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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
I freely admit that I cannot stand it when a parent smokes.
In front of their kid, never in front of their kid, whatever.
The fact is smoking is known to shorten your life and cause several different kinds of cancer and it's not something you NEED to do.
I think it's crazy selfish for anyone to knowingly do something that they could stop if they wanted to.
Yes, it's an addiction, but so is alcoholism and we don't just brush that off as a "oh well, they are addicted". We make them get help.
They can still be a good parent, but I do think differently about them and it makes me think they are selfish. Just like I thought my DH was selfish when he smoked once Logan was born (and before, but that's beside the point).
I will also freely admit that I am overly emotional and agressive in this issue because of my personal history.
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Posted 1/20/10 12:04 PM  |
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Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
I don't agree with some things I see IRL or with what I read on LIF. Do I say "OH, that person is a horrible parent?" No. Do I  ? SURE..but I don't judge them because whether it's IRL or on here....the child always looks happy. I will only judge you if I see the child is neglected or in danger.
If someone wants to feed their kids chix niggets and fries every night..let them. Do I allow that? NO, but I also have great eaters as kids so I don't know any different. I am sure the reason isn't because they are lazy/bad parents, kwim?
Some kids in my DS's class look like they just rolled out bed. I do when I see them...but who am I to judge them as bad parents? Their could be many reasons as to why they look like that. I do know that those same kids are who my son is laughing and playing with and calls them his "best friends".
Message edited 1/20/2010 12:14:43 PM.
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| Posted 1/20/10 12:10 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by Sweets13
Some kids in my DS's class look like they just rolled out bed. I do when I see them...but who am I to judge them as bad parents? Their could be many reasons as to why they look like that. I do know that those same kids arewho my son is laughing and playing with and calls them his "best friends".
Declan always looks like this because he has his Mama's hair. Swear this kid could put Trump to shame. But he is not in school and when we go out I do try and wet it down and comb it so he doesn't look like he just rolled out of bed
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| Posted 1/20/10 12:15 PM |
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Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by DRMom
Posted by Sweets13
Some kids in my DS's class look like they just rolled out bed. I do when I see them...but who am I to judge them as bad parents? Their could be many reasons as to why they look like that. I do know that those same kids arewho my son is laughing and playing with and calls them his "best friends".
Declan always looks like this because he has his Mama's hair. Swear this kid could put Trump to shame. But he is not in school and when we go out I do try and wet it down and comb it so he doesn't look like he just rolled out of bed
No...you don't understand. They look like they literally rolled out of bed. Hair all over, clothes wrinkled and not matching, sometimes boogy in the eyes I don't  when I see them because like I mentioned above, there MUST be a reason. I mostly when I see them because the mother's are very pretty and dress nice
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| Posted 1/20/10 12:24 PM |
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MrsList
Sweet cheeks
Member since 4/09 1696 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by leighla
I freely admit that I cannot stand it when a parent smokes.
In front of their kid, never in front of their kid, whatever.
The fact is smoking is known to shorten your life and cause several different kinds of cancer and it's not something you NEED to do.
I think it's crazy selfish for anyone to knowingly do something that they could stop if they wanted to.
Yes, it's an addiction, but so is alcoholism and we don't just brush that off as a "oh well, they are addicted". We make them get help.
They can still be a good parent, but I do think differently about them and it makes me think they are selfish. Just like I thought my DH was selfish when he smoked once Logan was born (and before, but that's beside the point).
I will also freely admit that I am overly emotional and agressive in this issue because of my personal history.
I completely agree with you. I had horrible asthma as a child because the adults around me smoked and even worse side effects from the all the steroids I had to take to manage it.
My SIL also smokes and even though she SAYS she doesn't do it around the kids, it affects her health, which is just as important. Her mother died of cancer when SIL and DH were in their early twenties and by smoking, SIL is increasing the risk that she'll either get cancer or die from it - leaving her daughters to grow up without their mother.
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| Posted 1/20/10 12:27 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
As an attorney, I do a LOT of work in family court and regularly appear on neglect cases. I sometimes consider the parents who engage in behavior that lands them in court with their kids in CPS custody "bad" parents. The random parent on the street whose parenting style is different from my own - they are just different. Now, my sister's parenting style on the other hand . . . . . . . . . . 
Message edited 1/20/2010 12:35:53 PM.
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| Posted 1/20/10 12:35 PM |
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Deedlebugs
Blessed
Member since 12/05 10281 total posts
Name:
Kiki
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by 5ofClubs
nothing! I no longer judge other parents! Most parents try their best.
I agree!
ITA, I don't judge peoples parenting (unless they are purposely hurting their children). Its a hard job and I think most of us do the best we can with what we have.
ETA: I consider my DH to be an amazing father to our children and he smokes, he smokes a lot! One has nothing to do with the other. He doesn't smoke in the house or the car so that's all I ask of him. My DD also eats chicken nuggets 3-4 nights a week, to me, its better than her not eating. If that is all she wants that night, well then so be it for now.
Message edited 1/20/2010 12:47:17 PM.
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| Posted 1/20/10 12:38 PM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
I found it!! is this what you were looking for??
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| Posted 1/20/10 12:41 PM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by MrsList
Posted by leighla
I freely admit that I cannot stand it when a parent smokes.
In front of their kid, never in front of their kid, whatever.
The fact is smoking is known to shorten your life and cause several different kinds of cancer and it's not something you NEED to do.
I think it's crazy selfish for anyone to knowingly do something that they could stop if they wanted to.
Yes, it's an addiction, but so is alcoholism and we don't just brush that off as a "oh well, they are addicted". We make them get help.
They can still be a good parent, but I do think differently about them and it makes me think they are selfish. Just like I thought my DH was selfish when he smoked once Logan was born (and before, but that's beside the point).
I will also freely admit that I am overly emotional and agressive in this issue because of my personal history.
I completely agree with you. I had horrible asthma as a child because the adults around me smoked and even worse side effects from the all the steroids I had to take to manage it.
My SIL also smokes and even though she SAYS she doesn't do it around the kids, it affects her health, which is just as important. Her mother died of cancer when SIL and DH were in their early twenties and by smoking, SIL is increasing the risk that she'll either get cancer or die from it - leaving her daughters to grow up without their mother.
I really try not to judge but this is one instance where I cant help it for ALL of the reasons listed above. My grandmother and father both smoked (they'd go in another room as if that really helped ) and I cant help but wonder if I could have been spared a lifetime of wheezing, missing school, shaking because of meds etc. so it infuriates me when I see this.
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| Posted 1/20/10 12:44 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
I dont judge parents whose kids are tearing around the place in public, having tantrums, what they eat, how they are dressed etc etc BUT I have to agree on the smoking thing.
Dh was a smoker since the ripe old age of 12 and while he smoked when we dated and I hated it he never gave them up until the day I got pregnant. He gave them up there and then and I am so proud of him as I know its a hard addiction to give up but he did it for his kids. Also if we are at an outdoor function where someone lights up a cigarette next to where my kids are I will move them away.
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| Posted 1/20/10 1:31 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Like I said, by saying what a poster thinks of a certain situation, smoking, co-sleeping, eating nuggets every night, someone will feel they are personally attacked.
It's not meant to hurt but it is!
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| Posted 1/20/10 2:07 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by smdl
Like I said, by saying what a poster thinks of a certain situation, smoking, co-sleeping, eating nuggets every night, someone will feel they are personally attacked.
It's not meant to hurt but it is!
exactly, human nature is to take it as a personal attack 
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| Posted 1/20/10 2:28 PM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
The original post was deleted so I can't comment on the actual post but rather on the responses...I really have a big problem with people smoking around their kids. If they want to smoke, fine, BUT don't do it in front of your children that can't get away from it. My husband is a heavy smoker (pack a day) but he doesn't smoke in the house nor around our son. The other day he was actually apologizing to me for smoking in front of me when we first moved in together...he feels awful about it now. I would never say though that smokers are bad parents...as long as they control themselves around their children...for their kids' sake.
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| Posted 1/20/10 2:32 PM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by headoverheels
I really do see where rileysmama is coming from - she was simply stating that in that moment, she was judgmental, and it made her feel bad! This is a great opportunity (even if the thread gets pulled) for all of us to stop and think of something that we were once judgmental about, and next time remember that the person you may be judging is a friend, or a mother or father, who is a really great parent and just trying their best.
I agree!
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| Posted 1/20/10 7:04 PM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
I just got back from the diner where my 2 year old cried when we put him in the high chair, refused to eat his grilled cheese (and fries ) and screamed for cake for half the meal (he thought the tzatziki sauce that came with DH's gyro was cake lol). It s*cked. I'm sure some people were judging me, but I'm doing the best that I can and as Kara says, they need to walk a mile in my shoes.
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| Posted 1/20/10 7:14 PM |
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