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Nevermind

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EatingMyVeggies

Member since 1/12

6667 total posts

Name:

Nevermind

This part :

"She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it. "

Sounds great. You can go directly to this part without the hitting. No tears for anyone. Easy peasy. Way more productive. IMO.

Message edited 10/27/2012 10:09:57 AM.

Posted 10/27/12 10:08 AM
 
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *

Member since 2/09

6198 total posts

Name:
Gina

Re: Nevermind

Posted by lbride

Posted by Xelindrya

#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.

#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.

Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."

Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.

I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.

At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.

I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.

Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.

I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).

AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.

There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.

Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.

Good Luck



wow this is scary...



Im at a loss for words... I had to stop reading after a certain point. Your child is going to end up fearing you and will prob end up keeping a lot from you as she gets older as a result. I really feel bad for her. Chat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 10:30 AM
 

irwin59
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/12

31 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

I AM TRULY 5 SECONDS FROM CALLING CPS ..THIS IS SICK VERONICA THE WAY YOU AARE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER IS DEMENTED ... SHE HAS TO EARN YOUR RESPECT ??? THE CLOSET POST IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY SHAME ON YOU ...I AM SORRY THAT IS SICK...MY SON WOULD BE TERRIFIED ..CHRIST WHAT ARE WE DOING TO THESE KIDS ... I AM SO SAD I WISH I DID NOT READ THIS :( HOW CAN I NOT WANT TO HELP .....WE ARE TALKING BOUT HITTING 10 MONTH OLDS AND LOCKIG KIDS IN CLOSETS .. THIS IS TRULY A SHAMEChat Icon

Message edited 10/27/2012 11:25:03 AM.

Posted 10/27/12 11:20 AM
 

joey1974
LIF Infant

Member since 8/12

176 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Xelindrya

#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.

#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.

Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."

Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.

I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.

At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.

I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.

Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.

I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).

AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.

There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.

Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.

Good Luck



OK re-read and I changed my mind.

Message edited 10/27/2012 12:20:27 PM.

Posted 10/27/12 11:46 AM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Nevermind


I set the tone early on...i do not have to hit, yell, timeout...they learned early on that there is behavior that i accept and will reject.
I never did a closet...but i have put them on back deck and said we do not act like that. That was done once or twice.

Message edited 10/27/2012 12:50:13 PM.

Posted 10/27/12 12:48 PM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Nevermind

Posted by HeathKernandez

But what you're not telling us is your closets are 900 square feet. Remember when we were kids getting sent to one's bedroom was THE WORST?

Now it's like 'go to your room!
'oh you mean my multi-media hub?!'

Chat Icon




My thoughts exactlyChat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 1:01 PM
 

Celt
~~~~~~~~~~

Member since 4/08

7758 total posts

Name:
colette

Re: Nevermind

Scary and disappointing to read these disciplinary tactics in 2012, at the end of a week with so much tragedy involving little children. Chat Icon

I'll point out that even in my son's daycare the disciplinary rules CLEARLY stated they cannot/will not use isolation/dark rooms as a punishment - EVER. It's just not done. It's just not necessary. And yes, it is damaging.

And for Veronica, I'm normally uber-live-and-let-live about how people discipline their kids. The occasional swat certainly doesn't offend me. Actual hitting? Yes, it does offend me and I would have 0 respect for anyone I saw hitting a 10 MONTH OLD INFANT. I'm glad I wasn't in the parking lot near you that day, I would have FLIPPED MY SHIT if I observed it.

I think we all live and learn with this discipline stuff, I have a really nice kid, I want him to stay that way as long as possible - who doesn't??? But I'd rather get there by increasing his COOPERATION vs. establishing SUBMISSION - there is a difference. A big difference. That compliant 3yo today will not be so willing or so afraid when she's a 13yo hellion. I think what bothers me more is the arrogant defense of this really primitive tactic; for the smart and evolved woman you are, this is so incongruous.

Frankly I wouldn't train my DOG using either of your strategies.

Posted 10/27/12 1:27 PM
 

MrsBurtch525
Year for change!

Member since 1/09

6017 total posts

Name:
Taryn

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Bridex100

3.5yo DS is usually pretty well behaved. Once in a while, he will really test us and/or has a full fledged tantrum.

What do you do in these situations?

I've given him a time out in the closet (~10 minutes).

I have also threatened and thrown toys out.

I think we may need something more severe. I don't think DH and I could hit DS even though he probably deserves it occasionally.




I wouldn't recommend timeout in a closet, i imagine that would be pretty traumatic and may cause psychological issues as well being in a closet, especially a dark one.

I usually do a chair in the corner of the kitchen for a couple minutes, she gets the point.

Posted 10/27/12 1:31 PM
 

wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3

Member since 1/09

7393 total posts

Name:
Maureen

Re: Nevermind

Posted by colette
And for Veronica, I'm normally uber-live-and-let-live about how people discipline their kids. The occasional swat certainly doesn't offend me. Actual hitting? Yes, it does offend me and I would have 0 respect for anyone I saw hitting a 10 MONTH OLD INFANT. I'm glad I wasn't in the parking lot near you that day, I would have FLIPPED MY SHIT if I observed it.




I just need to point out that when she was talking about her daughter at 10 months, she said "a swat on the hand or foot," specifically saying enough to get her attention but not cause tears. The actual real hitting (hard slap on the thigh) happened between 2 and 3 years. To be clear, I still don't agree with it. But it seems a few people had that mixed up.

Posted 10/27/12 1:43 PM
 

CookieMomster
Golden

Member since 5/09

6414 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Nevermind

OMG I am so sickened reading this! If you have that little patience, seek help for yourself, not for disciplining your child!!!!!

Posted 10/27/12 2:05 PM
 

nycgirl
Angels!

Member since 3/09

7671 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Discipline is never easy... Or pretty.

Re read the post after having my kid melt down in Gymboree after I told him he had to wait before he could play on the ladders and slides. I made him sit on the mat until the teacher was done with circle time. He screamed horribly.

Out of the kids who were there: 3 were sitting nicely on their own will (all girls more mature), 4 were running around and ignoring circle time all together. 2 took off their socks (even though the rules clearly state socks at all times). MIne was throwing a tantrum in the corner. I don't like to publicly discipline him, but I did get a whole hearted thank you from the teacher.

Bad behavior is normal at times. Discipline is hard. There is a big difference between putting a kid in a time out (even in a closet) and literally cutting their throats open. That was an unfair comparison.

Xelindra seems... After reading quite a few of her posts... Like a loving mother who goes all out for her kids. Not CPS material.

Instead of attack... Share your ways of discipline. Mine is not perfect either, but neither is any of yours. The original post was a frustrated mom saying all the things she's tried.

Posted 10/27/12 2:22 PM
 

Peainapod
Peanuts are here!

Member since 1/09

13563 total posts

Name:
Diana

Re: Nevermind

maybe someone should lock your ass up in a closet and see how it feels.


jack gets time out in his room upstairs for like 2-3 min. he has a bookshelf in his room..no toys like his playroom.

the fact that I walked out and left him is enough for him to say sorry and realize he did wrong.

if he's having a total meltdown that he's laying on the floor cyring...i walk away and ignore him. i let him work it out and in 2 min he's fine. I dont give in to the tantrums.

Posted 10/27/12 2:33 PM
 

Stacey1403
Where it all began....

Member since 5/05

24065 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by wingsofsong

Posted by colette
And for Veronica, I'm normally uber-live-and-let-live about how people discipline their kids. The occasional swat certainly doesn't offend me. Actual hitting? Yes, it does offend me and I would have 0 respect for anyone I saw hitting a 10 MONTH OLD INFANT. I'm glad I wasn't in the parking lot near you that day, I would have FLIPPED MY SHIT if I observed it.




I just need to point out that when she was talking about her daughter at 10 months, she said "a swat on the hand or foot," specifically saying enough to get her attention but not cause tears. The actual real hitting (hard slap on the thigh) happened between 2 and 3 years. To be clear, I still don't agree with it. But it seems a few people had that mixed up.



There is NEVER an acceptable reason to put your hands on an infant NEVER!!!

Posted 10/27/12 2:39 PM
 

Jan1975
.

Member since 8/09

3846 total posts

Name:
Sarah

Re: Nevermind

I tell you what, the last thing I would ever want for my children is for them to be afraid of me, that is terrible. I am wondering if some people are confusing "respect" for fear.

Posted 10/27/12 3:20 PM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Nevermind

Posted by SweetApril

I tell you what, the last thing I would ever want for my children is for them to be afraid of me, that is terrible. I am wondering if some people are confusing "respect" for fear.



That is wonderfully put. I never thought of it like that before.

My kids def don't fear me, but i alway thought i needed them to. Respect is a better word.

Posted 10/27/12 3:25 PM
 

ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls

Member since 2/09

20482 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Nevermind

Posted by DumpsterBaby

Posted by KristenRSF

I don't know what is more frightening, your method of parenting or your constant use of "Meh"



I feel like ripping my hair out while I scream "No more meh! No more meh!"



I just literally laughed out loud to this. Chat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 3:25 PM
 

Alexandra17
Keep It Positive

Member since 4/09

6262 total posts

Name:
Alexandra (ali)

Nevermind

Veronica, I think you need to maybe read what you have typed out and take a step back. You need parenting classes and therapy.

Posted 10/27/12 3:41 PM
 

Stacey1403
Where it all began....

Member since 5/05

24065 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Alexandra17

Veronica, I think you need to maybe read what you have typed out and take a step back. You need parenting classes and therapy.


Chat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 3:53 PM
 

saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!

Member since 5/05

16555 total posts

Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Alexandra17

Veronica, I think you need to maybe read what you have typed out and take a step back. You need parenting classes and therapy.



Agreed.

Posted 10/27/12 4:03 PM
 

butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015

Member since 4/06

7390 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

dh and I both agree we would never spank our child. we use time outs. ds would stand or sit in the corner of facing out(not facing the corner) with no toys to play with. We'd tell him what he did wrong, when the time was up, if he wouldn't say what he did wrong and apologize we'd again tell him what he did wrong, reset the time.

I've seen ALOT of posters on here in the past say that they spank their kids. Your kid, nothing I can do about it, just don't do it to my kid. Re: Xelyndria- she isn't in New York where corporal punishment is illegal, perhaps her method is more common by fellow parents in her state. Her kid does behave better than most other kids I've seen.

I think that detaining a kid in a closet will cause psychological issues down the road... I had a mother who if I acted up in the car she'd pull over to the side of the road open up the door and yell at me to get out. I'd start hysterically crying saying I'd behave and she took a LONG time before she'd shut the door and keep driving.... I would have much rather taken a spanking(which was home punishment) than the feeling that my mother would actually leave me and who knows what would happen to me.

Posted 10/27/12 5:20 PM
 

MrsBurtch525
Year for change!

Member since 1/09

6017 total posts

Name:
Taryn

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Xelindrya

#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.

#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.

Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."

Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.

I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.

At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.

I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.

Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.

I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).

AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.

There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.

Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.

Good Luck



No words, i feel bad for your daughter going through that, that seems so harsh. I can't see asking as child do you want me to hit you"...wrong to me. Hitting your child at any age is wrong.

Posted 10/27/12 5:29 PM
 

2boys1girl4me
LIF Infant

Member since 5/12

321 total posts

Name:

Nevermind

My opinion is so strong that these tactics will only create an anxious child. I discipline trust me but my kids feel very comfortable with me knowing I don't take BS from them but don't fear me. My oldest is 14 and he is a respectful well behaved child ( never hit him ever) and we have a great relationship. All my kids know I am in charge at the end of the day but more importantly they feel a level of comfort in their home. Demanding respect and hitting is just abusive IMO.

Posted 10/27/12 5:46 PM
 

WestEndLove
<3

Member since 7/09

1441 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by MrsBurtch525

Posted by Xelindrya

#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.

#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.

Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."

Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.

I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.

At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.

I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.

Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.

I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).

AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.

There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.

Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.

Good Luck



No words, i feel bad for your daughter going through that, that seems so harsh. I can't see asking as child do you want me to hit you"...wrong to me. Hitting your child at any age is wrong.





This is so sickeningChat Icon Chat Icon
I can't even comment BC I'm thinking so many things and how extreme, harsh and wrong this is.

Posted 10/27/12 5:58 PM
 

lipglossjunky73
My Everything!

Member since 11/05

35667 total posts

Name:
<3

Re: Nevermind

My Severely abusive mother taught me to fear her and called it respect. The yelling, beatings, and humiliation she inflicted on me would give you ladies nightmares. I'm 38 and still get anxiety thinking of her. Up until my late 20's if I saw a woman with the same shade of blonde as her I would hyperventilate.

That being said, hitting for discipline (outside of a rare spanking for a dangerous behavior) and aversive punishers are not useful in teaching anything. That is why they are not recommended. Teaching and reinforcing is what will help a child. Not fear. Not hurting them emotionally or physically. When a person hits or uses control strategies over a kid, it's about the adults anger more than the child's lesson. I am a behaviorist as a profession. This is backed by science.

Time outs are time out from a reinforcing activity. Nothing a out chairs, corners, or closets. Your simply ignoring a behavior can be considered a time out. I started giving time outs at 10 mts old. He would Do something after I said no. I would say time out, plunk him a few inches away from the scene of the crime and walk away. He got it right away and followed time outs until they were no longer needed at age 3.

Because of both my upbringing and my professional training, proper and appropriate behavioral strategies are very important to me.

Posted 10/27/12 6:23 PM
 

Jan1975
.

Member since 8/09

3846 total posts

Name:
Sarah

Re: Nevermind

Posted by lipglossjunky73

My Severely abusive mother taught me to fear her and called it respect. The yelling, beatings, and humiliation she inflicted on me would give you ladies nightmares. I'm 38 and still get anxiety thinking of her. Up until my late 20's if I saw a woman with the same shade of blonde as her I would hyperventilate.

That being said, hitting for discipline (outside of a rare spanking for a dangerous behavior) and aversive punishers are not useful in teaching anything. That is why they are not recommended. Teaching and reinforcing is what will help a child. Not fear. Not hurting them emotionally or physically. When a person hits or uses control strategies over a kid, it's about the adults anger more than the child's lesson. I am a behaviorist as a profession. This is backed by science.

Time outs are time out from a reinforcing activity. Nothing a out chairs, corners, or closets. Your simply ignoring a behavior can be considered a time out. I started giving time outs at 10 mts old. He would Do something after I said no. I would say time out, plunk him a few inches away from the scene of the crime and walk away. He got it right away and followed time outs until they were no longer needed at age 3.

Because of both my upbringing and my professional training, proper and appropriate behavioral strategies are very important to me.




Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon That is such a sad story. You are a very strong woman and a good mommy.

Posted 10/27/12 7:14 PM
 
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