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Q for highly compensated women !

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olive98
LIF Adolescent

Member since 11/12

791 total posts

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by jlm2008

Posted by shadows

Just gonna put this out there. The subject line of the OP is “Question for highly compensated WOMEN” Chat Icon



Now don't go bringing logic into this!!!! You know CERTAIN posters must ALWAYS tell us about their DH and his job and how much money he makes.Chat Icon



Exactly she posted the question for women specifically. Not sure why some posters are talking about their husbands. Totally irrelevant. I has to take a step back when I had kids because there was no way I could work long hours. My husband did not. It is totally not the same thing.

Posted 3/15/18 12:40 PM
 
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!

Member since 7/06

27915 total posts

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by jlm2008

Posted by shadows

Just gonna put this out there. The subject line of the OP is “Question for highly compensated WOMEN” Chat Icon



Now don't go bringing logic into this!!!! You know CERTAIN posters must ALWAYS tell us about their DH and his job and how much money he makes.Chat Icon



Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Grow up with the childish, snide remarks. I adequately answered the question. She didn't ask about baking a cake and I mentioned my DH. Being a b1tch is unbecoming, stop causing drama where there isn't any.

Message edited 3/15/2018 1:11:20 PM.

Posted 3/15/18 12:56 PM
 

Katareen
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Katherine

Q for highly compensated women !

My SIL is a very young executive at her company. I can’t be certain how much she makes but with her bonus I assume it’s close to the $150-175k range. She works 12 hour days, but when I see her at family events she never seems to have her phone on her or be concerned about what’s going on at work.
She’s newly pregnant and she said a lot of the women in her office are appalled that she’s having a child at 32, as most of the powerful women at her company waited until their 40s.
I’m not sure if she intends to slow down once the baby comes. My brother works slightly less and will probably pick up a lot of slack at home. She’s very career minded so I don’t see her stopping. I give these women a lot of credit. Maybe I’ve never had a job I’ve been so passionate about, but even when young and single I had no desire to work 12 hour days or be worried about my job 24/7.

Posted 3/15/18 1:22 PM
 

stinger
LIF Adult

Member since 11/11

4971 total posts

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by Katareen

My SIL is a very young executive at her company. I can’t be certain how much she makes but with her bonus I assume it’s close to the $150-175k range. She works 12 hour days, but when I see her at family events she never seems to have her phone on her or be concerned about what’s going on at work.
She’s newly pregnant and she said a lot of the women in her office are appalled that she’s having a child at 32, as most of the powerful women at her company waited until their 40s.
I’m not sure if she intends to slow down once the baby comes. My brother works slightly less and will probably pick up a lot of slack at home. She’s very career minded so I don’t see her stopping. I give these women a lot of credit. Maybe I’ve never had a job I’ve been so passionate about, but even when young and single I had no desire to work 12 hour days or be worried about my job 24/7.



Me neither. I need balance! Even before kids i stuck to my hours. I love my job and field I just need to do other things to stay fulfilled too.

I had my kids at 27 and 30 and can see moving up a bit by 50 but not executive level not because i cant but dont necessarily want to be a slave to a company. Thats sometimes how I see it the more youre paid/better the benefits the more you work and the more the company owns you.

Posted 3/15/18 1:27 PM
 

bunnyluck
LIF Adult

Member since 1/14

3196 total posts

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Q for highly compensated women !

Somewhat related. If you want to read an amazing book that discusses the hardships of women in high paying positions please read Flux by Susie Orenstien. That book changed my perspective on life and career. Basically as women, we're screwed. There is winning and we are our own worse enemy. Hahaha. It's very interesting and an easy read. A bit dated but still relevant. It goes into men vs. women in high paying jobs and how most women in high paying jobs marry men in the same position but don't relinquish any household duties because we feel the need to do it all - which gets us no where.

Posted 3/15/18 1:56 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by bunnyluck

Basically as women, we're screwed.



Very much so. I remember reading that "Lean in" book, or portions of it I should say, and it's easy to strike a balance when your making a million dollars a year, you can have your nannies bring your kids to eat with you, you are the boss and can leave as you please, etc. but for the average working woman -and I mean career based professional- those are not your circumstances.

To the OP, in my field, to make that kind of money, you have to work very long days and weekends. I have colleagues making that type of money and more billing over 300 hours per month. The females I work with achieving those numbers are childless and basically are married to the job anyway.

It's so hard to balance as a working mom. I was pregnant and I had 2 LO's at home. I got an opportunity to do something important and come hell or high water I was doing it. It ended up running very late. I was in NYC and it came down to me pulling some shenanigans with my child care in order for me to stay and I did it. I felt so guilty that I did that - basically dumped my kids and made them someone else's problem until DH could get them- but I felt this was so important for my career. I have sacrificed a lot of upward movement for my kids and I felt like I had to do this for me. It paid off, career wise, but I felt like a real jerk for a long time afterwards.

Posted 3/15/18 2:29 PM
 

PrettyPeonies
GAW my baby boy <3

Member since 8/10

3874 total posts

Name:
Pino

Q for highly compensated women !

Was I seriously the ONLY one who read constipated as opposed to compensated?!?!?!?! I was thinking to myself, what could they possibly be filling 3 pages up with?!?!?!?

Anyway....to answer the OP and correct question, I have an immediate female family member whom makes well over $300,00 along with a golden parachute working for Mattle. All she does is work. She is married to a man who makes about the same, probably more and also works for Mattle. They are constantly traveling for work. They don't have kids and wanted them. I haven't seen either one of them at a family function in well over a decade. Their work schedules are their excuses, but to be honest, it could also be because a large portion of our family are big PIA and she doesn't want to be around them. Either way, like I said, all she does is work and any free time is spent with her DH. It's not my ideal life but I know she is very happy. Oh and her phone is an extension of her limbs. TBH, most ppl I know are like that with their phones and don't nearly have as a demanding job as she does.

Posted 3/15/18 2:32 PM
 

JME78
LIF Adult

Member since 11/09

3672 total posts

Name:

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by olive98

Posted by jlm2008

Posted by shadows

Just gonna put this out there. The subject line of the OP is “Question for highly compensated WOMEN” Chat Icon



Now don't go bringing logic into this!!!! You know CERTAIN posters must ALWAYS tell us about their DH and his job and how much money he makes.Chat Icon



Exactly she posted the question for women specifically. Not sure why some posters are talking about their husbands. Totally irrelevant. I has to take a step back when I had kids because there was no way I could work long hours. My husband did not. It is totally not the same thing.



I am not sure why anyone would share their husbands situation Women and men working have completely different experiences.

Posted 3/15/18 4:24 PM
 

stinger
LIF Adult

Member since 11/11

4971 total posts

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

I work in health and wellness and just saw this study

work hours and heart diseases

Posted 3/15/18 6:14 PM
 

JME78
LIF Adult

Member since 11/09

3672 total posts

Name:

Q for highly compensated women !

I love working and I love being a mom but I often wonder what I am sacrificing. Could I move ahead more quickly at work? Am I missing too much time with my kids at home? Its definitely not something that my husband struggles with in the same way. He loves the kids and is a great parent and a great partner, but I think societally we are wired differently and I end up carrying more of the mental load. I personally cannot give 100% of myself in either areas and its a struggle.

Posted 3/15/18 6:55 PM
 

Sash
Peace

Member since 6/08

10312 total posts

Name:
fka LIW Smara

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Woman and Men have different experiences and you can not compare the two.

I think the higher you are the more hours and committed you become to the job. It also depends on the company and their commitment to work life balance.

At my old job I was a Sr. Director with a big team, although I was making "good" money, I was not being compensated for the work or team I was managing. I was working all hours, weekends, constantly on my phone - stressed out. Working on vacations and while on my way to the airport. One because I was committed to my team and two because of the demands of the role. The company also had the culture of you can email or call someone on vacation, weekends and weeknights. It was acceptable behavior.

This new job, I get paid 50% more, I don't have a team. I leave at 5 instead of 6 or 7. Sometimes I will boot up after everyone settles down or if I have a big project. My boss is at a VP level and she leaves for her exercise classes at 5pm, allows us to WFH or take off for our kids. She is very into women empowerment (I friggin love her). However, unfortunately, this company isnt the norm. If we had more companies like this then that would solve this problem.

I believe the higher the $ and level the more they will save drive you and it's harder for females.

Message edited 3/15/2018 7:54:01 PM.

Posted 3/15/18 7:53 PM
 

Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!

Member since 12/10

2943 total posts

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

My cousin is a VP in banking in this salary range. She mostly works 9-5ish, but there are definitely times she has to work late and certain times of year she has to be on foreign market schedule so she could be working 12+ hours sometimes. But she has flexibility (she can work from home when she needs, etc.) She has a daughter who is 7 and sometimes leaves work early for a school show, etc. and she definitely feels it is frowned upon (although no one would ever say say a word). She worked while she was on maternity leave. Sometimes she says she might like to have another child, but won’t because of her job (which I feel bad about). She jokes my boys are like brothers to her daughter (which they are). She often jokes she is a crappy employee bc she is always worried about her kid and a crappy mom bc she is always worried about work (I told her that’s everyone-me includedChat Icon).

Posted 3/16/18 10:27 PM
 

MrsS2005
Mom of 3

Member since 11/05

13118 total posts

Name:
B

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by stinger

Posted by Hofstra26

My DH has a very high paying, demanding job and there is a noticeable difference in what his company expects of him as he's moved from being a Senior Electrical Engineer to Manager of Engineering to Director of Engineering. I expect once he gets a VP position, the workload will increase yet again. Thankfully, he doesn't do much travel so that is good.

By nature, his profession is very demanding but now that he's an executive the expectation is that you're pretty always available. There have been times when we're away on vacation where he's had to take a call, a phone conference, etc and because his work emails are tied into his phone, they expect he'll respond to any email quickly wherever he is.

I think generally speaking, the more you earn the greater the demand is of your time. Companies aren't going to pay you north of $200K and not expect a certain level of time commitment. It's a hard balance, I get frustrated sometimes when he has to stay late or work from home on the weekends but in turn, the money is great and we have a nice life.



This is totally different and you cant compare to OP because you’re describing a man with a stay at home wife. The original post seems like the difficulty stems from having a demanding job and being a mother.



It is not really different AT ALL. I interpreted the OP asking about the demands of a high paying job which TBH, isn't much different whether you're a man or a woman. (a job doesn't care about your personal life) I think regardless, when you're talking about making a healthy six-figure salary there will ALWAYS be a certain expectation when it comes to your time and work output and that doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, mother or father.


IMO, there are huge differences between having a demanding career as mother or father especially when it is a two income household vs. one. In most fields, getting ahead requires long hours during the week and/or work on weekends, holidays, vacations, etc. With young children, someone has to make sacrifices either in being available for work or the kids. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to have a good work/life balance at highly compensated jobs. Having one spouse at home full-time or even part-time at least alleviates some of the pressures of taking care of responsibilities at home and allows the other person to be able to put in more hours, but that comes at a price with the kids. In my experience, mothers have a harder time emotionally and physically with trying to manage a demanding career and still be there for the kids.

Posted 3/17/18 2:27 PM
 

bunnyluck
LIF Adult

Member since 1/14

3196 total posts

Name:

Q for highly compensated women !

Also.. just to add, I agree men and women can't be compared...agree more money typically means more demands regardless of sex but beyond that studies show that women are actually held to hire standards than men in the workplace. For instance, a women who leaves early for a child's doctor appointment or school play is looked at as not being dedicated to her team. A man is praised by the organization for being a great dad and demonstrating the ability to find appropriate life balance.

Message edited 3/17/2018 2:37:50 PM.

Posted 3/17/18 2:37 PM
 

dianadrw
LIF Adult

Member since 5/06

2092 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by bunnyluck

Also.. just to add, I agree men and women can't be compared...agree more money typically means more demands regardless of sex but beyond that studies show that women are actually held to hire standards than men in the workplace. For instance, a women who leaves early for a child's doctor appointment or school play is looked at as not being dedicated to her team. A man is praised by the organization for being a great dad and demonstrating the ability to find appropriate life balance.



I totally agree with this and have experienced it first hand. DH is a VP at an engineering firm. I'm a Director for a museum. When he leaves early for DD or works from home because of DD his boss thinks he's super dad and is setting a great example. I get an eyeroll from my boss. Thankfully I'm at my job 17 years so I give the eyeroll right back. Chat Icon

ETA: I work for a not for profit so obviously not making 200K. Chat Icon

Message edited 3/19/2018 2:53:10 PM.

Posted 3/19/18 2:49 PM
 

TwinMommyToBoys
LIF Adult

Member since 12/16

2346 total posts

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by dianadrw

Posted by bunnyluck

Also.. just to add, I agree men and women can't be compared...agree more money typically means more demands regardless of sex but beyond that studies show that women are actually held to hire standards than men in the workplace. For instance, a women who leaves early for a child's doctor appointment or school play is looked at as not being dedicated to her team. A man is praised by the organization for being a great dad and demonstrating the ability to find appropriate life balance.



I totally agree with this and have experienced it first hand. DH is a VP at an engineering firm. I'm a Director for a museum. When he leaves early for DD or works from home because of DD his boss thinks he's super dad and is setting a great example. I get an eyeroll from my boss. Thankfully I'm at my job 17 years so I give the eyeroll right back. Chat Icon

ETA: I work for a not for profit so obviously not making 200K. Chat Icon



Same. My husband has a union job, I work in a non profit. The eye rolls, comments, remarks, sighs and whatever else have become unbearable. I have 14 month only twins, one with major physical needs and the other asthma. My son was hospitalized in February for 3 days... I got phone calls from work and when I said I couldn’t speak it was like I was the devil. It’s the worse feeling. My husband, they are thrilled with him when he takes off for the kids (which unfortunately due to lack of time at work isn’t often) but they encourage it! I on the other hand carry the mental load and child care load and my job is less than understanding, but I also don’t care, I do what I need to for my kids and they know not to expect me to go above and beyond ever, I do my job and that’s it. Working for a larger company, they know many people go to HR when they are asked to work over hours so it’s a touchy thing

Posted 3/19/18 3:32 PM
 

EandF
LIF Adult

Member since 11/11

1674 total posts

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by JME78

I love working and I love being a mom but I often wonder what I am sacrificing. Could I move ahead more quickly at work? Am I missing too much time with my kids at home? Its definitely not something that my husband struggles with in the same way. He loves the kids and is a great parent and a great partner, but I think societally we are wired differently and I end up carrying more of the mental load. I personally cannot give 100% of myself in either areas and its a struggle.



1000% this!! I don't make that kind of $$ but make a good salary with an amazing work/life balance where I get to be home a lot with my kids. That's my priority right now. I do feel that I'm short changing everyone/thing in my life - kids, husband, work, self. I am not moving ahead at work or taking advantage of opportunities. It's sad and frustrating but it is what it is for now. Right now it's all about kids and family. One day will be my turn.

My husband too does not struggle with these things the way I do. The mental load is exhausting. I truly think our significant others have no idea what we handle and put ourselves through.

Posted 3/19/18 7:32 PM
 

Christine2
LIF Adult

Member since 2/09

1216 total posts

Name:

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

I work like a dog and it is completely my fault. I have difficulty delegating and trusting others. I could probably make ~$50-60K less with good help from the right person and be much happier. I know this and tell this to myself all the time, but I rarely do anything about it. I have been disappointed in many past employees.

Posted 3/19/18 8:35 PM
 

Momof3boys
LIF Infant

Member since 6/15

306 total posts

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Re: Q for highly compensated women !

I have ready through all of your responses! Thank you all for sharing!

Posted 3/19/18 11:54 PM
 

Momof3boys
LIF Infant

Member since 6/15

306 total posts

Name:

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by LuckyStar

But back to the OP, it sounds like craziness is part of the gig when you have a high paying salary. I don’t know what your thoughts are in terms of potentially taking a pay cut to improve your quality of life. There is no right or wrong answer to that.

I just want to say that I think it’s so wonderful you have such a powerful, successful career. I’m sorry the quality of life stinks, but in a world of unequal pay for women it makes me so happy to not just hear about, but celebrate women who can rule the boardroom AND the playroom. Your SN makes me think you don’t have daughters, but what an amazing example for you to set for your boys- you’re showing them that women can do and be anything.



Thank you!

Posted 3/19/18 11:56 PM
 

b2b777
LIF Adult

Member since 9/09

4474 total posts

Name:

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by EandF

Posted by JME78

I love working and I love being a mom but I often wonder what I am sacrificing. Could I move ahead more quickly at work? Am I missing too much time with my kids at home? Its definitely not something that my husband struggles with in the same way. He loves the kids and is a great parent and a great partner, but I think societally we are wired differently and I end up carrying more of the mental load. I personally cannot give 100% of myself in either areas and its a struggle.



1000% this!! I don't make that kind of $$ but make a good salary with an amazing work/life balance where I get to be home a lot with my kids. That's my priority right now. I do feel that I'm short changing everyone/thing in my life - kids, husband, work, self. I am not moving ahead at work or taking advantage of opportunities. It's sad and frustrating but it is what it is for now. Right now it's all about kids and family. One day will be my turn.

My husband too does not struggle with these things the way I do. The mental load is exhausting. I truly think our significant others have no idea what we handle and put ourselves through.



I agree it is crazy what we put ourselves through. As working moms we put ourselves through keeping up with SAHM who are able to go to every event, volunteer, etc. We put ourselves through trying to make every school project perfect, every holiday requiring a treat, a goodie bag, the perfect shirt. It is insane. I do not remember our parents doing this when we were kids. I did not get goodie bags for st patricks day, or wake up and get toys etc. We as parents are all over doing it and I am tired of it. I volunteered to go into school for my sons valentines party. There are 18 kids and they are 4 years old. There was so much food -- a dozen donuts, cookies, brownies, rice crispie treats, candy, fruit. It was over the top. And every single holiday is this way. The kids all eat one or two things and the rest gets tossed. As parents we all feel obligated to send something in for every single party to make sure our kid isnt empty handed. I wish someone would just assign each kid one thing at the beginning of the year and be done with it. A donut each and they would have been thrilled. Why all the pomp and circumstance for every single thing. It is overkill!

Posted 3/20/18 9:40 AM
 

Momof3boys
LIF Infant

Member since 6/15

306 total posts

Name:

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by b2b777

Posted by EandF

Posted by JME78

I love working and I love being a mom but I often wonder what I am sacrificing. Could I move ahead more quickly at work? Am I missing too much time with my kids at home? Its definitely not something that my husband struggles with in the same way. He loves the kids and is a great parent and a great partner, but I think societally we are wired differently and I end up carrying more of the mental load. I personally cannot give 100% of myself in either areas and its a struggle.



1000% this!! I don't make that kind of $$ but make a good salary with an amazing work/life balance where I get to be home a lot with my kids. That's my priority right now. I do feel that I'm short changing everyone/thing in my life - kids, husband, work, self. I am not moving ahead at work or taking advantage of opportunities. It's sad and frustrating but it is what it is for now. Right now it's all about kids and family. One day will be my turn.

My husband too does not struggle with these things the way I do. The mental load is exhausting. I truly think our significant others have no idea what we handle and put ourselves through.



I agree it is crazy what we put ourselves through. As working moms we put ourselves through keeping up with SAHM who are able to go to every event, volunteer, etc. We put ourselves through trying to make every school project perfect, every holiday requiring a treat, a goodie bag, the perfect shirt. It is insane. I do not remember our parents doing this when we were kids. I did not get goodie bags for st patricks day, or wake up and get toys etc. We as parents are all over doing it and I am tired of it. I volunteered to go into school for my sons valentines party. There are 18 kids and they are 4 years old. There was so much food -- a dozen donuts, cookies, brownies, rice crispie treats, candy, fruit. It was over the top. And every single holiday is this way. The kids all eat one or two things and the rest gets tossed. As parents we all feel obligated to send something in for every single party to make sure our kid isnt empty handed. I wish someone would just assign each kid one thing at the beginning of the year and be done with it. A donut each and they would have been thrilled. Why all the pomp and circumstance for every single thing. It is overkill!



I couldn't agree more! Certain holiday's are very over the top! This is actual one thing I don't worry about. I rush to sign up for paper products and I definitely do not have time for goodie bags for secondary "holiday's". I have no guilt about volunteering either. I feel guilt about many things of course, but not about volunteering at school. If I have a few free hours I need to do errands or do something for myself! Our school is not lacking in the volunteer department!! I get it though, you may feel like the odd man out or very out of touch with other parents.

Message edited 3/20/2018 10:40:08 PM.

Posted 3/20/18 10:38 PM
 

alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!

Member since 5/09

18388 total posts

Name:
Allison

Re: Q for highly compensated women !

Posted by Momof3boys

Posted by b2b777

Posted by EandF

Posted by JME78

I love working and I love being a mom but I often wonder what I am sacrificing. Could I move ahead more quickly at work? Am I missing too much time with my kids at home? Its definitely not something that my husband struggles with in the same way. He loves the kids and is a great parent and a great partner, but I think societally we are wired differently and I end up carrying more of the mental load. I personally cannot give 100% of myself in either areas and its a struggle.



1000% this!! I don't make that kind of $$ but make a good salary with an amazing work/life balance where I get to be home a lot with my kids. That's my priority right now. I do feel that I'm short changing everyone/thing in my life - kids, husband, work, self. I am not moving ahead at work or taking advantage of opportunities. It's sad and frustrating but it is what it is for now. Right now it's all about kids and family. One day will be my turn.

My husband too does not struggle with these things the way I do. The mental load is exhausting. I truly think our significant others have no idea what we handle and put ourselves through.



I agree it is crazy what we put ourselves through. As working moms we put ourselves through keeping up with SAHM who are able to go to every event, volunteer, etc. We put ourselves through trying to make every school project perfect, every holiday requiring a treat, a goodie bag, the perfect shirt. It is insane. I do not remember our parents doing this when we were kids. I did not get goodie bags for st patricks day, or wake up and get toys etc. We as parents are all over doing it and I am tired of it. I volunteered to go into school for my sons valentines party. There are 18 kids and they are 4 years old. There was so much food -- a dozen donuts, cookies, brownies, rice crispie treats, candy, fruit. It was over the top. And every single holiday is this way. The kids all eat one or two things and the rest gets tossed. As parents we all feel obligated to send something in for every single party to make sure our kid isnt empty handed. I wish someone would just assign each kid one thing at the beginning of the year and be done with it. A donut each and they would have been thrilled. Why all the pomp and circumstance for every single thing. It is overkill!



I couldn't agree more! Certain holiday's are very over the top! This is actual one thing I don't worry about. I rush to sign up for paper products and I definitely do not have time for goodie bags for secondary "holiday's". I have no guilt about volunteering either. I feel guilt about many things of course, but not about volunteering at school. If I have a few free hours I need to do errands or do something for myself! Our school is not lacking in the volunteer department!! I get it though, you may feel like the odd man out or very out of touch with other parents.



But all the pressure people are talking about is self inflicted. I don’t feel it but I don’t worry about keeping up with elf on the shelf crazy parties goodie bags or anything like that. My son doesn’t expect it either. Because I do not feel like I need to do anything over the top I truly feel like I am a success in my personal and professional life. To others looking from the outside I may not but in the end it doesn’t matter what others think..:.well except my boss and so far she’s happy on the job front and I get to go home at 5 to my son and DH.

I don’t think I’d be able to survive if I gave into all the “pressures” that we let society put on us. I gave that up back in my 30s. Life is a lot but because of it.

I believe women can have it all if we just let go of the bs.

Posted 3/21/18 8:43 AM
 

bunnyluck
LIF Adult

Member since 1/14

3196 total posts

Name:

Q for highly compensated women !

Sometimes I think life was easier in the 1950s. Not that I want that life, but I am so stretched thin. No one knows their role anymore and everyone feels like they are doing more than everyone else.

Posted 3/21/18 8:55 AM
 
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