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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by abcdefghi
The bar codes are on the envelopes to input how much you donated every week. At the end of the year, you receive a paper with the total amount so you could include it on your taxes as a donation.
Yes that I know. I didn't realize that was what she meant.
We do get a tax statement for donations.
I guess they could use that to track attendance if attendance is mandatory for religious ed
No, I meant exactly what you thought, Nell. The barcodes were handed out the beginning of the year in CCD class and had to be dropped in the basket each week. They had nothing to do with the collection envlopes. Soley used to track the kids´ church attendance.
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Posted 3/4/16 5:56 PM  |
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Katareen
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by HomeIsWithU
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by hidingin1516
we don't go to mass but we are parishioner's of our church. They have never questioned us. We had both kids baptized there. I wouldn't worry about it. DD will be going to religious ed next year and I plan on starting to go more frequently then.
Ditto.
I doubt they go through the envelopes every week and make a list of who attends and who doesn't.
What if you gave cash every week and didn't use envelopes, you know?
I know of several local churches in my area that absolutely check the envelopes and make note of who attends each week. In fact, a co-worker of mine was told by her Parish that her daughters weren't attending often enough and weren't donating enough. YES....you read that correctly....they guilted them into donating more at each collection. And this is at a parish that sends the baskets around TWICE per mass.
From my experience its quite common and especially when your children are in Sunday school, they're expected to attend mass weekly. DS is in religion now and he has to attend the children's service each week prior to church school.
My parents attend every single Sunday and actually stopped donating altogether (they gave quite a bit) because when my dad got injured and had to go on disability they received several harassing calls from the church demanding their usual donation. They didn't seem to care they took a financial hit. It was twisted.
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| Posted 3/4/16 7:20 PM |
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Millie3
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Member since 7/13 1280 total posts
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
We go once a month and decided to stop using the envelopes. We will donate but it's our business how much/ how often. Just won't be able to make Mass every week
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| Posted 3/4/16 7:33 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
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Momma <3
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becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
My pastor seems to know frequent parishioners. We go through spurts where we go frequently and then don't go for a while. There are only two Sunday masses in my church and right now neither works with my DS' sleep schedule. If a church held this against me, I'd find a new church.
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| Posted 3/4/16 8:37 PM |
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NervousNell
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by Katareen
Posted by HomeIsWithU
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by hidingin1516
we don't go to mass but we are parishioner's of our church. They have never questioned us. We had both kids baptized there. I wouldn't worry about it. DD will be going to religious ed next year and I plan on starting to go more frequently then.
Ditto.
I doubt they go through the envelopes every week and make a list of who attends and who doesn't.
What if you gave cash every week and didn't use envelopes, you know?
I know of several local churches in my area that absolutely check the envelopes and make note of who attends each week. In fact, a co-worker of mine was told by her Parish that her daughters weren't attending often enough and weren't donating enough. YES....you read that correctly....they guilted them into donating more at each collection. And this is at a parish that sends the baskets around TWICE per mass.
From my experience its quite common and especially when your children are in Sunday school, they're expected to attend mass weekly. DS is in religion now and he has to attend the children's service each week prior to church school.
My parents attend every single Sunday and actually stopped donating altogether (they gave quite a bit) because when my dad got injured and had to go on disability they received several harassing calls from the church demanding their usual donation. They didn't seem to care they took a financial hit. It was twisted.
That is disgusting, sad and disheartening
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| Posted 3/4/16 8:53 PM |
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jlwd
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Member since 2/09 118 total posts
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becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
My children go to Catholic school and they absolutely do NOT know how much we put in the envelopes because we don't use envelopes are are not mandated to use them. I told our priest we just put the money in the basket. I also do not go every Sunday and am not judged for that either. It seems odd that the opinions here vary so greatly regarding the attitudes of their church.
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| Posted 3/4/16 9:13 PM |
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melbalalala
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Katareen
Posted by HomeIsWithU
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by hidingin1516
we don't go to mass but we are parishioner's of our church. They have never questioned us. We had both kids baptized there. I wouldn't worry about it. DD will be going to religious ed next year and I plan on starting to go more frequently then.
Ditto.
I doubt they go through the envelopes every week and make a list of who attends and who doesn't.
What if you gave cash every week and didn't use envelopes, you know?
I know of several local churches in my area that absolutely check the envelopes and make note of who attends each week. In fact, a co-worker of mine was told by her Parish that her daughters weren't attending often enough and weren't donating enough. YES....you read that correctly....they guilted them into donating more at each collection. And this is at a parish that sends the baskets around TWICE per mass.
From my experience its quite common and especially when your children are in Sunday school, they're expected to attend mass weekly. DS is in religion now and he has to attend the children's service each week prior to church school.
My parents attend every single Sunday and actually stopped donating altogether (they gave quite a bit) because when my dad got injured and had to go on disability they received several harassing calls from the church demanding their usual donation. They didn't seem to care they took a financial hit. It was twisted.
That is disgusting, sad and disheartening
Sounds exactly like the way Jesus would want it to be...
This is why I try to stay far, far away from organized religion. I like to think that there is a God and he/she watches over and loves us without caring about donation envelopes, abortion, or homosexual intercourse...
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| Posted 3/4/16 9:37 PM |
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lazybug
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Member since 3/12 1013 total posts
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becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
I teach religious ed and I know that some of my students got letters that they would not be recommend for the following year if they do not attend church more frequently.They have a system in place for students to get something at the end of mass to keep track of mass attendance. They never keep track of our donations. We always put cash in the collection basket. I think it is understandable and expected to attend mass weekly (or as often as possible) if you are preparing your child for sacraments. You are teaching them to be Catholic and that means regular mass attendance.
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| Posted 3/4/16 10:19 PM |
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MrsD121011
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by MrsD121011
My pastor is well aware of who is attending and who isn't because he stands at the door at the end of each service and greets each parishoner as they file out. We moved churches when we moved to Lindy but are going to go back to original church in Islip. I called the church the other day to find out about transitioning back and my pastore picked up the phone rembered my husband by name. I was floored! They absolutley notice who is attending and it isn't just about the money. A good pastor/priest knows his people because his congregation is the life blood of the church and if you want the church to provide support and education to your child I feel like the least we can do is attend services regularly. JMO.
Yes my pastor runs every service. Saturday, Sunday and the weekly ones. My church is I suppose smaller compared to some the larger Catholic churches but I still feel like the priests and pastors note the regulars and the not so familiar faces.
Is the pastor at every mass though? My church has so many masses spread out between Saturday evening and Sunday all day.... the pastor only officiates at a few, the rest, the other priests take.
I guess if it's a small church, I could see that, but in larger churches with several masses and a lot of people at each mass, I can't see how the pastor could personally see and speak to each one
Message edited 3/5/2016 8:58:27 AM.
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| Posted 3/5/16 8:57 AM |
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hidingin1516
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by lazybug
I teach religious ed and I know that some of my students got letters that they would not be recommend for the following year if they do not attend church more frequently.They have a system in place for students to get something at the end of mass to keep track of mass attendance. They never keep track of our donations. We always put cash in the collection basket. I think it is understandable and expected to attend mass weekly (or as often as possible) if you are preparing your child for sacraments. You are teaching them to be Catholic and that means regular mass attendance.
It totally makes sense that they want them to attend while in religious Ed. And I would def make an effort if my kid is in religious Ed.
But no one should be "scared" to join or send their kids just b/c they haven't been going thus far.
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| Posted 3/5/16 9:02 AM |
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MrsD121011
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Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
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Elicia
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by summerBaby10
Posted by MrsD121011
if you want the church to provide support and education to your child I feel like the least we can do is attend services regularly. JMO.
Thank you for this comment. I can appreciate what you meant by it & took it in a positive way.
I just came back b/c I thought about what I wrote & I feel like it could sound sarcastic but it's not. I promise- lol[/QUOTe}
I didn't percieve it that way at all. I hope miy response was not percieved that way either as I just truthfully feel like it is such a positive experince for kids to go to church and for us parents partake in the fellowship and worship. I love going to church and have such a positive experience when I go. I have never encountered any of the money issues others seem to have. I donate what I can when I can, I find that donatimg my time makes them just as happpy and is more fufilling. My DD is 2 and just like her primary education I feel like we will get out what we put into it regarding her religious education. I want the church to know who she is and that we are good members of our church community. If I am expecting her to learn about God's word and how to be a good christian I can set the exampke in my everyday life. It starts from home and for our family that also includes going to church and setting aside time to worship.
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| Posted 3/5/16 9:07 AM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
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Elicia
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Apparently I cant figure out how to quote and reply today..sorry. 
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| Posted 3/5/16 9:07 AM |
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BargainMama
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
This whole thread baffles me. If you are raising your children in the church, and by that I mean having them make their sacraments, including starting off with baptism.... why wouldn't you WANT them to go to church? Isn't that the whole entire point?
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| Posted 3/5/16 11:47 AM |
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Katareen
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Katherine
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by BargainMama
This whole thread baffles me. If you are raising your children in the church, and by that I mean having them make their sacraments, including starting off with baptism.... why wouldn't you WANT them to go to church? Isn't that the whole entire point?
Not necessarily...yes, going to church is something you're "supposed to" do. But you're also not "supposed to" have premarital sex, use birth control, lie, be envious, etc. I think you can be a Catholic without necessarily attending mass every week.
At this point in time, not many people follow any religion to a T. They choose portions of the religion that fit them and their beliefs.
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| Posted 3/5/16 1:06 PM |
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BargainMama
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Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by Katareen
Posted by BargainMama
This whole thread baffles me. If you are raising your children in the church, and by that I mean having them make their sacraments, including starting off with baptism.... why wouldn't you WANT them to go to church? Isn't that the whole entire point?
Not necessarily...yes, going to church is something you're "supposed to" do. But you're also not "supposed to" have premarital sex, use birth control, lie, be envious, etc. I think you can be a Catholic without necessarily attending mass every week.
At this point in time, not many people follow any religion to a T. They choose portions of the religion that fit them and their beliefs.
...but to complain about your children being required to go to church..especially when you have vowed to raise them in the catholic church when you got them baptised ...I dunno...weird to me! To each their own though 
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| Posted 3/5/16 1:15 PM |
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FirstMate
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Katareen
Posted by BargainMama
This whole thread baffles me. If you are raising your children in the church, and by that I mean having them make their sacraments, including starting off with baptism.... why wouldn't you WANT them to go to church? Isn't that the whole entire point?
Not necessarily...yes, going to church is something you're "supposed to" do. But you're also not "supposed to" have premarital sex, use birth control, lie, be envious, etc. I think you can be a Catholic without necessarily attending mass every week.
At this point in time, not many people follow any religion to a T. They choose portions of the religion that fit them and their beliefs.
...but to complain about your children being required to go to church..especially when you have vowed to raise them in the catholic church when you got them baptised ...I dunno...weird to me! To each their own though
No, I'm with you on this one. This is so bizarre to me. Why bother? Teach your kids what you want them to learn at home then if you feel that turned off by the Catholic church and the requirements imposed by religious education.
As far as donations go, its an organization. It needs money to operate. Is it really that burdensome to throw a buck in the basket when you go?
To the OP, I have not been taking my sons to church at all and I feel very guilty about it. I'm not super religious per se but my faith has brought me much comfort in my times of need and I want my boys to have that option when they need it. I promised myself that I'm going to start taking them monthly (which is much better than what I'm doing now - NOTHING) and go from there. If anything, I need them to learn how to behave in church too. And when the time comes for CCD, if I have to go every week it will be annoying but whatever. It certainly isn't hurting anyone. And God knows my maniac sons and I could use a few extra blessings!
Message edited 3/5/2016 2:15:35 PM.
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| Posted 3/5/16 2:10 PM |
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Katareen
Posted by BargainMama
This whole thread baffles me. If you are raising your children in the church, and by that I mean having them make their sacraments, including starting off with baptism.... why wouldn't you WANT them to go to church? Isn't that the whole entire point?
Not necessarily...yes, going to church is something you're "supposed to" do. But you're also not "supposed to" have premarital sex, use birth control, lie, be envious, etc. I think you can be a Catholic without necessarily attending mass every week.
At this point in time, not many people follow any religion to a T. They choose portions of the religion that fit them and their beliefs.
...but to complain about your children being required to go to church..especially when you have vowed to raise them in the catholic church when you got them baptised ...I dunno...weird to me! To each their own though
I'm with you. I don't care what people do, doesn't bug me either way.
But even like all the people I know who have expensive, elaborate baptisms - spending hundreds on the outfit, hiring a photographer, inviting everyone they know, everyone gifting tons of money...and then they never foot step in church unless someone gets married or someone dies. Not on Sunday's, not on holidays, nada. Marriage or deaths. That's it. I know very few who attend regularly (meaning every Sunday or at least once a month).
It's almost like it's done for a culture aspect or social aspect, not a religious one. I think that's modern times for you. I've asked some (some were close friends so I could feel comfy asking) and they just stared blankly and said that's just what they were supposed to do for the tradition of it. It was like they didn't even think about it, it's just what they all do automatically. (Meaning I asked my "sinner friends"  how they reconciled going all out for a baptism when they don't go to church now or plan to go at all after)
I guess people do what works for them. It just seems a slippery slope. Friends who had to do pre Cana but had to lie through their teeth - saying they never had sex before, lying to the priest etc.. Rolling their eyes that they had to pay all this money for a class.. But they didn't even go to church once together before, but they desired the religious component for their wedding. I knew one who picked a church because it was gothic looking and fit the look she was going for. It's just odd to me. I'm not speaking to the people who follow things, but those who do it in another fashion. Something I never understood. I just think of religion is something you want in your life, you have to do the things you're supposed to do, and try to do them to the best of your ability, like anything else in life.
Message edited 3/5/2016 2:21:02 PM.
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| Posted 3/5/16 2:17 PM |
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KarenK122
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Karen
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becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
This is why I am not having my daughter do her communion or take religious ed.. I do not believe in many things the Church stands for and how I have been treated by the Church and I find it hypocritical to send her someplace I do not fully believe in. When she gets older she can make her own choice and I will support it fully.
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| Posted 3/5/16 3:23 PM |
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Katareen
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Katareen
Posted by BargainMama
This whole thread baffles me. If you are raising your children in the church, and by that I mean having them make their sacraments, including starting off with baptism.... why wouldn't you WANT them to go to church? Isn't that the whole entire point?
Not necessarily...yes, going to church is something you're "supposed to" do. But you're also not "supposed to" have premarital sex, use birth control, lie, be envious, etc. I think you can be a Catholic without necessarily attending mass every week.
At this point in time, not many people follow any religion to a T. They choose portions of the religion that fit them and their beliefs.
...but to complain about your children being required to go to church..especially when you have vowed to raise them in the catholic church when you got them baptised ...I dunno...weird to me! To each their own though
No, I'm with you on this one. This is so bizarre to me. Why bother? Teach your kids what you want them to learn at home then if you feel that turned off by the Catholic church and the requirements imposed by religious education.
As far as donations go, its an organization. It needs money to operate. Is it really that burdensome to throw a buck in the basket when you go?
I don't think anyone has a problem with making a donation...it's the keeping track of the donations and the complaints when it's not enough. Meanwhile the priests are rolling around town in a Mercedes.
You also can see it from the viewpoint that I want to teach my children Catholicism and have their sacraments, however I don't always agree with what the priests have to say during their homily and their interpretation of the Bible. There is a lot of personal agenda pushed there and it's not always opinions I want my child exposed to or taught as "right".
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| Posted 3/5/16 4:57 PM |
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AllyMally
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Member since 1/13 881 total posts
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Alyson
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by summerBaby10
I need to become a parishioner so that I can sign ds up fpr religious ed but I am already starting to feel the guilt of not going to mass every sunday. I take the kids on holidays but would like to take them more often, which in my book is like once a month. I'm going to feel so embarrassed going that rarely & especially since they will use the donation envelopes to note your attendance. Anyone else feel the guilt if you have kids?
I feel like you need to decide why you want to do this. Is it because you are doing what's expected? Is it because it's important to you? Is it out of obligation? My feeling is if you want your child in church you need to go. They need to see, hear, and participate in mass. It makes everything so much easier and it cultivates their faith. I am not Catholic. I will never understand the culture of I don't believe in xyz, and I only go on holidays but i'm still Catholic. I also don't think it's fair to enroll your child or children in religious ed and push that onto them when going to Mass isn't a priority in your daily life. I sincerely don't mean this in a snarky way at all. I just feel like either you're in as a family or you're not. Kids learn from us and if we aren't dong the work why should they be expected too ya know?
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| Posted 3/5/16 7:37 PM |
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MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by AllyMally
Posted by summerBaby10
I need to become a parishioner so that I can sign ds up fpr religious ed but I am already starting to feel the guilt of not going to mass every sunday. I take the kids on holidays but would like to take them more often, which in my book is like once a month. I'm going to feel so embarrassed going that rarely & especially since they will use the donation envelopes to note your attendance. Anyone else feel the guilt if you have kids?
I feel like you need to decide why you want to do this. Is it because you are doing what's expected? Is it because it's important to you? Is it out of obligation? My feeling is if you want your child in church you need to go. They need to see, hear, and participate in mass. It makes everything so much easier and it cultivates their faith. I am not Catholic. I will never understand the culture of I don't believe in xyz, and I only go on holidays but i'm still Catholic. I also don't think it's fair to enroll your child or children in religious ed and push that onto them when going to Mass isn't a priority in your daily life. I sincerely don't mean this in a snarky way at all. I just feel like either you're in as a family or you're not. Kids learn from us and if we aren't dong the work why should they be expected too ya know?
This is ultimately why we decided to switch to a non-denominational church. DH's family is more religious than mine, but we were doing things out of obligation/tradition. I enjoy going to church now. I feel like I get something out of it, and feel I can apply the lessons to my daily life. Even more, my son asks to go because he loves the children's program there.
My parents were cool with it. DH's mom thought we joined a cult.
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| Posted 3/5/16 7:57 PM |
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Hofstra26
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Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by Katareen
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Katareen
Posted by BargainMama
This whole thread baffles me. If you are raising your children in the church, and by that I mean having them make their sacraments, including starting off with baptism.... why wouldn't you WANT them to go to church? Isn't that the whole entire point?
Not necessarily...yes, going to church is something you're "supposed to" do. But you're also not "supposed to" have premarital sex, use birth control, lie, be envious, etc. I think you can be a Catholic without necessarily attending mass every week.
At this point in time, not many people follow any religion to a T. They choose portions of the religion that fit them and their beliefs.
...but to complain about your children being required to go to church..especially when you have vowed to raise them in the catholic church when you got them baptised ...I dunno...weird to me! To each their own though
No, I'm with you on this one. This is so bizarre to me. Why bother? Teach your kids what you want them to learn at home then if you feel that turned off by the Catholic church and the requirements imposed by religious education.
As far as donations go, its an organization. It needs money to operate. Is it really that burdensome to throw a buck in the basket when you go?
I don't think anyone has a problem with making a donation...it's the keeping track of the donations and the complaints when it's not enough. Meanwhile the priests are rolling around town in a Mercedes.
You also can see it from the viewpoint that I want to teach my children Catholicism and have their sacraments, however I don't always agree with what the priests have to say during their homily and their interpretation of the Bible. There is a lot of personal agenda pushed there and it's not always opinions I want my child exposed to or taught as "right".
ITA with you!! Going to church does NOT make you religious, I know many VERY religious Catholics who don't believe in going to church every week. They practice in their own way and I think that's fine. And even though my child is in religious ed, I don't need to be policed and harassed into going to church every week, that' MY choice..........I don't need it made for me.
My church actually sent home paperwork asking for donations, THOUSANDS of dollars in donations from EACH family, and included a 2,3,4, and 5 yr payment plans. Are you kidding me?!?!?! I'm sorry, I know they are an organization but that cr@p just doesn't sit right with me. I hate constantly being bombarded for money from the church, it's a bit much at times.
Message edited 3/5/2016 8:10:43 PM.
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| Posted 3/5/16 8:10 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
.....
Message edited 3/20/2016 9:31:35 PM.
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| Posted 3/5/16 9:09 PM |
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
I'm with you. I don't care what people do, doesn't bug me either way.
But even like all the people I know who have expensive, elaborate baptisms - spending hundreds on the outfit, hiring a photographer, inviting everyone they know, everyone gifting tons of money...and then they never foot step in church unless someone gets married or someone dies. Not on Sunday's, not on holidays, nada. Marriage or deaths. That's it. I know very few who attend regularly (meaning every Sunday or at least once a month).
It's almost like it's done for a culture aspect or social aspect, not a religious one. I think that's modern times for you. I've asked some (some were close friends so I could feel comfy asking) and they just stared blankly and said that's just what they were supposed to do for the tradition of it. It was like they didn't even think about it, it's just what they all do automatically. (Meaning I asked my "sinner friends" how they reconciled going all out for a baptism when they don't go to church now or plan to go at all after)
I guess technically this would be me. I believe in God, I pray every night and generally try to be a good person. We don't really go to church at all though. My ILs are much more religious than we are and if we didn't baptize our kids and do a big party I could see it being a huge fight. Since I *DO* in fact believe in God despite not following the religion as much we will have our kids baptized as its tradition and what is "expected" in our family.
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| Posted 3/5/16 9:35 PM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1073 total posts
Name:
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Re: becoming a parishoner when you rarely go to mass?
Posted by itsbabytime
As for mass attendance. I agree, it's a little confusing to me that people would want to be practicing catholics and send their children to religious ed. and not want to go to church ever? The only year thus far of religious ed where my child has had to attend certain masses was the year he received communion and, quite honestly I think this should be the case and if anyone wants their child to receive communion and never go to mass maybe they should re-evaluate the situation.
I agree.
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| Posted 3/5/16 9:53 PM |
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