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What I said to DD - how was it?

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LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/11

792 total posts


What I said to DD - how was it?

I'm not the most socially savvy person out there, but there were three situations where I told DD (3rd grade) something and I'm not sure how good it was.

1. At the park, DD was playing with a neighbor girl (kindergarten). The girl was riding around on a scooter, then she took a water bottle and flung the water out (you know how kids like to play/throw water) then told DD to "fill it up" - so DD filled it up from the fountain while the girl scooted around.
Then DD gave her the bottle and the girl flung the water and told DD to fill it up. After filling up the bottle three times I told DD not to do it anymore.
At home I told her she can do it a few times but don't be someone's henchman. Why should someone else have fun (scooting around and throwing water) while you have to do all the work (filling up the bottle).

2. At the park, the girl was standing on the swing and told DD to push her - DD said "I'll push you if you sit down" - the girl said "If you don't push me, I'll kick you" and she kicked her.
I told DD that she should tell the girl "If you kick me, I won't play with you", I told her that she cannot let people push her around, because once they do, everyone will. DD said it was ok because the kick didnt hurt.

3. DD had cookies at school and her friend asked for some so DD offered her 2. The friend said "No, I want 3" - DD said "You can have 2" and her friend said "No, give me 3" so DD gave her 3.
I told DD that she should have said "then you get none" - I told DD that she cannot just let people get everything they want.
She said "she's my friend, I want her to be happy" - I said "you were nice enough to offer 2" - I doubt DD will change, but I don't want her to be a pushover. But then again, I don't want her not to have friends (I know, "those aren't the type of people you want as friends")

What do you all think?
What should I have said instead? I talk "all tough" but in reality, I'd probably act similar to DD and I don't want her being taken advantage of in life.

I tried to explain "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm" - but I think that phrase freaked her out.

Message edited 5/10/2023 8:04:13 PM.

Posted 5/10/23 8:01 PM
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LIF Adult

Member since 9/15

1064 total posts


What I said to DD - how was it?

I think you said all the right things. You explained that up to a certain point, it's OK, but then you have to stand up for yourself.

And, I like the "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm". I've never heard that phrase before, but it makes perfect sense!

Posted 5/11/23 7:51 AM

LIF Adult

Member since 3/21

6940 total posts


Re: What I said to DD - how was it?

I think you said the right things too. Maybe this is something you should practice too at home as it seems if you think you are the same way, then she will see that you let others take advantage of you and think it is ok.

Posted 5/11/23 7:54 AM

2 Boys

Member since 7/06

17789 total posts


What I said to DD - how was it?

You said the right things. Your daughter sounds like a nice person who wants to make her friends happy. But if she gives in too much, they will take advantage of her nice-ness.

Posted 5/11/23 8:59 AM

It's a girl!!!

Member since 6/10

21536 total posts


Re: What I said to DD - how was it?

I think you handled all three situations perfectly!

Posted 5/11/23 9:50 AM

LIF Adult

Member since 6/15

3986 total posts


What I said to DD - how was it?

My DD is in 1st grade and I tell her all the time not to be a pushover and don't let people be mean to you. I agree with everything you said.

Message edited 5/11/2023 11:15:34 AM.

Posted 5/11/23 10:41 AM

LIF Infant

Member since 5/19

105 total posts


What I said to DD - how was it?

Yoyre daughter sounds very sweet and a good friend. Id hate to see those traits get abused by a friend. So, I agree with everything you told your daughter.

Posted 5/11/23 1:13 PM

LIF Adult

Member since 4/11

2642 total posts


What I said to DD - how was it?

Your daughter sounds VERY much like mine (mine is in 5th). I've come to learn that some of this behavior is just her sweet nature and her personality of being a people pleaser but her lack of standing up for herself also some comes from a lack of confidence/self worth. No one deserves to be kicked or pushed around but kids that don't have enough confidence will not stick up for themselves or remove themselves from the situation. Your advice is on point, but also keep encouraging your daughter and helping to build her self esteem so that she internalizes that its not ok to be treated that way.

Message edited 5/11/2023 3:42:11 PM.

Posted 5/11/23 3:40 PM
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