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Having another baby when you are not sure!
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Melmel821
Love being a mom!
Member since 5/08 2776 total posts
Name:
Melanie
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Re: Having another baby when you are not sure!
Posted by Paramount
Posted by robynfs
Thank you both for your responses!
The problem is that I am 38 and DH 45, it needs to be this summer (timeline we created), so I don't have the luxury of waiting until it feels right.
The other issue, which is my own personal issue is that I am a pleaser, DH is so emotionally invested in having a 3rd. He understands my reservations, and has a solution for each concern....he's a problem solver. I don't want him to always feel regret that we didn't have 3, or even a sense of resentment. He says he wouldn't but I know how important this is to him so how can he not. I don't know if I would ever feel ok about not adding to our family only because of pregnancy and an infant stage that are both temporary and a fear that would mostly likely resolve itself.
I know I need to do what's best for me, and he will have to learn to live with it and get over it. I know this intellectually, however I can't seem to say yes or no.
It sounds like you are putting his feelings and needs above yours, making him much more important than you. You are allowed to NOT be a people pleaser. You are allowed to please yourself.
You both have to be on the same page. I hate to see ANY mom say "well, ill just do it to make HIM happy".
YOU are allowed to be happy too.
YOU are allowed to be in on the decision too.
ITA! 
Many times I'm on the fence with having a 2nd but my DH insists on 3. I'm with DD most of the time and on bad days I think "how on earth will I handle two I can barely handle 1!"
You aren't picking out paint colors. This is a major life decision. I'm sure you will make it work but is that ideal for your family? Every family and everyone is different and that answer is different for each.
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Posted 7/2/14 5:27 PM  |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Having another baby when you are not sure!
Posted by Katareen
Posted by MarisaK
And I hate when people say "Oh you'll never regret having that child ........." or "Just go for it, it will all work out in the end" ........ WHAT? How does ANYONE know what someone will or will not feel? or what 20 years will bring? Being a parent is NOT easy - What kind of bubble do you live in that you think no child has ever been told "I wish youi were never born" ....(I'm not at ALL saying that the OP would say/feel that way .......I'm just making a point that MANY MANY MANY women who have babied DO regret it, and DO end up leaving them, abusing, them etc ........)
and many marriages fall apart b/c of the stress of being parents ..........
Thank you for saying this because I see this on here ALL the time and yes, we all do love our children but one more child could spread a person too thin...could break up a marriage...could cause a huge amount of family turmoil. So telling people you barely know they won't regret another child is irresponsible.
I am so glad ssomeone finally said it.
That comment annoys me every time too.
Plenty of people DO regret having kids. Most just won't admit it.
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| Posted 7/2/14 9:39 PM |
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| Pages: 1 [2] |
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