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MIL vent

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Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

MIL vent

Normally, I have nothing to complain about my MIL, but this is startign to get to me. My MIL lives in another country. She comes to NY about once a year- so she doesn't have too much sight seeing to do. She was planning on coming for the birth for 2 weeks (she has to get back to work). This is her first grandchild.

Just a little background about my MIL- she has raised 4 children, from DH (age 30) to SIl (age 17) pretty much by herself. She is married, but FIL is one of those work, come home and sit by TV kinda guys. He was not involved in raising the kids or doing stuff with them. So now, that her youngest is pretty grown, this time is the first time in her life that she gets to do things for herself, which I totally understand and respect.

Originally, we were planning on moving back to our apartment in the city before the baby comes (April 1). Now we are moving back May 1. We are staying with my mom in LI because I think I want the help when the baby comes. My mother has invited all of DH's family to stay at her house, but only MIL and one SIL is coming.

So DH tells that MIL wants to stay in a hotel in NYC. That she will spend 3 nights at my mom's and the rest of the time in a hotel in Manhattan. HELLO???!!!! Does she realize that she won't be anywhere near her grandchild? She knows how far LI is from the city. No one will be coming to get her and bring her back to LI and the city.

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Posted 3/22/06 10:56 AM
 
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!

Member since 10/05

11561 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: MIL vent

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Maybe she does not realize how long of a trek it would be? Can DH talk to her about the train ride to and from the city and explain that no one will be available to tote her around? She might be thinking that your mom's house is close to NYC.

Posted 3/22/06 10:59 AM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: MIL vent

Since this is the first time I've ever seen you vent over your MIL, may it be the only time.
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Posted 3/22/06 10:59 AM
 

KangaMom
...

Member since 1/06

4593 total posts

Name:

Re: MIL vent

Maybe she doesn't want to feel like she is inconveniencing your family much and also have a little privacy to do what every else she may want to do while in town?

Posted 3/22/06 11:03 AM
 

Dragonfly75
I love Hypnobabies

Member since 3/06

2333 total posts

Name:

Re: MIL vent

She might not realize how far it is and she might also be trying to give you and your family some room. Maybe your DH could explain to her that you would like to have her stay with you and that it is not an imposition.

Posted 3/22/06 11:04 AM
 

-Lisa-
---------------

Member since 5/05

6530 total posts

Name:
Lisa

Re: MIL vent

I actually think its pretty nice of her to not put your mother out. She'll probably be more comfortable in her own space also, and not so on top of everyone.

It was very generous of your mother to offer to put her up, but thats a lot going on in one house - you staying with them, a new baby coming home and out of town guests? I'd probably opt for the hotel too.

Posted 3/22/06 11:06 AM
 

dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!

Member since 10/05

11561 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: MIL vent

Posted by -Lisa-

I actually think its pretty nice of her to not put your mother out. She'll probably be more comfortable in her own space also, and not so on top of everyone.

It was very generous of your mother to offer to put her up, but thats a lot going on in one house - you staying with them, a new baby coming home and out of town guests? I'd probably opt for the hotel too.



Maybe suggest a hotel near your mom's house on LI??? Just an idea...

Posted 3/22/06 11:07 AM
 

Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

Re: MIL vent

Posted by dandr10199


Maybe suggest a hotel near your mom's house on LI??? Just an idea...



I think that is a great compromise too, but she doesn't want one. If she wants to stay in a hotel, she wants to stay in the city.

I should also add that she hasn't seen her daughter who is also coming into town (from Alabama) for the birth.

Message edited 3/22/2006 2:46:30 PM.

Posted 3/22/06 11:12 AM
 

pmpkn087
Life is good...

Member since 9/05

18504 total posts

Name:
Stephanie

Re: MIL vent

Posted by dandr10199

Posted by -Lisa-

I actually think its pretty nice of her to not put your mother out. She'll probably be more comfortable in her own space also, and not so on top of everyone.

It was very generous of your mother to offer to put her up, but thats a lot going on in one house - you staying with them, a new baby coming home and out of town guests? I'd probably opt for the hotel too.



Maybe suggest a hotel near your mom's house on LI??? Just an idea...



I agree. Also, maybe she feels with the baby and your whole family there, the last thing you would want is for her to be there 24/7. Even though I'm sure that's not the case, she may feel badly about that. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 3/22/06 11:12 AM
 

wowcoulditbe
wow, pic is already 1 yr old!!

Member since 1/06

6689 total posts

Name:
D

Re: MIL vent

Could it be possible she doesn't want to "be in the way"? and thats why she is staying so far?? I would say, like a few people have, to try and either talk to her heart to heart yourself or have dh do it! Chat Icon

Posted 3/22/06 11:23 AM
 

Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

Re: MIL vent

Posted by pmpkn087

I agree. Also, maybe she feels with the baby and your whole family there, the last thing you would want is for her to be there 24/7. Even though I'm sure that's not the case, she may feel badly about that. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon



I discussed this with her and told her I want her there. My "whole family" is just my mom. My dad passed away and my sister lives on LI with her family. I know she doesn't want to be too much, she told me that. And I know she is trying to be considerate of me.

But I told her I want her to be with the baby as much as she wants, because after 2 weeks, we don't know when she will see the baby again. And I really want her there. I get along with her and I feel comfortable with her to be honest about my needs.

I just suggested to DH that she stay in NYC the beginning of the trip. That way if I am late, she can hang out in the city and when I go into labor, she can be near the baby since the hospital is in Manhattan. Then 1 day after I go home, she can come to LI and can come back to the city with us when we go to our apartment and she can stay with us when we go back there.

Posted 3/22/06 11:24 AM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: MIL vent

While you say you want her there with you for 2 weeks, you may feel differently once Baby J arrives. It's tough having a newborn and guests.

Posted 3/22/06 12:05 PM
 

nferrandi
too excited for words

Member since 10/05

18538 total posts

Name:
Nicole

Re: MIL vent

I can totally understand that you want her nearby, but it's honestly uncomfortable staying at someone's house- especially for more than a few days. We just spent 5 days in nebraska at our BEST FRIEND'S house and we still couldn't wait to get home. It's just not comfortable puttering around someone else's house and always feeling like you're putting them out- even if you're not.
In addition, you said that she's coming with her daughter that she hasn't seen in a while, I'm sure she would like to spend some one on one time with her. I'm sure she will spend plenty of time with you and the new baby. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 3/22/06 2:25 PM
 

pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1

Member since 10/05

7395 total posts

Name:
Catherine

Re: MIL vent

Hopefully she will be renting a car so that she can make the trip from NYC to LI on her own since she insists on staying in the city.

Maybe she figures that she will stay in the city since you plan on moving back there in the beginning of May and then she will be closer to you?

Posted 3/23/06 9:30 AM
 

preciouslove
I love my DS!!!

Member since 5/05

9340 total posts

Name:
Blank

Re: MIL vent

Message edited 3/23/2006 10:05:44 AM.

Posted 3/23/06 9:50 AM
 
 

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