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Nevermind

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Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Nevermind

Posted by jacquig

Posted by Naturalmama

Posted by ME75

I'm not going to defend or condone anything i've read here but i will tell you my parents were strict-i mean don't mess with me strict.
i loved them, i respected them-i feared them. all 3 of my siblings knew my parents called the shots and we learned it fast.
they never beat us, the didn't lose their shit and scream or verbally abuse.
i got grounded in high school b.c my dad overheard me say fcuk on the phone!Chat Icon Chat Icon
i got a smack now and then like a quick one on the tush or a pat on the top of my head. they were tough...
and seriously the most amazing parents i could have hoped for.
they didn't put up with shit-they weren't my buddy or my friend. i am so grateful for the discipline and guidance i recieved. i have to say that b.c of their no BS parenting and love my siblings and I all turned out relatively normal and unscathed Chat Icon
we have a wonderful relationship with our parents. my sister even bought the house next door to them! i live around the corner and my brothers live in town.
so i use them as an example. my kids will always know i love them but will always know that for now i am the boss, i follow through. they will not be my "friends" i don't care if they "like" me. i see that way too much these days and think that can be a big mistake.
good luck and sorry your question became a judging and drama post. Chat Icon



Chat Icon Chat Icon My siblings and I were raised the same way and all 3 of us are amazingly close to my mother. I am raising my DS the same way.



Chat Icon My Mother also hit us occasionally punished us and was not there to be our BFF . She didn't beat us black and blue but a whack here and there. She showed us love and discipline and I love my Mother to pieces and most importantly RESPECT her. I try not to hit DD but there are times when she needs a whack on the butt hand whatever.

I for one find it quite ironic that as more and more parents shun the notion of spanking your child on occasion (I'm not talking about beating them that's a totally different scenario IMO) that kids have become increasingly disrespectful not only to their parents but also to other adults.

To each his own. To the OP I didn't see your original post but I assume it has something to do with punishment and a closet.Chat Icon Do what you feel is rightChat Icon



Chat Icon ITA

I feared my father and honestly, doesn't bother me one bit. I think it taught me respect. I honestly think these days things are too lax that children have no manners, too many children rule the roost, and just are blantantly obnoxious and their parents FEAR them.

I think the lack of discipline is just as concerning and harmful to a child as too much discipline.

Message edited 10/28/2012 2:28:23 PM.

Posted 10/28/12 1:48 PM
 
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mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11

Member since 5/05

3133 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Honestly, I'm more horrified at the idea of locking a child in a closet for a time out than what Xelindra described. While what she described is harsh, I don't think we should all judge her and tell her she needs to take parenting classes. I think it's ridiculous that people get sidetracked and make fun o her use of meh. She responded to someone's question about discipline. Why isn't everybody up in arms over the whole closet thing? It's like we gang up. This is why bullying is such a problem.

Posted 10/28/12 2:05 PM
 

schmora15
LIF Adult

Member since 9/08

2437 total posts

Name:

Nevermind

I'm sorry, I hate to even get involved in this, but how can you possibly think it's okay to stick a 3 1/2 year old in a closet? Even if your on the other side of the door?

Posted 10/28/12 3:11 PM
 

JenandMikey
life is good =)

Member since 5/07

4216 total posts

Name:
We're so blessed!

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Goobster

Posted by jacquig

Posted by Naturalmama

Posted by ME75

I'm not going to defend or condone anything i've read here but i will tell you my parents were strict-i mean don't mess with me strict.
i loved them, i respected them-i feared them. all 3 of my siblings knew my parents called the shots and we learned it fast.
they never beat us, the didn't lose their shit and scream or verbally abuse.
i got grounded in high school b.c my dad overheard me say fcuk on the phone!Chat Icon Chat Icon
i got a smack now and then like a quick one on the tush or a pat on the top of my head. they were tough...
and seriously the most amazing parents i could have hoped for.
they didn't put up with shit-they weren't my buddy or my friend. i am so grateful for the discipline and guidance i recieved. i have to say that b.c of their no BS parenting and love my siblings and I all turned out relatively normal and unscathed Chat Icon
we have a wonderful relationship with our parents. my sister even bought the house next door to them! i live around the corner and my brothers live in town.
so i use them as an example. my kids will always know i love them but will always know that for now i am the boss, i follow through. they will not be my "friends" i don't care if they "like" me. i see that way too much these days and think that can be a big mistake.
good luck and sorry your question became a judging and drama post. Chat Icon



Chat Icon Chat Icon My siblings and I were raised the same way and all 3 of us are amazingly close to my mother. I am raising my DS the same way.



Chat Icon My Mother also hit us occasionally punished us and was not there to be our BFF . She didn't beat us black and blue but a whack here and there. She showed us love and discipline and I love my Mother to pieces and most importantly RESPECT her. I try not to hit DD but there are times when she needs a whack on the butt hand whatever.

I for one find it quite ironic that as more and more parents shun the notion of spanking your child on occasion (I'm not talking about beating them that's a totally different scenario IMO) that kids have become increasingly disrespectful not only to their parents but also to other adults.

To each his own. To the OP I didn't see your original post but I assume it has something to do with punishment and a closet.Chat Icon Do what you feel is rightChat Icon



Chat Icon ITA

I feared my father and honestly, doesn't bother me one bit. I think it taught me respect. I honestly think these days things are too lax that children have no manners, too many children rule the roost, and just are blantantly obnoxious and their parents FEAR them.

I think the lack of discipline is just as concerning and harmful to a child as too much discipline.



Ita to all of this!!!!! I'm so sick of the judgement if u choose to discipline your children .....I do not condone abuse and when someone actually thinks that a hit to the tush or hand should be in the same category as beating a child until they need a doctor makes me just shake my head in disgust....respect is earned and this goes both ways a child needs to show respect to get respect and vice versa if a child is showing disrespect then this warrants a parents discipline timeouts hits to the tush or hand taking away toys whatever that may be ....I didn't get To read the op post but I get it had to do with a closet for the discipline I wouldn't personally do it but to each his own

Message edited 10/28/2012 7:03:20 PM.

Posted 10/28/12 6:48 PM
 

CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!

Member since 5/05

13039 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by lipglossjunky73

My Severely abusive mother taught me to fear her and called it respect. The yelling, beatings, and humiliation she inflicted on me would give you ladies nightmares. I'm 38 and still get anxiety thinking of her. Up until my late 20's if I saw a woman with the same shade of blonde as her I would hyperventilate.

That being said, hitting for discipline (outside of a rare spanking for a dangerous behavior) and aversive punishers are not useful in teaching anything. That is why they are not recommended. Teaching and reinforcing is what will help a child. Not fear. Not hurting them emotionally or physically. When a person hits or uses control strategies over a kid, it's about the adults anger more than the child's lesson. I am a behaviorist as a profession. This is backed by science.

Time outs are time out from a reinforcing activity. Nothing a out chairs, corners, or closets. Your simply ignoring a behavior can be considered a time out. I started giving time outs at 10 mts old. He would Do something after I said no. I would say time out, plunk him a few inches away from the scene of the crime and walk away. He got it right away and followed time outs until they were no longer needed at age 3.

Because of both my upbringing and my professional training, proper and appropriate behavioral strategies are very important to me.




I completely agree. Men beat their wives and call it teaching respect but we all know it's not. I truly don't understand why a parent hitting a child is called discipline but if the same person hit a stranger it's called assault? Chat Icon

Posted 10/28/12 8:11 PM
 

dm24angel
Happiness

Member since 5/05

34581 total posts

Name:
Donna

Re: Nevermind

1

Message edited 10/28/2012 11:30:12 PM.

Posted 10/28/12 10:23 PM
 

Ltdentway99
LIF Adult

Member since 9/06

1752 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

If I were to be locked in a closet I would have a panic attack and start screaming. If you do that to a child they will get traumatized and not think too highly of the person who did that to them. Also, if the child tells a teacher, expect a visit from child protective services. That is considered a form of abuse and you get your kids taken from you. There is definitely a correlation between being harshly disciplined and aggression and/or low self-esteem in children.

Posted 10/28/12 10:29 PM
 

dm24angel
Happiness

Member since 5/05

34581 total posts

Name:
Donna

Re: Nevermind

Posted by JenandMikey

Posted by Goobster

Posted by jacquig

Posted by Naturalmama

Posted by ME75

I'm not going to defend or condone anything i've read here but i will tell you my parents were strict-i mean don't mess with me strict.
i loved them, i respected them-i feared them. all 3 of my siblings knew my parents called the shots and we learned it fast.
they never beat us, the didn't lose their shit and scream or verbally abuse.
i got grounded in high school b.c my dad overheard me say fcuk on the phone!Chat Icon Chat Icon
i got a smack now and then like a quick one on the tush or a pat on the top of my head. they were tough...
and seriously the most amazing parents i could have hoped for.
they didn't put up with shit-they weren't my buddy or my friend. i am so grateful for the discipline and guidance i recieved. i have to say that b.c of their no BS parenting and love my siblings and I all turned out relatively normal and unscathed Chat Icon
we have a wonderful relationship with our parents. my sister even bought the house next door to them! i live around the corner and my brothers live in town.
so i use them as an example. my kids will always know i love them but will always know that for now i am the boss, i follow through. they will not be my "friends" i don't care if they "like" me. i see that way too much these days and think that can be a big mistake.
good luck and sorry your question became a judging and drama post. Chat Icon



Chat Icon Chat Icon My siblings and I were raised the same way and all 3 of us are amazingly close to my mother. I am raising my DS the same way.



Chat Icon My Mother also hit us occasionally punished us and was not there to be our BFF . She didn't beat us black and blue but a whack here and there. She showed us love and discipline and I love my Mother to pieces and most importantly RESPECT her. I try not to hit DD but there are times when she needs a whack on the butt hand whatever.

I for one find it quite ironic that as more and more parents shun the notion of spanking your child on occasion (I'm not talking about beating them that's a totally different scenario IMO) that kids have become increasingly disrespectful not only to their parents but also to other adults.

To each his own. To the OP I didn't see your original post but I assume it has something to do with punishment and a closet.Chat Icon Do what you feel is rightChat Icon



Chat Icon ITA

I feared my father and honestly, doesn't bother me one bit. I think it taught me respect. I honestly think these days things are too lax that children have no manners, too many children rule the roost, and just are blantantly obnoxious and their parents FEAR them.

I think the lack of discipline is just as concerning and harmful to a child as too much discipline.



Ita to all of this!!!!! I'm so sick of the judgement if u choose to discipline your children .....I do not condone abuse and when someone actually thinks that a hit to the tush or hand should be in the same category as beating a child until they need a doctor makes me just shake my head in disgust....respect is earned and this goes both ways a child needs to show respect to get respect and vice versa if a child is showing disrespect then this warrants a parents discipline timeouts hits to the tush or hand taking away toys whatever that may be ....I didn't get To read the op post but I get it had to do with a closet for the discipline I wouldn't personally do it but to each his own



I'm trying to feel this way , the same way.

I do NOT equate a smack to abuse..not at ALL . And I have smacked my kids hands in danger, butts etc. But I am in the realm of thinking I could have done it better, and most of the time for me, it is done out of frustration and anger, not out of love , and discipline...so I guess I am using that as my reference and should not.

I try to understand this, and I am sensitive to children and a bad childhood, so I admit I am overly sensitive, but some of these remarks just bothered me ( on this thread)....

The idea of " I'm the boss"....It bugs me because its just in essence wrong. ( to me of course )...I dont understand what we are teaching our children if they respond only because we are the "boss"..thats NOT respect. not at all. But again, I hate making judgements, fear ( know) I am and I do apologize for my judgements...I just feel so sensitive to this.

Posted 10/28/12 10:29 PM
 

MrsA1012
she is here :)

Member since 9/10

5586 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Saphire01

If I were to be locked in a closet I would have a panic attack and start screaming. If you do that to a child they will get traumatized and not think too highly of the person who did that to them. Also, if the child tells a teacher, expect a visit from child protective services. That is considered a form of abuse and you get your kids taken from you. There is definitely a correlation between being harshly disciplined and aggression and/or low self-esteem in children.



Yup, as a mandated reporter, I would likely call it in.

Posted 10/28/12 10:43 PM
 

EatingMyVeggies

Member since 1/12

6667 total posts

Name:

Nevermind

Here's just something that I think explains why people were upset over the hitting debate.

Quick swat on the behind that is covered by clothes is viewed by most as innocent, even if we don't agree.

This, for me, is what stood out to me and what I don't agree with:

"You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round."

Slaps on thigh that leaves red marks and even doing a second round.

I know many argue that kids are more out of line these days because they don't fear their parents or get hit, but if you're leaving red marks and on a tender area such as young child's thigh with their thin skin that's only maybe a handful of years old, that I can't get on board with.

I'm trying not to judge, I kinda like that poster, but I keep thinking of that part of the post.

Doesn't inflicting pain on your child only hurt YOU, kwim? (universal you)...oause some little person pain with a red mark...IDK. I'm try to comprehend it.

Message edited 10/28/2012 10:46:14 PM.

Posted 10/28/12 10:43 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Nevermind

Posted by dm24angel

Posted by JenandMikey

Posted by Goobster

Posted by jacquig

Posted by Naturalmama

Posted by ME75

I'm not going to defend or condone anything i've read here but i will tell you my parents were strict-i mean don't mess with me strict.
i loved them, i respected them-i feared them. all 3 of my siblings knew my parents called the shots and we learned it fast.
they never beat us, the didn't lose their shit and scream or verbally abuse.
i got grounded in high school b.c my dad overheard me say fcuk on the phone!Chat Icon Chat Icon
i got a smack now and then like a quick one on the tush or a pat on the top of my head. they were tough...
and seriously the most amazing parents i could have hoped for.
they didn't put up with shit-they weren't my buddy or my friend. i am so grateful for the discipline and guidance i recieved. i have to say that b.c of their no BS parenting and love my siblings and I all turned out relatively normal and unscathed Chat Icon
we have a wonderful relationship with our parents. my sister even bought the house next door to them! i live around the corner and my brothers live in town.
so i use them as an example. my kids will always know i love them but will always know that for now i am the boss, i follow through. they will not be my "friends" i don't care if they "like" me. i see that way too much these days and think that can be a big mistake.
good luck and sorry your question became a judging and drama post. Chat Icon



Chat Icon Chat Icon My siblings and I were raised the same way and all 3 of us are amazingly close to my mother. I am raising my DS the same way.



Chat Icon My Mother also hit us occasionally punished us and was not there to be our BFF . She didn't beat us black and blue but a whack here and there. She showed us love and discipline and I love my Mother to pieces and most importantly RESPECT her. I try not to hit DD but there are times when she needs a whack on the butt hand whatever.

I for one find it quite ironic that as more and more parents shun the notion of spanking your child on occasion (I'm not talking about beating them that's a totally different scenario IMO) that kids have become increasingly disrespectful not only to their parents but also to other adults.

To each his own. To the OP I didn't see your original post but I assume it has something to do with punishment and a closet.Chat Icon Do what you feel is rightChat Icon



Chat Icon ITA

I feared my father and honestly, doesn't bother me one bit. I think it taught me respect. I honestly think these days things are too lax that children have no manners, too many children rule the roost, and just are blantantly obnoxious and their parents FEAR them.

I think the lack of discipline is just as concerning and harmful to a child as too much discipline.



Ita to all of this!!!!! I'm so sick of the judgement if u choose to discipline your children .....I do not condone abuse and when someone actually thinks that a hit to the tush or hand should be in the same category as beating a child until they need a doctor makes me just shake my head in disgust....respect is earned and this goes both ways a child needs to show respect to get respect and vice versa if a child is showing disrespect then this warrants a parents discipline timeouts hits to the tush or hand taking away toys whatever that may be ....I didn't get To read the op post but I get it had to do with a closet for the discipline I wouldn't personally do it but to each his own



I'm trying to feel this way , the same way.

I do NOT equate a smack to abuse..not at ALL . And I have smacked my kids hands in danger, butts etc. But I am in the realm of thinking I could have done it better, and most of the time for me, it is done out of frustration and anger, not out of love , and discipline...so I guess I am using that as my reference and should not.

I try to understand this, and I am sensitive to children and a bad childhood, so I admit I am overly sensitive, but some of these remarks just bothered me ( on this thread)....

The idea of " I'm the boss"....It bugs me because its just in essence wrong. ( to me of course )...I dont understand what we are teaching our children if they respond only because we are the "boss"..thats NOT respect. not at all. But again, I hate making judgements, fear ( know) I am and I do apologize for my judgements...I just feel so sensitive to this.



I understand what you are saying. But I don't think young children or teens are capable of learning to "respect" in the sense that someone older can feel respect for their parents based on choices they made or the way they raised them. That's why parents being the "boss" to me is the main way children can learn respect, until they are older and can grasp the concept of the difficulty of parenting and keeping your kids safe without also them fearing you.

Until you can be their "friend", they need to have respect with some fear of consequence. Unless you have a total angel, I do think a child should be afraid if they disobey their parents (who are trying to keep them safe, have manners, well rounded, etc) that their parents will be very angry and there will be a consequence. For some children, taking away toys and time outs will NOT work. What then?

Message edited 10/28/2012 10:53:03 PM.

Posted 10/28/12 10:44 PM
 

dm24angel
Happiness

Member since 5/05

34581 total posts

Name:
Donna

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Goobster

I understand what you are saying. But I don't think young children or teens are capable of learning to "respect" in the sense that someone older can feel respect for their parents based on choices they made or the way they raised them. That's why parents being the "boss" to me is the main way children can learn respect, until they are older and can grasp the concept of the difficulty of parenting and keeping your kids safe without also them fearing you.



I can see what your saying. I don't know really how I feel about it ya know? I would give it a lot of thought, but I understand your arguement....Not to say i don't actually DO this...wish my kids behaved , even if it was out of fear Chat Icon ...but then if I REALLY thought about it, I would wish their was another way.

Posted 10/28/12 10:51 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Nevermind

Posted by dm24angel

Posted by Goobster

I understand what you are saying. But I don't think young children or teens are capable of learning to "respect" in the sense that someone older can feel respect for their parents based on choices they made or the way they raised them. That's why parents being the "boss" to me is the main way children can learn respect, until they are older and can grasp the concept of the difficulty of parenting and keeping your kids safe without also them fearing you.



I can see what your saying. I don't know really how I feel about it ya know? I would give it a lot of thought, but I understand your arguement....Not to say i don't actually DO this...wish my kids behaved , even if it was out of fear Chat Icon ...but then if I REALLY thought about it, I would wish their was another way.



I don't know if there is. I think with every child and every situation, it will vary too much. Of course some situations are abusive, some are borderline abusive but many are just parents trying to teach their child they need to listen, to pay respect to their parents words/wishes, and if not, there is a consequence. And for some kids, time out alone or taking a toy away alone may not work.

Posted 10/28/12 10:55 PM
 

saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!

Member since 5/05

16555 total posts

Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...

Re: Nevermind

Posted by mosh913

Honestly, I'm more horrified at the idea of locking a child in a closet for a time out than what Xelindra described. While what she described is harsh, I don't think we should all judge her and tell her she needs to take parenting classes. I think it's ridiculous that people get sidetracked and make fun o her use of meh. She responded to someone's question about discipline. Why isn't everybody up in arms over the whole closet thing? It's like we gang up. This is why bullying is such a problem.



I def see more posts about the closet them over xelindra's annoying use of *meh*. It really blows my mind that the op uses a closet. A chair, a corner, anything. I put dd in time out in our dining room, and leave her thee. The idea is not to talk to them, let thm "think about" what they've done, no?

I'd never ever use a closet, just never.

Posted 10/28/12 11:20 PM
 

cds58019
The loves of my life :)

Member since 6/08

4276 total posts

Name:
Candice

Re: Nevermind

I dont know. I dont see the whole closet thing to be such a horrible thing. I think it honestly depends on the child. I know if I were to put either of my twins in a closet as a punishment they wouldn't be phased at all. They would be having a blast ripping all the clothes of the hangers, etc. They go in the closets all the time on their own. They close each other in the coat closet all the time and are never scared from it. I personally wouldnt choose that option as punishment but I know if I did my kids would definitely not be mentally scarred.

Posted 10/28/12 11:20 PM
 

mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11

Member since 5/05

3133 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by cds58019

I dont know. I dont see the whole closet thing to be such a horrible thing. I think it honestly depends on the child. I know if I were to put either of my twins in a closet as a punishment they wouldn't be phased at all. They would be having a blast ripping all the clothes of the hangers, etc. They go in the closets all the time on their own. They close each other in the coat closet all the time and are never scared from it. I personally wouldnt choose that option as punishment but I know if I did my kids would definitely not be mentally scarred.



That's just your kids though. Also, them playing and you using it as a punishment are 2 different things. My kids go in closets all the time and would FREAK if I put them there for a time out.

Posted 10/29/12 12:02 AM
 

cds58019
The loves of my life :)

Member since 6/08

4276 total posts

Name:
Candice

Re: Nevermind

Posted by mosh913

Posted by cds58019

I dont know. I dont see the whole closet thing to be such a horrible thing. I think it honestly depends on the child. I know if I were to put either of my twins in a closet as a punishment they wouldn't be phased at all. They would be having a blast ripping all the clothes of the hangers, etc. They go in the closets all the time on their own. They close each other in the coat closet all the time and are never scared from it. I personally wouldnt choose that option as punishment but I know if I did my kids would definitely not be mentally scarred.



That's just your kids though.



That's what Im saying though...maybe the OP knows that her child wouldnt flip a shit being in the closet for a time out and that's why she felt comfortable doing it.

It wouldnt be my first choice as punishment but it I have heard of plenty of things that are a lot worse.

Posted 10/29/12 12:40 AM
 

CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!

Member since 5/05

13039 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by EatingMyVeggies



"You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round."






This is what gets me to. It became a power struggle and it could only escalate which means hitter harder and harder. Her daughter's reaction also it troubling to me. She is already testing her mother when it comes to be threatened with hitting. As if she is daring her mother to hit her harder and harder because her mom can't intimidate her with physical violence anymore. And, this poster has posted other things over the years that make me feel her daughter's safety is in jeopardy.

Posted 10/29/12 8:52 AM
 

mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!

Member since 3/09

8584 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: Nevermind

Posted by CookiePuss

Posted by EatingMyVeggies



"You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round."






This is what gets me to. It became a power struggle and it could only escalate which means hitter harder and harder. Her daughter's reaction also it troubling to me. She is already testing her mother when it comes to be threatened with hitting. As if she is daring her mother to hit her harder and harder because her mom can't intimidate her with physical violence anymore. And, this poster has posted other things over the years that make me feel her daughter's safety is in jeopardy.




I never get involved in these type of threads because I don't like to be apart of judging anyone I don't really know IRL. I always try to remember the text on these boards could be taken out of context easily. However I really agree here. I'm very shocked at the harsh punishments described and I can't imagine how fearful this child must be.

Posted 10/29/12 9:46 AM
 

brownie
Baby #1 is here!

Member since 11/08

13903 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by cds58019

I dont know. I dont see the whole closet thing to be such a horrible thing. I think it honestly depends on the child. I know if I were to put either of my twins in a closet as a punishment they wouldn't be phased at all. They would be having a blast ripping all the clothes of the hangers, etc. They go in the closets all the time on their own. They close each other in the coat closet all the time and are never scared from it. I personally wouldnt choose that option as punishment but I know if I did my kids would definitely not be mentally scarred.



Same. My parents did some stuff like this to me and worse and while I wouldn't do it now or advocate it, it definitely didn't scar me. Chat Icon They spanked me but DH and I don't (and refuse to) spank our kid(s).

Message edited 10/29/2012 11:09:23 AM.

Posted 10/29/12 11:08 AM
 

MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!

Member since 8/09

6631 total posts

Name:
M

Re: Nevermind

I never want my child to fear me, fear does not equal respect. Children who fear their parents are the same that can't turn to them at times of need. If they are struggling at school, or became pregnant, etc, they fear their parents so much, they will not reach out to them. I don't want to be an alarmist, but I fear these will be the children that would kill themselves, rather than tell their parents something. Not your children, but children raised in a culture of fear.

Posted 10/29/12 11:21 AM
 

brownie
Baby #1 is here!

Member since 11/08

13903 total posts

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Re: Nevermind

Posted by MrsH2009

I never want my child to fear me, fear does not equal respect. Children who fear their parents are the same that can't turn to them at times of need. If they are struggling at school, or became pregnant, etc, they fear their parents so much, they will not reach out to them. I don't want to be an alarmist, but I fear these will be the children that would kill themselves, rather than tell their parents something. Not your children, but children raised in a culture of fear.



I agree with this but I also think a kid having a little fear of one parent can help...it's definitely a fine line though.

I also think there's no one right formula for parenting and instead of saying 'you are a terrible parent for doing this' a better idea is 'try this, it's helped me with my 3yr old" etc. Chat Icon

Posted 10/29/12 11:31 AM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Nevermind

I fear for the children who have been told they are spirited. Terrible 2s turning into terrible 3s..turning into fu@$ing 4s....
If you do not want or enjoy spending the day with your child-no one ele will.
Make children that people will want to be around. That is our job.

Posted 10/29/12 11:33 AM
 

Naturalmama
Love my boys!!

Member since 1/12

2432 total posts

Name:
Christine

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Janice

I fear for the children who have been told they are spirited. Terrible 2s turning into terrible 3s..turning into fu@$ing 4s....
If you do not want or enjoy spending the day with your child-no one ele will.
Make children that people will want to be around. That is our job.



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I couldn't agree with this post more!!

Posted 10/29/12 12:15 PM
 

hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son

Member since 1/09

4169 total posts

Name:
Melody

Re: Nevermind

I think some of the responses are over the top re: a swat of a hand or spank on the thigh twice in a lifetime. meanwhile there are parents out there whose kids are bad as hell and they'll stand there like idiots til their blue in the face "little timmy, what did mommy say? stop that little timmy...mommy's not happy, you're gonna get a time out! I'm gonna count to three, one two three, I'm serious! I'm not kidding!..." I don't believe in hitting children...but if a little swat gets their attention when all else is failing...I'm not going to judge it.

the closet thing worries me more than a swat does.

Message edited 10/29/2012 12:33:46 PM.

Posted 10/29/12 12:33 PM
 
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