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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Need Opinions
I think it really depends on your family dynamic.
If I were home all summer with my kids, and my sister was working, my niece would be at my house, or at the very least, invited, probably any time I was home with the kids. As long as the kids got along, and are old enough to not need constant supervision (like, now, my kids are 6 and 4 and my niece is 2 .........so it's WORK)
But as older kids - I wouldn't think twice.
But my circle of family / friends is like that - always together, always helping each other out - and the kids LIKE each other and LIKE to be together. When I was growing up, I went to school with a bunch of my cousins, and we had the same crew of friends ....so we were ALWAYS together.
Are the cousins close?
and ETA - I don't think the OP mean's 'once a week' as in every Thrusdary her kids are there ........ I don't know - if I knew I was going to spending the day in the backyard with my kids, and their friends, I wouldn't thnk twice about calling my sister to say "hey, drop your kids off today I'm home in the pool all day" .
Message edited 8/31/2015 10:15:16 AM.
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Posted 8/31/15 10:09 AM  |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Pomegranate5
I absolutely see your point. TBH, once a week is a bit much, but I would be pretty hurt if my kids were only invited over once the whole summer...ESPECIALLY since you're close enough for your kids to babysit hers.
I feel closer to many of my friends than I do my sister (and my kids are closer with their friends than their cousins), but my nieces and nephews would still be welcome over anytime that i was going to be home if I had a pool.
I feel bad for your kids.
This
Without knowing everything , I think your sister is being kinda mean. My nieces and nephew can live here if they wanted to. Whether I get along with their parents at the Ike or not. I couldn't imagine having them live so close and not have them here all the time.
But that's just me. Maybe your sister isn't the "your kids are my kids" kind of aunt?
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:16 AM |
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MrsS6510
2 girls?!?!?
Member since 9/10 3318 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Opinions
Growing up, my aunt and uncle lived just a few blocks from us and had a huge inground pool that I loved. My parents both worked, so often times my friends an I would call my aunt and uncle to see if we could go to their house. They almost never said no, but I was never formally invited - I had to ask myself. We were also members of the community pool that my friends and I would walk and go to when our parents were working. If your kids are old enough, there shouldn't be any reason they can't go to the community pool with their friends by themselves.
I have a pool now, and my nephews know that there is always an open invitation. But I've only formally invited them once this summer because I had my whole family (my cousins included) over for a bbq. But they're also 9 and 13 and would much rather spend their summer with their friends than their aunt, uncle, and 2 year old cousin.
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:26 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by jessnbrian
I guess my question is more about YOUR relationship with your sister. For me and my brother, there's always an open door, and I think others on here that are the same way. However, if your relationship with your sister isn't that open, I can understand why she wouldn't include your kids all the time.
The relationship is fine, to a point. She spends more time with her friends which I feel is ok as I do too but we live so close that I feel she never puts in an effort for the kids to get together. She has shorter work hours and knows how busy we are and in the summer, she has the pool while my kids have nothing really.
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:04 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by MarisaK
I think it really depends on your family dynamic.
If I were home all summer with my kids, and my sister was working, my niece would be at my house, or at the very least, invited, probably any time I was home with the kids. As long as the kids got along, and are old enough to not need constant supervision (like, now, my kids are 6 and 4 and my niece is 2 .........so it's WORK)
But as older kids - I wouldn't think twice.
But my circle of family / friends is like that - always together, always helping each other out - and the kids LIKE each other and LIKE to be together. When I was growing up, I went to school with a bunch of my cousins, and we had the same crew of friends ....so we were ALWAYS together.
Are the cousins close?
and ETA - I don't think the OP mean's 'once a week' as in every Thrusdary her kids are there ........ I don't know - if I knew I was going to spending the day in the backyard with my kids, and their friends, I wouldn't thnk twice about calling my sister to say "hey, drop your kids off today I'm home in the pool all day" .
They are pretty close, 3/4 are the same gender and around the same age.
No, not a "set" day but if you are home, I don't see why not just ask if you want to come over for a few hours.
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:05 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
Im with you on this.
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:07 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Thanks everyone for your opinions.
I actually just found out that my dd was told no she couldn't even stop by this weekend as they had friends over. I can see if it was an adult party but during the day, I find it highly unlikely that their own kids were not there and other kids invited to go swimming.
My dd is not upset as nothing really bothers her but I am. How do you tell her no when you talk to her almost everyday, even today she is back and forth texting her.
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:07 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Thanks everyone for your opinions.
I actually just found out that my dd was told no she couldn't even stop by this weekend as they had friends over. I can see if it was an adult party but during the day, I find it highly unlikely that their own kids were not there and other kids invited to go swimming.
My dd is not upset as nothing really bothers her but I am. How do you tell her no when you talk to her almost everyday, even today she is back and forth texting her.
This is so strange, and really hurtful since it sounds like your DD and sister are close.
I'd probably have to have a very honest convo with my sis about this.
Do you invite them over often or offer to take her kids out for a fun day every now and then? Maybe she feels like it's a one way street, so to speak? It just seems MEAN what she is doing to your DD....
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:48 AM |
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Jacquelina
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/11 767 total posts
Name:
Jacqueline
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Lara&Aidansmommy
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
Im with you on this.
Its hard to offer a fair opinion not knowing you or the relationship with your sister, but I agree with this. My sister doesnt have kids yet, but my family is super close. If she was working and her kids were home a lot alone, I couldnt imagine not wanting to help care for them and spend time with them. Sure, a lot of the time kids enjoy to hang with just their friends as opposed to family, but family is always first IMO and there is no reason they cant all hang together. If they didnt get along, I guess that would be different, BUT that doesnt seem to be the case here.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:09 PM |
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AllyMally
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/13 881 total posts
Name:
Alyson
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by jessnbrian
I guess my question is more about YOUR relationship with your sister. For me and my brother, there's always an open door, and I think others on here that are the same way. However, if your relationship with your sister isn't that open, I can understand why she wouldn't include your kids all the time.
The relationship is fine, to a point. She spends more time with her friends which I feel is ok as I do too but we live so close that I feel she never puts in an effort for the kids to get together. She has shorter work hours and knows how busy we are and in the summer, she has the pool while my kids have nothing really.
Do you put forth the effort to get the kids together? I understand you work during the summer and she doesn't but that doesn't mean it's up to her. Plus every job is different so comparing hours isn't really fair. As for her having a pool and your kids having nothing really, that's not on her. It sounds like jelousy to me like how dare she not have them over so they can enjoy their summer more since she is their aunt and has a pool. It's not up to her to make sure they have a good summer ya know. It seems like, from reading this, you guys don't have a great relationship but you want more for your kids. That has to go both ways. You both have to be willing to invest the time. As a sahm I wouldn't like that i'm almost expected to provide for my niece and nephew a certain amount of time since i'm home. I'm pretty busy and plan a lot of things for my kids. Maybe i'm wrong I don't know.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:11 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Need Opinions
Message edited 8/31/2015 12:29:05 PM.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:28 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by MarisaK
I think it really depends on your family dynamic.
If I were home all summer with my kids, and my sister was working, my niece would be at my house, or at the very least, invited, probably any time I was home with the kids. As long as the kids got along, and are old enough to not need constant supervision (like, now, my kids are 6 and 4 and my niece is 2 .........so it's WORK)
But as older kids - I wouldn't think twice.
But my circle of family / friends is like that - always together, always helping each other out - and the kids LIKE each other and LIKE to be together. When I was growing up, I went to school with a bunch of my cousins, and we had the same crew of friends ....so we were ALWAYS together.
Are the cousins close?
and ETA - I don't think the OP mean's 'once a week' as in every Thrusdary her kids are there ........ I don't know - if I knew I was going to spending the day in the backyard with my kids, and their friends, I wouldn't thnk twice about calling my sister to say "hey, drop your kids off today I'm home in the pool all day" .
This exactly.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:28 PM |
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MrsS6510
2 girls?!?!?
Member since 9/10 3318 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by afternoondelight828
Thanks everyone for your opinions.
I actually just found out that my dd was told no she couldn't even stop by this weekend as they had friends over. I can see if it was an adult party but during the day, I find it highly unlikely that their own kids were not there and other kids invited to go swimming.
My dd is not upset as nothing really bothers her but I am. How do you tell her no when you talk to her almost everyday, even today she is back and forth texting her.
This is so strange, and really hurtful since it sounds like your DD and sister are close.
I'd probably have to have a very honest convo with my sis about this.
Do you invite them over often or offer to take her kids out for a fun day every now and then? Maybe she feels like it's a one way street, so to speak? It just seems MEAN what she is doing to your DD....
See, and I don't find this strange or mean at all. Your sister and her kids are allowed to have their own friends over without inviting other family. There have been plenty of times that I've asked family what they were doing and they said "we're having company" and not been insulted that I wasn't invited. They're entitled to their own social life without always having family around.
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:50 PM |
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ISpoilHim
I think I got this
Member since 11/10 1523 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by jessnbrian
I guess my question is more about YOUR relationship with your sister. For me and my brother, there's always an open door, and I think others on here that are the same way. However, if your relationship with your sister isn't that open, I can understand why she wouldn't include your kids all the time.
The relationship is fine, to a point. She spends more time with her friends which I feel is ok as I do too but we live so close that I feel she never puts in an effort for the kids to get together. She has shorter work hours and knows how busy we are and in the summer, she has the pool while my kids have nothing really.
Reading this, I feel like you have some issues with your sister. Please don't take this personally. Several of your posts mentioned how your sister/sistsers kids have so much and yours have nothing. I think that you are reaching for your kids and her kids to have a relationship that you don't have with her. Please don't take this the wrong way. It's just the way things sound.
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| Posted 8/31/15 1:24 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Opinions
I would ask your sister and not make the kids ask. But reading your replies, when your daughter asked her cousin and was told not to come is telling to me. I know we spoke before about this issue, but I really feel like it is your responsibility to make sure your kids have something to do for the summer, even if they are older, and even if you work. Expecting your sister to take them weekly and use her pool is a lot. Do you offer to host her kids? Set up a family game day? By saying oh they can go and don't need supervision is dangerous. Everyone in a pool needs someone else there when they are still kids. Horsing around happens and someone can get hurt. Do he kids attend the same school? Would you be leaving the kids there the entire day? I am sorry that you are upset, but I do think weekly pool invites are a lot to expect when you would want them there for hours at a time.
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| Posted 8/31/15 1:40 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
I think it depends on your relationship with your sister, first and foremost. My sister and I are super-close and therefore so are our kids. I can and do call her and invite myself over if they have nothing else going on and vice versa. We have the type of relationship where I can just swing by uninvited. So for us, that would be weird but like I said, if you don't have that kind of relationship, I don't think its that odd.
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| Posted 8/31/15 1:47 PM |
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Sixofus
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/13 594 total posts
Name:
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Need Opinions
I have one sister. She has one daughter, who I treat as my own. my sister is a single mom and works. I can't imagine a situation where my niece would not be welcome. She doesn't even need an invitation. I would even be fine with it if she lived with us for the summer! My sister actually drives me a little nuts sometimes, but my niece and I are incredibly close and it is just how I think you should treat family.
Message edited 8/31/2015 1:49:35 PM.
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| Posted 8/31/15 1:48 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Need Opinions
Do you live relatively close by? If yes then I would be alittle annoyed. If my sister lived close by her children would have an open invitation to come to my house whenever they wanted. When I was younger we use to spend weeks at my aunts house in the summer. I would go there one week, my cousin would come here one week. We'd do that all summer and loved it. My kids will be doing the same when they get older.
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| Posted 8/31/15 1:48 PM |
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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by FDNYWife31
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
I totally agree with this! This is how I was raised and how I intend to be with my nieces and nephews.
I agree as well. And I totally see your point and understand as well.
I think the reasoning behind your feelings is because you expect others to treat you as you would treat them, or would want to be treated yourself.
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:11 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by AllyMally
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by jessnbrian
I guess my question is more about YOUR relationship with your sister. For me and my brother, there's always an open door, and I think others on here that are the same way. However, if your relationship with your sister isn't that open, I can understand why she wouldn't include your kids all the time.
The relationship is fine, to a point. She spends more time with her friends which I feel is ok as I do too but we live so close that I feel she never puts in an effort for the kids to get together. She has shorter work hours and knows how busy we are and in the summer, she has the pool while my kids have nothing really.
Do you put forth the effort to get the kids together? I understand you work during the summer and she doesn't but that doesn't mean it's up to her. Plus every job is different so comparing hours isn't really fair. As for her having a pool and your kids having nothing really, that's not on her. It sounds like jelousy to me like how dare she not have them over so they can enjoy their summer more since she is their aunt and has a pool. It's not up to her to make sure they have a good summer ya know. It seems like, from reading this, you guys don't have a great relationship but you want more for your kids. That has to go both ways. You both have to be willing to invest the time. As a sahm I wouldn't like that i'm almost expected to provide for my niece and nephew a certain amount of time since i'm home. I'm pretty busy and plan a lot of things for my kids. Maybe i'm wrong I don't know.
No, I just feel that if they are all off, being asked more than once would be nice to enjoy the pool.
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:37 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by MrsS6510
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by afternoondelight828
Thanks everyone for your opinions.
I actually just found out that my dd was told no she couldn't even stop by this weekend as they had friends over. I can see if it was an adult party but during the day, I find it highly unlikely that their own kids were not there and other kids invited to go swimming.
My dd is not upset as nothing really bothers her but I am. How do you tell her no when you talk to her almost everyday, even today she is back and forth texting her.
This is so strange, and really hurtful since it sounds like your DD and sister are close.
I'd probably have to have a very honest convo with my sis about this.
Do you invite them over often or offer to take her kids out for a fun day every now and then? Maybe she feels like it's a one way street, so to speak? It just seems MEAN what she is doing to your DD....
See, and I don't find this strange or mean at all. Your sister and her kids are allowed to have their own friends over without inviting other family. There have been plenty of times that I've asked family what they were doing and they said "we're having company" and not been insulted that I wasn't invited. They're entitled to their own social life without always having family around.
ITA but what if my dd had just stopped by and knocked on the door? Would that have been nice to say we have friends over and you can't come in?
Maybe because I am a very open person and I have no problem with anyone coming over if I am having other people over too.
I just don't get what the problem would have been if she came in for a few minutes to say hi.
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:39 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by ISpoilHim
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by jessnbrian
I guess my question is more about YOUR relationship with your sister. For me and my brother, there's always an open door, and I think others on here that are the same way. However, if your relationship with your sister isn't that open, I can understand why she wouldn't include your kids all the time.
The relationship is fine, to a point. She spends more time with her friends which I feel is ok as I do too but we live so close that I feel she never puts in an effort for the kids to get together. She has shorter work hours and knows how busy we are and in the summer, she has the pool while my kids have nothing really.
Reading this, I feel like you have some issues with your sister. Please don't take this personally. Several of your posts mentioned how your sister/sistsers kids have so much and yours have nothing. I think that you are reaching for your kids and her kids to have a relationship that you don't have with her. Please don't take this the wrong way. It's just the way things sound.
It really is just the pool in the summer. My kids need for nothing.
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:40 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by LSP2005
I would ask your sister and not make the kids ask. But reading your replies, when your daughter asked her cousin and was told not to come is telling to me. I know we spoke before about this issue, but I really feel like it is your responsibility to make sure your kids have something to do for the summer, even if they are older, and even if you work. Expecting your sister to take them weekly and use her pool is a lot. Do you offer to host her kids? Set up a family game day? By saying oh they can go and don't need supervision is dangerous. Everyone in a pool needs someone else there when they are still kids. Horsing around happens and someone can get hurt. Do he kids attend the same school? Would you be leaving the kids there the entire day? I am sorry that you are upset, but I do think weekly pool invites are a lot to expect when you would want them there for hours at a time.
Yes we have done things with her kids without her.
I wouldn't be dropping them off for an entire day and not every week. I am just saying if you ARE available and just sitting by the pool, I don't see the harm. Especially if you have no problem asking your friends kids to do the same.
Not the same school but close in age.
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:42 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by KarenK122
Do you live relatively close by? If yes then I would be alittle annoyed. If my sister lived close by her children would have an open invitation to come to my house whenever they wanted. When I was younger we use to spend weeks at my aunts house in the summer. I would go there one week, my cousin would come here one week. We'd do that all summer and loved it. My kids will be doing the same when they get older.
Yep, 5 minutes away. I was told that she had friends over, didn't really answer my question.
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:45 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by JP826
Posted by FDNYWife31
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
I totally agree with this! This is how I was raised and how I intend to be with my nieces and nephews.
I agree as well. And I totally see your point and understand as well.
I think the reasoning behind your feelings is because you expect others to treat you as you would treat them, or would want to be treated yourself.
Yes and unfortunately you learn that not everyone does that :(
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:45 PM |
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