Does your family support you?

Not DH, but the rest of your family?

I saw my family this past weekend and when I mentioned the $11,000 my mom rolled her eyes and said "Well, you are making the choice to do this."

It kind of shut me down. I feel like I don't want to share anything more with her when she reacts like that.

My sister and dad just ignore that anything is going on at all.

I don't feel like I should have to say to them "This is serious, just support me already and don't be judgemental!" Shouldn't they know that?

Okay, I guess that was a minivent.

Do you have a support system in place besides DH and LIF?

Re: Does your family support you?

Dh and I just started to ttc. So I can't give you a fair answer. But wanna send ya some virtual huggies.

Re: Does your family support you?

I'm not in any position to know what you are going through - we are just in the talking stages of TTC but I can tell you about being on the other side of it.

I have a cousin who has had problems TTC and while some people always push and ask questions I don't want to pry on her business but I let her know that if she ever needs anyone to talk to I am here for her.

I even told her about LIF because I see what all of you girls go through and I think it would help her to know that she is not alone in this battle.

I am sorry for the response that your mom gave, and I can't imagine how much that must have hurt you.

Re: Does your family support you?

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married 11 of them. People ask all the time....do you want kids? I use to just blow people off by saying, "Soon" or "we are trying". Now I come right out and tell people that I have been seeing fertility doctors for the last four years. My family is very supportive and so is my husbands family. He is the only boy and has four sisters!!! I am very open about my fertility problems....makes my life easier....people don't ask why I don't have any children anymore.

In the beginning it was tough because I think people just did'nt understand.

Maybe your family just needs to understand more. People are afraid of what they don't understand. Only people with Infertility problems understand EXACTLY what its all about!

Re: Does your family support you?

Does your mom actually think this is a chose? I am confused why she would react that way. Does she not believe in fertility treatments?

I am VERY sorry about this..how truly sad

Re: Does your family support you?

Re: Does your family support you?

First I'm sorrry they are so insensitive. It's not an excuse, however, it does reflect an inability to project themselves into another's situation. I find that so many people think infertility is something that is all in our heads. Funny, because these are the same people who, if it was happening to them, would probably have the least ability to cope with the situation.

Everyone in our immediate family knows, my good friends know and I even "came out" at work one day. There is one lunch period that is all women in the faculty room and one teacher was going on and on about how her sister, who was married for the first time at 40, conceived her first, no problems, at 41 and her second at 42. I thought she was giving a false sense of hope to many of the woman at the table so I interjected and said, good for her sister but that's not how it works for a majority of women and I know...

I have found that people are supportive but to be honest unless they have dealt with it themselves or someone very close with them they have absolutely no idea. Even then they really have no idea how you must see the doctor every day while doing IVF and the sheer number of injections etc. I am lucky because my MIL helped out a lady who gave birth to triplets via IVF and has a singleton daughter from another IVF procedure. She knew her story and what she had to go through way before she knew me.

I think their "Coldness" about the situation is perhaps their inability to admit that you have a problem. I would think mom's especially are hurt that their daughters are struggling with this.

I don't think you should stop telling them the situation though. Eventually with enough info it might sink in.

Message edited 7/29/2006 7:01:17 AM.

Re: Does your family support you?

I am truly sorry your family isn't more supportive of you and your situation. I am sure they can't relate to your situation.

This is my 15th month of TTC. I have not told anyone of the stuggle we are going thru. And part of it is becuase of insensitve people. It makes it hard not to be able to vent or share your feeling esp when AF shows..but I feel like they couldn't understand anyway.

Best of luck to you and this site is definately here for you!!

Re: Does your family support you?

My family doesn't know yet that we're having issues. In my family no one has had problems getting pg (or at least not that I know of), so I really don't know how to bring it up.

Re: Does your family support you?

Yes, I am very lucky, my family is extremely supportive. Of course that stems from them desperately wanting a grandchild...lol.

My FIL made a comment to DH, something about, time to give up or move on....I just ignored it. I don't think he meant it in a mean way...

Re: Does your family support you?

Posted by michele31

Does your mom actually think this is a chose? I am confused why she would react that way. Does she not believe in fertility treatments?
I am VERY sorry about this..how truly sad

Re: Does your family support you?

I am so sorry that you even need to deal with something like this in such a stressful stage in your life.

Maybe you should bring it up and talk to your mother... maybe she doesn't know comments like that hurt your feelings.

Again, I am so sorry.

Re: Does your family support you?

Both our parents have been so supportive.
At first when I got my IVF meds delivered (to my parents house ) that is where I was at the time of delivery, so had them bring it there. My dad looked at at everything and said you are putting all this stuff into your body??

But after that they have been great.
I would just not share things with them as much. That is what we did after I had my m/c, because everyone would ask everyday how are things going and it got annoying.
Im sorry...once you get that BFP...they will bounce back

Re: Does your family support you?

It depends....Mor ethen I thought and less then I thought . My mom I thought was kinda stand backish in a way. Well when I gave her the IVF paperwork to read the other day I called her and she was crying, saying Im so sorry you have to go through this etc...I didnt think she cared that much. It was a surprise.

Then theres people like my SIL who says I will have a breakdown all the time and my Aunt who says maybe this wasnt Gods plan etc.

and the countless people who STILL say , watch when you relax it will happen....

Everyone seems to be supportive in different ways. At this point, I limit who I tell because I just feel like I get enough support fom DH, a few close friends and you all and Its easier that way.

So sorry Lauren for what you are dealing with.

Re: Does your family support you?

What is sad about all of this is .......these are some of the reasons I have isolated myself with some friends/family b/c I cringe at some of the remarks and I hate to SNAP back at them.

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Re: Does your family support you?

She thinks I'm taking unnecessary risks by going to IVF and we should just adopt.

My dad keeps making jokes that there are lots of lovely crack babies out there for us to get.



That is not fair.

Re: Does your family support you?

Message edited 7/29/2006 1:23:09 PM.

Re: Does your family support you?

Re: Does your family support you?

Posted by leighla

Posted by dm24angel

Posted by juju

What is sad about all of this is .......these are some of the reasons I have isolated myself with some friends/family b/c I cringe at some of the remarks and I hate to SNAP back at them.

ditto! If I hear my Best friend say you can have my kids ( all 3 opps babies) I will go insane.

Oh yeah, that's my favorite.

Or when their kids are crying or being a brat and they say "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I just want to come back with "Yes, my kids will behave better than yours, so this won't be an issue." And THEN see what they have to say!

Re: Does your family support you?

Posted by leighla

Or when their kids are crying or being a brat and they say "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I just want to come back with "Yes, my kids will behave better than yours, so this won't be an issue." And THEN see what they have to say!

Re: Does your family support you?

I am so sorry to hear that. I agree with everything else everyone is saying about your family. My family is much the same way when it comes to these things - laugh it off it will be fine. I finally had to have a heart to heart with my 2 sisters (no less one who just m/c on an opps #3).

It was hard (especially since I am the joker in the family) but I said to them "I can't joke about this - it hurts too much. Try putting up 15 road blocks between you and getting to your kids" --- that was all I needed to say and it shut them up pretty quick....and I am only a few months into it.

Re: Does your family support you?

Posted by leighla

I don't have any friends in the area, my family isn't being supportive and I know DH is having his own issues with this process.

I've been feeling kind of alone lately. Thank goodness for you girls!

Re: Does your family support you?

Posted by luvsun27

Posted by leighla

I don't have any friends in the area, my family isn't being supportive and I know DH is having his own issues with this process.

I've been feeling kind of alone lately. Thank goodness for you girls!

Lauren...I'm always here if you want to vent/chat whatever! I will FM you my phone numbers!

Re: Does your family support you?

My mom, when I first told her about us doing IVF, she reacted as though we were giving up and that we should just keep trying naturally. What it actually was was that she didn't understand exactly what IVF was and how much it could and would benefit us to do it.

I feel for you and know how hard it is, hang in there and know you are doing the right thing bc YOU feel its the next step for you. Just know that people hear about IVF and see it as a final resort or giving up and just don't know the facts, etc.

If you need to vent or chat I'm just a fm away