Large (future) expenses for your kids

Seems a lot of parents say they need to save $$ to pay for college, weddings, car, and Down payment for child's first home.

How do you personally feel about paying these expenses?


I could see dh and I helping with a car, and state college. We have no intention of helping w a wedding ( I feel like they couple should handle that on their own). We put their own $$ away to help with a down payment, but we wouldn't give our own $ for that. I feel like the kids should stay home as long as they need and save for their own down payment.

What are your plans/ thoughts?

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

If I am in the financial position to do so and my kid is a good hard working adult that I am proud of- I would do all that and more!

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

My parents held their own financially, but they told us early on that we were on our own for cars, college and the wedding.

Yes, they helped here and there where they could, but we did not get a free ride on any of those events.

My husbands parents did the same for him.

We plan to do the same for our kids.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

We paid for our own college, we paid for our wedding, we paid for our house and our own cars.

Hopefully we raise our children with the knowledge to be able to achieve these things on their own as well. I hope they learn how to manage their finances as we were taught by our parents. That, I think is a better gift than being handed any of the above for free.

We might give some financial help like a semi-large gift for their wedding (that they can use however they choose), or pay for groceries every once and a while if they are away at school. But the majority is their responsibility unless I'm a millionaire and have money to burn.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

ahhhhhhh NEEED to? NO.

my parents helped (somewhat) with college and my mom helped where she could with my wedding (my father was deceased).

We are fortunate enough that our children will get 8 semesters full tuition to LIU Post or one of the schools it has reciprocity with so we are not panicking about college (though things change).

Car? I didn't have a car at 16 or 18.

Wedding? We will help if we can, save if we can.

Down payment on a home? No way. Help where and if we can.

Message edited 8/2/2012 11:43:35 AM.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

We have an investment account for DD, we plan on investing the money for her until she graduates college. But depending on our money situation when she needs a car or goes to college, we hope to be able to pay for both of those out of our own savings/pay checks. She'll be able to access the investment account after college or at another point if we feel her maturity level is there. She can decide to keep some of the money invested, pay for a wedding, and/or, use it for a down payment.

Our parents really helped us both with education and other expenses, but we both always worked. The money we made was used as "fun" money. I do agree on staying home for as long as possible if you need to save more than we are willing to give you for a down payment or a wedding.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

I will do anything I can to help with my children's education (provided they are dedicated to it) so they do not start their careers with huge amounts of debt. However, I think some student loans are good and teach responsibility.

As for the rest (cars, weddings, etc.), I don't think about it or plan for it. If I have smart, responsible children and the means I will help where I can.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

my parents helped me out so much over the years and i hope to do that for my kid(s).

as of right now, i have private college covered as long as tuition remission doesn't get pulled from our contract.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

Message edited 8/2/2012 1:07:31 PM.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

We are maintaining and growing accounts for each of the DCs but we prefer to not pay for their college, cars, down payments just because we're their parents. I want my DCs to learn to a strong work ethic, then DH and I plan to give them the money either at their college graduation/wedding days.

I have several acquaintances whose parents or ILs pay some of their bills/living expenses every month. It turns my stomach to hear about people (who are parents themselves) say things like, "We'd be broke if it weren't for my parents" while they drive BMWs or talk about their $9k vacations.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

I would be willing to help as best I can (within reason) for college, and to buy them a reasonable first car.

As far as weddings go, we have no intention of draining our savings for one. They can plan what they can afford-- that's what DH and I did. Same thing goes for a house. There is nothing wrong with renting for a few years to save up for a DP, or to purchase a starter home that you don't plan to stay in forever.

I hate to say it, but the people I know who have been helped a lot financially by parents tend to be the worst about managing money. Why should they be responsible when they know Mom and Dad are going to write a check whenever they ask?

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

I was very lucky that my parents gave me my mom's car when I was 16, paid for college and the majority of my wedding.
I would like to be able to at least go in half for a car, pay for their college, and give them a large chunk for their wedding. If that can't/doesn't happen it won't break my heart, but that is my goal.
In a perfect would I would also like to help with a house, whether that be money, buy their bedroom set, or patio furniture- something like that.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

I feel like we are better off saving this money for our retirement so my kid doesn't have to help me in my 90's b/c I was so generous with him before.

we have a college fund for him and he has a bank account where all of his gift money goes. As far as I am concerned, that is where my buck stops. My husband would probably do all of the above. we will most likely come to a happy medium.

but I am not telling my son about ANY of these monetary windfalls. he is going to go through life thinking he has to bust his ass for what he gets. and be presently surprised when he is rewarded with more than he bargained for, I hope.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

My parents paid for my cars and majority of college though I did supplement with student loans. My DH and I paid for our wedding with a little bit of help from our parents. If my children are responsible, doing well in school and working, then I would have no problem assisting them with the things I got assistance with.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

I think my struggles with finances has helped form me into a much more careful person. I didn’t just SEE the mistakes of my parents or others, I lived with less. I never had a leg up or a safety net. No one has ever ‘helped’ me financially. I’ve gone without food or home for a few months. I’ve been to the food bank. My dad couldn’t afford to make up the difference even if I had asked.

I will try to be able to do more for my daughter (who wouldn’t want to?) But I know I won’t be able to afford to give her any major boosts. I hope to just be able to do more than give $100 to get through a month. I’ve given her a home to come back to, good schools to train her, even paying for private school now. I am trying to spend my money in forming her and her development so she can take care of herself financially. I grew up with my parents debt. Paid their rent for a year, always paid for my baby brothers’ and sister’s school supplies and clothes (thru High School). Bailed my older brother out of jams, etc. I want AJ to have freedom from all of that.

Hrm, guess that also explains why she’s an only child. I hope to have more funds but also know things always seem to ‘happen’. I swear having money in the bank is like BEGGING for disaster to strike.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

Car: Sure, if I can afford to, but the kids better have good grades, be responsible, respectful people...but I'm certainly not just handing them a brand new car.

I work w/ some students who were handed everything in life and they do not appreciate it and jhave come to expect that everything should just be handed to them.

Wedding: Will help in any way that I can.

College: I work in higher education so a good chunk will be taken care of by employer.

House: Hey...If I have money to help out, sure, but I don't see that being the case.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

I grew up in a frugal home. We never had anything extravagant and I think we took one family vacation to disney. I never had expensive clothes etc.

I went to a private college but where I went to school depended largely on who gave me the most money. I was fortunate enough to get large grants to attend my college and only have 1,800 left to pay off.

I had no idea that my parents were squirreling away money all my childhood. I never asked and I NEVER expected them to give DH and I money when we were house searching. Hell, I had no idea that they even had money. That being said, it was soooo appreciated. The really helped our down payment and when we were getting married, they also paid for the venue.

Again, I had no idea they had the means. They aren't rich, they lived humbly and saved all their pennies. Because of that, I am even more touched that they thought of my future.

That being said, DH and I are saving for our DD but I don't want her to think it is owed to her because we are her parents. I hope she works hard on her own and we could surprise her with help like my parents did for me.

Ultimately, I think the greatest thing a parent can do for their children is to have THEIR financial matters in order so that they don't become a financial burden for their children later on in life.

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Message edited 8/2/2012 12:53:53 PM.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

If they go to an in-state college will will pay for it. Other than that, they are on their own. I fdeel like it helps them build character and a good work ethic that way. for their first car, we'll probably match whatever they save for it.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

We hope to help as much as we can for our kids. I would never enable a deadbeat kid, but we hope that we are raising our kids to be fiscally responsible.

We have college accounts as well as general savings accounts. I also plan to force my children to open an IRA as soon as they have their first PT job as a teenager.

All of that said, we will not drain our savings or go into debt to pay for college, wedding, cars, etc. Also, our retirement is our first priority.


ETA: I don't want my kids to leave college with debt. I don't know that we will be able to cover college for all kids regardless of their choice of school. However, I hope they choose schools wisely and keep expenses in mind.

Message edited 8/2/2012 1:21:27 PM.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids

Posted by Ophelia

I feel like we are better off saving this money for our retirement so my kid doesn't have to help me in my 90's b/c I was so generous with him before.

we have a college fund for him and he has a bank account where all of his gift money goes. As far as I am concerned, that is where my buck stops. My husband would probably do all of the above. we will most likely come to a happy medium.

but I am not telling my son about ANY of these monetary windfalls. he is going to go through life thinking he has to bust his ass for what he gets. and be presently surprised when he is rewarded with more than he bargained for, I hope.

Re: Large (future) expenses for your kids