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Play date drama

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LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7271 total posts

Name:

Play date drama

This is long but I’m so absolutely floored and feel so bad for my poor DD who was so excited for a play date.

DD just turned 7. She was invited for a play date with a girl in her class. I’ve never met the girl or the parents. We decide on a date/time but not a place. The mom texts day of to ask if DD wants to come over early. So, presumably the play date will be at their house. I say we’re free and suggest a few local activities because I’m not comfortable dropping DD off to a stranger’s house (I just texted the mom the activities, I don’t mention the stranger danger part). She declines the activities and says my DD can come over. I say fine but ask if she would mind if I stayed because my DD can be a little shy. The mom then decides one of the activities is acceptable. Fine. I get not wanting to entertain a stranger.

We meet at the activity and it’s more crowded than expected and the mom doesn’t want to wait. She again offers her house. Since I already expressed that I’d want to stay I say ok and ask for her address. The mom says she’ll drive DD. I say it’s ok, I’ll take her and she tells me it’s out of my way. I repeat that I will take her I just need her address. She gives me a vague area in town and again says it’s out of my way. At this point I give up being polite and say I’m sorry but I don’t know her or her family so I would prefer DD stays with me. She chastises me and says “it’s just a play date and when she invited DD she had planned for her to come over alone.” This goes on in various forms for a few more minutes, including her saying “I’m trustworthy.”

To prevent DD from flipping I agree and then let her know when we get in the car (I still don’t have an address, just the street they live on) that she cannot go. I text the mom that DD changed her mind and thanked her for the invite.

Is it me? I’m not the crazy one, am I? My bff says I’m not.

Posted 1/22/23 4:55 PM
 
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OhBoyorGirl
LIF Adult

Member since 2/12

1787 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

No, you are not crazy! Wow. That woman’s behavior would make me extremely uncomfortable.

If I didn’t want to host a child’s parent, I would never offer my home as the play date location, and I would suck up any crowds or wait times to just meet at a public place. It’s not unreasonable to want to stay with your 7 year old!

And why would she insist on driving your child? I hate driving other people’s kids, never mind a kid whose mom I just met! And the fact that she wasn’t even giving her exact address? Bizarre!

Good thing you you hightailed it outta there.

Message edited 1/22/2023 5:48:14 PM.

Posted 1/22/23 5:20 PM
 

thewinterone
You make me happy

Member since 5/05

2473 total posts

Name:
cause you are gray.

Re: Play date drama

Message edited 1/23/2023 1:59:45 PM.

Posted 1/22/23 5:38 PM
 

MrsWoods
LIF Adult

Member since 4/12

1461 total posts

Name:

Play date drama

Of all the play dates my kids have been on there was the option of dropping off or staying. That would be for their or my house. I don't see what the problem was for her. Maybe she thought you would just drop her off and wouldn't come along. Sometimes people feel their houses aren't clean enough so she may have been trying to avoid that out of embarrassment. If thats the case i'm quite honest and would say my house is a wreck.

Posted 1/22/23 7:23 PM
 

NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..

Member since 11/09

54915 total posts

Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!

Re: Play date drama

That is really really strange IMO.
You are not wrong.
How bizarre

Posted 1/22/23 7:39 PM
 

BargainMama
LIF Adult

Member since 5/09

15655 total posts

Name:

Play date drama

Wow, how crazy!!! That's so weird.

Posted 1/22/23 8:04 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7271 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Posted by MrsWoods

Of all the play dates my kids have been on there was the option of dropping off or staying. That would be for their or my house. I don't see what the problem was for her. Maybe she thought you would just drop her off and wouldn't come along. Sometimes people feel their houses aren't clean enough so she may have been trying to avoid that out of embarrassment. If thats the case i'm quite honest and would say my house is a wreck.



She didn’t even want me to drop her off. She wanted to drive her to her house without telling me where her house was. Chat Icon

Like, here stranger, take my kid and don’t tell me where you’re going.

I drop DD off for playdates all the time. I know the families. Before I knew them, I went with her. Same with our house. I would NEVER make a parent feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in my home.

Posted 1/22/23 8:05 PM
 

cj7305
=)

Member since 8/05

12296 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Super sketch!

Posted 1/22/23 8:27 PM
 

ali120206
2 Boys

Member since 7/06

17785 total posts

Name:

Play date drama

That is a little odd. I’ve never been turned away from staying a bit at a play date. Even now that my kids are over 10 (at this point it’s more chatting at pick up).

Posted 1/22/23 9:25 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

4429 total posts

Name:
Karen

Play date drama

Very odd behavior and you did the right thing.

Posted 1/22/23 11:06 PM
 

GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!

Member since 11/06

26792 total posts

Name:
Shawn

Play date drama

My kids are in their late teens, and I still want to at least know the address! You definitely did the right thing.

Posted 1/23/23 6:29 AM
 

Pomegranate5
LIF Adult

Member since 2/11

4798 total posts

Name:
Pomegranate5

Re: Play date drama

That’s very sketchy. I would NEVER let my barely 7 year old get in a stranger’s car and go to their house without me.

And the fact that she obviously didn’t want you there and was vague about the address makes the hair on my neck stand up.

Posted 1/23/23 7:25 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:

I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!

Posted 1/23/23 7:32 AM
 

mommy2be716
LIF Adult

Member since 1/16

2921 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Posted by lululu

If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:

I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!



oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!

Posted 1/23/23 7:42 AM
 

nycbuslady
LIF Adult

Member since 9/15

1060 total posts

Name:

Play date drama

I agree that it was weird that the mom didn't want you to stay, and that she didn't even give you the address. I wouldn't have put my kid in a car with a stranger either. Did she even have an extra car seat?

But, I also agree with PP about being honest with both the mom and your daughter. Now the other girl is going to be mad at your daughter because she "changed her mind". It would have been better if you just said it up front. "Look, I'm sure we're all average normal moms. But, I've never met you before and I just don't feel comfortable leaving my kid with someone I don't know." In the end, just being up front with everyone ends up being easier.

Posted 1/23/23 7:58 AM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7271 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Posted by mommy2be716

Posted by lululu

If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:

I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!



oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!



HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.

Posted 1/23/23 8:56 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by mommy2be716

Posted by lululu

If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:

I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!



oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!



HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.



I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?

Posted 1/23/23 9:08 AM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7271 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Posted by lululu

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by mommy2be716

Posted by lululu

If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:

I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!



oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!



HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.



I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?



It’s not the point of view that’s weird, it’s the way you presented it. Do you know this woman? If not, fabricating an entire text response on her side is weird.

I could have told this woman the second she texted me that I don’t allow solo play dates at first. I thought it would have been rude to assume she would host my DD. I understand not everyone sees it that way.

Posted 1/23/23 9:27 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by lululu

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by mommy2be716

Posted by lululu

If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:

I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!



oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!



HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.



I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?



It’s not the point of view that’s weird, it’s the way you presented it. Do you know this woman? If not, fabricating an entire text response on her side is weird.

I could have told this woman the second she texted me that I don’t allow solo play dates at first. I thought it would have been rude to assume she would host my DD. I understand not everyone sees it that way.



Obviously I don't know this woman, I have no idea who you are or where you live. But reading your post, frankly it was easy to see why she would think that you were a bit off as well. Telling another parent what you are and are not comfortable with is not rude, it's honest. If you think that you were being totally reasonable why would anyone perceive that as being rude?

Regardless, clearly you are asking us and your other friend because you want to validate that you were perfectly reasonable and something was off about her. I am just pointing out that a little self reflection on how you handled the situation might help you to not end up in that situation again.

And as the PP said, I do think that your daughter will be the one to suffer because now this girl will be reluctant to play with her in the future. Also, even if it's not "right" i can gaurantee you this other woman will tell other moms about the situation exactly the way I presented it and you will come off as the strange one. Believe me, I've been at this game for a lot longer than you and it can be brutal.


ETA: I am not sure what you are talking about that I fabricated a "text response." I was simply regurgitating the situation back to you from her point of view, which was easy to see based on your description of what happened.

Message edited 1/23/2023 9:52:34 AM.

Posted 1/23/23 9:42 AM
 

StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!

Member since 6/10

21534 total posts

Name:
Stacey

Re: Play date drama

You are NOT the crazy one. TBH, the other mom comes off as a little crazy. I would be really uncomfortable about her behavior/reactions. And like someone else said - I would've just sucked it up at the crowded activity place (if I was the other mom).



Posted 1/23/23 10:06 AM
 

Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it

Member since 5/05

30680 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Play date drama

You are NOT crazy at all. Your DD is only 7 years old and that is the difference. You are not dealing with teenagers here.
I find it very bizarre that she would not give you the address?

Message edited 1/23/2023 10:27:32 AM.

Posted 1/23/23 10:26 AM
 

MrsWoods
LIF Adult

Member since 4/12

1461 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Posted by lululu

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by lululu

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by mommy2be716

Posted by lululu

If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:

I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!



oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!



HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.



I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?



It’s not the point of view that’s weird, it’s the way you presented it. Do you know this woman? If not, fabricating an entire text response on her side is weird.

I could have told this woman the second she texted me that I don’t allow solo play dates at first. I thought it would have been rude to assume she would host my DD. I understand not everyone sees it that way.



Obviously I don't know this woman, I have no idea who you are or where you live. But reading your post, frankly it was easy to see why she would think that you were a bit off as well. Telling another parent what you are and are not comfortable with is not rude, it's honest. If you think that you were being totally reasonable why would anyone perceive that as being rude?

Regardless, clearly you are asking us and your other friend because you want to validate that you were perfectly reasonable and something was off about her. I am just pointing out that a little self reflection on how you handled the situation might help you to not end up in that situation again.

And as the PP said, I do think that your daughter will be the one to suffer because now this girl will be reluctant to play with her in the future. Also, even if it's not "right" i can gaurantee you this other woman will tell other moms about the situation exactly the way I presented it and you will come off as the strange one. Believe me, I've been at this game for a lot longer than you and it can be brutal.


ETA: I am not sure what you are talking about that I fabricated a "text response." I was simply regurgitating the situation back to you from her point of view, which was easy to see based on your description of what happened.



I agree with this. Should have been honest from the get go. Now the situation is weird and the friend may not play with your kid anymore because of this and the other mom if friends with the moms in her class, can tell her side and it will come off as you being the bad guy or wierdo.

Is the mom from another country? Because sometimes i've noticed that people from other nationalities do things differently or can be misinterpreted wrong.

Posted 1/23/23 10:28 AM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7271 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

Posted by Diane

You are NOT crazy at all. Your DD is only 7 years old and that is the difference. You are not dealing with teenagers here.
I find it very bizarre that she would not give you the address?



This is the crux of it for me. If I wasn’t clear when I initially asked if I could stay via text, fine. If it wasn’t clear when I politely declined having her drive DD and asked for her address, fine. It should have become abundantly clear when she repeatedly said she would drive DD and gave vague answers about where she lived multiple times, to the point where I had to outright tell her that I don’t know her or her family and was not comfortable. It should have been pretty clear then.

It was not the initial “I’ll drive her” that made me scratch my head. Is was the insistence on driving and refusal to give the address. If she had just said “oh it’s xxx” I’d have driven DD there, probably stayed 20 minutes or so to make sure all was right and left. We wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

Posted 1/23/23 10:58 AM
 

lpg21
LIF Infant

Member since 9/21

340 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

I would feel uncomfortable too, especially about her driving your DD when you don't know her.

Posted 1/23/23 11:18 AM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

7786 total posts

Name:

Re: Play date drama

This is funny because I was in a similar situation with my also 7 year old son yesterday.

I'm the other mom but the mom I'm dealing with was very up front with me that this is her only child and wants attend play dates. That's totally fine but typically I use playdates as a way to entertain my kids so I can get stuff done. I have tried at least a dozen times to get this kid a playdate and the mom is always too busy to come sit at the playdate but also she has never once invited my son there if she would be better with that. Now I'm in a situation where it's a unilateral convenience...it can only be done when she has the time to come to my house, which when you have 2 working moms, is not the easiest to arrange. It's so frustrating and I feel bad for my son but I'm over it.

I also am not a fan of activity playdates because I have 3 kids. If I am going to sky zone for example, there is no way I can bring one and not all 3. Also, it's annoying to me to have to take time out of my day to do that when I can just have them in my yard playing football while I do laundry.

Here's my take:
There is a weird vibe with this age group. Anyone I know with a 7 year old has been complaining of the lack of true friendships. My other 2 sons travel with herds of kids and my 7 year old has no BFF and is almost never invited to playdates. Its not just him because I have asked other moms. I am literally the only mom in his class that invites kids for playdates. I think that is so bizarre.

I always attended playdates in kindergarten for all 3 of my kids. 1st grade and up, I drop off but I have established many friendships in my close knit community so I am comfortable with that. I believe you recently moved to your town, right? I have gotten the sense from previous posts that you are not totally enamored with the people you have met so that may be holding you back a little bit. That's totally fine. You need to do what your are comfortable with, especially being newer to the area.

I would say in the future, just give a heads up to the parent you are not comfortable until you get to know them and/or invite them to your home.

Posted 1/23/23 11:53 AM
 
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