advantage of me". I am SO sick and tired of this.
yet it is ok for my stepfather to have been abusive to me and borderline sexually abusive as well?! what the helll?
i dont know what to do anymore. my stepdad is the whole reason we can not havea normal life. we cant do christmas with the family, i cant take him to my sisters' birthday parties and all of that.
i dont want to lose the relationship i have with my mother and the kids, but i think its time i give my dad an altimatum. i just cant go on living like this anymore.
either he makes an effort with kevin, or i dont want him in my life. and that will in turn make my relationship with my mom and the kids almost non-existant.
my mom keeps telling ME to go to my dad and make an effort or even DH?!?!?! i have gone to my dad a bunch of times and it gets us NOWHERE. he knew i was getting married but thought i wouldnt go through with it. So the week when we got back and i saw him he yelled at me and said he didnt want me in his house anymore. :(
i am still crying here right now. it shouldnt have to be this hard. i just dont know what to do naymore. i am not happy with my life like this.
my mom claims she is not taking my dads side, but SHE IS.
she says she is the way she is to avoid arguments, but i told her i am her DAUGHTER. if HE wants to argue with her about her seeing me and my husband than that just proves how stupid and immature HE is and she needs ot ignore it and simply walk away.
sorry, i just needed to vent about this. i am so upset and dont know who to turn to. i dont want to talk to DH about it b/c i dont want to make him feel bad.
(sorry i know this IS family related, but i tend to stick to this board)
Message edited 7/28/2005 3:22:43 PM.
|
Posted 7/28/05 3:22 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:28 PM |
| |
|
jms100303
Luv my munchkins
Member since 5/05 4789 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Jess I am so sorry you are still going through with this. It is awful you don't have the support of your family, especially your mom. Try taking some time apart, give it a few months and see if they will come around. The accusations are ridiculous.
I hope it works out for you. I can understand how upset you must be.
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:31 PM |
| |
|
Giannas-mama
Happy Birthday baby girl!!
Member since 5/05 1663 total posts
Name:
Nicole
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:32 PM |
| |
|
Bebalina
<3
Member since 6/05 2922 total posts
Name:
N
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
wow...I don't think your mom should have to choose sides btwn u and him....and if shes willing to then enuff said (JMO)
you have to do what'll make you happy not them...its ur life...
i hope it works out for you...heres lots of for you.
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:35 PM |
| |
|
karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
I have no suggestions or advice -- wish I could fix it for you -- but I want to offer lots of s
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:36 PM |
| |
|
MsMa
Momma's Boy ?
Member since 5/05 1453 total posts
Name:
Meri
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
First off
Second excuse me if this is out of line but given the situation I think your step-dad is jealous of your DH because you are with him now and not one of his "kids" living under his roof by his rules. It also seems that he has feeling for you more than just his "daughter".
JMO good luck I feel for you nobody should have to choose between there family and there DH whom is now there family
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:38 PM |
| |
|
dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Jess, I am so sorry your stepfather is ruining your plans to renew your vows with Kevin with your family present
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:41 PM |
| |
|
FLaCaTaCa
Kelsey Elyse = Love
Member since 5/05 1855 total posts
Name:
Stacy
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
I am so sorry hunny!
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:42 PM |
| |
|
Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Posted by MsMa
Second excuse me if this is out of line but given the situation I think your step-dad is jealous of your DH because you are with him now and not one of his "kids" living under his roof by his rules. It also seems that he has feeling for you more than just his "daughter".
youre not out of line. poeple tell me this. even his SISTER said this to me. i am slowly starting to agree more and more as i think back over the years at stuff.
i brought this to my moms attention today and she was kind of shocked. immediate defense mode, but thats ex[ected. i will talk to her more when she gets back to NY.
i dont want my mo to have to choose between us. i just want her to STOP being controlled by him and have a REAL realtionship with me. not one where she feels the need to be like "dont tell dad i came over your apartment" , "dont let him know kevin was home", "i didnt tell him i brought Toby over (the dog)"
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:44 PM |
| |
|
dld4e
I ♥ my boys!
Member since 5/05 4461 total posts
Name:
DJ
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
awww sorry you are going through this...
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:47 PM |
| |
|
Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
thank you everyone.
i am just so discouraged b/c i thought this would be over by now.
the thing thast bothers me the most is that i dont even WANT my fathers "approval".
i just want to be able to see my family on special occasions and stuff with Dh
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:54 PM |
| |
|
Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
oh Jess, I'm sorry. I wish I could say something to make it better but I can't. I hope you are able to resolve things first.
|
| Posted 7/28/05 3:59 PM |
| |
|
MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Posted by Lolita4Life
Posted by MsMa
Second excuse me if this is out of line but given the situation I think your step-dad is jealous of your DH because you are with him now and not one of his "kids" living under his roof by his rules. It also seems that he has feeling for you more than just his "daughter".
youre not out of line. poeple tell me this. even his SISTER said this to me. i am slowly starting to agree more and more as i think back over the years at stuff.
i brought this to my moms attention today and she was kind of shocked. immediate defense mode, but thats ex[ected. i will talk to her more when she gets back to NY.
i dont want my mo to have to choose between us. i just want her to STOP being controlled by him and have a REAL realtionship with me. not one where she feels the need to be like "dont tell dad i came over your apartment" , "dont let him know kevin was home", "i didnt tell him i brought Toby over (the dog)"
first endless for you.
There is nothing normal about your mom having to hide the fact that she is seeing you from your step-dad, and the fact that she doesn't see that is disturbing. He sounds like a complete control freak, and if he doesn't like DH that's his problem, but really he should not deny you your family, nor should he want to deny your mother her right to see you all.
One of the biggest indicators of an emotionally abusive relationship is one where the abuser will take very calculated steps to form rifts between their SO & their friends & family - supposedly to remove any chances of an outside person calling them out as an abuser. It seems that not only is he abusing your mom, but also that he might be fearful that DH will "out him" as an abuser, especially since he is older & not a "kid" that he can control.
|
| Posted 7/28/05 4:18 PM |
| |
|
FeliciaDP
♥
Member since 5/05 18599 total posts
Name:
Mommy
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Jess.. I have no real advice, I am just so sorry you have to go through this ..
|
| Posted 7/28/05 4:28 PM |
| |
|
Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Im so sorry
|
| Posted 7/28/05 4:31 PM |
| |
|
lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
I am so sorry you are going through this!
|
| Posted 7/28/05 5:11 PM |
| |
|
Mrs-Boop
My Babies
Member since 5/05 4956 total posts
Name:
Jaime
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
I'm so sorry!! If I were you, not to try and start anything with your stepdad, but I would just start showing up at your moms with you DH, what is he going to do? Kick him out, then he'll look like an a$$ in front of the other kids. This is your mother and your siblings, he has no right to stop you and your husband from coming to see everyone else. And its not right that your mom is siding with him. If he doesn't like your DH that much, have your mom tell him to go out because your coming over for dinner. I am so sorry. Has your DH ever tried to have a talk alone with him?? I hope everything works out!!
|
| Posted 7/28/05 5:19 PM |
| |
|
Jeannad67
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 380 total posts
Name:
Jeanna
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Im sorry this is happening to you
i was married without either parent in attendance. to this day i dont speak to my dad. there is no way of making any of this easier, but i know that i am so fortunate to have DH as my family, and even if we are the only 2 together for a holiday, then its enough. You and kevin are a family, people need to accept that.
If you want to FM someone who understands family disasters, feel free, im here.
|
| Posted 7/28/05 6:17 PM |
| |
|
JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
|
| Posted 7/28/05 6:42 PM |
| |
|
SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
I'm sorry you're going through this
|
| Posted 7/28/05 6:44 PM |
| |
|
MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Posted by MsMBV
first endless for you.
There is nothing normal about your mom having to hide the fact that she is seeing you from your step-dad, and the fact that she doesn't see that is disturbing. He sounds like a complete control freak, and if he doesn't like DH that's his problem, but really he should not deny you your family, nor should he want to deny your mother her right to see you all.
i totally agree with this!!!!
jess, i'm so sorry you have to go thru this!!!! We're here for you WHENEVER you want to vent!!!!
|
| Posted 7/28/05 6:49 PM |
| |
|
BethGail
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 179 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
jess i am so sorry you have to go trhough this all the in the world!
|
| Posted 7/28/05 8:41 PM |
| |
|
Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
What about Kevins family? Are they supportive? If you want this renewal for the two of you than you should have it and let your mom decide if it is important for her to be there...I hope she chooses wisely
|
| Posted 7/28/05 10:24 PM |
| |
|
suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Renewel is OFF. (vent)
Jessica, do NOT let that stop you.
My father and his entire family skipped my wedding. But, just having so many other wonderful people there made it FABULOUS.
And, you know what: I wouldn't change a thing. Now, DH and I truly know who the people are who REALLY love us and want the best for us!
And, you never know- once you plan it and the day comes, your mom might just turn up there with her other children!
Message edited 7/28/2005 10:35:05 PM.
|
| Posted 7/28/05 10:34 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 |
