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Moms - WWYD re bday party

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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!

Member since 2/09

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Me speaks pirate!

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Posted by KarenK122

Posted by nycbuslady

Posted by MC09




No no. Word or mouth is insufficient. How do we know the parents aren't lying just to get their little assshole invited to the class party and faking a medical issue? Remember, the parents of a little assshole might be full-sized asssholes
themselves. It must be a copy of a medical record stating without a doubt that these issues are beyond the child's control. Then he is welcome at the party.



Are you kidding me with this ********?? People wonder why the world is as ****** up as it is, why inclusion and diversity is still a novel idea to some....well here you go. This is exactly why.



What part of inclusion covers posts like these where an adult states a child with possible behavioral issues might be the only one excluded from a class party and that the parent is "trying to figure out if he's truly a behavioral kid or if he's just a sh!t."?




I think people are now going overboard. I know it's difficult sometimes to interpret sarcasm in print, but I think the post was meant to be a joke. At least that's how I read it.


Part of being a good responsible adult is knowing that words matter. If the comment was sarcastic which I do not think it was, it was in poor taste.

The point is that you can not exclude one person if you are inviting a whole class. You just can't. If people can not see that then there is nothing, I or most of the people on this thread can say. Invite a select group, invite them all, ask the parents to stay. There are numerous ways to resolve the situation without teaching kindergarten children it is ok to disclude. Teach them the ways to handle themselves in situations they might not like and what is morally the right thing to do. (to the OP, totally not saying any of this to you. I applaud you for asking for advice).


It was exaggerated sarcasm to say how can anyone casually really know why this child behaves the way he does. To even consider excluding him, and this whole post, makes me sad. It opens this child up to ridicule and mistreatmemt from other kids once they find out he's the only one out. And possibly sets a bad example for other people to think it's ok to exclude him in the future. There are several solutions, but none should be exclusion. But it's a moot point anyway because OP's son has decided to invite the whole class and include this child. I agree it's a teachable moment to teach kids how to deal with situations that make them unhappy in a fair way that doesn't hurt others.

Eta: it doesn't matter the reason WHY he acts up. He should never be the only child excluded regardless.

Message edited 5/6/2021 4:24:45 PM.

Posted 5/6/21 4:14 PM
 
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!

Member since 8/11

4096 total posts

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Moms - WWYD re bday party

I would either invite the entire class, or just invite your child's closest friends. I personally usually choose to just invite my kids' closest friends, which some are from their current class and some might be from past classes or extracurricular activities. This year Ds invited 4 kids from his class. I think some of them might have mentioned it at school, but like 10 kids weren't invited so it's not like just 1 or 2 would have felt left out. If inviting the whole class though, at that young age I would expect the parent would stay. So even if the child in question shows up, if they actually are acting mean, I would assume their parent would step in.

Posted 5/6/21 4:47 PM
 

Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it

Member since 5/05

30683 total posts

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D

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

I agree , I would NOT exclude that one child, you do not know the circumstances. I dont think I would want to invite the entire class. I would just send out invites to his closest friends.

Posted 5/6/21 5:53 PM
 

soontobemommyof2
My boys...my everything <3

Member since 4/15

3635 total posts

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Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by FirstMate

Posted by LuckyStar

Granted, my opinion might be colored by the fact that my kid’s class is full of little aholes with big ahole parents.



SAME! I'm trying to figure out if he's truly a behavioral kid or if he's just a sh!t.

I am also jaded because I have previous experience with my older son...it always seems like the kids who require the most supervision have parents who are huge fans of the drop and run. Party = free babysitting. Then DH or I spend the entire party following the kid around making sure they don't hurt themselves or someone else. One year, a kid told me he didn't like fondant and pushed my son's birthday cake onto the floor. In front of my mother. Who spent hours making fondant Fort night figures.



No, some kids are pricks and they usually have prick parents.

Kids in my DD’s class are excluded all the time. There’s a group of moms who stand around talking about sleepovers, trips, birthdays, etc the kids take together in front of all the others. The rest of us cringe because a. that’s mean and b. 3 of the 4 kids in this group have quarantined the class 3 separate times. And not surprisingly the kids are mean, too. One of them calls my DD “an idiot girl” all the time. Which, I mean, if I had his mom for a role model I’d think girls were idiots, too.

My DD didn’t get to do anything for her birthday because she was quarantined for it (see above). I will begrudge these families until hs graduation and you guys are welcome to judge me for it Chat Icon



As much as I want my kids to go back to school, this is the kind of thing I do not like and never did. U see that type of behavior with parents and with kids even at such young age, and nothing hurts more than when another kid treats ur kid poorly.

Posted 5/6/21 6:18 PM
 

marianne13
LIF Adolescent

Member since 6/10

887 total posts

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Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

I agree with the others. Either invite everyone (with parents) or just invite half the class.

Posted 5/6/21 6:34 PM
 

soontobemommyof2
My boys...my everything <3

Member since 4/15

3635 total posts

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Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

I’m glad u ended up inviting the whole class. Inviting the whole class except one kid (regardless of the reason), can be hurtful. I know it’d def be hurtful if my kid was the only not invited. And just to add, and like Hmm mentioned, if it brings this much distress to ur little one, I’d contact the teacher and see what’s really happening in class. Maybe there’s something that needs to be look more closely in class so there’s no friction between the 2 of them and who knows maybe they can even become friends.

Posted 5/6/21 6:43 PM
 

BargainMama
LIF Adult

Member since 5/09

15657 total posts

Name:

Moms - WWYD re bday party

I would just invite a couple of friends and call it a day. You don't have to invite the whole class. But I definitely wouldn't invite the whole class and exclude one child.

Posted 5/7/21 4:43 PM
 

Mrs213
????????

Member since 2/09

18986 total posts

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Moms - WWYD re bday party

I understand the frustration but I would still invite the child. My son had a friend like this. The child had some behavioral issues and would have these tantrums when there was a group but was very kind and good with one on one play dates. I dont know what the issue was. But I made a point to explain to my kids that the behavior was not okay but to still be kind and not exclude them...

Posted 5/7/21 10:04 PM
 

b2b777
LIF Adult

Member since 9/09

4474 total posts

Name:

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Posted by ap123

Posted by FirstMate

Posted by LuckyStar

Granted, my opinion might be colored by the fact that my kid’s class is full of little aholes with big ahole parents.



SAME! I'm trying to figure out if he's truly a behavioral kid or if he's just a sh!t.

I am also jaded because I have previous experience with my older son...it always seems like the kids who require the most supervision have parents who are huge fans of the drop and run. Party = free babysitting. Then DH or I spend the entire party following the kid around making sure they don't hurt themselves or someone else. One year, a kid told me he didn't like fondant and pushed my son's birthday cake onto the floor. In front of my mother. Who spent hours making fondant Fort night figures.



I totally agree that the ones with the worst behavior have the hands off parents. But this is when you show your kid that there are two choices and none might be exactly what he wants. Invite all the kids, even the behavioral ones, or realize you really only need a few close friends to have a good time.
The idea of trying to figure out who has “issues” and who is just mean is silly. How could you possibly know that without making assumptions.
You will feel awful and sneaky if you exclude one kid.



Thanks for adding this perspective - and thanks for adding how you could never know what is going on with someone else. I am the parent of a child with an invisible disorder and I am in the trenches fighting for him every second of every day. He may go to school and people may think the opposite because of what may or may not go down on a typical day but there isnt one moment that I am not working with and for him. I used to think in absolutes a lot before being in this situation. Now my heart breaks thinking back at all the moments i just didnt know someone elses struggle. Being the child not invited is awful. Being the parent of the child not invited is also incredibly isolating. We all just want our kids to be happy.

Posted 5/8/21 11:18 PM
 
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